Cheeks pink
Now that I know how he got hurt
“Like dislocated is any better,” Asia says.
“It is. I’ll be able to rope again by the end of the month.”
Really?
Because that seems so quick
Looking at his arm
Bound tight
To his side
“Technically, my doctor said anywhere from four to six weeks, depending on how fast I heal, so I’m giving myself three.”
“If you start too early you’re going to mess up your shoulder permanently!” Asia protests.
Cody and I hang back
Letting the two of them walk ahead of us
Asia telling Micah exactly what he should
And shouldn’t
Do
About the shoulder
She can’t believe
He wrecked
So what are you going to do?
Keeping my voice lower
Than I need to
Feeling like a jerk
For asking Cody about this
When Micah’s the one who’s hurt
“You mean for roping?”
Yeah. It sounds like he’ll at least miss the first rodeo. Maybe the second and third too.
“Doubt it. You know how Micah is. He’s as good at being laid up as nothing. I’m guessing he’ll only miss the first one.”
Are you going to sit that one out then?
“No. I—”
The warning bell cuts off the end of Cody’s sentence.
Take two
“It turns out Kierra ropes. Heels mostly, which is fine because that’s what Micah did.”
His words are running into each other now
Coming out one on top of the other as he tries to get them out
So she’s your new roping partner?
“No. It’s not like that. I’d never replace Micah. It’ll just be for one rodeo. Maybe two.”
How very valiant
Drive by
Swerve to the side
Miss the point entirely
Which is this
Before I knew
Before even Asia knew
Kierra was clued in
Contingency plan set
Her skills called into play
Had Cody called her
After Micah called him
Completely bypassing Asia
And me?
We start walking again
This new information irons my voice flat
What am I supposed to say
As Cody kisses me on the cheek
Breaks away
Disappears into his class?
I stand
In a swirl of energy
People shoving books into bags
Dashing toward classrooms
As the secondhand ticks
’Round the clock
Thinking only this
Leaner
Lighter
Faster
Minus five
I can’t let anything else
Matter
Does it Matter?
Asia is done with this conversation
Before it even begins
She wants to ride
Barrel racers only tonight
Which means we have the arena until dark
Most of us
Including me
Are mounted
Warmed up
Ready to go
But she’s running late
After having to scavenge through the tack room
In the horse trailer to find new reins
To replace the ones Scuba snapped when they slid off the saddle horn
Where they had been looped
As Asia was walking him toward the arena
The first time
“Seriously, Rae. I’m so done with the whole Kierra thing. Especially with the fund-raiser coming up.”
Asia doesn’t even look at me as she talks
Just pulls the latigo on Scuba’s saddle tight
Runs her fingers along the inside of the cinch
Giving him a tickle and a pinch
Knowing how he bloats
Blows up his belly like a balloon
With the air he sucks in
Before catching her left stirrup with her foot
And swinging into the saddle
He exhales as soon as she settles in the seat
But she lifts the reins
Pushes him into a walk
Then a trot
roll back
side pass
dismount
Before tightening the latigo
Again
Horses are funny, aren’t they?
Topic switch
Swing the conversation around
When things get
Tense
“What?”
Asia stops now
Looks at me
With eyes that are less
Than amused
How they make themselves larger when they’re getting cinched up. It’s exactly the opposite of what people do, pulling in their stomachs as they tighten their belts.
“I seriously have no idea what you’re even talking about lately.”
Asia swings back into her saddle
Pushes Scuba into a trot
Toward the arena
I don’t need to nudge her
Fancy just follows
Falls into stride alongside Scuba
“I meant what I said though, Rae. I’m seriously done with this whole Kierra thing,” Asia says.
Not wanting to drop the topic
Until she has made
Her point
I was just saying, it’s odd how Cody had her all lined up to rope with him before either of us even knew Micah was hurt.
“See, now I feel like you’re trying to start something between me and Micah. I’m sorry you and Cody aren’t doing well—I really am—but don’t pull me into this.”
Asia throws this last part over her shoulder
As she and Scuba cut in front of Fancy and me
Joining the throng of horses and riders
Loping around the arena
Along the rail
Fancy’s ready to go
Champing her bit
Worrying it with her tongue
Eager to join the horses and riders
Pounding by
But I hold her up
Let Asia and Scuba get a bit of a lead
Making like the arena dust
Is the reason I’m rubbing my eyes
Burning
Red
With tears
Asphalt Gossip
Everyone is always in such a hurry
Measuring the minutes
Dripping off the end of the second hand
At the end of the day
Only to come out to the parking lot
To sit on tailgates and
Lean against the doors
Of hand-me-down
Cars
To trade rumors
“You have to say something,” Micah says.
“I’ve tried,” Asia says.
I stop
Turn Sneaky Pete
As I wait on the far side of the truck
Out of their sight line
Because they sound like they’re on the verge of a fight
“I don’t know what she thinks he’s doing,” Micah says.
Asia’s voice is a knife
“Yes y
ou do. Is he cheating on her?”
“No, I’m just saying—”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Whatever. It’s not my thing anyway.”
It’s my thing
With Cody
They’re talking about
Cody and Kierra are?
Aren’t?
Asia wouldn’t be asking if she didn’t have
Suspicions
The strap of my bag is cutting into my shoulder
I shift to adjust it
tracing the edge of my clavicle
noting how sharp it has grown
Forgetting the Diet Coke
In the pocket on the side of my bag
That falls out
Hits the pavement
Rolls under the truck
Hits the heel
Of Micah’s boot
He leans down to pick it up
As I walk around the truck
“Diet! You can keep this one,” Micah says as he scoops it up and hands it to me.
Thanks.
“I’m off,” he says.
Leaning into Asia for a kiss
That she ducks
“What are you doing tonight?” she asks.
“Why?”
“I have to track down barbecues.”
Micah looks at her blankly
“For our fund-raiser?”
“I can’t. I have to—”
“Whatever. Get out of here,” Asia says mock mad.
“I’ll call Kierra. We’ll get it done.”
Or me
I think
You could call
Me
My Share
Some people
Rev their engines
Fly out of the school parking lot
Not Asia though
She takes it slow
Coasting through the maze of people and cars
As I cue up the music
For our drive home
Thinking that I should thank her
For standing up for me
Because that’s what it was
Wasn’t it?
Her
Standing up
For me?
But not knowing how
It hate that it’s like this
I should be able to ask her
Talk to her
About anything
But now…
I wait
Until we’re on the road
To say
I can help you if you want. With the barbecues.
Realizing I’ve done absolutely nothing
To help with the fund-raiser
So far
Realizing that I haven’t
Been asked to
Either
Asia slows
As she turns off Main Street
Onto the county road
We’ll follow
Until the pavement
Turns to dirt
“Sure. That would be great. I probably shouldn’t throw anything else at Kierra. It’s not like she doesn’t have enough to worry about.”
Why? I mean, what’s she worrying about?
Asia looks at me funny
Like I should know
“She’s running for queen too. There’s a ton you have to do to get ready. The speech. The test. We have to know every single NHSRA rule there is. Then there’s the whole interview. I don’t even want to think about that part yet.”
I didn’t know you were doing that.
“What do you mean? We talked about it.”
Did we?
I’m not trying to be smart
Because I really can’t remember
“Yes! And I tried to talk you into doing it, but you said no.”
I remember that conversation
A bit
But didn’t think she’d committed to running
Yet
Not that it took Asia long to fill the space
I left
With Kierra
Asia’s new lunchtime buddy
Which means that maybe
Asia hadn’t been sticking up for me
At all
Maybe it was Kierra
She was defending
Kierra who wouldn’t
Even if Cody
Wanted
Asia rolls down her window
Holds her arm out
Parting the sunlight streaming past
With her fingers
I follow suit
Rolling down my window
Staring at the fields rushing by
Shamrock green
Thanks to the sprinklers
Chinking rainbows of water through the air
Not saying
Anything
At all
Pleasure Reading
I read cookbooks now
Mostly at night
Standing at the kitchen counter
Next to the stove where a mason jar filled with bacon fat sits crusted to the range
Runoff from the morning strips Dad cooks cast-iron crisp
Bachelor’s seasoning for any and every dish
Running my index finger along the columns of ingredients
Exact measurements
A quarter
Half
Whole
Cups of ingredients peeled-pared-ground-extracted-pureed
Into custards and tarts
stir-fry and pastas
Grams of fat
saturated and un
Proteins-carbohydrates-calories
Listed in user-friendly reference tables
Making it easy for me to prepare those Tuesday dinners for daughter-dad nights
They aren’t as easy now
With our smiles stretched tight
Trying to bridge the space I left between our words
That seem to be falling away with the pounds
And I don’t know what to do
To fill the holes
Because I don’t know how they got there in the first place
Leaving me in the dark
At the counter
Hoping
Praying
The spaces don’t get bigger
Wondering
How come
Asia never called me
Even after I offered
To help
Set-up
I wish it were just this
The setting-up part
Without the event
If it were
I wouldn’t have to change out of my jeans and
Into a dress
Tonight
Asia hands me a tower of tablecloths
Still wrapped tight in the plastic
Stamped with the dry cleaner’s logo
“I’ll follow you with centerpieces,” she says
Before heading back through the clubhouse doors
To gather the mason jars
Turned flower holders
Made earlier today
Everyone else on the team is either done with their tasks
For now
Or running around
Doing errands
That keep cropping up
Leaving me
If just for a minute
On the patio
Already decorated by the lights
Cody and Micah picked up from the hardware store
Strung from the gazebo to the patio
Around and back again
I set the tablecloths
On a rough-hewn bench
Next to a planter
Shirking my duties
for a minute
Long enough to walk down to the creek
Dancing around the rocks
That shadow the pollywogs
Asia and I used to love
To catch
The loam of the bank
Turns my knees damp
As I kneel
To see
If they’re still there
Nascent amphibians
Halfway to land
With their tails and legs
I think about the little girl
Who used to wave her hand over the water
The shadow of her palm
Scattering the pollywogs
She was always too nervous to catch
Worried she’d accidentally crush one
In her clumsy hand
Certain
Even then
She’d ruin
Everything beautiful
She touched
Wardrobe Malfunction
I don’t have that many dresses to choose from
Two to be exact
Only one of which will work
The red one with ribbon around the hem
That dips in the back
Comes out from the recesses of my closet
Onto my bed
Then the shoes
Heels or flats
A nonjudgmental
Forever supportive
Second opinion is what I need
Blue!
The sound of dog paws
Scritch-scratching against the wood floor
Followed by a groan
Blue’s head pops out from under my bed
Where he has been gnawing the antler
He found behind the machine shop last week
Less chewing and more helping, please.
Blue smiles at me
Ducks back under
To grab the antler
Prongs worn down to nubs
Before he wiggle-worms the rest of the way out
Blue stands at attention
His tail twitching
as I hold out the first pair
then the second
Showing that he loves both shoes equally
Which isn’t much help
But then again
I’m asking for advice
From a canine
With an antler
In his mouth
My hoodie and jeans come off
The dress goes on
I look over my shoulder
Into the mirror on the bathroom door
And tug the zipper
Into place
The fabric that should hug my body
Drapes and gapes
In all the wrong places
Even with the zipper up