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    If This Goes On

    Page 32
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    “I’m sick of hearing the stories about the before. Sick of people dying,” I tell her.

      I’m cracking up.

      I don’t want this for us.

      She pulls my head down, into her hair. It’s long, tangled, and beautiful. I feel her small, frail body against mine. The rhythmic thud of her heart vibrates against my chest. It’s fast and she’s hot to the touch.

      I refuse to cry.

      “You should do something about it. Read. You can make things better. I know it,” she says.

      I don’t respond. I hold her so tight, I’m sure I’m hurting her. She doesn’t protest. I find her lips and they taste like bleach and decay. She kisses me back. My tongue presses inside her mouth, over her teeth. Her hands clutch my shirt in fists. She pulls so tight that the collar of my shirt hurts the back of my neck.

      “Promise me,” she whispers against my lips.

      Our foreheads touch and I’m looking at the rosy color of her lips. It’s the only true color in my world.

      Behind her is a trunk. In it are scavenged books. Physics, electricity, and mathematic manuals filled to the brim. Among them is a scattering of poetry, for Heather. She tells me that we can fix the world.

      Only she’s going to die.

      “You have to promise,” she demands.

      It was Heather that found me, on the rooftop after my mom died. She decided to name me Hope. Like her, I could read. She says I’m smart enough to make a difference. I’m not, but I let her think it—just as I let her give me a new name.

      She makes me want to make a difference.

      “You have to.” Her words remind me that I have a role in her life.

      She’s almost everything to me, everything but my anger. That’s mine.

      “You’ll make me hate you,” I warn her, and it’s the truth. I’ll dream of her. I’ll find women that look like her. I’ll watch them die and beg that every kiss might bring me closer to my knees.

      Heather grins. I don’t know how words are enough for her. They’d never be enough for me.

      Before she pulls away, I kiss her again.

      Her lips are cold.

      I jerk back.

      They’re gray, the same color as her eyes. My hand grips my dust-covered angel, the statue.

      Heather.

      About the Author

      Beth grew up on front porches, fighting imaginary monsters with sticks, and building castles out of square hay bales. She currently lives in Northeast Georgia with her husband and two dogs. She can be found on twitter: @BethDawkins.

      Editor’s Note

      There’s a simple elegance to this story that makes it more than slight. The image of the angel has lingered with me for some time now: a quiet, meditative moment. This is a momentary story, a story of regret and not the moment of disaster, but the time after it, a world gone gray and covered with radioactive dust. We don’t know exactly how this world has come to this precipice and fallen over it, but we can certainly guess.

      Heather and the protagonist are observers, not doers, watching the world fall away, and unable to change. Luckily for us in the here and now, there are more things to do than simply watch the world fall apart.

      The Choices You Make

      Sylvia Spruck Wrigley

      People whom you have never met are creating laws that you never imagined were needed.

      Do you:

      assume that there’s a good reason for what they do?

      Go to page 3.

      ask what the hell they think they are doing?

      Go to page 5.

      In history class, you used to wonder about all the people who passively stood by while the world changed.

      Do you now:

      have a better understanding of how that could happen?

      Go to page 3.

      resolve to be the resistance?

      Go to page 7.

      Newspapers show reports of civil liberties being infringed but these are dangerous times and you can’t be too careful.

      Do you :

      express relief that you and your family are safe and sound?

      Go to page 3.

      put yourself at risk, because protecting civil liberties is more important than any external threat?

      Go to page 9.

      Your leader has promised that people who follow your church will be given priority for support and benefits.

      Do you:

      nod in agreement?

      Go to page 3.

      fight for the rights of everyone, regardless of their religion?

      Go to page 11.

      The man who lives next door, with whom you have nothing in common, has been detained. You are unable to find out any details as to why.

      Do you:

      presume that he must have done something wrong or else this wouldn’t be happening?

      Go to page 3.

      support and defend him?

      Go to page 13.

      You’ve taken to the streets with your children and your signs and your anger, in hopes of making a difference. This weekend there are more protests, but you are tired and there is so much at home that needs doing.

      Do you:

      hope someone else will fight the good fight for you?

      Go to page 3.

      keep showing up?

      Go to page 15.

      Your government has spiralled completely out of control. The world looks on with shocked dismay. Do you:

      leave the country and hope to build a better life somewhere else?

      Go to page 3.

      stay and hope that one day things will get back to the way they were?

      Go to page 3.

      You no longer like any of the options available to you.

      Do you:

      remember how things were and wish you could go back in time?

      Go to page 3.

      write a better ending?

      You’d better start now.

      About the Author

      Sylvia Spruck Wrigley obsessively writes letters to her mother, her teenage offspring, her accountant, as well as to unknown beings in outer space. Only her mother admits to reading them. Born in Heidelberg, she spent her childhood in California and now lives in Estonia. Her fiction was nominated for a Nebula in 2014 and her short stories have been translated into over a dozen languages. Her latest publication is Without a Trace, a non-fiction book exploring aviation mysteries. You can find out more about her at http://intrigue.co.uk.

      Editor’s Note

      I’ve seen a number of stories based on the old CYOA books go by in my time, and this is one of my favorites because it does something few of them do: break the fourth wall and directly address the reader, asking them to make the choice.

      Wrigley’s piece gets at the heart of this anthology’s intent. Terrible things are happening. America is being dismantled and sold off, piece by piece, to the rich. Will you sit by or will you choose to do something? The fate of our country lies in our hands. Our would-be dictators wouldn’t be working so hard to take away people’s voting rights if they didn’t find them a threat. Exercise the power that is yours. Vote, and when you’re done voting, help others get to the polls so they can be heard.

      A Word From Parvus Press

      www.ParvusPress.com

      Thank you for choosing a Parvus title and supporting independent publishing. If you loved IF THIS GOES ON, your review on Goodreads or your favorite retailer’s website is the best way to support this book. Reviews are the lifeblood of the independent press.

      Also, we love to hear from our readers and to know how you enjoyed our books. Reach us on our website, engage with us on Twitter (@ParvusPress) or reach out directly to the publisher via email: colin@parvuspress.com. Yes, that’s his real email. We aren’t kidding when we say we’re dedicated to our readers.

    &n
    bsp; On our website, you can also sign up for our mailing list to win free books, get an early look at upcoming releases, and follow our growing family of authors.

      Thanks for being Parvus People,

      —The Parvus Press Team

      Acknowledgements

      This project would not have been possible without the support of our Kickstarter backers, whose early confidence in If This Goes On helped us bring these thirty stories together. From all of us here at Parvus Press, and on behalf of Cat Rambo and our contributors, we would like to thank:

      A.J. Bohne

      Abram Fox

      Adam Israel&Andrea Redman

      Adam W. Roy

      Adrian Ray Avalani

      Adrienne Ou

      Alan & Jeremy Vs Science Fiction podcast

      Alex Iantaffi

      Amanda Ching

      Andrew Hatchell

      andrew smith

      Ane-Marte Mortensen

      Angela Beske

      anne m. gibson

      Annie

      anon

      Anonymous

      Anonymous

      Anonymous

      Anonymous

      Anthony R. Cardno

      Anthony Storms Akins

      Ari D Jordon

      Armond Netherly

      Ashley

      Barbara Shaurette

      Benedict Hall

      Beth Kingsley

      Bishop O’Connell

      BloomKnitter

      Bobbi Boyd

      Bonnie Warford

      Brad Goupil

      Brendan Coffey

      Brian Calvary

      Brian D Lambert

      Brian P Coppola

      Bryan Feir

      Bryce

      Cale Millberry

      Carly Ho

      Carol Cooper

      Cathy Green

      Christen Lee

      cjtorres@umich.edu

      Cory Doctorow

      Craig Schieve

      Crossed Genres Publications

      Curtis Frye

      Curtis Jewell

      Cyd Athens

      D Franklin

      Dagmar Baumann

      Darren Radford

      Dave Kochbeck

      David Cooper

      David Cooper

      Don

      Doug Levandowski

      Dr. Jobo

      Dr. MJ Hardman

      Duncan Keefe

      E. H. Welch

      Elizabeth Sweeny

      Ellie Curran

      Eric Smith

      Erica “Vulpinfox” Schmitt

      Erik W. Charles

      Erin Himrod

      Eugene Ramos

      Fearlessleader

      Frank Nissen

      Gail Grigsby

      galenriley@gmail.com

      Gary Rodriguez

      gary@andysocial.com

      Gene Breshears

      Geoffrey Lehr

      George Sarantopoulos

      Glori Medina

      GMarkC

      Guy D’Alesio

      Hannah C Brown

      hmgregory2@gmail.com

      Howard J. Bampton

      Hutch

      I. Carolyn Shaw

      Ian Carmen

      J&J Productions

      Jae Lerer

      James Allenspach

      James Lucas

      James Mason

      James Reston

      Jason Burchfield

      Jeff Soesbe

      Jeffery Reynolds

      Jen Myers

      Jenn Scott

      Jennifer L. Smith

      Jeremy Brett

      Jim Cavera

      Jim Rittenhouse

      John A. McColley

      John Appel

      John Simpson

      John Winkelman

      Jonathan Maher

      Jorden K

      Josh

      Josh Horowitz

      Joshua H.

      K Bowers

      K.G.

      Kai Jones

      KawaiYokai

      Kerry aka Trouble

      Kevin J. “Womzilla” Maroney

      Kristin Cook

      Kristin Evenson Hirst

      Kyle Dippery

      L Brackney

      Lamont Alexander

      Landy Manderson

      Larry Clough

      Leonie Duane

      Linda Smit Poche

      Lindsay Watt

      Liz. T.

      Lowell Wann

      Luhelf

      luke iseman

      Luke Von Rose

      Lynn Cornelius

      Lynne Everett

      Marcus Sparks

      Mareth Griffith

      Mark Carter

      Matt Andrysiak

      MB Abbott

      mdtommyd

      Melissa Shumake

      Michael Casolary

      Michael Fenton

      Michael Hanscom

      Michele R.

      Michelle Fredette

      Michelle Matel

      Miri Baker

      Morva Bowman

      Natasha R Chisdes

      Nephele Tempest

      No name, thanks.

      Nova C

      olavrokne@gmail.com

      Pamela Sedgwick-Barker

      Parris

      Paul Cardullo

      Paul Fitzpatrick

      Paul T Plale

      Peter Lougee

      Pip Coen

      R J Theodore

      R. B. Wood

      Rebecca Stefoff

      Rhel

      RKBookman

      Rob Szarka

      Robert

      Robert V. Hill

      Robinson JonMoore

      Rolf Laun

      Ronald

      Ross Story

      S. R. Algernon

      Sal and Aidan

      Sara Tantillo

      Sarah J. Berner

      Sasha D.

      Scott Macauley

      Seth Ellis

      Shawn Hudson

      Shel Graves

      Shirley Monroe

      Skyboat

      st.jackson

      Stephen Ballentine

      Stephen Murrell

      Steve Coltrin

      steve.davidson33@tds.net

      Steven desJardins

      Steven Schwartz

      Suzanne Paterno

      Tasha Turner

      Ted Rochford

      Teri

      Terra LeMay

      The Coyle Family

      Tim Fiester

      TJ Heikkinen

      Tony Noble

      Victoria Preuss

      virginia.older@gmail.com

      Vivian Perry

      Wes Crenshaw

      Yossef Mendelssohn

      Zander

      Zip

     

     

     



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