Thanx 4 everything to the heroes of Flight 93!!
There will be expressions of condolence to the families, and these, too, will be heartfelt. But they will not take away the grief.
I'd much prefer him to be here with me.
And then the ceremony will end, and the people will go home. And the heroes, the people on the plane, will remain here in the ground of Somerset County.
And years will pass, and more people will come here, and more, people who were not yet born when Flight 93 went down, coming to see this famous place.
Let's hope, for their sake, that the world they live in is less troubled than it is today. Let's hope they've never had to feel anything like the pain of September 11, 2001.
Let's also hope that, when they stand here, they know enough to be silent, to show respect.
Let's hope they understand why this is hallowed ground.
To return to the corresponding text, click on "Return to text."
1. Answer: “weasel.”
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2. Motto: “Serving a Vibrant Community of Two Million People, of Whom Twenty-three Speak English.”
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3. The editorial board is a group of newspaper employees who go into a room every single day and form strong opinions. The rest of us employees do not know how they do this. We suspect a “Magic 8 Ball” is involved.
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4. Motto: “Florida—You Can't Spell It Without ‘Duh.’”
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5. Tragically, most of them were wearing parachutes.
6. Specifically, “not fun.”
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Conclusion
I was gratified by the response to the two essays about September 11. Hundreds of readers wrote nice letters, thanking me and urging me to write more often about serious topics. I appreciated their sentiments, but, as I told many of them, I'd rather not write about serious topics, because when I do, it's usually because something seriously bad has happened.
No, I'm happier writing about stupid topics, like low-flow toilets, names for rock bands, and the federal government. My journalism goal is not to make readers think. It's to make them shoot stuff out their noses.
Because boogers are my beat.
About the Author
DAVE BARRY won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988. His columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh.
Also by Dave Barry
The Taming of the Screw
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex
Stay Fit and Healthy Until You're Dead
Claw Your Way to the Top
Bad Habits
Dave Barry's Guide to Marriage and/or Sex
Homes and Other Black Holes
Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Dave Barry Turns 40
Dave Barry Talks Back
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need
Dave Barry Does Japan
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up
Dave Barry's Gift Guide to End All Gift Guides
Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
Dave Barry in Cyberspace
Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs
Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus
Dave Barry Turns 50
Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down!
Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway
Big Trouble
Tricky Business
Copyright © 2003 by Dave Barry
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
CROWN is a trademark and the Crown colophon is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.
The essays in this work have appeared previously in the Miami Herald.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Barry, Dave.
Boogers are my beat : more lies, but some actual journalism / Dave Barry.—
1st U.S. ed.
1. American wit and humor. I. Title.
PN6165.B37 2003
814'.54—dc21
2003043529E
eISBN: 978-1-4000-5121-2
v3.0