The kitchen door banged open. The man from the D.O.H. came out with a second recipe card in his hand. "This recipe for mayonnaise..." he said. "Oh! Mr. Baumer! How are you, sir?"
"So you called them in," said Meg. "It figures."
"At least it wasn't Marge," Quill whispered. "Just keep your lip buttoned. After Baumer leaves we can explain all about him to this guy. Maybe he'll give us a break."
"And your name?" said Baumer to the man from the D.O.H., with a hearty "my man" attitude that set Quill's teeth on edge.
"Arnie Stankard."
"It's a pleasure, Arnie."
"The pleasure's mine, sir." The two men shook hands.
"Stoolie," muttered Meg in disgust.
Baumer lit a cigarette and flicked the match on the floor. "Mayonnaise, zabaglione, and don't forget the Caesar salad, Arnie. Ladies? It's been an experience." He strolled out.
"Arnie," said Quill, as soon as Baumer was out of earshot. "I don't know where you met that man, but we need to explain him to you."
"You mean you know?" said Arnie. "I'm kinda surprised that you do. He always makes such a big deal of traveling incognito. Usually poses as a grungy salesman. Quite a boost for your restaurant, being visited by the food critic from L'Aperitif."
L'Aperitif, October issue
from the review column, "Fair's Fare"
Traveling through Central New York is normally a joy in summer. Red-painted barns nestle between neatly bisected fields of rye, and the streams and rivers of this glaciated country flow swift and clear. In past years, come traveling time, those in the culinary know headed straight through this delightful country for the Inn at Hemlock Falls.
L'Aperitif should have taken a detour.
Two years ago, on our first visit to the Inn, Master Chef Margaret Quilliam put on a bravura performance, delivering the Best of the Basque in the most unlikely of places, a rural farming community. Alas! Like the notorious California Chardonnays of '87, Quilliam's early promise has flowered into a disappointing maturity. Although the simplest of American fare - pancakes, omelettes, steaks - remain competently cooked, the complexities of the truly sophisticated chef have eluded the kitchen. The Pot au Feu is a trifle bland, the bread textures prey to the vagaries of a succession of beleaguered sous chefs, the sausage which made the Inn's reputation, overripe.
(The recent visit of the New York State Department of Health to Quilliam's kitchen is not germane.)
It is with regret that we remove our starred rating from the Inn at Hemlock Falls; it is with hope that our demotion is only temporary. We'll return next spring to this delightful part of New York State, to see if Ms. Quilliam has regained her genius for food in the L'Aperitif tradition.
The Inn At Hemlock Falls 4 Hemlock Avenue
Hemlock Falls, New York
Fare Score: 0
NEWSWEEK, November issue
Sentenced, for bribery: Keith Baumer, 56, food critic for the gourmet magazine L'Aperitif. Convicted of accepting a $5,000 bribe in exchange for a favorable review of the trendy restaurant Chien Cous-Cous, Baumer received a suspended 10-day sentence, pending restitution.
TV GUIDE, November issue
60 Minutes - Mike Wallace interviews super PI Edward Lancashire on Doggone Good Dogs and gourmet mag scandal.
ZABAGLIONE A LA QUILLIAM
Per serving:
One tsp. superfine sugar per egg yolk
One tsp. marsala per egg yolk
1. Beat egg yolks into a thick, even consistency, adding a stream of sugar and wine.
2. Place custard over boiling water; beat it until it foams and thickens. AVOID CURDLING!
3. Serve warm over chilled berries or as is; if creating at table side pour into crystal sherbet glasses that have been kept at room temperature.
Equipment:
Copper bowl
Wire whisk
-- The Cast of Characters --
The Inn at Hemlock Falls
the staff
Sarah Quilliam-the owner
Margaret Quilliam-her sister, the chef
John Raintree-the manager
Doreen Muxworthy-head housekeeper
Peter Williams-assistant manager
Frank Torelli-a sous chef
Bjorn Hjalsted-a sous chef
Kathleen Kiddermeister-a waitress
Julie Offenbach-a waitress
Dina Muir-the receptionist
Nate-the bartender
(Also part-time waitresses, bartenders, and housemaids)
the guests
Amelia Hallenbeck-a widow
Mavis Collin wood-her companion
Keith Baumer-a bachelor
Edward Lancashire-a bachelor
The Reverend Willy Max-an evangelist
Members of the Chamber of Commerce
Elmer Henry-the mayor
Gil Gilmeister-a car dealer
Tom Peterson-his business partner
Christopher Croh-a bar owner
Nadine Gilmeister-Gil's wife
Harvey Bozzel-advertising agency owner
Howie Murchison-town justice and local lawyer
Mark Anthony Jefferson-a banker
Esther West-dress shop owner
Marge Schmidt-diner owner
Betty Hall-Marge' s partner
Ralph Lorenzo--newspaper publisher
Norm Pasquale-high school band director
The Right Reverend Dookie Shuttleworth-a minister
Harland PeTerson-farmer, and president of the Agway cooperative
Freddie Bellini-a mortician
Miriam Doncaster-a librarian
The Sheriff's Department
Myles McHale-the sheriff
Dave Kiddermeister-a deputy
The End
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