so I crossed a few times in secret to see if you and Sarajane were
all right.”
My heart skips a beat at the mention of our daughter’s name.
“You knew it was a girl all along?”
“I wanted to hear it from you. I did not want to assume
anything.” I feel ill at such a betrayal, but have I not betrayed
him?
Morrick pulls me to face him. “I love you. I will never stop,
but I also had no choice but to watch.” His words are full of
passion and I know he is speaking the truth.
“Why could you only watch?”
Morrick lets me go. “Mirium said it was the will of the gods.”
“That was it? No other explanation?”
“No.” I know he is lying, but before I can question him,
Morrick pulls me into his embrace and kisses me passionately.
I have waited for this for twenty-one years and it feels so good
that I let myself melt into him. He carries me down to one of the
sleeping chambers and lays me down on the bed where we make
love. We lie naked in each other’s arms afterwards.
My mind returns to Sarajane. “Do you think Tristan found
her?” I ask, looking up at Morrick.
“Yes. He is the best man I have.” He kisses the top of my
head. “Please do not worry. She will be with us shortly.”
“He would not hurt her?”
Morrick looks at me seriously. “Never. Don’t ever say that.”
His face softens then. “If she looks anything like her mother, I
would only worry that he would fall in love with her.” He gives
a little chuckle.
“She looks like both of us, but she has your strength; she is
strong willed.” Morrick lays his head back down, looking up at
the ceiling. I lie on Morrick’s chest, his arm tightly around me.
“Sleep, my love. You must be exhausted.” I smile into his
chest, feeling happy for the first time in years.
“I love you, Morrick.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I love you too.”
Chapter Five
Ireland ~Present Day
(Sarajane)
The next morning I have work. I wake with no headache,
thank God, but just a lot of confusion. I don’t have time
to think too much, as I’m already pushing it for time. I
get dressed and skip breakfast. Jessica’s sitting in the kitchen,
finishing her breakfast with a puss on her face. I don’t ask what’s
wrong. More than likely she wouldn’t say. So I drop her off at
school and head into work.
Christine and Susan haven’t arrived yet so I open up and
start tidying over. The bell over the door rings five minutes later
and Christine arrives.
“Hey, Sarajane,” she says while taking off her coat and
hanging it in our little canteen.
“Hey, Christine,” I call after her. When she arrives out on
the floor, I ask, “Where is Susan? I thought you always gave her
a lift?”
“Yeah, she got a lift with Max.” Christine leaves it at that.
Susan arrives then and her face is glowing. Things must be
going good. She spends the whole day talking about how great
Max is and how he has changed so much. Christine and I nod
and smile when necessary. I really hope he’s changed for her
sake.
When I get home, Jessica is doing her homework with a few
friends. I stick my head through the sitting room doorway.
“Hey, guys.” I get a few low mumbled hellos.
I don’t feel like cooking, so I order pizza and run upstairs to
change. When I’m coming downstairs, Dad arrives in the front
door. “Hi, Dad, how was work?” I ask. He looks terrible, but
it’s nothing new. He looks like this since Mum went missing.
“It was busy, sweetheart.”
Dad has his own real estate agency. He helps people find
rental or sale properties in the area. That’s how he and Mum
met. Mum had just moved back from somewhere in Europe. She
was vague on details, as she had travelled a lot. Her parents had
just passed away in a car accident and she had no other family,
so she decided she would build a new life in Ireland, and the
rest is history.
Dad throws his suitcase and jacket on the chair in the hall.
I can hear Mum now, getting onto him about hanging it up.
He seems to think the same thing, as he stops and picks up his
jacket, hanging it on the rack. I start setting the
table and Dad sits down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.
“What’s for dinner?” he asks, trying to push some enthusiasm
in his voice, which fails.
“Pizza.” Before he can start, I feel the need to explain. “I
know, so not healthy, but I had a stressful and busy day at work
too.”
“Why are you stressed?” he asks. Well, at least I get away
with the pizza.
“Oh, girl stuff.” His face brightens a little. I want the ground
to swallow me up when I see the questions running across his face.
“No, Dad. Susan, my friend, she’s having some problems.”
Relief washes over him. “Oh, all right, love.” In other words,
case closed.
I clean up after everyone has pizza. Josh arrives then. The
sitting room is full so I head for the stairs with Josh. “Going to
my room, Dad.”
He leans back on the kitchen chair and removes his glasses.
Dad could spend hours going through the newspapers he buys
on a daily basis. I say it’s an addiction, but he says it’s an interest.
“Hello, Josh”
Josh gets on well with Dad and is always very respectful.
“Hi, Mr. Anderson.” I roll my eyes and start up the stairs.
“Leave the door open,” Dad calls after me. That deserves
another eye roll.
Josh looks around my room as if he’s never been in it before
while I sit crossed-legged on my bed. He doesn’t look at me, just
keeps looking at all my photos on my wardrobe again.
“Josh, is there something wrong?” I ask. He’s too quiet and
his recent attention to my photos is something he never bothered
with before.
He finally turns around then. “Sorry, I have things on my
mind.” He sits down on the side of the bed and rubs his face.
He looks very stressed.
“You know you can talk to me.” Josh normally is happy-go-
lucky and he always listens to me so it would be nice to return
the favour, even if it is just this once.
“I’m in love with someone and she has no idea.” He gives
a little sarcastic laugh and continues to look at the floor with
his elbows resting on his thighs. He gives me a quick sideward
glance. I feel like laughing, but think better of it when I see how
serious he is. He looks embarrassed and a bit awkward.
“Have you tried to tell her?” I ask gently, knowing this is a
big deal for him to talk about his feelings.
“No.” He starts rubbing his hands together. “It just never
feels like the right time.”
A feeling of sadness comes over me at the thought of losing
him. “Well, I can assume it isn’t… Who was last week’s girl?”
He gives a hear
tfelt laugh. “Siobhan. God, no. I don’t know
what I was even thinking. I thought she was different. I made
it clear it was just a bit of fun and she was all up for it and
now she’s acting crazy.” Josh gets up and opens my bedroom
window, letting in a cold breeze. I’m only wearing a string top,
and goose bumps pop up all over my arms. When Josh notices
me rubbing my arms, he closes the window. “Sorry, just feel
really warm.” He’s only in a T-shirt.
“It’s fine.” I grab an old black V-neck jumper that has been
around for years. “I’ll just throw this on.”
Before I have it on, he stops me, taking the jumper from my
hands. “What do you see when you look at me, Sarajane?” He
asks this in a tone that suggests the answer is very important, so
I take the question seriously and answer honestly.
“I see a good person with a big heart. You’re funny and
caring. You’re Josh.” He doesn’t look satisfied with my answer
and he’s starting to worry me. “Josh, what’s wrong?”
“I am…” A knock sounds from my bedroom door and my
dad sticks his head in. “Tired,” Josh finishes.
I look at him “What?”
“I’m tired,” he says again.
“Oh, all right.”
“Are you kids all right?” Dad asks, while giving me a look
that says, Your bedroom door was meant to stay open.
Josh puts on a smile, but it is clearly strained. “Yes. Hmm…
I was just leaving. See you tomorrow.” He doesn’t even meet my
eyes.
“Okay, bye.” I call after him.
Dad gives me a kiss and says his good nights to me and then
I hear him going into Jessica’s room. I lie on my bed, worrying
about Josh. I wanted to talk about Linda. I roll over to turn
off my bedside light just as my phone vibrates. I flip it open. A
message from Josh flashes up on the screen.
Sorry about tonight. Just really tired. See you tom
I smile and write back. Sleep well, Josh. X
Then I fall asleep.
Chapter Six
Ireland ~ Present Day
(Sarajane)
The next day at work we sit around mostly and have girl
chats. At eleven o’clock, Christine joins me for a coffee
in our small canteen.
“Has she said anything to you?” I ask her.
“No, she just seems happy. Best to leave it alone.”
I sit down on one of the stools. “You’re right. I just worry
for her.” Christine pours out two mugs of coffee and hands me
mine. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, I know, me too, but she is big enough to make her
own decisions.”
Susan enters the already crammed canteen. “Talking about
me?” she asks, but there is a smile on her face.
“No, we’re not. Oh, I brought in that dress you asked me for.
Let me grab it.” I leave and rummage under the counter for the
bag. A few minutes later, Susan comes out, handing me my phone.
“It’s been ringing and guess who it is?” she says with a smile.
I take the phone from her. Two missed calls from Josh.
“Susan, we’re just friends.”
She gives me an innocent look. “Of course you are.” She goes
back to the canteen, winking at me before closing the door.
I roll my eyes and call Josh back. “Hey, sorry I missed your
calls. I was busy.”
“No worries. I was going to meet you for lunch, if you want?”
“Yeah, one o’clock, meet me at Bites,” I say.
“Okay, see you then.”
When I go back inside the canteen, two sets of smiling eyes
look up at me. I finish my coffee as they giggle. “You act like
you guys are five,” I say playfully before I finish off stocking the
history section.
Bites is my favorite place to have lunch. Well, to be honest,
there isn’t much of a choice. It’s Bites or Tracey’s and there’s
more grease in her hair than on the pans.
I spot Josh at a back booth. He’s in his work clothes, ripped
jeans and heavy brown boots. He works in the wood mill not
far outside town. I slide in opposite him.
When he sees me, he raises an eyebrow. “Hey how’s work?”
“The usual. You know, two five-year-olds working with me.”
Josh looks confused and I laugh. “Never mind.” I pick up the
menu and glance through it, even though I already know what
I’m going to order.
Rachel arrives then to take our order. “Hey, Sarajane, what
can I get you?”
“Hey, Rachel. Could I get bolognaise and a glass of coke?”
Josh orders a burger and chips with a large glass of milk.
“Have you heard from Linda since?” Josh asks once Rachel has left to get our food.
“No, it’s been two days and nothing. But maybe it was all
a trick. I wasn’t feeling well and you know Linda is weird
anyway.”
Josh gives me a little smile. In other words, he’s not convinced.
I think I’m trying to convince myself, because if I let my mind
believe what I thought I saw is real, then what else was possible?
And that’s a scary thought.
Our food arrives and it smells lovely. I dig into my bolognaise,
my favourite dinner of all time. It isn’t a meal you would have
for a first date, but Josh is used to me getting it all over my
mouth.
“So I got two tickets to the ball,” Josh says while taking a
large bite out of his burger.
I roll my eyes. “Why do you even go? You hate to dance.”
I laugh at his boyish grin. I’ve gone to the ball with him every
year for the last three, but it doesn’t feel right now that Mum is
missing. Nothing feels right, no matter how hard I try to get on
with things for Dad and Jessica’s sake.
Josh speaks as if he’s read my mind. “I know you don’t want
to go anywhere with your mum… you know, but I think it
would be good for you.”
“Can I think about it?” The brightness leaves his brown eyes.
I know he’s disappointed, but he tries to hide it by gobbling
down a few chips
“Yes, but it’s tomorrow night.”
I nearly choke on my bolognaise. Oh God, he’s right. It is
that close.
Josh gives me a little smile. “I wanted to give you the tickets
the other night, but it didn’t feel like the right time. You know,
with Linda and…” He trails off.
A feeling of guilt rises in my stomach. I know the tickets
aren’t cheap.
“All right, count me in.” His whole face lights up, his brown
eyes sparkling.
Going through the list in my head of things I need to do for
the ball distracts me while I finish my food. When I look at my
phone, I realise the time. “Christ, I’m late!” I grab my bag, but
Josh makes it to the counter before me and pays for the food.
“Thanks.”
“No worries. So I will see you tomorrow night, say seven
thirty?” Josh says with excitement in his voice.
“Yeah, see you then.”
I cross the road and head back to work. “Sorry, I’m late.”
Christine peeps her head out from under the counter. “Hey,
it’s grand. Susan went for hers ten minutes ago. I think she’s
meeting Max.”
I say nothing about that. “Could I finish up around three
tomorrow?”
She gives me a smile. “Sure, what are you up to?” Christine
is my sort of boss. Her mother owns the shop, but she’s in her late
eighties and isn’t able anymore. She hasn’t handed the shop over
to Christine yet, but lets her run it. The woman just couldn’t
let go.
“Josh is taking me to the ball.” I raise my hand before she
can say anything. “As a friend.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, only that Susan is going with
Max too.”
“Oh, well, we’ll just have to get along.”
Christine looks skeptical. Honestly, I don’t feel too optimistic
myself.
When I arrive home, I change into something more
comfortable for shopping. “Jessica, Jessica?”
She pops her head in my bedroom door. “Yes?”
“Will you come dress shopping with me?”
Her eyes light up. “Yes. Where are you going?” She sits down
on my bed as I tie up my hair.
“Josh is taking me to the ball and it’s tomorrow night.”
“You’re going to marry Josh.”
I look at her through the mirror and laugh. “He’s my friend,
Jessica.” I turn around. “Boys and girls can be friends.”
Parking on the main street is easy as there are no cars around.
Jessica and I enter the Red Ribbon dress shop. It’s the only shop
that sells ball gowns in town, and it is still open. The owner
must have been aware there would be last minute shoppers. The
bell rings overhead as we make our way inside. A glamorous
woman in her late sixties, with short blond hair, approaches us.
“Hello, can I help you and your friend with anything?” she
asks.
“She’s my sister and it’s just me looking for a gown.” I can
see why she wouldn’t think we were sisters. Jessica has dead
straight, jet-black hair and green eyes, and she is very petite. My
five foot seven inches is tall compared to her five foot three. My
hair is curly and my eyes are a grey, unlike both my father and
mother. So basically, we look totally different.
“Okay, any colour or style in particular?” the lady asks. I