Also by Candy Harper
HAVE A LITTLE FAITH
First published in Great Britain in 2014 by Simon and Schuster UK Ltd
A CBS COMPANY
Copyright © 2014 Candy Harper
This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.
No reproduction without permission.
All rights reserved.
The right of Candy Harper to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
PB ISBN: 978-0-8570-7825-4
EBook ISBN: 978-0-8570-7826-1
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY
www.simonandschuster.co.uk
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To Romany, who once told me a very funny story about a toddler and some bubbles
Contents
DECEMBER
MONDAY 26TH DECEMBER
TUESDAY 27TH DECEMBER
LATER
WEDNESDAY 28TH DECEMBER
THURSDAY 29TH DECEMBER
LATER
FRIDAY 30TH DECEMBER
SATURDAY 31ST DECEMBER
JANUARY
SUNDAY 1ST JANUARY
MONDAY 2ND JANUARY
TUESDAY 3RD JANUARY
WEDNESDAY 4TH JANUARY
LATER
THURSDAY 5TH JANUARY
FRIDAY 6TH JANUARY
SATURDAY 7TH JANUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
SUNDAY 8TH JANUARY
LATER
MONDAY 9TH JANUARY
TUESDAY 10TH JANUARY
WEDNESDAY 11TH JANUARY
LATER
THURSDAY 12TH JANUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
FRIDAY 13TH JANUARY
SATURDAY 14TH JANUARY
LATER
LATER AGAIN
THIRTY SECONDS LATER
FIVE MINUTES LATER
MUCH LATER
SUNDAY 15TH JANUARY
MONDAY 16TH JANUARY
TUESDAY 17TH JANUARY
LATER
WEDNESDAY 18TH JANUARY
THURSDAY 19TH JANUARY
FRIDAY 20TH JANUARY
LATER
SATURDAY 21ST JANUARY
SUNDAY 22ND JANUARY
MONDAY 23RD JANUARY
TUESDAY 24TH JANUARY
LATER
WEDNESDAY 25TH JANUARY
THURSDAY 26TH JANUARY
FRIDAY 27TH JANUARY
SATURDAY 28TH JANUARY
SUNDAY 29TH JANUARY
MONDAY 30TH JANUARY
TUESDAY 31ST JANUARY
FEBRUARY
WEDNESDAY 1ST FEBRUARY
LATER
THURSDAY 2ND FEBRUARY
FRIDAY 3RD FEBRUARY
SATURDAY 4TH FEBRUARY
SUNDAY 5TH FEBRUARY
MONDAY 6TH FEBRUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
TUESDAY 7TH FEBRUARY
WEDNESDAY 8TH FEBRUARY
LATER
THURSDAY 9TH FEBRUARY
FRIDAY 10TH FEBRUARY
SATURDAY 11TH FEBRUARY
SUNDAY 12TH FEBRUARY
LATER
MONDAY 13TH FEBRUARY
LATER
TUESDAY 14TH FEBRUARY
WEDNESDAY 15TH FEBRUARY
THURSDAY 16TH FEBRUARY
FRIDAY 17TH FEBRUARY
SATURDAY 18TH FEBRUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
SUNDAY 19TH FEBRUARY
LATER
MONDAY 20TH FEBRUARY
LATER
LATER
TUESDAY 21ST FEBRUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
EVEN LATER
WEDNESDAY 22ND FEBRUARY
THURSDAY 23RD FEBRUARY
LATER
FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY
SATURDAY 25TH FEBRUARY
SUNDAY 26TH FEBRUARY
LATER
MONDAY 27TH FEBRUARY
LATER
TUESDAY 28TH FEBRUARY
LATER
LATER STILL
WEDNESDAY 29TH FEBRUARY
MARCH
THURSDAY 1ST MARCH
FRIDAY 2ND MARCH
LATER
SATURDAY 3RD MARCH
SUNDAY 4TH MARCH
LATER
MONDAY 5TH MARCH
TUESDAY 6TH MARCH
LATER
WEDNESDAY 7TH MARCH
THURSDAY 8TH MARCH
FRIDAY 9TH MARCH
SATURDAY 10TH MARCH
LATER
SUNDAY 11TH MARCH
LATER
MONDAY 12TH MARCH
TUESDAY 13TH MARCH
WEDNESDAY 14TH MARCH
THURSDAY 15TH MARCH
LATER
LATER STILL
LATEREST
FRIDAY 16TH MARCH
SATURDAY 17TH MARCH
SUNDAY 18TH MARCH
MONDAY 19TH MARCH
LATER
TUESDAY 20TH MARCH
LATER
LATER STILL
WEDNESDAY 21ST MARCH
THURSDAY 22ND MARCH
LATER
FRIDAY 23RD MARCH
SATURDAY 24TH MARCH
SUNDAY 25TH MARCH
MONDAY 26TH MARCH
TUESDAY 27TH MARCH
LATER
THURSDAY 29TH MARCH
FRIDAY 30TH MARCH
LATER
LATER STILL
SATURDAY 31ST MARCH
LATER
LATER STILL
APRIL
SUNDAY 1ST APRIL
MONDAY 2ND APRIL
TUESDAY 3RD APRIL
WEDNESDAY 4TH APRIL
THURSDAY 5TH APRIL
LATER
DECEMBER
MONDAY 26TH DECEMBER
I can’t wait for the New Year to begin. This is the year I will take action and use my intelligence and initiative to follow my dreams. For example, today I have pursued my ambition of being warm and cosy in this draughty old house by using my skills to build an igloo out of duvets.
Of course, like many truly brilliant people, I am held back by non-believers. Lots of the world’s most successful types have suffered abuse and hardship, setbacks and ridicule. I know just how they feel: my parents won’t buy me a laptop. I told them quite frankly that their Christmas gifts will not help make me an international success. My hippy mother said, ‘I want you to spend less time hooked up to something electronic and more time communicating with your family.’
‘If I had a laptop, I could message you all.’
She scowled at me in a way that I think is pretty aggressive coming from someone who wants to save newt habitats.
Anyway, I actually did spend several minutes of yesterday communicating with my family. Even my slimy little brother who I usually avoid speaking to. I gifted Sam with several expressions of good cheer. I said, ‘This is a traditional Christmas Chinese burn,’ and, ‘What sort of rubbish present do you call this?’ That kind of thing. There were also some instructions about fetching me the chocolates and altering the volu
me of the TV. I hope he was grateful for my festive friendliness. I’m not planning on speaking to him for the rest of the year.
Granny came over for Christmas dinner, which was quite a lot of work. Obviously, I didn’t do any actual cooking, but just being in the same room as Granny is quite tiring. She’s always throwing herself around and babbling on about her latest boyfriend, when really she’s at an age where it would be more appropriate if she just sat in a corner handing out sweets and money while wearing a skirt that actually covered her wrinkly knees. The energy I spent blocking out her singing and dancing to ‘Santa Baby’ left me utterly washed out. Which means I will have to leave working towards my other dreams for another day. For now, I’ll stay in my igloo and catch up on some texting while eating the candy canes from Sam’s stocking.
TUESDAY 27TH DECEMBER
All this Christmas business of communicating and loving and giving and not karate-chopping your family has been distracting me from what is really important in life: how incredibly popular I am with the boys.
At the after-show party for the Christmas choir concert I had a good time chatting to my hilarious friend, Ethan, and then I had a spectacular time snogging gorgeous Finn. I’m sort of sure that Ethan asked me to Ryan’s New Year party and I am totally sure that Finn sent me a text asking me to the same party.
I have no idea where that leaves me.
I replied to Finn and said I would love to go with him, but I can’t exactly remember what I said to Ethan as I wasn’t completely listening to him when he was talking . . . I think it might have been, ‘Mmm.’ That’s not really a yes, is it?
LATER
I rang my bestie, Megs.
When she picked up, I said, ‘Could you stop selfishly being at your cousins’ house?’
‘Hello, Faith. Happy Christmas to you too. I had a lovely day. Oh yes, some ace presents, how sweet of you to ask.’
I allowed her to blabber on. Part of being a good friend is listening to your mates’ nonsense. I let her go on for several sentences and I hardly yawned at all. Eventually, I interrupted to say, ‘Can we get back to me? I need to know when you’re coming home.’
‘Why? Can’t you live without me?’
‘It’s more that when you spend a few days away from me you start getting out of hand.’
‘I’m coming back tomorrow.’
‘Great. Make sure you get an early start because I’m expecting you at my house by lunchtime.’
WEDNESDAY 28TH DECEMBER
Megs finally showed up around three. Even though she was late, I couldn’t help smothering her with kisses. I hate it when she goes away. ‘I’ve missed you!’ I said, squeezing her round the middle.
Which I took to mean that she had missed me too.
‘That’s enough of your sweet talk,’ I said. ‘Let’s get down to business. As you know, we’re here to discuss what I should do about me accidentally having two dates to Ryan’s party.’
I may have turned a few pirouettes at this point.
Megs tutted. ‘Faith, I don’t think that you’re taking this seriously.’
‘Yes I am. I’m completely serious. It is a very serious business when all the boys around you fall helplessly in love with you.’
And then I did a somersault on my bed.
‘Faith!’
‘What? That was a serious somersault. I thought that it might dislodge some good ideas from my brain.’
Megs flicked at my duvet. ‘I think that all it’s dislodged is some dandruff.’
Which was rude, but I have to make allowances for her. She was probably lashing out because she’s so jealous.
So I only kicked her in the shins a little bit.
Megs said, ‘I’m not jealous. I’ve got a boyfriend. All you’ve got is two invitations to a party and we’re not even sure if one of them actually happened.’
‘What do you mean you’re not jealous? Who said you were jealous? I never said that.’
‘No, but you’ve been singing “Megs is a green-eyed monster”.’
I hadn’t realised that I was doing that out loud. Just goes to show that I still haven’t got my mouth fully under control. How can I be expected to snog with these disobedient lips?
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘You should ignore the things that come out of my mouth that I don’t mean to say.’
‘How am I supposed to know which ones they are?’
I shrugged. ‘Just assume that I don’t mean anything that makes you mad.’
Megs blew out a long breath. ‘What are you going to do then? Who do you want to go to the party with?’
I threw myself back on the bed. ‘Finn, of course.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s gorgeous!’
Megs pursed her lips. ‘You used to think Ethan was fit.’
‘He is, but not like Finn. Come on! You stared at Finn the first time you met him.’
‘Maybe. I’m not that keen on him now. I think he loves himself a bit. I don’t like people who know how good-looking they are.’
‘He can’t help being good-looking and I don’t think he’s vain about it.’
‘Do you know who’s not vain and also a good laugh? Ethan.’
I realised what Megs was trying to do. ‘Does this have anything to do with Ethan being your boyfriend’s best friend? Are you trying to persuade me to go out with Ethan so that we can go on dates with you and Cameron? Can you not bear to be separated from me?’ I put her in a headlock and ruffled her hair.
‘Yep,’ she said in a slightly gaspy voice. ‘I just can’t get enough of this.’
I let her go. ‘I really like Ethan. I just like Finn more.’
‘Are you sure he really likes you? He’s always chatting up girls.’
‘That’s just talking. He’s friendly. That’s why I like him.’
‘Yeah, that and his cheekbones.’
I bashed her with my pillow. ‘I would like to let Ethan down gently and go to the party with the cheekbones; do you think you could support me in that decision?’
‘If that’s what you want.’
So we ate Sam’s chocolate Santa while we tried to think of what I could do about my excess boy problem. I’d only got halfway through a leg when Megs said, ‘Why don’t I just tell Cam to tell Ethan that you’re going with Finn? Problem solved and we don’t have to worry about you speaking to anyone and messing things up.’
It did seem to sort things out, but I couldn’t help being a bit disappointed. I don’t know why. Obviously, I hadn’t been enjoying agonising over two lovely boys who both seem to find me irresistible. And clearly Finn is my number-one choice to go to the party with.
Isn’t he?
‘So now can we talk about something more important?’ Megs said. ‘What are we going to wear to the party?’
‘I suppose,’ I said. ‘But we might have to go over the nightmare of Ethan and Finn both adoring me one more time later.’
Megs made a harrumphing noise, which I took to mean she was looking forward to it.
THURSDAY 29TH DECEMBER
Today Megs, Lily, Angharad and I went into town to go sales shopping for new clothes for Ryan’s party. I got up incredibly early (10 a.m.) so that we’d have plenty of time. As I was fuelling up on Pop-Tarts and Sam’s box of Celebrations, Mum started delivering her speech on the evils of chain stores. She said, ‘You’ve just been given lots of lovely things for Christmas, Faith. I don’t understand why you need to go pouring more money into the big companies’ pockets.’
‘I’m helping the economy,’ I said.
Mum sighed. ‘You’re such a capitalist. Wouldn’t you rather use your money responsibly by buying ethically sourced products? We’ve got some lovely things in the shop at the moment.’
I know the sort of thing they sell in the shop Mum manages. It’s all hand-carved this and yak wool that. I would not describe any of it as lovely.
‘I will be using my money re
sponsibly,’ I said. ‘Imagine what would happen if I stopped shopping. If Topshop and New Look had to close down, there would be hundreds of skinny girls out of a job and they’re not qualified to do anything else. They wouldn’t last a week on the streets! They’ve got no body fat!’
Mum shook her head.
‘Now if you’d like to make a donation to my charitable shopping trip then I’ll be on my way.’
When we got into town, it was heaving with people.
‘Why are they here?’ Megs asked.
‘Maybe they want to buy stuff too?’ Angharad suggested. Angharad has both the nature and the stature of a kitten. She’s tiny and always thinks the best of people, even the ones that are clearly idiots because they’re annoying me.
‘None of them can be doing anything as important as finding an outfit for Ryan’s party so they should all have some consideration and go home,’ Megs said, elbowing an old man out of the way.
‘The problem with shopping is that there’s a lot of shop and I’m only one girl,’ I said. ‘If I was magic, I’d command the best possible outfit to come flying out to me now and then I wouldn’t have to spend three hours looking for it.’
Actually, it took five hours in the end. But I have definitely bought the best miniskirt that ever existed.
LATER
I tried to explain my skirt-finding triumph to Mum, but she was unmoved. I’ll remind her of this the next time she tells me that I don’t share my life with her.
FRIDAY 30TH DECEMBER
We went to Granny’s house for lunch. I say ‘lunch’, but there was just a lot of cold turkey and pickle and crackers and cheese and mince pies and nuts and jelly sweets. I don’t call that lunch. That’s a snack at best.
‘What have you been up to, Faith?’ Granny asked.
‘Not much.’ I don’t know why we have to spend so much time with Granny over Christmas. All this family time gets in the way of the true meaning of Christmas, i.e. eating chocolate with my friends.
‘Don’t you want to know what I’ve been up to?’ Granny asked.
‘Is it something gross like rubbing moustaches with one of your ancient boyfriends?’ I picked up the glass bowl of Quality Street from the coffee table.
‘Faith! I haven’t got a moustache.’
‘Not yet,’ I said.
Granny leant over and snatched the bowl out of my lap.