My jaw clenches, and I look straight ahead. Brent heaves a sigh, tucking his head into my shoulder, and my muscles relax without my permission.
“I mean, the reality of this life…doing what you love, it’s not easy,” he says, and he pauses before continuing. “We get asked on tour when we knew this was our dream, but sometimes I wonder if the question should be when will you decide the dream isn’t worth it. Do you ever feel that way?”
I turn to face him, pressing my forehead against his. “Sometimes…in moments like this I do– because we’ll rarely get this. We don’t get to have a normal relationship, but that feeling when I capture the perfect picture overrides the logic that the payoff is minimal.”
Brent entwines our fingers, and his eyes close before he looks at me and asks, “Do you think someday they’ll be something that will make you want more than that?”
“Do you mean something or someone?” I ask as I keep my eyes locked on him. I want to turn away to avoid the conversation, but I can’t stop myself.
“Someone,” he answers, and his hand moves to my chin, thumb caressing the contour of my face.
“I always thought there’d be someone that wouldn’t make me, that they’d understand.” The breath catches in my throat, and I struggle with the words as they rise in my throat. “But I never thought there was anything better than that feeling, that there was anything more than that.”
“Now?”
My head and heart feel like they’re about to explode.
“I still don’t see a reason I’d need to give up my career,” I reply, putting emphasis on the last word.
Brent’s eyes follow his hand as he moves a piece of my hair out of my face. “You wouldn’t want an ordinary life? Kids… a white picket fence, someday?”
I lean up and kiss him. When I pull away, I press my forehead to his. “Only if they have your eyes.”
“Brown? Really?” he asks, and his brow furrows. “I think I’d prefer them to have your eyes.”
I chew the inside of my lip, and he cocks his head at me in question. I play with the strings on the hole at the knee of his jeans.
“Nat?” he says.
“Have you,” I begin, but my voice drifts.
“What?”
I exhale before looking up at him. “Have you ever thought about what you would do if you weren’t a musician?”
He lowers his head, narrowing his eyes at me. “Don’t laugh.”
I shake my head, signaling to the zipping of my lips.
“Civil engineer,” he says, and my eyes widen.
“Like designing bridges and stuff?” I ask, and he nods. “Why would I laugh at that?”
His shoulders lift. “Because I’m a screamer in a metal band.”
“That’s just what you do, it’s not who you are,” I say, reaching up and cupping his scruffy chin. I turn back around, leaning into his arms again. “So why civil engineering?”
“I was in construction before this became a real job, and I always thought it would be cool to design the things I was putting together,” he says as he relaxes. “What about you, what would you do?”
I inhale, letting the breath out slowly. “I honestly never thought about doing anything but being a photographer. What could I do?”
Brent clears his throat. “Baby photography?”
I turn and punch him in the shoulder, and he puts his hands up. “What? It’s still photography!”
“You sound like my mother,” I reply with narrowed eyes.
“That’s a little disturbing,” he replies wiggling his eyebrows.
I roll my eyes, and his lips go into a stern line. He locks his gaze on mine, and my breath catches in my throat. “You already have three successful songs out there. Maybe you could write music and sell it. I can help teach you guitar, and we could work together to put music to some of your lyrics.”
My jaw goes slack as I stare back at him, and the blood rushes in my ears. “I’m not sure I could learn guitar.”
Brent smiles. “I thought Aiden and I made it look easy.”
“You do, but I know better.”
He looks down at his Converses, playing with the frayed laces. His shoulders lift as he says, “Well if you can’t learn, we can always just do it together.”
I inhale, and turn back to the sunset, lifting his arms around me. “I like that idea. Together sounds amazing.”
Brent rests his chin on the top of my head. “Together it is.”
Monster's Epitatph
Undertow
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
I fall asleep
Dream of your face
As miles drift by
Baby, I just want to close my eyes
And find you by my side
Baby, I just need to hear your voice
The voice that set my heart on fire
Come on, baby, sing me that melody
The one you wrote for you and me
Sing it softly
Until I can dream
Can dream of you and I
Baby, I wish I could stay
Stay in this dream
But our dreams pull us apart…
Baby, I just need to hear your voice
The voice that set my heart on fire
Come on, baby, sing me that melody
The one you wrote for you and me
Is it enough?
Is it enough to make you stay?
I know we’re miles away
But if I hear you sing
That song
Then I know it’s worth the pain
Baby, I just need to hear your voice
The voice that set my heart on fire
Come on, baby, sing me that melody
The one you wrote for you and me
Baby, just remember that melody
The one you wrote for you and me
And these miles
I promise they’ll be gone
I promise, baby, I’ll be
Coming home
Sing me that melody
Sing me to sleep
Our song, baby
Sing me that melody
Grace's Revenge
Undertow
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott & Jace Smith
Fill me with your love
Fill me with those words
The reasons why you’re mine
I can’t stop the pull, the need inside
To be by your side
Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies
You’ve filled me with them
Filled me with your deceit
You tried to hide
The reasons why
You destroyed what was mine
I can’t stop the pull
The need inside
To be tortured by the way you hide
When I look into your eyes
I know my search is done
I’ve found the one
The one who calms my heart
And knows who I am — truly
There’s no more reason to run
Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies
You’ve filled me with them
Filled me with your deceit
You tried to hide
The reasons why
You destroyed what was mine
I can’t stop the pull
The need inside
To be tortured by the way you hide
This is a war
And I promise, babe,
I’m gonna win
You started a war, baby
And I promise you’ll regret
Shattering everything that was us
Lies, Lies, Babe, the words you said were lies
You’ve filled me with them
Filled me with your deceit
You tried to hide
The reasons why
You destroyed what was mine
I can’t stop the pull
The need inside
To be tortured by t
he way you hide
Staring at the Sun
Makeshift Chemistry
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott & Brent Andrews
I’m staring at the sun
Wishing for the moon
Waiting on the days to slip through
Until I’m back to you
I let my fingertips touch
the edge of the stars
I fall under their spell,
dreaming of you
I wonder now,
Is this the edge of oblivion?
I let my fingertips trace the edge
As my hopes and dreams collide — concede to the empty depths of the sky
I’m staring at the sun
Wishing for the moon
Waiting on the days to slip through
Until I’m back to you
I give in to the sky
Close my eyes against the shadows of the dark
Miles of stars…
Of darkness…
Are nothing
I’m staring at the sun
Wishing for the moon
So I can dream of you
So I can tell you the things
I don’t have the strength to say
My hopes…my dreams
They concede to the depths of the sky
They’re you…
You…
Saving You for Last
Makeshift Chemistry
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
I’ve lost myself in the abyss of you
Engulfed by the blackness of your soul
You’re the air suffocating me
I can’t–
Can’t
Can’t breathe
I’ll fight my demons one by one
Savings you for last
You snaked your way into my soul
Wrapped yourself around my heart
I’m saving you for last
I should never have trusted the devil
The demons you said you’d drowned
But I should’ve known —
Should’ve known you weren’t that strong
You were the only demon to drown
I‘ll fight my demons one by one
Savings you for last
You snaked your way into my soul
Wrapped yourself around my heart
I’m saving you for last
Yeah, babe, you warned me
You warned me
You had demons
But how can you call them demons
When you treat them like old friends?
They’re suffocating me
You were the only demon to drown
Can’t
Can’t
Breathe
I’ll fight my demons one by one
Savings you for last
You snaked your way into my soul
Wrapped yourself around my heart
I’m saving you for last
I’m sick of drowning
Sick of succumbing to the dark corners of when you
Said you were mine
Lies
I’ll fight my demons one by one
Savings you for last
You snaked your way into my soul
Wrapped yourself around my heart
I’m saving you for last
You’re the only demon left to drown
I’m saving you for last
Darkness
Unfinished Song
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
The darkness throbs
Spreads and consumes each inch of my skin
I can’t escape
No matter how I try
Can’t you see I’m drowning?
I’m fighting off this feeling
Crawling beneath my skin
Echoing from my core
I’m collapsing from within
The sickness hollows me out
I won’t fall apart
Won’t give into the cruelty in your eyes
I’ll stand up to your lies
I’m fighting off this feeling
Crawling beneath my skin
Echoing from my core
I’m collapsing from within
Edge of Oblivion
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go
The world spins,turns upside down
And rights itself
But still…
Still all I can see and hear is the filth
I close my eyes tight
But I can still feel it…
Swelling inside–
A curse
Your love
You left me at the edge of lies
A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go
The world spins, turns upside down
And rights itself
But still…
Still all I can see and hear is the filth
I feel my thoughts unravel
As I come undone
You’re the one who pushed me
To the edge
Now the world crawls with your filth–
Your lies
As I stand on the edge of oblivion
A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go
The world spins, turns upside down
And rights itself
But still…
Still all I can see and hear is the filth
This life 3,2,1
Only lasts so long
Why waste it on the oblivion of days?
Test fate
At the end of oblivion — the filth
I see it rots your soul
A thousand wrong directions and n0 where to go
The world spins, turns upside down
And rights itself
But still…
Still all I can see and hear is the filth
At the end of oblivion
The world spins, turns upside down
And rights itself
The world spins, turns upside down
And rights itself
Losing You
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
I’m losing touch with my mind
Losing sleep
Your lies, making me blind
Are you happy now?
Happy to see me fallen down?
Was this the way you wanted it to be?
Did you intend to break me down?
I think I see it in your eyes
I’m losing you, losing you
But the thing you could not hide —
It’s in your devil’s smile
Behind this strength
But now you’re losing me
Losing me
Because behind that devil’s smile
I see all your lies
All your lies
Was this the way you wanted it to be?
Did you intend to break me down?
I think I see it in your eyes
I’m losing you, losing you
But the thing you could not hide —
It’s in your devil’s smile
Are you happy now?
Not that you’ve been running
All these years and I found out
The reason why
It’s all lies
Was this the way you wanted it to be?
Did you intend to break me down?
I think I see it in your eyes
I’m losing you, losing you
But the thing you could not hide —
It’s in your devil’s smile
Masochist's Dance
Lyrics By: Natalie Scott
Destruction is nature’s will
You add to it just for the thrill
The thrill of breaking things down (ME)
You know, some days I’m just not okay
Some days I can feel myself fade
Life’s a masochist’s dance
One of beauty and frailty
Nature’s full of cru
el games
Ones that will define us
Fill us with love or hate
Humanity’s distaste
Me — Me — I’ll just fade
Today, I’m just not okay
So we stand by without much to stay
Watching each other battle through revenge’s grace
What cruel games we play
Why do we dance this fatal game?
When no one loses
And no one wins
All we do is fade
And some days, I’m just not okay
Life’s a masochist’s dance
One of beauty and frailty
Nature’s full of cruel games
Ones that will define us
Fill us with love or hate
Humanity’s distaste
Me — Me — I’ll just fade
Today, I’m just not okay
Broken
Lyrics By: Brent Andrews
When all I see is yesterday
How can I move on with today?
When all I see is your face
How can I dream of anything but your pain?
All I want to see is your heart free
But all I see is broken
Dear, why won’t you let me fix you?
Let me in.
Let me in.
I believe.
I believe.
When all we see is broken,
The pieces we need to be complete,
Are one another.
When all I see is yesterday
How can I move on with today?
When all I see is your face
How can I dream of anything but your pain?
Knowing My Demons
Jace Smith
Lyrics By: Jace Smith
You know me
All my demons
So why can’t you see
I’m on my knees
I’ll change
I’ll change for you
Cause I miss you, baby
What do I have to do?
You know me
All my demons
So why can’t you see
I’m on my knees
Once it was all a game
But then I watched you leave
And when I lost you
I lost a part of me
Baby, it’s a part I need