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    Coming to Age

    Page 4
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    And all the near and far that eye can see

      Each blade of grass signed with the mystery

      Across whose face unchanging and everchanging pass

      Summer and winter, day and night.

      Great countenance of the unknown known

      You have looked upon me all my days,

      More loved than lover’s face,

      More merciful than the heart, more wise

      Than spoken word, unspoken theme

      Simple as earth in whom we live and move.

      Kathleen Raine

      This poem stands in absolute contrast to the previous one. Here the natural world embraces us; we are an integral part of it. Is it possible in some way to hold both views?

      PEBBLE

      The pebble

      is a perfect creature

      equal to itself

      mindful of its limits

      filled exactly

      with pebbly meaning

      with a scent that does not remind one of anything

      does not frighten anything away does not arouse desire

      its ardour and coldness

      are just and full of dignity

      I feel a heavy remorse

      when I hold it in my hand

      and its noble body

      is permeated by false warmth

      —Pebbles cannot be tamed

      to the end they will look at us

      with a calm and very clear eye.

      Zbigniew Herbert

      (translated from the Polish by

      Czeslaw Milosz and Peter Dale Scott)

      DUST OF SNOW

      The way a crow

      Shook down on me

      The dust of snow

      From a hemlock tree

      Has given my heart

      A change of mood

      And saved some part

      Of a day I rued.

      Robert Frost

      4

      “BODY MY HOUSE”

      We are incarnate beings, but unlike other beings, we are uniquely aware of our incarnation. And one of the most vexing puzzles of existence is the nature of the connection between our bodies and our minds. As we grow older, our bodies change; indeed they are the visible proof of our aging. Our physical abilities diminish as well. Yet inside we may feel that we are still ourselves, even a plurality of selves, from infancy through current age.

      When illness attacks, the body can become an enemy or a battlefield on which a war is played out. But at the same time, frailty and illness can bring us to experience more deeply the intangible blessings of life: love, friendship, kindness. And our aging bodies may also bring this compensatory paradox: the more slowly we move in space, the more time we have to explore our immediate surroundings and our inner selves.

      And if we are lucky, we can sometimes laugh at ourselves along the way.

      QUESTION

      Body my house

      my horse my hound

      what will I do

      when you are fallen

      Where will I sleep

      How will I ride

      What will I hunt

      Where can I go

      without my mount

      all eager and quick

      How will I know

      in thicket ahead

      is danger or treasure

      when Body my good

      bright dog is dead

      How will it be

      to lie in the sky

      without roof or door

      and wind for an eye

      With cloud for shift

      how will I hide?

      May Swenson

      LIVING IN THE BODY

      Body is something you need in order to stay

      on this planet and you only get one.

      And no matter which one you get, it will not

      be satisfactory. It will not be beautiful

      enough, it will not be fast enough, it will

      not keep on for days at a time, but will

      pull you down into a sleepy swamp and

      demand apples and coffee and chocolate cake.

      Body is a thing you have to carry

      from one day into the next. Always the

      same eyebrows over the same eyes in the same

      skin when you look in the mirror, and the

      same creaky knee when you get up from the

      floor and the same wrist under the watchband.

      The changes you can make are small and

      costly—better to leave it as it is.

      Body is a thing that you have to leave

      eventually. You know that because you have

      seen others do it, others who were once like you,

      living inside their pile of bones and

      flesh, smiling at you, loving you,

      leaning in the doorway, talking to you

      for hours and then one day they

      are gone. No forwarding address.

      Joyce Sutphen

      SUNSET FROM THE WINDOW OF A RENTED SUMMER HOUSE

      They skipped, our mothers, down the path to the sea. Through wild phlox, beach plums, prickly clusters of pasture rose. Our mothers were naked. Their backs. Their buttocks—we were shooed from the window. By our fathers, who took matters in hand. It was August. Foghorn, ferry, the forking cry of gulls. Pink froth bibbed the outgoing tide. Life-listers flit across sea-bleached shells. Our fathers were husbands who kissed their wives. We pressed our noses to the glass. We were still too young to see ourselves.

      Diane Louie

      HERE

      Here I am in the garden laughing

      an old woman with heavy breasts

      and a nicely mapped face

      how did this happen

      well that’s who I wanted to be

      at last a woman

      in the old style sitting

      stout thighs apart under

      a big skirt grandchild sliding

      on off my lap a pleasant

      summer perspiration

      that’s my old man across the yard

      he’s talking to the meter reader

      he’s telling him the world’s sad story

      how electricity is oil or uranium

      and so forth I tell my grandson

      run over to your grandpa ask him

      to sit beside me for a minute I

      am suddenly exhausted by my desire

      to kiss his sweet explaining lips

      Grace Paley

      LASTING

      “Fish oils,” my doctor snorted, “and oily fish

      are actually good for you. What’s actually wrong

      for anyone your age are all those dishes

      with thick sauce that we all pined for so long

      as we were young and poor. Now we can afford

      to order such things, just not to digest them;

      we find what bills we’ve run up in the stored

      plaque and fat cells of our next stress test.”

      My own last test scored in the top 10 percent

      of males in my age bracket. Which defies

      all consequences or justice—I’ve spent

      years shackled to my desk, saved from all exercise.

      My dentist, next: “Your teeth seem quite good

      for someone your age, better than we’d expect

      with so few checkups or cleanings. Teeth should

      repay you with more grief for such neglect”—

      echoing how my mother always nagged,

      “Brush a full 100 strokes,” and would jam

      cod liver oil down our throats till we’d go gagging

      off to flu-filled classrooms, crammed

      with vegetables and vitamins. By now,

      I’ve outlasted both parents whose plain food

      and firm ordinance must have endowed

      this heart’s touch muscle—weak still in gratitude.

      W. D. Snodgrass

      REFUSING AT FIFTY-TWO TO WRITE SONNETS

      It came to him that he could nearly count

      How many Octobers he had left to him

      In increments of ten or, say, eleven


      Thus: sixty-three, seventy-four, eighty-five.

      He couldn’t see himself at ninety-six—

      Humanity’s advances notwithstanding

      In health-care, self-help, or new-age regimens—

      What with his habits and family history,

      The end he thought is nearer than you think.

      The future, thus confined to its contingencies,

      The present moment opens like a gift:

      The balding month, the grey week, the blue morning,

      The hour’s routine, the minute’s passing glance—

      All seem like godsends now. And what to make of this?

      At the end the word that comes to him is Thanks.

      Thomas Lynch

      Definition of a sonnet: a poem with fourteen lines.

      A SONG

      I thought no more was needed

      Youth to prolong

      Than dumb-bell and foil

      To keep the body young.

      O who could have foretold

      That the heart grows old?

      Though I have many words,

      What woman’s satisfied,

      I am no longer faint

      Because at her side?

      O who could have foretold

      That the heart grows old?

      I have not lost desire

      But the heart that I had;

      I thought ’twould burn my body

      Laid on the death-bed,

      For who could have foretold

      That the heart grows old?

      W. B. Yeats

      Here the body and the heart are no longer synchronous. Maintaining a youthful body does not guarantee a loving heart; indeed, it may do just the opposite. Many of Yeats’s poems deal with sexual appetite in age as an essential spur to his poetic creation.

      MRS RIP VAN WINKLE

      I sank like a stone

      Into the still, deep waters

      of late middle age,

      Aching from head to foot.

      I took up food

      And gave up exercise.

      It did me good.

      And while he slept,

      I found some hobbies

      for myself.

      Painting. Seeing the sights

      I’d always dreamed about:

      The Leaning Tower.

      The Pyramids.

      The Taj Mahal.

      I made a little watercolour

      of them all.

      But what was best,

      What hands-down beat

      the rest,

      Was saying a none-too-fond

      farewell to sex.

      Until the day

      I came home with this

      drawing of Niagara

      And he was sitting up in bed

      rattling Viagra.

      Carol Ann Duffy

      MYTH

      Long afterward, Oedipus, old and blinded, walked the

      roads. He smelled a familiar smell. It was

      the Sphinx. Oedipus said, “I want to ask one question.

      Why didn’t I recognize my mother?” “You gave the

      wrong answer,” said the Sphinx. “But that was what

      made everything possible,” said Oedipus. “No,” she said.

      “When I asked, What walks on four legs in the morning,

      two at noon, and three in the evening, you answered,

      Man. You didn’t say anything about woman.”

      “When you say Man,” said Oedipus, “you include women

      too. Everyone knows that.” She said, “That’s what

      you think.”

      Muriel Rukeyser

      MI ESTOMAGO (MY BELLY)

      Naked and as if in silence

      I approach my belly

      it has gone on changing like summer

      withdrawing from the sea

      or like a dress that expands with the hours

      My belly

      is more than round

      because when I sit down

      it spreads like a brush fire

      then,

      I touch it to recall

      all the things inside it:

      salt and merriment

      the fried eggs of winter breakfasts

      the milk that strangled me in my youth

      the Coca-Cola that stained my teeth

      the nostalgia for the glass of wine

      we discovered in La Isla

      or french fries and olive oil

      And as I remember

      I feel it growing

      and bowing down more and more ceremoniously to the ground

      until it caresses my feet, my toes

      that never could belong to a princess,

      I rejoice

      that my belly is as wide as Chepi’s old sombrero—

      Chepi was my grandmother—

      and I pamper it no end

      when it complains or has bad dreams

      from eating too much.

      Midsummer, at seventy years of age,

      this Sunday the seventh

      my belly is still with me

      and proudly goes parading along the shore

      some say I am already old and ugly

      that my breasts are entangled with my guts

      but my belly is here at my side a good companion

      and don’t say it’s made of fat

      rather tender morsels of meat toasting in the sun.

      Marjorie Agosín

      (translated from the Spanish by Cola Franzen)

      LOSING MY TEETH

      Last year a tooth dropped,

      this year another one,

      then six or seven went fast

      and the falling is not going to stop.

      All the rest are loose

      and it will end when they are all gone.

      I remember when I lost the first

      I felt ashamed of the gap.

      When two or three followed,

      I worried about death.

      When one is about to come loose,

      I am anxious and fearful

      since forked teeth are awkward with food,

      and in dread I tilt my face to rinse my mouth.

      Eventually it will abandon me and drop

      just like a landslide.

      But now the falling-out is old hat,

      each tooth goes just like the others.

      Fortunately I have about twenty left.

      One by one they will go in order.

      If one goes each year,

      I have enough to last me two decades.

      Actually it does not make much difference

      if they go together or separately.

      People say when teeth fall out

      your life is fading.

      I say life has its own end;

      long life, short life, we all die,

      with or without teeth.

      They also say gaps scare

      the people who see you.

      I quote Zhuangzi’s story—

      a tree and a wild goose each has its advantages,

      and though silence is better than slurring my words,

      and though I can’t chew, at least soft food tastes good

      and I can sing out this poem

      to surprise my wife and children.

      Han Yu (translated from the Chinese by Kenneth O. Hanson)

      When Han Yu wrote this poem in 803, he was thirty-six years old.

      CANCER AND NOVA

      The star exploding in the body;

      The creeping thing, growing in the brain or the bone;

      The hectic cannibal, the obscene mouth.

      The mouths along the meridian sought him,

      Soft as moths, many a moon and sun,

      Until one

      In a pale fleeing dream caught him.

      Waking, he did not know himself undone,

      Nor walking, smiling, reading that the news was good,

      The star exploding in his blood.

      Hyam Plutzik

      Aging is accompanied by both frailty and disease. Frailty is usually gradual: we adjust and go on. Disease is o
    ften different. By the time it reveals itself, it may be too late.

      THE BURIAL OF THE OLD

      The old, whose bodies encrust their lives,

      die, and that is well.

      They unhinder what has struggled in them.

      The light, painfully loved, that narrowed

      and darkened in their minds

      becomes again the sky.

      The young, who have looked on dying,

      turn back to the world, grown strangely

      alert to each other’s bodies.

      Wendell Berry

      5

      “THE GRAND AND DAMAGING PARADE”

      Of all the losses we sustain in life, the death of someone we love is the most painful. No preparation forearms us. Even when the death is anticipated or perhaps desired, as when it is preceded by debilitating illness or dementia, we can be overwhelmed by the utter finality of the break when it comes.

      Elizabeth Bishop refers to “the art of losing” and archly lists a hierarchy of losses, beginning with door keys or a wasted hour, as if small privations can prepare us for great ones. But losing those we love to Dylan Thomas’s “good night” is in a category of its own. And by the time we are old, there is no way we will have escaped this experience.

      Poets have treated the subject in various ways. In the past they wrote elegies, formal poems of mourning. Recently they have written in more personal terms to commemorate their losses. And while nothing can appease the first raw grief at a loved one’s death, in its aftermath, poetry may offer a unique kind of solace.

      THINGS SHOULDN’T BE SO HARD

      A life should leave

      deep tracks:

      ruts where she

      went out and back

      to get the mail

      or move the hose

      around the yard;

      where she used to

      stand before the sink,

      a worn-out place;

      beneath her hand

      the china knobs

      rubbed down to

      white pastilles;

      the switch she

      used to feel for

      in the dark

      almost erased.

      Her things should

      keep her marks.

      The passage

      of a life should show;

      it should abrade.

      And when life stops,

      a certain space—

      however small—

     


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