2. The grace of swearing has not obtained to be a mode yet among
the women: "God damn ye" does not fit well upon a female tongue; it
seems to be a masculine vice, which the women are not arrived to
yet; and I would only desire those gentlemen who practice it
themselves to hear a woman swear: it has no music at all there, I
am sure; and just as little does it become any gentleman, if he
would suffer himself to be judged by all the laws of sense or good
manners in the world.
It is a senseless, foolish, ridiculous practice; it is a mean to no
manner of end; it is words spoken which signify nothing; it is folly
acted for the sake of folly, which is a thing even the devil himself
don't practice. The devil does evil, we say, but it is for some
design, either to seduce others, or, as some divines say, from a
principle of enmity to his Maker. Men steal for gain, and murder to
gratify their avarice or revenge; whoredoms and ravishments,
adulteries and sodomy, are committed to please a vicious appetite,
and have always alluring objects; and generally all vices have some
previous cause, and some visible tendency. But this, of all vicious
practices, seems the most nonsensical and ridiculous; there is
neither pleasure nor profit, no design pursued, no lust gratified,
but is a mere frenzy of the tongue, a vomit of the brain, which
works by putting a contrary upon the course of nature.
Again, other vices men find some reason or other to give for, or
excuses to palliate. Men plead want to extenuate theft, and strong
provocations to excuse murders, and many a lame excuse they will
bring for whoring; but this sordid habit even those that practise it
will own to be a crime, and make no excuse for it; and the most I
could ever hear a man say for it was that he could not help it.
Besides, as it is an inexcusable impertinence, so it is a breach
upon good manners and conversation, for a man to impose the clamour
of his oaths upon the company he converses with; if there be any one
person in the company that does not approve the way, it is an
imposing upon him with a freedom beyond civility.
To suppress this, laws, Acts of Parliament, and proclamations are
baubles and banters, the laughter of the lewd party, and never had,
as I could perceive, any influence upon the practice; nor are any of
our magistrates fond or forward of putting them in execution.
It must be example, not penalties, must sink this crime; and if the
gentlemen of England would once drop it as a mode, the vice is so
foolish and ridiculous in itself, it would soon grow odious and out
of fashion.
This work such an academy might begin, and I believe nothing would
so soon explode the practice as the public discouragement of it by
such a society; where all our customs and habits, both in speech and
behaviour, should receive an authority. All the disputes about
precedency of wit, with the manners, customs, and usages of the
theatre, would be decided here; plays should pass here before they
were acted, and the critics might give their censures and damn at
their pleasure; nothing would ever die which once received life at
this original. The two theatres might end their jangle, and dispute
for priority no more; wit and real worth should decide the
controversy, and here should be the infallible judge.
The strife would then be only to do well,
And he alone be crowned who did excel.
Ye call them Whigs, who from the church withdrew,
But now we have our stage dissenters too,
Who scruple ceremonies of pit and box,
And very few are sound and orthodox,
But love disorder so, and are so nice,
They hate conformity, though 'tis in vice.
Some are for patent hierarchy; and some,
Like the old Gauls, seek out for elbow room;
Their arbitrary governors disown,
And build a conventicle stage of their own.
Fanatic beaux make up the gaudy show,
And wit alone appears incognito.
Wit and religion suffer equal fate;
Neglect of both attends the warm debate.
For while the parties strive and countermine,
Wit will as well as piety decline.
Next to this, which I esteem as the most noble and most useful
proposal in this book, I proceed to academies for military studies,
and because I design rather to express my meaning than make a large
book, I bring them all into one chapter.
I allow the war is the best academy in the world, where men study by
necessity and practice by force, and both to some purpose, with duty
in the action, and a reward in the end; and it is evident to any man
improvement the English nation has made during this seven years'
war.
But should you ask how clear it first cost, and what a condition
England was in for a war at first on this account--how almost all
our engineers and great officers were foreigners, it may put us in
mind how necessary it is to have our people so practised in the arts
of war that they may not be novices when they come to the
experiment.
I have heard some who were no great friends to the Government take
advantage to reflect upon the king, in the beginning of his wars in
Ireland, that he did not care to trust the English, but all his
great officers, his generals, and engineers were foreigners. And
though the case was so plain as to need no answer, and the persons
such as deserved none, yet this must be observed, though it was very
strange: that when the present king took possession of this
kingdom, and, seeing himself entering upon the bloodiest war this
age has known, began to regulate his army, he found but very few
among the whole martial part of the nation fit to make use of for
general officers, and was forced to employ strangers, and make them
Englishmen (as the Counts Schomberg, Ginkel, Solms, Ruvigny, and
others); and yet it is to be observed also that all the
encouragement imaginable was given to the English gentlemen to
qualify themselves, by giving no less than sixteen regiments to
gentlemen of good families who had never been in any service and
knew but very little how to command them. Of these, several are now
in the army, and have the rewards suitable to their merit, being
major-generals, brigadiers, and the like.
If, then, a long peace had so reduced us to a degree of ignorance
that might have been dangerous to us, had we not a king who is
always followed by the greatest masters in the world, who knows what
peace and different governors may bring us to again?
The manner of making war differs perhaps as much as anything in the
world; and if we look no further back than our civil wars, it is
plain a general then would hardly be fit to be a colonel now, saving
his capacity of improvement. The defensive art always follows the
offensive; and though the latter has extremely got the start of the
former in this age, yet the other is mightily improving also
.
We saw in England a bloody civil war, where, according to the old
temper of the English, fighting was the business. To have an army
lying in such a post as not to be able to come at them was a thing
never heard of in that war; even the weakest party would always come
out and fight (Dunbar fight, for instance); and they that were
beaten to-day would fight again to-morrow, and seek one another out
with such eagerness, as if they had been in haste to have their
brains knocked out. Encampments, intrenchments, batteries, counter-
marchings, fortifying of camps, and cannonadings were strange and
almost unknown things; and whole campaigns were passed over, and
hardly any tents made use of. Battles, surprises, storming of
towns, skirmishes, sieges, ambuscades, and beating up quarters was
the news of every day. Now it is frequent to have armies of fifty
thousand men of a side stand at bay within view of one another, and
spend a whole campaign in dodging (or, as it is genteelly called,
observing) one another, and then march off into winter quarters.
The difference is in the maxims of war, which now differ as much
from what they were formerly as long perukes do from piqued beards,
or as the habits of the people do now from what they then were. The
present maxims of the war are:
"Never fight without a manifest advantage."
"And always encamp so as not to be forced to it."
And if two opposite generals nicely observe both these rules, it is
impossible they should ever come to fight.
I grant that this way of making war spends generally more money and
less blood than former wars did; but then it spins wars out to a
greater length; and I almost question whether, if this had been the
way of fighting of old, our civil war had not lasted till this day.
Their maxim was:
"Wherever you meet your enemy, fight him."
But the case is quite different now; and I think it is plain in the
present war that it is not he who has the longest sword, so much as
he who has the longest purse, will hold the war out best. Europe is
all engaged in the war, and the men will never be exhausted while
either party can find money; but he who finds himself poorest must
give out first; and this is evident in the French king, who now
inclines to peace, and owns it, while at the same time his armies
are numerous and whole. But the sinews fail; he finds his exchequer
fail, his kingdom drained, and money hard to come at: not that I
believe half the reports we have had of the misery and poverty of
the French are true; but it is manifest the King of France finds,
whatever his armies may do, his money won't hold out so long as the
Confederates, and therefore he uses all the means possible to
procure a peace, while he may do it with the most advantage.
There is no question but the French may hold the war out several
years longer; but their king is too wise to let things run to
extremity. He will rather condescend to peace upon hard terms now
than stay longer, if he finds himself in danger to be forced to
worse.
This being the only digression I design to be guilty of, I hope I
shall be excused it.
The sum of all is this: that, since it is so necessary to be in a
condition for war in a time of peace, our people should be inured to
it. It is strange that everything should be ready but the soldier:
ships are ready, and our trade keeps the seamen always taught, and
breeds up more; but soldiers, horsemen, engineers, gunners, and the
like must be bred and taught; men are not born with muskets on their
shoulders, nor fortifications in their heads; it is not natural to
shoot bombs and undermine towns: for which purpose I propose a
ROYAL ACADEMY FOR MILITARY EXERCISES.
The founder the king himself; the charge to be paid by the public,
and settled by a revenue from the Crown, to be paid yearly.
I propose this to consist of four parts:
1. A college for breeding up of artists in the useful practice of
all military exercises; the scholars to be taken in young, and be
maintained, and afterwards under the king's care for preferment, as
their merit and His Majesty's favour shall recommend them; from
whence His Majesty would at all times be furnished with able
engineers, gunners, fire-masters. bombardiers, miners, and the like.
The second college for voluntary students in the same exercises; who
should all upon certain limited conditions be entertained, and have
all the advantages of the lectures, experiments, and learning of the
college, and be also capable of several titles, profits, and
settlements in the said college, answerable to the Fellows in the
Universities.
The third college for temporary study, into which any person who is
a gentleman and an Englishman, entering his name and conforming to
the orders of the house, shall be entertained like a gentleman for
one whole year gratis, and taught by masters appointed out of the
second college.
The fourth college, of schools only, where all persons whatsoever
for a small allowance shall be taught and entered in all the
particular exercises they desire; and this to be supplied by the
proficients of the first college.
I could lay out the dimensions and necessary incidents of all this
work, but since the method of such a foundation is easy and regular
from the model of other colleges, I shall only state the economy of
the house.
The building must be very large, and should rather be stately and
magnificent in figure than gay and costly in ornament: and I think
such a house as Chelsea College, only about four times as big, would
answer it; and yet, I believe, might be finished for as little
charge as has been laid out in that palace-like hospital.
The first college should consist of one general, five colonels,
twenty captains.
Being such as graduates by preferment, at first named by the
founder; and after the first settlement to be chosen out of the
first or second colleges; with apartments in the college, and
salaries.
Pounds per ann.
The general . . . . . . . . . . 300
The colonels . . . . . . . . . . 100
The captains . . . . . . . . . . 60
2,000 scholars, among whom shall be the following degrees:
Pounds per ann.
Governors . . . . 100 allowed 10
Directors . . . . 200 5
Exempts . . . . . 200 5
Proficients . . . 500
Juniors . . . . . 1,000
The general to be named by the founder, out of the colonels; the
colonels to be named by the general, out of the captains; the
captains out of the governors; the governors from the directors; and
the directors from the exempts; and so on.
The juniors to be divided into ten schools; the schools to be thus
governed: every school has
100 juniors, in 10 classes.
Every class to have 2 directors.
100 classes of juniors is . . .
. . 1,000
Each class 2 directors . . . . . . . 200
=====
1,200
The proficients to be divided into five schools:
Every school to have ten classes of 10 each.
Every class 2 governors.
50 classes of proficients is . . . . . . . 500
Each class 2 governors is . . . . . . . . . 100
===
600
The exempts to be supernumerary, having a small allowance, and
maintained in the college till preferment offer.
The second college to consist of voluntary students, to be taken in,
after a certain degree of learning, from among the proficients of
the first, or from any other schools, after such and such
limitations of learning; who study at their own charge, being
allowed certain privileges; as -
Chambers rent-free on condition of residence.
Commons gratis, for certain fixed terms.
Preferment, on condition of a term of years' residence.
Use of libraries, instruments, and lectures of the college.
This college should have the following preferments, with salaries
Pounds per ann.
A governor . . . . . . . . . . 200
A president . . . . . . . . . . 100
50 college-majors . . . . . . . . 50
200 proficients . . . . . . . . . 10
500 voluntary students, without allowance.
The third and fourth colleges, consisting only of schools for
temporary study, may be thus:
The third--being for gentlemen to learn the necessary arts and
exercises to qualify them for the service of their country, and
entertaining them one whole year at the public charge--may be
supposed to have always one thousand persons on its hands, and
cannot have less than 100 teachers, whom I would thus order:
Every teacher shall continue at least one year, but by allowance two
years at most; shall have 20 pounds per annum extraordinary
allowance; shall be bound to give their constant attendance; and
shall have always five college-majors of the second college to
supervise them, who shall command a month, and then be succeeded by
five others, and, so on--10 pounds per annum extraordinary to be
paid them for their attendance.
The gentlemen who practise to be put to no manner of charge, but to
be obliged strictly to the following articles:
1. To constant residence, not to lie out of the house without leave
of the college-major.
2. To perform all the college exercises, as appointed by the
masters, without dispute.
3. To submit to the orders of the house.
To quarrel or give ill-language should be a crime to be punished by
way of fine only, the college-major to be judge, and the offender be
put into custody till he ask pardon of the person wronged; by which
means every gentleman who has been affronted has sufficient
satisfaction.
But to strike challenge, draw, or fight, should be more severely
punished; the offender to be declared no gentleman, his name posted
up at the college-gate, his person expelled the house, and to be
pumped as a rake if ever he is taken within the college-walls.
The teachers of this college to be chosen, one half out of the
exempts of the first college, and the other out of the proficients
of the second.
The fourth college, being only of schools, will be neither
chargeable nor troublesome, but may consist of as many as shall
offer themselves to be taught, and supplied with teachers from the
other schools.
The proposal, being of so large an extent, must have a
proportionable settlement for its maintenance; and the benefit being
to the whole kingdom, the charge will naturally lie upon the public,
and cannot well be less, considering the number of persons to be
maintained, than as follows.
FIRST COLLEGE.