Q: Who coined the term battery? A: Benjamin Franklin
CANCER (June 22–July 22)
The Crab
Element: Water
Statement: “I feel.”
Gemstone: Pearl
Metal: Silver
Flower: White rose
Color: Silvery blue
Characteristics: Cancers are the zodiac’s caregivers and make great doctors and nurses. If your sign is Cancer, you love comfort, tradition, and family. You’re also artistic, creative, and sensitive. Cancers often are the first to laugh and the first to cry. Even so, you’re no pushover. You like to get your own way and will fight for a good cause.
Born Under Cancer: Derek Jeter, Tobey Maguire, Helen Keller, Liv Tyler, Missy Elliot, Princess Diana, George W. Bush, Nelson Mandela, Tom Cruise, Nancy Reagan, P. T. Barnum, Michelle Kwan, Tom Hanks, Bill Cosby, George Washington Carver, Robin Williams, Kristi Yamaguchi
LEO (July 23–August 23)
The Lion
Element: Fire
Statement: “I will.”
Gemstone: Peridot
Metal: Gold
Flower: Sunflower
Color: Yellow
Characteristics: Leos are strong, proud, and powerful. You’re also funny and dramatic, which is why a life in the theater is a natural choice for you. Leos are the life of every party. A bit self-centered, you hate to be ignored. When this happens, you may become the wounded lion. Just remember, it’s your charm, not your temper, that brings you the attention you love.
Vandalism or history? Archaeologists often find ancient graffiti on excavated walls and statues.
Born Under Leo: Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Amelia Earhart, Alex Rodriguez, Beatrix Potter, Henry Ford, Lucille Ball, Gary Larson, Neil Armstrong, Napoléon, J. K. Rowling, Annie Oakley, Magic Johnson, Madonna, Meriwether Lewis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton
VIRGO (August 24–September 23)
The Virgin
Element: Earth
Statement: “I analyze.”
Gemstone: Sapphire
Metal: Mercury
Flower: Buttercup
Color: Navy
Characteristics: Virgos are shy, sweet, and sympathetic. You are also honest, reliable, and down-to-earth. If you are a Virgo, you love to take things apart and put them back together. You also love your time alone—the perfect time to read and think. Even though you might get bogged down by details, you are devoted to working toward the greater good of all.
Born Under Virgo: Gloria Estefan, John McCain, Pink, Michael Jackson, Mother Teresa, Dr. Phil, LeAnn Rimes, Ani DiFranco, Bruce Springsteen, Cameron Diaz, Beyoncé Knowles, Keanu Reeves, Jesse James, Andy Roddick, Faith Hill, Lance Armstrong, Stephen King, Adam Sandler
Rats can’t barf.
LIBRA (September 24–October 23)
The Scales
Element: Air
Statement: “I balance.”
Gemstone: Opal
Metal: Copper
Flower: Rose
Color: Blue
Characteristics: Extremely social, Libras love to talk, have many friends, and are very smart. Libras dislike conflict and want everyone to be happy. When it comes to your own life, you weigh everything carefully, which sometimes makes it difficult for you to make up your mind. You’re happiest when you’re with family and friends, and everyone is getting along.
Born Under Libra: Kate Winslet, Jim Henson, Eminem, Bernie Mac, Christopher Reeve, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jimmy Carter, Michelle Wie, Viggo Mortensen, Noah Webster, Julie Andrews, Mahatma Gandhi, Will Smith, Brett Favre, Matt Damon, Gwen Stefani, Donna Karan, Alfred Nobel
SCORPIO (October 24–November 22)
The Scorpion
Element: Water
Statement: “I desire.”
Metal: Steel
Flower: Geranium
Color: Maroon
Characteristics: People see Scorpios as mysterious, and you like it that way. When they look into your piercing eyes, you fix them with your hypnotic gaze. You love to listen and learn everything you can about others. In fact, you’d make a good spy. No one can tell you what to do, and while this stubborn determination might get you into trouble, it will also help you succeed. Your friends love your quiet wisdom, honesty, and fierce loyalty.
Tobacco was once known as “sotweed.”
Born Under Scorpio: Julia Roberts, Bill Gates, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Jonas Salk, Winona Ryder, Marie Curie, P. Diddy, Daniel Boone, Sammy Sosa, Peter Jackson, Carl Sagan, Marie Antoinette, Bjork, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Osbourne, Robert Louis Stevenson, Condoleezza Rice
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23–Dec 21)
The Archer
Element: Fire
Statement: “I see.”
Gemstone: Turquoise
Metal: Tin
Flower: Dandelion
Color: Purple
Characteristics: Sagittarians have so much creative energy that it’s hard for them to sit still. You throw yourselves into one adventure after another and would make a good pilot or race car driver. Smart and funny, you love to learn but sometimes get bored. There might be a trail of unfinished chores behind you. You’ll find satisfaction when you learn to complete a project before hurling yourself into the next one.
Born Under Sagittarius: Billy the Kid, Charles Schulz, Nelly Furtado, Donovan McNabb, Mark Twain, Bruce Lee, Louisa May Alcott, C. S. Lewis, Ben Stiller, Jay–Z, Tyra Banks, Brad Pitt, Lucy Liu, Walt Disney, Beethoven, Christina Aguilera, Frankie Muniz, Steven Spielberg
Small talk: There are a quadrillion femtoseconds in one second.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22–Jan 20)
The Goat
Element: Earth
Statement: “I use.”
Gemstone: Garnet
Metal: Silver
Flower: Pansy
Color: Brown
Characteristics: Think of a nimble goat that scrambles to the top of the mountain—that’s a Capricorn. Capricorns like to succeed and make solid leaders. In fact, many people think you’re older than you really are. On the outside you’re the strong, silent type; inside, you’re a mushy romantic. You love school. You respect authority and honor tradition. You are ambitious and will work hard to get ahead.
Born Under Capricorn: Sir Isaac Newton, Betsy Ross, Denzel Washington, LeBron James, Mel Gibson, J.R.R. Tolkien, Joan of Arc, Nicolas Cage, Elvis Presley, Mary J. Blige, Dave Matthews, Martin Luther King, Jim Carrey, Muhammed Ali, Benjamin Franklin, A.A. Milne
AQUARIUS (January 21–February 19)
The Water Bearer
Element: Air
Statement: “I know.”
Gemstone: Aquamarine
Metal: Aluminum
Flower: Orchid
Color: Turquoise
Characteristics: Aquarians are visionaries and love thinking about how to make things better. You know how to share your ideas and how to inspire your friends. Even though you’re friendly and interested in people, you value your privacy. You also have a silly, unpredictable side, which has led some to describe you as half Albert Einstein, half Mickey Mouse!
Mouse meat was considered a delicacy in ancient China and parts of India.
Born Under Aquarius: Wayne Gretzky, Ronald Reagan, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Thomas Edison, Elijah Wood, Alicia Keys, Justin Timberlake, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Sheryl Crow, Charles Lindbergh, Abraham Lincoln, Jennifer Aniston, Charles Darwin, Amy Tan, Rosa Parks, Matt Groening, Ashton Kutcher, Laura Ingalls Wilder
PISCES (February 20–March 20)
The Fish
Element: Water
Statement: “I believe.”
Gemstone: Amethyst
Metal: Platinum
Flower: Water lily
Color: Sea green
sses and believe in the good of all beings. You might paint a picture, write a book, or sing and dance in celebration. You have the soul of a true artist.
Born Under Pisces: Charlotte Church, Drew Barrymore, Steve Irwin, George Washington, Steve Jobs, Sean Astin, Buffalo Bill Cody, Shaquille O’Neal, Chelsea Clinton, Dr. Seuss, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Queen Latifah, Andrew Jackson, Wyatt Earp, Mr. Rogers, Mia Hamm, Michelangelo, Dakota Fanning, Albert Einstein
Looney law: In Nebraska it was once a crime to teach children a foreign language.
INTO THE FUTURE
Well, here we are at the end of another great Bathroom Reader. Wasn’t it great? (Thank you!) Here are some words to send you off…into the future.
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
—Alan Kay, computer scientist
“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.”
—Charles F. Kettering, inventor
“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”
—Jerry Seinfeld
“I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.”
—Albert Einstein
“The future will be better tomorrow.”
—Dan Quayle, former vice president
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt
“Real generosity toward the future consists in giving all to what is present.”
—Albert Camus, writer
“Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as not to injure future ones.”
—Seneca, Native American chief
“There’s a moment coming. It’s not here yet. It’s still on the way. It’s in…the future! It hasn’t arrived! Here it comes! Here it is…It’s gone.”
—George Carlin
Makes sense: The last word in the Bible is “Amen.”
ANSWERS
SECRET MESSAGE
(Answer from page 64)
KIDS RULE, ADULTS DROOL!
WORDPLAY PUZZLES
(Answers from page 119)
1. Head over heels
2. Made in China
3. Three Blind Mice (no i’s)
4. Excuse me
5. You’re under arrest
6. Repeat after me
7. Missing link
8. Free-for-alls (four all’s)
9. Wise guy
10. Big fish in a little pond
11. Niagara Falls
12. Polka dot underwear
13. History repeats itself
CHANGELINGS
(Answers from page 198)
Poor Pig Tears
Boor Wig Sears
Book Wag Stars
Rook Way Stare
Rock Say Stale
Rick Sty Stile
Rich Smile
“There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate loot on Treasure Island.” —Walt Disney
RESOURCE GUIDE
Hey! We’re not done yet! Now’s your chance to take it beyond the pages by checking out some of these:
WHERE YOU CAN LEARN TO TREE CLIMB
Tree Climbers International
P.O. Box 5588
Atlanta, GA 31107 USA
E-mail: tci@treeclimbing.com
TCI has 5 branches (pardon the pun!) called groves in the US, as well as in France, England, Germany, Japan, and Botswana.
FOR SANDBOARDERS
Deacon and Hilary Matthews of Florence, Oregon, took 40 acres of clean, fine-grained sand and sculpted it into long dunes, cliffs, giant bowls, chutes, and towers.
Sand Master Park
87542 Hwy 101
North Florence, OR 97439
Phone: (541) 997-6006
WANT TO FIND AN ICE HOTEL?
• L’Hôtel de Glace, Montmorency Falls, Quebec, Canada
• Snow Castle, Kemi, Lapland
• Ice Hotel, Jukkasjarvi, Sweden
• Crystalline Igloo Hotel, Greenland
Come on…
TAKE THE PLUNGE!
To read a few sample chapters, go to our website and visit the “Throne Room” at http://www.bathroomreader.com
Also available from the BRI:
An ever-growing assortment of great gift ideas:
THE LAST PAGE
FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:
Bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking pot shots at us.
So Sit Down and Be Counted! Join the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. It’s free! Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and your email address to: Bathroom Readers’ Institute, P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520. You’ll receive a free membership card, our BRI newsletter (via email), exclusive announcements of special sales, and you’ll earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!
UNCLE JOHN’S NEXT
BATHROOM READER FOR KIDS ONLY
IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS!
Is there a subject you’d like to see us write about in our next Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader For Kids Only? Write to us or contact us through our website and let us know.
We aim to please.
Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember:
Go with the Flow!