Andy Rooney_ 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit
Rooney, Andy
Unknown publisher (2011)
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Product Description
Chairs. Neat people. Ugliness. War. Over six decades of intrepid reporting and elegant essays, Andy Rooney has proven a shrewd cultural analyst—unafraid to question the sometimes ridiculous, often surprising facts of our lives. Rooney’s great gift is telling it straight, without a hint of sugar coating, but with more than a grain of truth and humor. His take on America? “It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.” On food? “There’s more dependable mediocrity than there used to be.”
About the Author
Known to millions for his regular commentary on the television news magazine 60 Minutes, and his syndicated newspaper column, Andrew A. Rooney is the author of numerous bestselling books. He has published five previous books with PublicAffairs: My War, Sincerely, Andy Rooney, Common Nonsense, Years of Minutes, and Out of My Mind. He lives in New York.
60 Years of Wisdom and Wit
Also by Andy Rooney
Out of My Mind
Years of Minutes
Common Nonsense
Sincerely, Andy Rooney
My War
Sweet and Sour
Not That You Asked . . .
Word for Word
Pieces of My Mind
And More by Andy Rooney
A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney
The Fortunes of War
Conquerors’ Peace (with Bud Hutton)
The Story of The Stars and Stripes (with Bud Hutton) Air Gunner (with Bud Hutton)
60 Years of Wisdom and Wit
Andrew A. Rooney
With an Introduction by Brian Rooney
PublicAffairs New York
Copyright © 2009 by Andrew A. Rooney. Introduction copyright © 2009 by Brian Rooney.
Published in the United States by PublicAffairs™, a member of
the Perseus Books Group.
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.
All photographs in this book, unless otherwise indicated, are from the author’s collection and/or the CBS photo archive. Additional photography by Keith D. Kulin. With special thanks to Susie Bieber and Morgen Van Vorst for their editorial work. Ziggy © 1995 Ziggy and Friends, Inc. Reprinted with permission of Universal Press Syndicate. All Rights Reserved.
Doonesbury © 1982 G. B. Trudeau. Reprinted with permission of Universal Press Syndicate. All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address PublicAffairs, 250 West 57th Street, Suite 1321, New York, NY 10107.
PublicAffairs books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the U.S. by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA 19103, call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail special.markets@perseusbooks.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Rooney, Andrew A.
Andy Rooney: 60 years of wisdom and wit / Andrew A. Rooney ; with an introduction by Brian Rooney. — 1st ed.
p. cm
ISBN 978-1-58648-773-7 (alk. paper)
1. American wit and humor. I. Title.
PN6162.R629 2009
814'.54—dc22
2009029909 First Edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
Timeline ix Introduction by Brian Rooney xv
Part I:
The Beginnings of a Writing Life 1
Drafted, 3
Meeting Marge, 15
A Missive to Marge from England, 19 Places of Business, 22
Combat, 34
Part II:
Mr. Rooney Goes to Work 49
Chairs, 51
Mr. Rooney Goes to Dinner, 59 In Praise of New York City, 76 An Essay on War, 84
Part III:
A Few Decades with Andy Rooney 91
The Man Behind the Desk 93 Introducing Andy Rooney, 93
An Interview with Andy Rooney, 95
Sartorial Shortcomings, 97
vi Contents
A World-Class Saver, 99
Born to Lose, 102
My Name’s Been Stolen, 104
On Writing 106 There Is No Secret, 106
It’s a Writer Who Makes a Fool of Himself, 108
The Journalist’s Code of Ethics, 110
A Report on Reporting, 113
Big Business, 115
On Work and Money 118 Procrastination, 118
Fired, 121
Broke, 122
A Cash Standard, 125
Savings, 127
The Art of Living 129 Being With People, Being Without, 129
Finding the Balance, 130
The Truth About Lying, 132
The Sweet Spot in Time, 134
Life, Long and Short, 136
The Glories of Maturity, 138
Plain-Spoken Wisdom 141 Trust, 141
Intelligence, 143
Directions, 145
The Quality of Mercy, 147
Morning People and Night People, 149
The Sound of Silence, 151
The Search for Quality 153 Where Are All the Plumbers? 153
On Conservation, 155
Design, 157
Contents vii
Quality? 159
Signed by Hand, 161
Loyalty, 163
On Home and Family 166 A Nest to Come Home To, 166
Real Real Estate, 168
Home, 170
Struck by the Christmas Lull, 172
An Appreciative Husband’s Gratitude, 174
My House Runneth Over, 177
Mother, 179
Grandfatherhood, 181
Simple Pleasures 184 A Trip to the Dump, 184
Vacation, 186
Napping, 188
Wastebaskets, 191
Wood, 193
An All-American Drive, 195
Christmas Trees, 198
Oh, What a Lovely Game, 200
The Urge to Eat 208 Ice Cream, 208
The Andy Rooney Upside-Down Diet, 210
Thin for Christmas, 212
The Urge to Eat, 214
Sodium-Restricted Diet, 216
On People and Places 218 Thanks, Pal, 218
Frank Sinatra, Boy and Man, 220
E. B. White, 222
Lonnie, 224
The Godfrey You Don’t Know, 225
Harry Reasoner, 231
viii Contents
A Best Friend, 233
The Flat Earth in Kansas, 234
Surrendering to Paris, 236
No, Thank You 239 Waiting, 239
Hot Weather, 241
Neat People, 243
Driving, 245
The White House? No, Thank You, 248
The Agony of Flight, 249
Appendix:
The Following Things Are True 253
Ninety-Nine Opinions I’m Stuck With, 255 Dislikes, 263
Rules of Life, 265
The Following Things Are True, 267
The Following Things Are True About Sports, 273 “Happy Holiday” Doesn’t Do It, 276
The More You Eat, 278
Life as I See It: Rooney’s Witticisms 281 Credits 285
Timeline
January 14, • Andrew Aitken Rooney is born in Albany, New 1919 York, t
o Walter Scott and Ellinor Rooney.
1932–1938 •attends The Albany Academy
• writes for student magazine The Cue
1938 –1941 • attends Colgate University in Hamilton, New York, where he becomes editor of Colgate’s magazine The Banter
1941 • drafted into the Army, heads to training in Fort Bragg, North Carolina, followed by Camp Blanding, Florida
• arrested outside St. Augustine, Florida, for sitting in the back of the Army bus alongside African American soldiers
1942 • marries Marguerite Howard
• arrives in Perham Downs, England, with the 17th Field Artillery
• joins the Armed Forces newspaper The Stars and Stripes in their London office
• meets United Press reporter Walter Cronkite, Stars and Stripes correspondent Don Hewitt (who would become the executive of 60Minutes), and Edward R. Murrow
1943 • flies with the Eighth Air Force on the second American bombing raid on Germany x Timeline
1944 • lands on Utah Beach in Normandy, three days after D-day
• encounters Ernest Hemingway at hotel outside Paris and finds him ill-mannered
• enters Paris with the French Army the day the city is liberated from Germany
• Air Gunner (written with Bud Hutton) is published
1945 • discharged from the Army
1946 • The Story of the Stars and Stripes (written with Bud Hutton) is published
• MGM buys movie rights to The Story of the Stars and Stripes for $55,000 (Rooney and Hutton are hired by MGM to work on the script)
• assigned by Cosmopolitan to cover postwar Europe with Bud Hutton in ten pieces
1947 • returns to Albany, New York, and embarks on a freelance career
• Conquerors’ Peace: A Report to the American Stockholders (written with Bud Hutton), which derives from the Cosmopolitan assignment, is published
• daughter Ellen Rooney is born
1949 • joins CBS as a writer for megawatt radio and TV personality Arthur Godfrey; writes for The Arthur Godfrey Talent Scouts and Arthur Godfrey Time until 1955
1950 • daughters Emily and Martha Rooney are born
1951 • son Brian Rooney is born
Timeline xi
1952 • begins his love affair with woodworking
1957 • adapts E. B. White’s essay “Here is New York” for TV
1959 –1965 • writes for The Garry Moore Show, for Victor Borge, Herb Shriner, and Bob and Ray and contributes to CBS News’ “The Twentieth Century,” “Adventure,” “Calendar,” and The Morning Show
• begins work with CBS 60 Minutes correspondent Harry Reasoner on a series of TV specials that include pieces on bridges, hotels, and the English language
1964 • writes his first television essay, “An Essay on Doors”
1965 • writes television essay on Frank Sinatra narrated by Walter Cronkite and produced by Don Hewitt
1966 • receives Writers Guild of America Award for best TV documentary for The Great Love Affair
1968 • writes Black History: Lost, Stolen or Strayed, narrated by Bill Cosby, and is awarded a Writers Guild Award and an Emmy Award for his script
• appears for the first time on television on the 60 Minutes broadcast “Digressions” with Palmer Williams
1970 • quits CBS after their refusal to air his “An Essay on War”
1971 • “An Essay on War” is aired on PBS’s The Great American Dream Machine and receives a Writers Guild Award; for the first time, narrates his own piece on air
• joins ABC, following Harry Reasoner
xii Timeline
1972 • returns to CBS to continue write, produce, and narrate full-length pieces for 60 Minutes and to write for various CBS broadcasts
1974 • writes and appears in his celebration of New York, “In Praise of New York City”
1975 • writes and stars in the CBS prime-time feature “Mr. Rooney Goes to Washington”
• is awarded a Peabody for the piece, as well as a Writers Guild Award for best TV documentary
1976 • writes and stars in the CBS prime-time feature “Mr. Rooney Goes to Dinner,” for which he receives a Writers Guild Award
1977 • writes and stars in the CBS prime-time feature “Mr. Rooney Goes to Work”
1978 • Don Hewitt airs Rooney’s humorous on-air segment “Three Minutes with Andy Rooney” as a summer fill-in for the “Point/Counterpoint” face-off between Shana Alexander and James Kilpatrick
• “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney” replaces “Point/Counterpoint”
• receives an Emmy Award for “Who Owns What in America”
1979 • receives a Writers Guild Award for “Happiness: The Elusive Pursuit”
1979–present • syndicated column is published and distributed through Tribune Media
1981 • A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney (the book) is published and quickly becomes a best seller
Timeline xiii
• is awarded a News and Documentary Emmy for “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney”
1982 • And More by Andy Rooney is published
• receives a second Emmy award for “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney”
1984 • Pieces of My Mind is published and becomes a best seller
• Word for Word is published
1989 • Not That You Asked . . . is published
1990 • suspended by CBS for three months for remarks that were perceived as racist and homophobic; re-hired four weeks later (60 Minutes’ ratings fell 20 percent without “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney”)
1992 • Sweet and Sour is published
1995 • My War is published
1999 • Sincerely, Andy Rooney is published
2000 • My War is reissued and becomes a best seller
2002 • Common Nonsense is published
2003 • Years of Minutes is published
• awarded a Lifetime Achievement Emmy and the Ernie Pyle Lifetime Achievement Award
2004 • wife Marguerite (Marge) dies 2006 • Out of My Mind is published
Introduction
by Brian Rooney
It was not clear to me as a child what a writer does for a living. I thought my father just took the train to New York every morning before I was awake and came back in time for dinner. I was aware that he knew some famous people in radio and television, but he was not famous himself. I didn’t have a clue what he did.
I went through most of grade school in the 1950s and 1960s with a pair of high black Keds and one pair of blue jeans that I wore every day until they ripped out and my mother bought another pair. I didn’t know for many years that at the time it was about all my parents could afford.
My father made his living by the only thing he knew how to do, which was putting words on paper. He was blunt, outspoken, and opinionated. It turns out that he was paid money for being that way. But as a writer he lived by principles that often put his career and family at risk. Sometimes he was fired for what he said, and more than once he quit in disagreement with his bosses. He believes in thought, the written word, and that a person should stand for something more than his own good.
As a father he was the product of his time. He never said, “I love you,” and never asked about my feelings. He encouraged me to play football, because that’s what he had done, and tried to make it to as many games as he could.
He expected a certain amount of toughness in me. A broken finger was not an excuse to sit on the bench. When I was fourteen I ripped the cartilage in my left knee and came down with pneumonia the same week, but he woke me up one morning before catching the 6:02 to the city asking whether I would make it to play in the football game that day.
He gave me my first pocketknife and taught me how to use a hammer, a chisel, and a table saw. He’d tell me, “It doesn’t seem right, but it’s safer when your fingers are closest to the
blade.” We both still have all xvi Introduction by Brian Rooney
our fingers. He also taught me basic cooking. He showed me how to make a roux to thicken a sauce and to grill a steak medium rare.
He was reckless in ways that were fun. One Halloween he lined me up with my three sisters in the kitchen, handed us each a bar of soap, and told us to get out there and soap some neighbors’ windows. He took us winter camping without a tent—we made our own igloo out of snow. It rained one night and as the igloo melted on my crew-cut head, I saw him standing over the fire trying to dry our clothes.
One year when there was a foot of snow on the ground, my father put my sisters and me on the toboggan, attached a rope to the bumper, and towed us around town with the Country Squire station wagon. He drove with his head hanging out the window, looking back to check on us. Going down steep hills when the toboggan started catching up with the rear wheels, he’d hit the gas and speed up.
He liked doing things with gasoline because during the war the army in Europe had done everything with gas: heating, cooking, even washing their jeeps to give them a low sheen. In the fall we piled up leaves for burning and my father would get out a jug of gasoline, sprinkle it on, step back, and throw in a match. It went whump and the leaves were instantly reduced to ashes. He’d say, “That’s the best thing since the ETO.” The ETO was the European Theater of Operations, bureaucratic jargon for the War, and he never ceased to be amused by the term.
For a man who’s been in the army and hung around newsrooms all his life, he, surprisingly, does not use profanity. The only time I ever heard a dirty word from him was when I asked about the racist joke that got Earl Butz fired from his position as Secretary of Agriculture. When my father repeated it to me I was more shocked to hear the words from his mouth than I was by the joke itself. I was in my twenties and had never heard him use words like that.
He is a ruthless negotiator. One Saturday he said to me, “Come on, kid, we have to go buy a new station wagon.” We drove over to the Ford dealer, where he identified the car he wanted, and made an offer a few hundred dollars below the sticker price, which at the time was a deep discount. The salesman said, “Sir, I can’t sell it for that. It’s the last car of
Introduction by Brian Rooney xvii
its model in the whole New England sales district and I can get full price from someone else.”
My father kicked his toe in the dirt and said, “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but my wife and I wanted two of them exactly alike.” We went home, made hamburgers, and started to watch a football game. When the phone rang and my father answered, all I heard him say was, “Now we’re ready to talk.” The salesman had found an identical station wagon only a few miles away.