sex and the desire gone. He didn't want it--he hadn't wanted it.
This new pure feeling was so much more wonderful.
He went to her side.
'Forgive me, darling,' he said, 'for having questioned you.'
She looked up at him with the wide eyes, without a word. His face
was good and beautiful. Tears came to her eyes.
'You have the right to question me,' she said sadly.
'No,' he said. 'No, darling. I have no right to question you.
Daphne! Daphne, darling! It shall be as YOU wish, between us.
Shall it? Shall it be as you wish?'
'You are the husband, Basil,' she said sadly.
'Yes, darling. But'--he went on his knees beside her--'perhaps,
darling, something has changed in us. I feel as if I ought never
to touch you again--as if I never WANTED to touch you--in that way.
I feel it was wrong, darling. Tell me what you think.'
'Basil, don't be angry with me.'
'It isn't anger; it's pure love, darling--it is.'
'Let us not come any nearer to one another than this, Basil--
physically--shall we?' she said. 'And don't be angry with me, will
you?'
'Why,' he said. 'I think myself the sexual part has been a
mistake. I had rather love you--as I love now. I KNOW that this
is true love. The other was always a bit whipped up. I KNOW I
love you now, darling: now I'm free from that other. But what if
it comes upon me, that other, Daphne?'
'I am always your wife,' she said quietly. 'I am always your wife.
I want always to obey you, Basil: what you wish.'
'Give me your hand, dear.'
She gave him her hand. But the look in her eyes at the same time
warned him and frightened him. He kissed her hand and left her.
It was to the Count she belonged. This had decided itself in her
down to the depths of her soul. If she could not marry him and be
his wife in the world, it had nevertheless happened to her for
ever. She could no more question it. Question had gone out of
her.
Strange how different she had become--a strange new quiescence.
The last days were slipping past. He would be going away--Dionys:
he with the still remote face, the man she belonged to in the dark
and in the light, for ever. He would be going away. He said it
must be so. And she acquiesced. The grief was deep, deep inside
her. He must go away. Their lives could not be one life, in this
world's day. Even in her anguish she knew it was so. She knew he
was right. He was for her infallible. He spoke the deepest soul
in her.
She never SAW him as a lover. When she saw him, he was the little
officer, a prisoner, quiet, claiming nothing in all the world. And
when she went to him as his lover, his wife, it was always dark.
She only knew his voice and his contact in darkness. 'My wife in
darkness,' he said to her. And in this too she believed him. She
would not have contradicted him, no, not for anything on earth:
lest contradicting him she should lose the dark treasures of
stillness and bliss which she kept in her breast even when her
heart was wrung with the agony of knowing he must go.
No, she had found this wonderful thing after she had heard him
singing: she had suddenly collapsed away from her old self into
this darkness, this peace, this quiescence that was like a full
dark river flowing eternally in her soul. She had gone to sleep
from the nuit blanche of her days. And Basil, wonderful, had
changed almost at once. She feared him, lest he might change back
again. She would always have him to fear. But deep inside her she
only feared for this love of hers for the Count: this dark,
everlasting love that was like a full river flowing for ever inside
her. Ah, let that not be broken.
She was so still inside her. She could sit so still, and feel the
day slowly, richly changing to night. And she wanted nothing, she
was short of nothing. If only Dionys need not go away! If only he
need not go away!
But he said to her, the last morning:
'Don't forget me. Always remember me. I leave my soul in your
hands and your womb. Nothing can ever separate us, unless we
betray one another. If you have to give yourself to your husband,
do so, and obey him. If you are true to me, innerly, innerly true,
he will not hurt us. He is generous, be generous to him. And
never fail to believe in me. Because even on the other side of
death I shall be watching for you. I shall be king in Hades when I
am dead. And you will be at my side. You will never leave me any
more, in the after-death. So don't be afraid in life. Don't be
afraid. If you have to cry tears, cry them. But in your heart of
hearts know that I shall come again, and that I have taken you for
ever. And so, in your heart of hearts be still, be still, since
you are the wife of the ladybird.' He laughed as he left her, with
his own beautiful, fearless laugh. But they were strange eyes that
looked after him.
He went in the car with Basil back to Voynich Hall.
'I believe Daphne will miss you,' said Basil.
The Count did not reply for some moments.
'Well, if she does,' he said, 'there will be no bitterness in it.'
'Are you sure?' smiled Basil.
'Why--if we are sure of anything,' smiled the Count.
'She's changed, isn't she?'
'Is she?'
'Yes, she's quite changed since you came, Count.'
'She does not seem to me so very different from the girl of
seventeen whom I knew.'
'No--perhaps not. I didn't know her then. But she's very
different from the wife I have known.'
'A regrettable difference?'
'Well--no, not as far as she goes. She is much quieter inside
herself. You know, Count, something of me died in the war. I feel
it will take me an eternity to sit and think about it all.'
'I hope you may think it out to your satisfaction, Major.'
'Yes, I hope so too. But that is how it has left me--feeling as if
I needed eternity now to brood about it all, you know. Without the
need to act--or even to love, really. I suppose love is action.'
'Intense action,' said the Count.
'Quite so. I know really how I feel. I only ask of life to spare
me from further effort of action of any sort--even love. And then
to fulfil myself, brooding through eternity. Of course, I don't
mind WORK, mechanical action. That in itself is a form of
inaction.'
'A man can only be happy following his own inmost need,' said the
Count.
'Exactly!' said Basil. 'I will lay down the law for nobody, not
even for myself. And live my day--'
'Then you will be happy in your own way. I find it so difficult to
keep from laying the law down for myself,' said the Count. 'Only
the thought of death and the after life saves me from doing it any
more.'
'As the thought of eternity helps me,' said Basil. 'I suppose it
amounts to the same thing.'
End of this Project Gutenberg of Australia eBook
The Ladybird by D
H Lawrence
-----------------------------------------------------------------
More information about this eBook is provided at the beginning of this file.
It takes us, at a rather conservative estimate, fifty hours to get any
eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright searched and
analyzed.
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation in the United States has
been created to secure a secure future for Project Gutenberg
All donations should be made to:
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
PMB 113
1739 University Ave.
Oxford, MS 38655-4109 USA
***
** The Legal Small Print **
Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. They tell
us you might sue us if there is something wrong with your copy of this
eBook, even if you got it for free from someone other than us, and even
if what's wrong is not our fault. So, among other things, this
"Small Print!" statement disclaims most of our liability to you. It also
tells you how you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to.
*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS eBook
By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, you
indicate that you understand, agree to and accept this "Small Print!"
statement. If you do not, you can receive a refund of the money (if any)
you paid for this eBook by sending a request within 30 days of receiving
it to the person you got it from. If you received this eBook on a
physical medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.
ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM eBookS
This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook is in the "public domain" in Australia
Among other things, this means that, in Australia, no one owns a copyright
on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and distribute it
in Australia without permission and without paying copyright royalties.
Special rules, set forth below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute
this eBook under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.
Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market any
commercial products without permission.
To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable efforts to
identify, transcribe and proofread public domain works. Despite these
efforts, the Project's eBooks and any medium they may be on may contain
"Defects". Among other things, Defects may take the form of incomplete,
inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other
eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be
read by your equipment.
LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES
But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, [1] Michael
Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may receive this eBook
from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims all liability to you for
damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO
REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF
WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT,
CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF
THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of receiving it, you
can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending an
explanatory note within that time to the person you received it from. If
you received it on a physical medium, you must return it with your note,
and such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement copy.
If you received it electronically, such person may choose to alternatively
give you a second opportunity to receive it electronically.
THIS eBook IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF
ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS TO THE eBook OR ANY
MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF
INDEMNITY
You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, and its trustees
and agents, and any volunteers associated with the production and
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm texts harmless, from all liability,
cost and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly
from any of the following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this
eBook, [2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, or [3] any
Defect.
DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm"
You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by disk, book
or any other medium if you either delete this "Small Print!" and all other
references to Project Gutenberg,
or:
[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this
requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the
eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however,
if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable
binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
including any form resulting from conversion by word
processing or hypertext software, but only so long as
*EITHER*:
[*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and
does *not* contain characters other than those
intended by the author of the work, although tilde
(~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may
be used to convey punctuation intended by the
author, and additional characters may be used to
indicate hypertext links; OR
[*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at
no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent
form by the program that displays the eBook (as is
the case, for instance, with most word processors);
OR
[*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at
no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the
eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC
or other equivalent proprietary form).
[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this
"Small Print!" statement.
[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the
gross profits you derive calculated using the method you
already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you
don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are
payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation"
the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were
legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent
periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to
let us know your plans and to work out the details.
** END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN eBookS*Ver.06/12/01 **
[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart
and may be reprinted only when these eBooks are free of all
fees.]
[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales
of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be they hardware or
software or any other related product without express permission.]
**********