hurt, his guilt of not honoring their mating vows, weighing on his soul.
“Let it go,” she said in their native language.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” Cohen said, also using their native language. “I have been a terrible
mate. I—”
Part of her smoky form made a human hand. She held it up to stop him. A white fog
wrapped itself around her, and she shook her head. “Let it go.”
His frustration boiled. Why in the hell couldn’t she say something else? He needed this
shit to be pretty cut and dry. He wasn’t going to play the guessing game.
“Let go of what, Mia? Let go of the lust and desire I feel for Annis? Let go of my oath to
you?”
She said nothing, but the fog seemed to be hugging her tighter, as if it was suffocating
her. She pushed against it, trying to free herself from it.
“The fog represents your Tambaran,” Nico said.
“It looks like its hurting her,” Cohen said. “Is it hurting you, Mia?”
“Let it go.”
“Are you releasing me from my oath, Mia?” Cohen yelled. He was sick and tired of the
word games, but at the same time he felt nauseated at the thought of a yes answer. Did that mean
that she no longer loved him?
“Please. Let it go.”
Chapter 48
Blake sat with Annis in her quarters, sharing a glass of wine before bed. They had
worked out, and Blake put the cool glass to his cheek. Annis had caught him with a left hook,
and now the damn thing was swelling. Tomorrow it’d look like a golf ball was growing out of
the side of his face.
No one had seen or heard from Cohen all day, and Blake could tell Annis was worried. A
couple of the Warriors had mentioned checking on him, but Nico had insisted that everyone
leave him be. Nico had hung out in the Great Room all day learning the finer points of Gods of
War on the Xbox from Jovan. He was fitting right in and seemed like a good guy.
Blake stared at Annis. He had just asked her a question about the meeting they’d had
earlier in the day on possible Colonist activity in southern Mexico. If it turned out it was, he was
so signing up for that one. He could use a little sun, some margaritas, and surf.
Annis sat in the chair across from him with her legs tucked up under her. She had just
gotten out of the shower and wore a white bathrobe that stood out against her skin. Her hair was
pulled back into a harsh ponytail. She stared blankly into her wine glass, her long, slender finger
moving slowly around the rim. It was sexy as all hell. She was sexy, and he loved that she didn’t
know it. He wished things had been different between them because she was one hell of a catch.
Smart, sexy, tough, yet completely feminine.
“Annis? What do you think about a trip to Mexico?”
She looked up at him, and almost seemed as though she was surprised to see him there.
“I’m sorry, Blake. What?”
His eyes narrowed on her golden stare. “What’s up with you today, Annis? You’re off in
your own little world and that’s making it hard to have a conversation with you.”
Annis smiled. “You’re right. My thoughts are elsewhere.”
“And where would that be?”
She studied her wine again. “I’m concerned about Cohen,” she said in a quiet voice.
Why the hell was she concerned about that asshole?
“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably sleeping off a bender from last night.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“You doubt it?”
“I don’t know, Blake.”
Then it hit him like a hundred-mile-per-hour baseball in his nuts.
Annis had it bad for Cohen.
So much for the suave, observant FBI guy he thought he was.
He went over events the past ten months, then the couple of weeks. He knew he wanted
Annis. He’d been so caught up in his head and making sure that Annis was his, he hadn’t really
thought about what Annis wanted.
She liked Cohen.
Ouch. That one hurt.
She had told him that they had made peace, but she had left out the little detail that she
wanted more. It was all so clear to him now, and he felt like an idiot of epic proportions. Jesus.
He needed to revisit Observation 101.
Her and Cohen? Not going to happen. Annis was destined for heartbreak, and he wasn’t
going to have that. She deserved better than Cohen. Cohen was a broken, shattered mess, and
Annis didn’t need to be involved with him to get cut by the pieces.
“Under no circumstances will you get involved with that shitbag,” he growled. Her eyes
slowly lifted and met his. Okay, he probably should have approached the situation a little differently.
“Pardon me?” she said, her voice almost a growl in itself.
Time to backtrack.
“Annis, you can’t get involved with him.” That was better.
“I believe I can do whatever I please.”
He closed his eyes and ran his hand over the top of his head. Yeah, he definitely should
have approached this a little differently. Annis didn’t take kindly to anyone telling her what to
do.
Meeting her gaze, he said, “Look, Annis, the guy is bad news. I know you two made
peace, but still, you don’t want to get involved with him.”
Annis tilted her head. “Who said anything about me getting involved with him? Or
perhaps you didn’t know that he made an oath to his dead mate, an SR44 oath called a Tambaran. Those can’t be broken. He can only be released by Mia, and last time I checked, she
was very dead.”
Jovan had told him what was involved in a Tambaran. It sounded awful, but it was
something that would make you stick to that oath. You meant what you said when you stabbed
yourself with a three-pronged knife.
She got up and began pacing the room, her voice rising. “So, Blake, nothing will happen
between me and Cohen.” Blake watched as the cool-as-a-cucumber Annis came unraveled. “Do
you understand? Nothing!”
With that, she threw her glass at the wall, just missing the TV. After the last shard landed,
she whispered, “Nothing.”
If she were any other woman, he would have sworn that there was going to be a waterfall
of tears, but it was Annis. She stood stoically and pushed her shoulders back, her golden eyes
dry. “I better get the vacuum,” she said without a trace of the hysteria that had been in her voice
just a moment before.
“Annis,” he said, standing. Obviously, she was very upset, and he wanted to make
everything right in her world again, but he didn’t know how. She was up against a dead mate and
didn’t have a chance, if he understood the oath correctly. He was at a loss for words.
She stopped and turned. They stared at each other a beat, then she said, “Exactly, Blake.
There’s nothing to say.”
Chapter 49
Cohen took the stairs to Annis’s room. He stood at the door for a moment, gathering his
thoughts.
He had slept most of the day, with each passing hour his focus becoming clearer, his
body recovering from the abuse it had taken with the copious amounts of booze, the lack of
sleep, and the guilt and sadness that had torn him up. The beast was gone, and he needed to take
some baby steps and get back into the swing of things. That little thing called life was calling on
him to participate and come in from the sidel
ines. He could have been Talin—teetering on the
brink of life or death and deciding his own fate. He was so pissed and hurt that Talin didn’t want
to be saved, but he also understood, probably better than anyone, what he was going through.
Why he had given up on this shitty life. Being reunited with his lovren would be better than
spending his days holed up in his room, miserable and alone.
As he stood there, he thought about the dream.
The white haze around Mia had grown thicker, wrapping itself around her tighter.
“It seems that the oath is preventing her from resting in her final place peacefully,” Nico
had said.
“Mia, I want you to be at peace. Will this make it so? Do you release me? That is what
you want?”
“Let it go.”
“You need to let go of the guilt within you in order for it to be complete, Cohen,” Nico
said. “You need to realize that life is for the living, not holding on to the dead.”
Cohen had shut his eyes. How did one let go of guilt? The only way he could see that
happening was for Mia to say she forgave him. But wait a minute. If she was releasing him from
the Tambaran, that was a form of forgiveness, right?
He had looked at Mia, and images of their love played in his head. Their time in the
big city and the fear and uncertainty that went along with it. Their final joining before saying
goodbye, his violet smoky form mingling with her red-rose color.
Tears had stung his eyes. The memories were something he could take with him into the
future, but the guilt belonged right here. It would do nothing but eat at him, and Mia had
forgiven him. She had released him from his oath, so he could get rid of the guilt that kept it
around her. He could set her free so she could finally be at peace.
“Good-bye, Mia. I will never stop loving you, but I . . . I forgive myself for my
indiscretions. I wish you peace.”
The fog disappeared.
Mia began to fade, much in the same way she had arrived. Slowly she drifted backward
until there was nothing left but a pinpoint of her red-rose coloring, and then she was gone.
Cohen had dropped to his knees and sobbed. He knew he was alone; he couldn’t feel
another presence in the inky darkness. The cries tore through him, making his shoulders quake.
The guilt and sadness seemed to be ripping him up from the inside out, and his heart felt like a
stone in his chest.
After what seemed like hours, there was nothing left within him. He’d felt hollow, which
was both good and bad. Gone was the guilt and sadness that had plagued him for so long. It was
as if someone had taken his messy chalkboard and wiped it clean, and now it was up to him to
fill it with what he chose.
Cohen had opened his eyes to darkness. He made out the nightlight from the bathroom
and wondered what time it was. Turning to his clock, he saw that it was nine in the morning. He
didn’t hear Nico snoring, and he’d reached over and turned on the light. Nico’s cot was empty.
Cohen turned off the light and rolled over, noticing his pillow was damp from his tears.
He’d pulled the covers up over his head and let the exhaustion pull him back under to sleep.
And now, showered, shaved, and in clean clothes, he stood in front of Annis’s door, more
nervous than a virgin in a whorehouse.
Whatever he said next would be the first mark on the empty chalkboard that was his inner
soul now.
Breathing deeply, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. Color him surprised when
Blake answered.
They stared at each other a moment, and Cohen said, “Hey.”
“Hey, Cohen.”
Both were males of elegant words, and Cohen wondered what was going on here. It was
close to bedtime, and Blake was looking very much at home in Annis’s room. Did Blake and
Annis have something going on after all? He didn’t need to stick around to find out.
“I was . . . looking for Annis, but I can come back,” he said.
Blake looked him over from head to toe. “You look good cleaned up,” he said.
Cohen didn’t say anything, but he knew he’d been a hot mess for months. The comment
didn’t surprise him, nor did it offend him.
“I’ll just come back,” Cohen said, turning back toward the stairwell.
“You will not, you fucking douchebag,” Blake said, grabbing his arm and pulling him
into the room.
Cohen didn’t fight back as Blake pushed him up against the wall, but winced as his head
made contact with the concrete.
“You listen to me, Cohen,” Blake hissed, his arm pressed across Cohen’s upper chest.
“That woman has strong feelings for you, do you understand me?”
Cohen nodded. He knew that Annis cared for him, and had from the start. It was one
thing that had attracted him to her. She just wasn’t another pretty face and a warm body, but she
actually cared. It had been so long since he had been around someone who actually gave a shit
about him, and it had scared him.
“And if you hurt her, Cohen, I will kill you myself.”
Cohen met Blake’s hazel eyes. He saw that the male meant every word, and he respected
it and appreciated someone looking out for Annis. However, he also knew that Blake lacked size
and skill compared to Cohen, but whatever. Throw the dog a bone.
“Got it,” he said.
Blake backed up and straightened his T-shirt. “She’ll be back in a minute. And just to be
clear, I’m not messing around. Your shit better be on the straight and narrow. If it’s anything
less, I’m coming for you.”
Cohen watched Blake leave. He looked around Annis’s quarters. It was light and airy
He eyed the big bed that was made with matching sheets that he bet were clean. Despite
sleeping all day, he was still exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up with Annis and
sleep.
He noticed a stain on the wall by the TV, then the shards of glass on the floor. What had
given birth to this mess? What emotions caused it? And who had done it? Anger flared in him as
he thought of Blake and Annis fighting.
He heard the click of the door, then Annis said, “I’ve got the vacuum, Blake. I’m sorry
for my outburst.”
Moving across the room, he met her at the door and took the vacuum from her. She still
hadn’t met his eyes. “I don’t know what came over me. I just don’t—”
Her breath caught when she met his eyes. “Cohen,” she whispered.
As he looked into her golden gaze, he knew that everything in his world would be okay.
No longer would he be living in a black, inky world, but one filled with gold—if she would have
him, which he wasn’t sure about. If he were her, he’d kick himself to the curb with a steel-toed
boot.
“Hi.” He just had all sorts of smooth going on tonight.
“Hello.”
There were a couple beats of silence.
“Let me help you clean up,” he said.
She nodded.
Together they picked up the shards of glass that were large enough and placed them in
the trashcan. While Annis ran the vacuum, Cohen went into the bathroom and wet down a
washcloth and rubbed it on the wall. He had no idea if that was how you got a wine stain off
paint, but at least he was making an effort.
When all was said and done, they stared at each other.
“I’m not sure what to say, Cohen.”
Frankly, he didn’t either. He just knew he needed to be near her, and he let his words
drop from his tongue without giving them much thought. “Just . . . just let me sleep with you
tonight, Annis. I promise no funny business. I just need to be near you, to feel you. I need to be
close to someone who cares about me.”
After a moment, she smiled and placed her palm on his cheek. “I do care for you, Cohen.
I will always be here for you.”
They both looked at the clock, which read two minutes before midnight.
“I’m ready to sleep,” she said, “if you are. I’ll go change.”
Exhaustion made his shoulders slump and his soul feel heavy. He didn’t think he could
stay awake if he tried.
Chapter 50
Annis woke in the full throes of her nightmare and tried to sit up. Startled, when she
couldn’t get up, she began to thrash.
“Hey,” a deep, groggy voice said. She panicked for a second more until she realized that
Cohen was the reason she couldn’t get up, his heavy arm draped over her waist. “Are you okay,
Annis?”
She nodded, settled back down on the pillow, and relaxed against the wall of muscle at
her back. Loving the feeling of it, she curled into it more. After a moment her breathing calmed,
as did her panic.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
She nodded again and shut her eyes. Open or closed, she saw nothing at all.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
She wanted to forget about it and enjoy the sensation of warmth, comfort, and belonging
that she felt in Cohen’s arms. He pulled her in closer and the remnants of her nightmare disappeared.
A minute later, Cohen’s breath was even against her ear as she thought of the previous
night’s happenings.
She had truly lost it with Blake. Yes, she loved Blake as a friend, but him telling her what
she could and could not do didn’t work. No one told her what to do, and no one ever had, except
her trainers in the military, but she appreciated their guidance and understood and accepted that it