stands looking out. I can see by his shoulders he is crying. I rub
his back, but he shrugs my arm off. “Go away, Sarajane”
I am taken back by his anger. “Kiar, please.”
He turns to me. “Because of you I have no brother, so just
leave me alone.”
“You blame me?” I ask him.
Tristan gives him a warning glare. “Nobody blames you,
Sarajane. He died at war, the way most of us will go. Kiar
knows that. Isn’t that right, Kiar?”
Kiar doesn’t turn around. “Yes, that’s right.” But his body
language says it all. I don’t feel mad at Kiar. I blame myself.
“Don’t do that to yourself.” I look at Tristan and smile sadly.
“I can’t help it.”
He goes to move closer, but I don’t want his sympathy. I take
a step back. “I have to meet Mirium so I better go.” I turn my
back and leave. I don’t wait for a reply.
Mirium is waiting for me in my hut. “That was tough?”
I pour myself a mug of water. “Yes, but I don’t want to talk
about it.” Mirium’s presence will be a good distraction. “So I
ask any question and you answer it?” I take off my boots and
sit cross-legged on the couch.
“I will be as honest and exact as I can.”
“Okay, so there are really three angles here, right now as we
speak?” I ask.
“Yes, they are in Hummus.” This is hard to believe.
“Real life angels with the wings and all?”
Mirium smiles. “Yes, they are very much real.”
“Can everyone see them?”
Mirium considers this. “No, they are kept safe, as they are
dying, and if they die, we die. Not many people even know
they’re still here. If everyone knew, how would we keep them
safe?”
“So this fourth angel, Lucian, he is like a bad angel that I
have to kill?”
“You can’t kill him. You must vanquish him to the
underworld, and yes, he is bad.” Mirium finishes.
“So explain to me how Bellona ties into all of this and why
she wants me.”
“As far as we have gathered, Bellona is working with Lucian
to capture you. She must be getting something in return to do
this deed with Lucian. We are not sure if Lucian knows who
you are or if he just wants your power. None of that is clear to
us,” Mirium says
“What have the exiles got to do with this?” I ask.
“We believe the exiles are being used by Lucian, but they are
soulless creatures now, so they do not always follow orders as
they should, but he seems to have recruited them.”
This makes me think of Carew. “Will Carew become like
them?”
Mirium’s eyes widen briefly; then he smiles a little. “Ah,
I should have seen this coming. So you met Carew?” I nod.
“When someone is exiled from their community, they have
committed a crime so they are banished to the mountains, never
to return. They live, sleep and eat whatever they can scavenge.
As you know, we live a long life, as in a couple hundred years,
but the exiles can live to be a few thousand years old. That is
why they take on the form of a creature, from the harsh weather
and conditions. They usually go mad from the lack of living
amongst people, and then we believe with their dark thoughts
they lose their souls so they live forever as soulless and tormented
creatures. The more intelligent ones can still communicate.”
I feel sick. Why not just put them in prisons?
“So if Carew carries on the path he is on, yes, one day a long
time in the future he would become one of them.”
My stomach tightens at the possibility of someone like him
turning into one of them. “
But if he has a reason to fight for his soul, he will remain
human.”
I look at Mirium. “How do you mean fight for his soul?”
“If he truly asks for forgiveness for his crimes.”
This sounds simple. “He seemed nice, well, kinda. So why
would he not?”
“Carew would never ask for forgiveness. He would do it all
over again if he had to. You see, he killed his own father by
stabbing him twenty times in the heart and then strangled his
mother.” I am shocked. Jesus, he could have killed me. What a
monster. “So I do not believe there is any way to save Carew.
How did you meet him?”
“He saved me when his exiles tried to kill me.”
Mirium rises. “What do you mean his exiles?”
“He said he was their master. Why?”
Mirium sits back now “Sorry. Nothing. We will leave it there
for now. I have other matters to discuss with Musa.” Mirium’s
abrupt departure rattles me. It has something to do with Carew.
“Oh, I have chosen Tristan and Alana to be your guardians
until you have fulfilled your calling.”
“What about Kiar?” I ask
“Do you want him as one also?” Mirium looks ready to leave.
“Yes, please.”
Mirium waves his hand. “I will inform them all straight
away. I must go. We shall talk tomorrow.”
Not five minutes later, Kiar bursts in my door with Tristan
and Alana trying to calm him down. “I will not guard you.”
Tristan is fuming, but I shake my head to let him know I can
handle this.
“Yes, you will.”
Kiar walks up to me. “Why are you doing this?”
I try to act calm, even though his hate for me is tearing me
apart. “I want to be protected by the best people, Kiar, so you’re
one of my guardians.”
He moves in circles, breathing heavy. “I won’t protect you.”
“Though, Kiar, you are, so we’re done for now.” He leaves
and Alana chases after him. I flop onto the couch, feeling
overwhelmed.
Tristan is still here. “Why do you want him to protect you so
bad?” I look at Tristan; he’s angry.
“I just do Tristan, okay.”
He kneels down in front of me, his hands in fists on either side
of my thighs. Too close, my mind is screaming. “He reminds
you of that boy from the ball?” Tristan accuses me.
I can’t look him in the face. This is too close for comfort. My
heart races. “So what about it?”
Tristan grabs my face, making me look at him. “You love
this boy, do you?” Why is he so angry?. I push his hand away.
“Maybe I could have, Tristan, but I never got the chance. As
I remember, you dragged me out of there before I knew how I
felt.” My own anger at the injustice of all of this starts to boil.
But Tristan doesn’t look satisfied.
“So you want Kiar because he is like the boy?”
I am taken back by his tone. “Tristan, are you jealous?” I feel
foolish saying it in case he isn’t.
His answer is abrupt. “Yes.” He rises then, running his hand
through his long hair. “You know how I feel. I make it perfectly
clear, yet—” He cuts himself off, looking frustrated.
My heart is in overdrive. “How do you feel about me?” My
voice shakes. He turns to me, looking defeated. “I don’t want
him near you, Sarajane, or any other man.” He runs his hand
through his hair again.
“I don’t like Kiar like that. I just made a promise to Neve to
look out for him so what better way if he is always with me?”
I confess, even though I’m really enjoying seeing him jealous.
He looks thrown off for a second and a little lost for words.
“Good, that’s good.”
I raise both eyebrows. “Yes?”
He kneels back down and smiles at me, a real smile. I think
I might pass out. He is divine. “Yes,” he says and then kisses
me. It isn’t gentle. The kiss feels urgent and full of need, but I
return it with my own urgency. He is the first to break the kiss,
both of us breathless. “You need your rest.” He kisses my nose
and smiles his full-watt smile, making my heart pound at my rib
cage. “Sleep, princess,” he says before he leaves.
I sleep, but the faces keep haunting me—Neve, Clive, Taurus
and the guard I stabbed, who calls himself Ovid. When I awake,
his name circles in my head. It isn’t possible for the dead to
speak in your dreams.
I change into fresh clothes and wash my face and teeth. Mum
and Jessica are leaving today and I need to put on a brave face.
I leave my hut and find Alana waiting outside for me.
“Good morning.” She throws me an apple.
“Is it poisoned?” I ask before taking a bite.
She bats her eyelids innocently. “Would I?”
I laugh and take a bite. “Yes, you would.”
We make our way through the settlement. It is back to being
full of people, but there’s an undercurrent of unease. “What’s
going on?” I ask Alana.
“I don’t think we are welcome anymore,” Alana says, but she
sounds like she doesn’t care.
We make our way to the main barn where Morrick, my mum,
Jessica and Legis are waiting. I haven’t seen Legis in a long time.
I feel bad that I haven’t missed his presence. Tristan and Kiar
arrive after Alana and me, and then Mirium follows. I don’t
sit down, but lean against a wall, eating my apple. Every bite
I’m finding it hard to swallow, as Mum and Jessica’s departure
shadows over me, so I give up.
“Legis and myself will take both of you across,” Morrick
says, holding my mum’s face. I look away, feeling like I’m
invading a private moment. Alana must have felt the same. She
comes over and stands beside me.
“Really, you will come with me?” Astonishment sounds in
my mother’s voice.
“But I can’t stay, Marta.” He sounds like he wishes he could.
“I understand,” my mum replies.
“How are you holding up?” Alana asks while nudging my
side.
I shrug my shoulders, not sure how I feel. I’m trying not to
allow myself to feel anything. “Fine.”
Alana raises one of her pointed eyebrows. “Yes, you look the
picture of calm.” Her sarcasm is always there.
“Sarajane.” Morrick’s voice makes me look up. “Tristan,
Alana and Kiar are now your personal guardians, I believe?”
he asks.
“Yes, they are.”
“Good, they will stay with you at all times as I cross over. On
my return, we will leave for Hummus.”
I just nod and look at Jessica and my mum. Bad idea. My
stomach tightens with fear. What if I never seen them again?
I am allowed to go with Morrick, Legis, Jessica and my mum
to the front gates to say my good-byes. My mum is in a flood
of tears and she won’t let go of me. “Mum, it will be fine. I am
safe. Please don’t worry.”
She kisses my forehead. “My brave child, how did you come
to be so brave?”
I smile back at her, “From you, of course.” But tears sting my
eyes. I hug Jessica “I wish I could come, Jess. I really do.”
“I know, Sarajane. I will miss you.” I give her another hug,
but we can’t wait much longer. The drawbridge is being let
down.
“Mum, will you do something for me?” I ask before she
climbs up on the horse.
“Anything, sweetheart.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Tell Josh I’m safe and
that… Tell him I’m sorry.” My mother races back over to me,
grabbing me, and I cling to her for dear life. “Please don’t forget
him, Mum.”
“Marta, I am sorry. We must go,” Morrick calls from the
horse.
My mother kisses both my cheeks. “I will see you soon. This
isn’t good-bye, Sarajane.” And she leaves, sobbing. I don’t watch
as the horses leave. I just can’t.
Tristan is waiting a short distance away. “Are you all right?”
His face is tense with worry.
“Distract me, Tristan.”
He looks at me so seriously. “Okay.”
He takes my hand, leading me to my hut. Once the door is
closed, he stands right in front of me, just looking at me. “You
are so beautiful,” he says while stroking my face. I look away. I
don’t feel very beautiful. He moves my face around, forcing me
to look at him. “Look at me, Sarajane,” he says just as he kisses
me gently.
I keep my eyes open and stare into his deep green eyes. My
body buzzes from his touch, his kiss. I push against him, letting
him know I want more. He picks me up while still kissing me
and carries me to the bedroom, where he lays me down on the
Our kisses turn more urgent. The more I realise what
we’re doing, the more I want him. I pull at his top and he
takes it off in one quick movement and lies on top of me. I
pull at his trousers and he doesn’t hesitate to remove them.
He stands there naked. I don’t have it in me to speak, only
stare. He is so powerful and manly looking. He moves down
over me and unbuttons my tunic, revealing my breasts. He
sits back and just looks at me. It feels so surreal to have
Tristan look at me like this.
“I love you, Sarajane.” He doesn’t shy away after saying it
but keeps his eyes locked with mine.
My heart pounds in my chest and neck. “I love you too.”
His face breaks into his rare and divine smile and I melt as
he bends his head down and kisses my neck, his hair tantalizing
my skin. It takes a second to strip me down and both of us get
under the covers to explore each other’s body with our hands.
And then we make love, the most passionate and amazing thing
I’ve ever experienced.
I lie in his arms afterwards, the covers tangled around our
naked bodies. He sits up, leaning on his elbow, looking down
at me as he wraps curls around his fingers. He is smiling, and
my heart is still racing every time I snatch a glance at him. He
lies down and tucks me into his chest protectively. I don’t know
why, but this makes me think of Liber.
“Tristan, what happened to Liber?”
He raises my head by lifting my chin with a finger. “Don’t
worry. You have my word nobody will ever harm you.”
I feel like laughing
at his serious expression. “I’m not worried.
I mean, is he dead?”
Tristan’s expression softens. “No, but I will kill him once I
find him.” I can see he means it.
“Would you not hesitate because he was one of your men?”
“No.” That seems harsh.
“What if I was a traitor? Would you hesitate?”
Tristan looks mildly annoyed. “Don’t joke, Sarajane.”
I give at little laugh. “Please just answer me.”
He lies back fully on the bed, placing his hands behind his
head. “I would hesitate for a couple of hours.”
I look up and can see a smile on his face. “Who’s joking
now?” I say and poke him in the side.
He grabs me, nuzzling my neck, making me laugh. When he
stops, he brushes the hair off my face. His face is serious once
again. “I give you my word, I will love you always.”
I sit up straight. “Tristan, you can’t swear something like
that.”
He grins at me and pulls me back down. “I just did.”
Mirium arrives later to go through our agenda about what
will happen once we reached Hummus. We call the meeting at
my hut. It is only Alana, Kiar, Mirium and Tristan. Kiar is still
pissed, but I don’t push him for any more. Tristan and I decide
to keep what we did a secret for the meantime.
Mirium starts by explaining that I will have to be trained in
fighting and most importantly, trained to use my powers and
discover exactly what I can do. “We will not announce our
arrival. I have friends who will keep us in safe houses for as long
as necessary, and the Nevaeh society will help us, of course.”
I look at Mirium. “Nevaeh society?”
“They are the protectors of the angels. Their sole purpose
will be to protect you also. So when Morrick comes back, we
will leave for the city of secrets.”
I laugh. “Very mythical.”
Mirium smiles a little, getting my humour, and then his eyes
roll back in his head, showing off the whites of his eyes. We all
race to Mirium together. He is having a vision.
“Don’t touch him,” Tristan tells us.
So we wait until he comes out of it. He does slowly, with a
look of fear and devastation on his face.
“Mirium, what did you see?” I ask.
He looks at us all. “War awaits us in Hummus.” Mirium
tries to rise on shaky legs. Tristan and I help him. “We must
leave and start our journey to Hummus,” Mirium says, looking