knew it would
only be
a matter of time
when
you'd be a cur
I stood
my ground silently
avoided the crime
you wished
upon us
________________
My Final Goodbye
you love playing
this hobby
of yours
breaks my heart
and I'm paying
for my snobby resistance
as it pours acid
and rips me a part
Why do you keep saying you miss me?
Like I'm more than one of your whores
don't start weighing me down
with "we" thoughts
for my doors
are too smart
to be set up for slaying
giving up eternity
for a wrong course
look, the dart
just hit
the bulls eye
so this is it-
my final good bye
________________
Transparent
my eyes
look
transparent
they see
the lies
that hook
into your life-arrogant
you can be
hear the good byes?
of all
your x's
they fill
a sea
you push they fall
this perplexes them till
their heart is broken permanently
They have everything to lose
you little scab
got nothing to choose
not life
not happiness
no love will ever come your way
for the strife and emptiness
surrounds you as a glove
you'll pay for all the pain
and lives
you stole
you'll see-
you live in vain
none of your wives
will help you out of this bottomless hole
________________
Hate
HATE
everything you say
HATE
how your smile makes me red
HATE
the way you touch me
LOVE
the way you touch me
HATE
that I like it
HATE
that you don't care about me
HATE
everything
LOVE
everything
HATE
loving everything
HATE
not knowing what you want
SICK
of not getting what I want
HATE
not knowing
HATE
thinking about "us"
LOVE
dreaming
HATE
you
LOVE
you
HATE
admitting I love you
SICK
of loving
TIRED
of not getting
HATE
being played with
LOVE
that smile
HATE
it after awhile
________________
Angry
I protected and loved you
on you I spent my every spare moment
This is what you wish to do?
This is my payment?
All that effort
my heart
the pain
I'm so hurt
you didn't love me from the start
it was all about what you could gain
I feel so rejected
don't understand
wish to crawl in bed
these thoughts I cannot stand
will not allow them to ruin me
I love you
but you never respected me
how could this happen?
________________
Due
I can't play this part you've given me
Sometimes I miss you with all my heart
then remember it's the way it must be
all other roles I can do
but like highway tolls
this one is due
it's real
so I cannot pretend
to not feel
cause in the end
my heart is what you'll steal
________________
You'd think
I'd be happy to know
it's just platonic
but I'm not
How screwy is that?
I complain and complain
then I want him
when he now
doesn't
________________
Flattery
You call
Flattery
act as if your 'thinking' of me
I don't want to fall
and allow your battery
to happen again to me
It hurts
sitting here
waiting for that ring
I know so well
But your kindness comes in spurts
and my biggest fear
is what I will bring
or sell
to you
I'm attracted
temptation knocks regularly
Sometimes I wish all you say is true
But then I'd be wed
and you'd be here with me
I'd hear the commitment of "I do"
There is silence
filling each cavity
inside my body
my heart is swollen
silence
I'm in captivity
I hope to be rescued by somebody
But then
I hear it again
those empty lies
My beating heart
your charming smirk
my hands full of blood
no more
I'm shutting my eyes
and going to pick a part
how it is you work
getting me to fall deep in love
even though I'm not who you adore
I will not listen
to silence anymore
Just don't call
okay?
________________
Pearls
____________________________________________
A famous man
once said
not to pretend with love
but how can you not?
when you’re on display
waiting for someone to take you home?
The dating game-
best foot forward
it's pretending
the not being open and honest
"right away" crap
fake
I hate fake
but it's what you get
in this pool of divers
searching for pearls
but what about the little pebbles?
Sitting there,
cute and so pure
nothing had to suffer
to make them "just right"
I'm a pebble
on the shore
waiting for my pebble
I don't want a pearl
made in the mouth of an oyster
man made by the book
rule follower-game player
The inside is just rock
just like the pebbles
but it takes longer to see
and once you do your stuck
with that—
and not what you thought they'd be
________________
Grow Up!
"People change."
that's what I told him
"they grow a part."
"Lead new and different lives"
he cried
"they do."
I mumbled
His head shook
"I'm only trying to be honest!"
my eyes shifted
years of friendship
shot in one second
'it was for the best'
I told myself
"really?"
he chuckles
"Give me back my things"
he orders
"What things?"
"The past, give me back my past."
He screamed.
"I can't"
I cried
"good-bye"
"No!"
Sometimes you have to lose your past to grow
No matter how much it hurts.
________________
Fix
You don't want me to be alone
so you try to fix me up
put me with someone that’s "right" for me
But am I right for them?
Am I safe to love?
Do I deserve a relationship?
Will I hurt him?
I'm good at that.
I must say,
Paranoia and fear envelop my whole being
I’m scared of this
Don't want to cause someone else harm
Can I love?
Will I open up?
Shall I die alone?
You don't want me to be alone.
So you pick the man for me.
I don't want to be miserable.
So I hide inside my walls.
Alone and scared and miserable anyway
________________
Wish
I wish I could tell you
the way I feel
I want to fall into your arms
and cry
holding you around the neck
you grasping my waist
-pulling me in close
so that my breasts are resting upon your chest
me caving in and out
my face cradled inside your neck
I wish-
to explain why I don't come near
why I act like I don't care
I want-
to admit how I feel when you call
and how much I like you
the glow in your eyes
those dimples
the compliments you give
how your flirting makes me feel
I regret-
that I see you give others
all that I've come to love
and hope was just for me
It hurts
cause I want you
but know your intentions are so untrue
what I would do
to be with you
but
I regret
your gone now
I want you
but
you've left again
I'd stop you this time
all on my own
if I was certain of what you truly felt
________________
Misery
I don't want to disown
those who've always been there
so I shall remain loyal
and allow my heart
to spoil
misery I shall feel
for as long as I am on this earth
________________
Why did you have to talk to me?
Couldn't you just stay away?
Do you have to speak to all my friends?
What about those who hate me?
Why so close with them?
________________
The 'Tease'
My pupils grow
I giggle
I'm in Love
I'll go wherever you decide
take a seat
by your side
I'm interested
You look my way
You're coming closer
Smile
I frown
turn up my nose
But I'm still in love
You tell me I have beautiful eyes
I fold my arms
accuse you of lies
I won't accept false charms
But I’m still interested
You'll catch me looking
but I’ll just ignore your smile
The tease
I want to be yours
But won't
________________
Do I drive you insane?
Is that why you avoid my eyes?
Are you playing with me?
I know I am a pain
But don't you hear my cries?
I’m a stain
etched permanently on your heart
________________
You were so kind
I worshiped the very ground
of each step you took
Let’s rewind to the past
before the very sound of my voice
made you look down
in annoyance
________________
I want the past
how did things get this way?
You used to defend me
but that faded fast
and today
our friendship is empty
________________
I still remember being in love with you
Your eyes
Those lips
My body fit so perfectly nestled with yours
Like two puzzle pieces
Connected at last
We finished the picture and made it beautiful
________________
Now you're The One
I ran through the tall itchy grass
Heart racing, out of breath
Watched it part like the red sea
No people came through
Just you
I ran
tripped over a rock and fell to my knees
You hissing
“No, please!”
I just begged
Your evil laugh echoed in my head
You a black Cobra hovering above
Mouth full of venom and acid in your blood
“I hate you!” I screamed as your poisoned dripped
eyes closed at your lunge
but no bite did I feel
I look up
see you in the trapper’s grip
I look through the museum glass
Now you’re the one trapped
________________
I Made Him Mad
I made him mad
I wasn't thinking
I'm hiding in the woods-I hear the dogs-now guns-being shot-birds flying in the sky-I look up-my stomach-it's-been-hit
I made him mad
I wasn't thinking
________________
Told Me
you sat down and told me you loved me then took out your leather cowboy belt-told me you loved me-my legs are bleeding-told me to sit down but it hurts too much-to lean-lean against this chair-told me to grow up so I covered the scars with my cloths-
________________
no longer accepted
On some days it hurts
My heart is like a hollow cavity
Waiting to be filled
But after each examination
I’m turned away
The cavity is just too much work
That’s what I am
Each time I try
To open up my heart
I find everyone has run
I’m only fun
To tease-To hunt
But once they see that I want to stay
Suddenly
my insurance is no longer accepted
________________
Used To
I used to be able to write
Ideas flowed
Feelings poured onto paper like water
But now,
like us,
it’s a fight
________________
And Th
ere You Were
And there you were, like a disease
Growing rapidly
In my heart
Choking and squeezing
Every beat
I loved you so much
You liked me
I know you did
But I guess like the moon
You changed
Again and again
Always a different shape
You heart-is the moon
Mine the tide
Going along with what you decide
________________
You Say
you say you never raised me this way
never taught me to be so selfish
you say
but I don’t recall you raising me
and I don’t remember you ever teaching anything
________________
You Won't
my eyes burn
legs so weak
my stomach-it hurts
I can’t sleep
I can’t feel
I need to cry
But I can’t
I can’t
Throat is numb
Ankles shake
My heart it’s-
It’s bleeding
I need you
But you won’t save me
You won’t
________________
I can't play this part
you've given me
Sometimes I miss
you with all my heart
then remember it's the way it must be
all other roles
I can do
but like highway tolls
this one is due
it's real
so I cannot pretend
to not feel
cause in the end
my heart is what you'll steal
________________
so afraid of rejection
yet the only dream i truly have is you
________________
Note from the Author
Thank you so much for reading my poetry book, Broken. I hope you enjoyed it. Should you have any questions and/or concerns, please, send me an email at clp120@ymail.com. I promise to respond to each one personally. Visit my blog for news and updates or follow me on facebook and twitter for free giveaways!
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