Susan Clegg and a Man in the House

  CHAPTER X

  THE EVILS OF DELAYED DECEASE

  "I ain't been doin' my duty by Mrs. Macy lately," said Susan Clegg toMrs. Lathrop; "I declare to goodness I've been so did up with the gardenan' Elijah an' house cleanin' this last two weeks that I don't believeI've even thought of the other side of the crick since I begun. I ain'tseen Mrs. Macy either an' maybe that's one reason why I ain't donenothin' about her, but it ain't surprisin' as I ain't seen her for sheain't been here--she's been over in Meadville stayin' with the Lupeys,an' I must say I'm right put out with Elijah for not puttin' it in thepaper so I'd of knowed it afore. The idea of Mrs. Macy bein' inMeadville for over a week an' me not hearin' of it is a thing as makesme feel as maybe when Gabriel blows his horn I'll just merely sit up an'say, 'Did you call?' But anyway she's been away an' she's got back, an'when I heard it in the square to-day I did n't mince up no matters nonebut I just set my legs in her direction an' walked out there as fast asI could. It does beat all how many changes can come about in twoweeks!--four more pickets has been knocked off the minister's fence an'most every one has hatched out their chickens since I was that way last,but I was n't out picketin' or chickenin'; I was out after Mrs. Macy an'I just kept a-goin' till I got to her."

  "Was she--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Yes, she was," replied Susan, "an' thank the most kind an' mercifulHeavens, there was n't no one else there, so she an' I could just sitdown together, an' it was n't nothin' but joy for her to tell me hidean' hair an' inside out of her whole visit. She got back day beforeyesterday an' she had n't even unpacked her trunk yet she was that woreout; you can judge from that how wore out she really is, for you knowyourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as when Mrs. Macy is too wore out to dive headover heels into things, whether her own or other folks', she's beenpretty well beat down to the ground. She was mighty glad to see me,though, even if she did n't come to the door, but only hollered from achair, an' I don't know as I ever had a nicer call on her, for she wentover everythin' inside out an' hind side before, an' it was nothin' buta joy for me to listen, for it seems she had a pretty sad visit firstan' last what with being specially invited to sit up an' watch nightswith Mrs. Kitts an' then stay to the funeral--"

  "Funeral!" cried Mrs. Lathrop,--"I nev--"

  "For after bein' specially invited to help lay her out an' go to thefuneral," Susan repeated calmly, "Mrs. Kitts did n't die a _tall_."

  "Oh!" said Mrs. Lathrop, terminating the whole of a remark, for once.

  "No," said Susan, "an' every one else feels the same as you do about it,too, but it seems as it was n't to be this time. Mrs. Macy says as shenever went through nothin' to equal these ten days dead or alive, an'she hopes so help her heaven to never sit up with anybody as has gotanythin' but heart disease or the third fit of apoplexy hereafter. Why,she says Mr. Dill's eleven months with Mrs. Dill flat on her back was achild playin' with a cat an' a string in comparison to what the Lupeysan' her have been goin' through with Mrs. Kitts these ten days. She saysall Meadville is witness to the way she's skinned 'em down to the bone.Mrs. Dill was give up by a doctor like a Christian, an' after the elevenmonths she _did_ die, but Mrs. Kitts has been give up over an' over bydoctor after doctor till there ain't one in the whole place as ain't madat her about it; an' there she is livin' yet! Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupeyis so wore out she can't talk of nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey feels verybitter over it; she says it's all of six years now since they turned theX-rays through her (an' Mrs. Macy says as Mrs. Lupey says she could sitright down an' cry to think how much them X-rays cost an' how littlegood they done), an' she says it's three years come April Fool's sinceold Dr. Carter tried her lungs with his new kinetoscope an' found 'emfull of air an' nothin' else. Mrs. Lupey says she's always had so muchfaith in old Dr. Carter an' she had faith in him then, an' was so sweetan' trustin' when he come with the machine, an' after he was done shefully believed his word of honor as to everythin', an' that was why theywent an' bought her that bell an' oh heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I onlywish you _could_ hear Mrs. Macy on Mrs. Kitts' bell! It seems that kindof bell is a new invention an' as soon as any one is give up for goodthe doctor as gives 'em up sends a postal to the man as keeps 'em, an'then the man sends it for three days on trial an' then the family buyit, because it lets 'em all sleep easy. Well, Mrs. Macy says it's thequietest lookin' small thing you ever see, but she says Great Scott,Holy Moses, an' ginger tea, the way it works! You only need to put yourhand on it an' just stir it an' it unhooks inside like one of them newpatent mouse traps as catch you ten times to every once they catch amouse, an' then it begins to ring like a fire alarm an' bang like theFourth of July, an' it don't never stop itself again until some one asis perfectly healthy comes tearin' barefoot from somewhere to turn itover an' hook it up an' get Mrs. Kitts whatever she wants."

  "I should--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.

  "I guess they would, too," said Susan; "I guess they'd be only too gladto. Why, Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Lupey says as it was all they could do tolive in the house with her mother when she did n't have nothin' but astick to pound on the floor with, but she says since she's got thatbell--! Well! Mrs. Macy says as they're all four worn into justfrazzles with it, an' Judy is got so nervous with it going off suddenwhen Busby an' she is thinkin' about other things that she beginstwitchin' the minute the bell begins ringin' an' they've had to hire aelectric battery to soothe her with while Faith an' Maria is racin' forthe bell. Mrs. Macy says it's somethin' just awful first, last, an'forever, an' Mrs. Lupey told her in confidence as it was Heaven's owntruth as they had n't none of them woke of their own accords once sinceit was bought."

  "What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Well, Mrs. Macy says she's a pretty good judge of sick folks an' shejudged Mrs. Kitts for all she was worth, an' she could n't feel as sheought in politeness to say anythin' 'cause the Lupeys sent her theround-trip ticket to go an' come back with. But she says just betweenher an' me an' not to let it go any further, that to _her_ order ofthinkin' (an' she'll take her Bible oath to it anywhere) Mrs. Kittslooks like one of those oldest survivor kinds as they print in the citySunday papers every week. She says she ain't got the quiet, give-upmanner of a person as is really quiet an' really givin' up--she's gotthe spry air of a person as likes to keep the whole family jumpin' quickwhenever they speak. She says Mrs. Lupey says as she really does getawful low just often enough to keep their courage up, but Mrs. Macy saysMrs. Lupey is easy fooled because them's the sort as outlives all theirfamilies in the end always. But seems as her gettin' low an' thenraisin' up again ain't the only tough part for it seems as she was solow last fall that they really felt safe to send Maria up to the city tobuy their mournin' at a bargain sale for there's four of 'em an' theywant the veils thick so they'll look sorry from the outside anyhow. AndMaria did go, an'-- Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I will say as to hear about itall does go through one even if it ain't my personal crape! Seems as theclerk asked Maria if it was for a deep family mournin' or just a lightfriendly mournin', an' Maria told him it was _goin'_ to be for hergrandmother. Seems he was n't very polite about it, coughed a good dealbehind his hand an' such doin's, until Maria got real vexed an' so madover thinkin' as maybe it was n't all coughin' as he was keepin' hishand over that she lost her wits an' went to work an' bought most twicethe crape she needed just to show him as she was n't tryin' to savenothin' on her grandmother, whatever _he_ might think. So now Mrs. Macysays, added to Mrs. Kitts an' the bell they've got the care of all thatcrape on their hands, an' the damp gathers in it just awful on rainydays, an' of course no Christian can sun twenty yards of crape on theirclothesline when the dead person ain't died yet, so they're wild overthat, too. They've made their skirts themselves, an' they wanted to dotheir waists, only what with the way sleeves is puffin' out an' slimmin'up an' fronts is first hangin' over an' then hookin' down, the back itjust does seem out of the question. They've worried a lot over the veilssince they was bought 'cause they wanted to get into 'em last winter soas to get out of 'em by last spring, an' then even when Mrs.
Kittsrallied from her Christmas dinner, they thought maybe they could stillbe out of 'em by the Fourth of July; but now--Heavens! Mrs. Macy saysthey don't ask to get out of 'em any more; all they ask is to get _into_'em, an' goodness knows when that is _ever_ goin' to happen. She saysMrs. Lupey says what with Judy's divorce an' Mrs. Kitts livin' rightalong she's going to get moths into her things for the first time in herlife, she just knows she is. It's a pretty hard case any one can see,an' of course seein' Mrs. Kitts live like that may get Busby Bell allout of the notion of marryin' Judy, for of course no man ain't goin' tolike to look forward to Mrs. Lupey's livin' like that too, maybe--ormaybe Judy 'll live herself--you never can tell. Mrs. Macy says Mrs.Lupey says she never guessed as sorrow could come so near to breakin'your back as losin' a grandmother is breakin' theirs. She says whenshe's really lost it won't be so bad 'cause they can all put on theircrape veils an' go straight to bed an' to sleep, but she says this longdrawn out losin' of her with that bell throwed into the bargain issomethin' calculated to make a saint out of a Chinaman, an' nothin' morenor less."

  "Why--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "I tell you, they _can't_," said Susan; "they want to bad enough, butthey can't do it. Mrs. Kitts is too smart for that. She keeps her eagleeye on it awake, an' her whole hand on the little string when she'sasleep, an' drums 'em up to know if the clock is really right, or if shefeels anyways disposed to smell of cologne. Some nights she rolls on thestring in her sleep, an' then the bell wakes her along with the rest of'em, which Mrs. Macy says is a-doin' more aggravatin' to the Lupeysthan any words can do justice to. Mrs. Macy says as she really doesbelieve that if Mrs. Kitts took a fancy to oysters in August she'd befully equal to ringin' that bell for 'em till September came an' theycould get 'em for her. She says it would be just like her, she doesdeclare. Mrs. Macy says she sit with Mrs. Kitts considerable an' Mrs.Kitts was very pleasant to her, an' give her two pair of black lacemitts an' a pin, but she found out afterwards as the mitts was Mrs.Lupey's an' the pin was Maria's, so after that she see just how thefamily felt about her an' her ways. Mrs. Macy says the whole thing is atragedy right out of Shakespeare an' the only pleasant thing about herwhole visit was as it did n't cost her nothin'."

  "Did she--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about that. She see him four times. Idon't know as she wants it generally known, but I wanted to know aboutit so I got it out of her. It does beat all, Mrs. Lathrop, how a womanof Mrs. Macy's sense, with a income that's only a little too small toget along on, can want to marry any man again. But she seems kind ofcrazy on the idea, an' if it ain't Mr. Dill, it's goin' to be Dr.Carter, or bu'st, with her. She says she went to his office just to lethim know she was in Meadville, an' then she see him on the street, an'then she went to his office again to ask him his real opinion of Mrs.Kitts, an' then just before she left she went to his office again to lethim know as she was goin' to come back here. So she see him four timesin all."

  "What did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh, he told her as he would n't be surprised if any of 'em died anyday. That is, any of 'em except Mrs. Kitts. He did n't seem to think asMrs. Kitts would ever die."

  "What do--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh, I saw there was nothin' else as Mrs. Macy could talk about just nowso I come home an' then I come over here. I declare though, Mrs.Lathrop, I can't help bein' a little blue to-night. Of course I ain'tany real relation to you, but we've been neighbors so long that I can'thelp feelin' a little bit uneasy over thinkin' of Mrs. Kitts an'wonderin' how long you may be goin' to live in the end."