kill him if it's not removed."
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Ari's blood grew cold. "On what is he basing this opinion?"
"From his observations," Namara offered. "Since they're all
he has at the moment. He believes Dr. Faulkner doesn't
possess the proper chemical channels to allow him to
establish dominance over his link with the symbion. The
uncontrolled changes in hormone levels will eventually
overload his nervous system and cause it to shut down."
Arilani swung her gaze out over the ocean. How dare
Danson make such outlandish claims without consulting her?
She knew far more about the symbion/host link than he did.
"I believe with the proper therapies and some intensive
training we can overcome the problem."
Jidar sighed. "Dr. Danson disagrees. He has issued doses
of a strong tranquilizer to each member of our search parties.
The drug will disable the symbion's cerebral cortex and
temporarily allow Dr. Faulkner complete control. It will only
work for a short time, but it should be long enough to get him
back here and under sedation so the symbion can be
removed."
Ari's wings ruffled. "I thought we had universally agreed
not to sacrifice a symbion. Their population is endangered as
well. How can we destroy a viable adult male?"
Namara put her hand on Ari's shoulder. "This decision does
not come lightly, but it was part of our agreement that the
link would be severed if it posed a danger to the human host.
We can't allow Dr. Faulkner to die."
"But I don't believe he will."
"You must discuss this with Dr. Danson," Jidar said.
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Ari wanted to argue, but she could not openly defy her
leader. She could only feign submission to his misguided will.
"I will do that."
"Be sure to rest, eat and then arm yourself with a dose of
the tranquilizer before you continue your search. Regardless
of what happens once he arrives, we still have to bring Dr.
Faulkner back here safely."
"And Dr. Abbott," Namara added. Ari hid her smile. She
had no intention of rescuing Zara Abbott, but no one needed
to know that.
"Do you think he's injured her?" she asked, forcing a
thread of concern into her voice.
"He could never—" Namara began, but her mate spoke
over her.
"The symbion will attempt to mate with her, and if Dr.
Faulkner cannot control these urges, he will very likely harm
Dr. Abbott by forcing himself on her. We may be too late to
save her from injury."
Arilani's face heated at the thought. Why hadn't she been
the one he'd taken? She'd have gladly surrendered for
mating, and all their problems would be solved by now. "Allow
me to go to Dr. Danson, my liege. We cannot waste any time
if we want to spare Dr. Abbott from mating against her will."
With a solemn expression, Jidar gestured for Arilani to
leave. She bowed to him and to Namara and strode up the
beach, seething. One day the Icarian leaders would bow to
her, but for that to happen she needed to be the first female
of her generation to give birth after the upcoming mating
cycle. She had to find Caleb soon while his symbion still
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controlled him and its desperate desire to procreate guided its
actions. The tranquilizer Danson had prepared would come in
handy though for keeping Zara Abbott out of her way.
Caleb forced himself to concentrate on Zara's voice and
the task he'd assigned himself. Slowly roasting a fish he'd
caught over the small fire they'd built at the entrance to the
aerie kept part of his mind occupied and allowed him a brief
respite from his symbion's desires as it, too, focused on the
smell of food.
Ever since Zara's confession that morning that she would
not resist his next attempt to seduce her, he hadn't been able
to think straight. Not that he'd been thinking straight before.
"When the symbion communicates with you, does it use
words or images?" she asked. The firelight cast her features
in amber, giving her a glow that made it impossible for him
not to stare. Caleb had always found Zara beautiful, but
tonight, with the sun setting behind her and flames dancing in
her eyes while she waited for their modest dinner to cook,
she looked like an angel. All she needed was a pair of wings.
"Um ... I can't really explain it. I guess it's more like
flashes of emotion. My brain supplies the words, so it seems
like the symbion is speaking to me when it's really just
thinking at me through the link." Talking was good. It helped
him focus his own thoughts and ignore the petulant
mutterings of the creature who wanted more to eat than just
half of one small fish. Capturing this one had been hard
enough, and locating a few necessary supplies from aeries on
nearby islands had left Caleb almost too exhausted to care
about eating.
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Right now, the only thing keeping his eyes open was the
vision before him. He could have watched Zara forever.
"It doesn't use language in the traditional sense, yet when
you speak to it, it responds?"
"Yes. It seems to follow the explanations the Icarians have
given me during my research. That part of the link seems to
be working normally. It's the chemical exchange that's not
right."
Zara licked her lips when he pulled a piece of fish off the
roasting spit and handed it to her. Desire flared in him once
again and this time he knew it had nothing to do with the
symbion.
"You believe the Rennard's is interfering with the chemical
link?" she asked.
"It has to be. That's the only explanation that makes
sense. All of the physiological structures needed to complete
the joining are present in humans. The only abnormality I
have is the Rennard's, so that has to be the problem."
"Unless there's something wrong with the symbion. Maybe
a different one might have been able to overcome the
imbalance caused by the Rennard's."
"Danson ran every test he could think of, and Arilani
confirmed this was a prime specimen, in perfect health."
Zara finished her food, and Caleb caught her eyeing the
piece he'd set aside for himself. He pulled it off the spit and
handed the plump, white flesh to her. "Here. I'm not hungry."
"Sure you are. You haven't eaten in a day and a half." She
put her hand over his and pushed the offering back toward
him. "At least I ate a little bit yesterday."
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"I'm sorry I couldn't find more."
"You're a sociologist, not a fisherman. Tomorrow we'll be
back at the station. We'll feast then. For now, we need to
work on getting you enough control to be able to get us back.
Look, I hate to suggest this, but what if we went to the royal
aerie instead of the station? There, your symbion could
communicate with Jidar's and it wouldn't feel threatened by
the lab equipment."
"That's an idea." Caleb let his gaze wander to the
darkening sky. "If I had any idea how to get to Jidar's aerie
from here."
"Haven't you been there dozens of times?"
"Sure. We've always flown there directly from the station,
and I have to admit, the first twenty times or so, I kept my
eyes closed. From here, I have no idea which direction to fly."
She gave him a long-suffering look. "So you're lost?"
Caleb managed to laugh. "I am. My symbion knows exactly
where we are, but right now, he's not talking."
"You seem like you're in control now, though." Zara looked
hopeful. Caleb knew he'd frightened her earlier today. To be
honest, he'd scared himself as well. Practically drugged by the
enticing scent of her arousal, he'd been seconds away from
tearing her clothes off. Holding her body against him while
she quivered in orgasm had left him insane with desire of his
own, even beyond what the symbion had produced. If she
hadn't shoved him away he'd have taken her over and over
again.
He shook off the dangerous memories. "I think so. It's
hungry, but that's all."
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"Then feed it before it gets angry." She spoke with a hint
of humor in her voice, but her eyes told a different story. She
regarded the symbion as a wild animal, unpredictable and
completely alien. She'd counseled him numerous times about
the difficulties of merging man and beast and how close to
the surface a human's primitive urges lay. He knew too well
how little it took to bring out the worst aspects of human
nature.
Violence, greed, desire and fear manifested instinctively
when people were pushed to the limits of their endurance.
Those were the emotions early man had often relied on to
help him survive. Kill or be killed. Take what you need. Flee
when threatened. Demand satisfaction. Those four decrees
governed the lower brain of all sentient beings, even those
who considered themselves highly evolved.
Humans had, over time, developed the mechanisms to
control their base instincts. They'd learned to suppress their
anger and embrace non-violent ways of controlling their
environment and their fellow humans. They had learned to
share their bounty and sacrifice for others in need when
necessary because it served the greater community. They'd
taught themselves to stand against what frightened them and
to face danger head on and ultimately they'd tamed their
need for instant gratification.
In a heartbeat, Caleb had thrown fifty-thousand years of
evolution out the window and fused his brain to a creature
who could neither speak nor walk upright.
He was lucky he could still hold a conversation.
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To please Zara, he ate his portion of the fish, and the
symbion expressed its gratitude by shaking its wing tips.
"Does that mean it liked the fish?" Zara asked.
"I think so."
"How long before its own systems begin to shut down?"
Caleb lowered his voice, as if that might stop the symbion
from hearing his words. "Danson says some of the symbion's
organs shut down almost immediately after the joining. In
less than two days it will be completely dependent on me."
"By then you need to have gained control over your
biochemistry and the link. Jidar will help you. He wants this to
work more than anyone."
"I know. I'm pretty sure tomorrow I can get it to take me
to the royal aerie."
"All right. Now, we need to talk about why you lied."
Caleb rose, leaving Zara by the fire while he paced to the
edge of the island and back. "That's simple. I didn't want to
die. I didn't want to stop working. I wanted to pretend the
Rennard's wasn't real, so that's what I did. It's a classic case
of denial, Doc."
"But you're not in denial anymore?"
"No. So what comes after that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, in the lineup. Denial is first. Then?"
"Oh, anger comes next. Are you angry?"
"At myself, yes."
"Normally the anger is with a higher power or with
whoever is seen as being responsible for the situation."
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Caleb sighed and spread his arms. "Well, I'm responsible,
aren't I? I took the position in the Belt. I knew the risks. I lost
the gamble. My fault. I'm angry with me. What's next?"
"Bargaining. Also usually done with a higher power."
"I think I went through that already when I decided not to
tell Danson about my illness. I bargained with myself. If I do
this and it works, I'll help everyone and no one will ever have
to know. If it doesn't work—"
Zara raised a brow. "What was the deal if it didn't work?"
"Denial. It had to work. There was no other option." He
sketched a rueful smile, which she didn't return.
"And now?"
"Let me guess, anger again?"
through that stage, or they might make it worse. You need to
be prepared for those feelings. Sadness, lethargy, maybe
even self-destructive tendencies."
Caleb crouched by the fire and stirred the embers with the
empty roasting spit. "Can't I skip right to the end?"
"Acceptance? You could. Some people do. There's no law
that says you have to experience every stage in any
particular order. But that cycle is the most common."
"Well, since nothing else about my life is normal at the
moment, at least I have this."
"That sounds like the beginning of depression. You're right
on schedule."
Caleb laughed. "Thanks, Doc. You're already getting me
patched up." He waited for her reply, but she remained quiet
for a long time, studying the dying flames. Tears formed at
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the corners of her eyes and one glistening drop slipped down
her cheek.
"Zara?"
"Hmm? Yes. I guess my work is done." She chuckled then
sniffled and wiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"I wasn't mocking you. Honestly. If it wasn't for you, I'd
have lost my mind a long time ago."
"It's not that. I'm just thinking, I guess I'm still in denial
all over again."
Caleb squinted at her and sidled closer to the fire. He
wanted to keep his distance, but her pain drew him in. Seeing
her cry made his heart ache. Knowing he might be the cause
made him feel sick.
"I've already been through all of this. Eve
ry stage. The day
Danson announced he'd chosen you for the experiment, I
went into denial. I kept hoping you'd change your mind, even
while I was talking you through all the advantages of putting
yourself into the project." She didn't look at him, only busied
herself with twisting a length of alor vine until the spicy scent
wafted on the fire-warmed breeze. "I got so angry at Ray.
Haven't you noticed in the past two months that I've barely
spoken to him?"
"No. I guess I've been too wrapped up in my own issues. I
just figured the two of you only discussed the project anyway.
You never really socialized with him. I guess he was the one
you bargained with?"
She laughed, but the sound was thick and humorless. "No.
I bargained with a higher power. I'm ashamed to admit I
prayed you'd change your mind or that Ray would find some
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flaw that would make you ineligible. I should have
remembered that adage about being careful what you wish
for."
It should have bothered him that she'd hoped he'd wash
out of the program, but it didn't. Not at all. "And depression?"
"Ask Namara. She found me on the jetty more than once
crying my eyes out."
Caleb straightened his shoulders. She'd cried over him?
Why would that make him feel proud and intimately
protective of her? "When did you get to acceptance?"
"The moment you met Jidar on the beach. I knew nothing
was going to stop the joining."
Caleb broke the rule he'd been staunchly trying to uphold
all day. He touched her. He put his hand on her shoulder and
squeezed. She reached up and covered his fingers with hers.
"I guess I'm a liar too."
"We make a perfect pair."
Zara stiffened. Gently she pushed his hand from her
shoulder. "That's just it. We could never be a pair.
Somewhere, there's an Icarian woman waiting for Jidar to
assign her a mate who can give her children."
"That's not going to happen now." And by God, he didn't
want it to. He sat down next to Zara and put his arm around
her shoulders. She leaned into him, and a warmth spread
over him that had nothing to do with the fire.
"If Danson can fix your biochemistry, it will. The Icarians
have invested too much in this project to give up now. They