THREADBARE
Volume 3: The Right to Arm Bears
By Andrew Seiple
Cover by Amelia Parris
Edited by Beth Lyons
Warning! Contains profanity and violence.
Text copyright © Andrew Seiple 2018
All Rights Reserved
With thanks to Piers Anthony, for teaching me that puns and fantasy can mix!
Table of Contents
PROLOGUE..............................................................................................................5
CHAPTER 1: SPARKS IN THE NIGHT..........................................................10
CHAPTER 2: HECK COMES TO FROGTOWN............................................24
CHAPTER 3: LOUDEST INFILTRATION EVER..........................................36
CHAPTER 4: REASON FAILS...........................................................................52
INTERLUDE 1: THE GENERAL......................................................................67
CHAPTER 5: A NOT-SO-LONELY MOUNTAIN...........................................74
CHAPTER 6: GIVE THE DWARVES THEIR DUE.......................................87
CHAPTER 7: THE LURKER STRIKES...........................................................98
CHAPTER 8: JOTUNHER................................................................................106
CHAPTER 9: LARGE AND IN CHARGE......................................................118
INTERLUDE 2: KING’S LEGACY..................................................................131
INTERLUDE 3: KING’S LOSS.......................................................................142
CHAPTER 10: ON THE EVE OF BATTLE...................................................151
CHAPTER 11: DEATH FROM ABOVE.........................................................165
CHAPTER 12: MORE THAN A HANDFUL.................................................175
INTERLUDE 4: SPOILS OF WAR.................................................................185
CHAPTER 13: BREACHING...........................................................................193
CHAPTER 14: THE SINS OF THE FATHERS...........................................202
​CHAPTER 15: INFERNAL RECKONING....................................................210
CHAPTER 16: LOOSE ENDS.........................................................................223
EPILOGUE...........................................................................................................238
APPENDIX I: THREADBARE’S JOBS AND SKILLS.................................243
AUTHOR’S NOTE..............................................................................................261
PROLOGUE
Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear.
He became a golem, a thing animated by magic, and had many adventures. And at last, he was reunited with the little girl who loved him.
And there, in his moment of triumph, she died.
But he would not let it end that way.
For in his travels he had learned to defy death itself and grant his friends a new existence, as golems. And he saw no reason his little girl could not be so reborn.
He practiced hard, drove himself to new levels of skill to give her the body she deserved, the best he could make her.
And when all else was ready, he checked himself and spoke the word “Status.”
And this is what he saw.
Name: Threadbare
Age: 5
Jobs:
Greater Toy Golem Level 15
Cave Bear Level 12
Ruler Level 11
Scout Level 7
Tailor Level 11
Model Level 8
Necromancer Level 11
Duelist Level 6
Animator Level 12
Enchanter Level 10
Golemist Level 12
Smith Level 10
Sculptor Level 12
Attributes Pools Defenses
Strength: 124 Constitution: 138 Hit Points: 330(410) Armor: 52(59)
Intelligence: 216 Wisdom: 201(208) Sanity: 417(545) Mental Fortitude: 42
Dexterity: 147(154) Agility: 112(126) Stamina: 269(373) Endurance: 62
Perception: 112 Luck: 89(96) Fortune: 208(295) Fate: 15(22)
Generic Skills
Brawling - Level 35 (+8)
Climb - Level 13
Clubs and Maces - Level 9
Dagger - Level 9
Dodge - Level 8
Fishing - Level 1
Ride - Level 8
Stealth - Level 13
Swim - Level 5
Greater Toy Golem Skills
Adorable - Level 30
Gift of Sapience - Level NA
Golem Body - Level 26
Innocent Embrace - Level 14
Magic Resistance - Level 7
Bear Skills
Animalistic Interface - NA
Claw Swipes - 24
Forage - 13
Growl - 2
Hibernate - 37
Scents and Sensibility - 20
Stubborn - 8
Toughness - 19
Ruler Skills
Appoint Official - NA
Emboldening Speech - Level 16
Identify Subject - Level 10
It’s Good to be King - NA
Noblesse Oblige - Level 26
Organize Minions - NA
Royal Audience - Level 17
Simple Decree - Level 8
Swear Fealty - NA
Scout Skills
Alertness - Level 2
Best Route - Level 2
Camouflage - Level 2
Firestarter - Level 4
Keen Eye - Level 5
Sturdy Back - Level 6
Wind’s Whisper - Level 5
Tailor Skills
Adjust Outfit - Level 4
Clean and Press - Level 13
Recycle Cloth - Level 1
Tailoring - Level 51(65)
Model Skills
Call Outfit - Level 1
Dietary Restriction - Level 40 (+80 to all pools)
Fascination - Level 4
Flex - Level 16
Makeup - Level 3
Self-Esteem - Level 16
Strong Pose – Level 5
Work it Baby - Level 40
Necromancer Skills
Assess Corpse - Level 12
Command the Dead - Level 28
Deathsight - Level 8
Drain Life - Level 1
Invite Undead - Level 12
Mana Focus – NA (+11% to sanity)
Soulstone - Level 45
Speak With Dead - Level 20
Zombies - Level 3
Duelist Skills
Challenge - Level 4
Dazzling Entrance - Level 8
Fancy Flourish - Level 7 (14)
Guard Stance - Level 8
Parry - Level 6
Swashbuckler’s Spirit - NA (+13 to cool)
Swinger - Level 2
Weapon Specialist - Level 17 (Brawling +8)
Animator Skills
Animus - Level 35
Animus Blade - Level 10
Animus Shield - Level 4
Arm Creation - Level 7
Command Animus - Level 19
Creator’s Guardians - Level 26
Dollseye - Level 18
Eye for Detail - Level 20
Magic Mouth - Level 10
Mend - Level 40
Enchanter Skills
Appraise - Le
vel 30
Boost+5 - Level 9
Boost +10 - Level 2
Disenchant - Level 1
Elemental Protection - Level 8
Glowgleam - Level 26
Harden - Level 28
Soften - Level 30
Spellstore I - Level 9
Spellstore V - Level 1
Spellstore X - Level 1
Wards - Level 2
Golemist Skills
Clay Golem - Level 1
Command Golem - Level 10
Golem Animus - Level 46
Golem Guardians - NA
Invite Golem - Level 11
Mend Golem - Level 15
Program Golem - Level 40
Toy Golem - Level 56
Wood Golem - Level 9
Smith Skills
Adjust Arms and Armor - Level 7
Refine Ore - Level 10
Smelt Down - Level 1
Smithing - Level 46
Sculptor Skills
Detect Clay - Level 8
Mend Ceramic - Level 5
Refine Clay - Level 16
Sculpting - Level 58
Equipment
Journeyman Tailor’s Apron of fire resistance (+6 Armor, +10 Tailoring, Resist Fire 9)(+2 Armor, +4 Tailoring, +3 Resist Fire from WIB)
Okay Quality Bling
Ringtail Master’s Coat (+5 CHA, +5 LUCK, +5 Armor, +5 Fate)(+2 CHA, LUCK, Armor, Fate from WIB)
Rod of Baronly Might (+5 CHA, +5 WIS, +10 Cool)(+2 CHA, WIS, +4 Cool from WIB)
Yellow Belt of Bravado (+5 AGL, +5 DEX, +5 to the Fancy Flourish skill)(+2 AGL, DEX, Fancy Flourish from WIB)
Toy Top Hat (CHA +10)(+4 CHA from WIB)
Inventory
A Finely-Made Dagger (Dagger Level 5)
Tailor’s Tools
A small jewelry box with a few reagents and crystals, most minor.
1 bead of Mend Golem (Level 15)
Minorphone (Enhances voice and social skills focused through it twice per day)
Quests
Unlocked Jobs
Berserker, Cleric, Cook, Cultist, Grifter, Spirit Medium, Tamer, Wizard
Cecelia’s new body would only be the first step, he knew. To save her, to save himself, to save everyone, they would have to start a new journey.
And this time, the teddy bear swore that everyone he loved would get through it alive...
CHAPTER 1: SPARKS IN THE NIGHT
“Golem Animus.”
The teddy bear spoke, and everything changed.
Threadbare watched, worried, as the invisible pressure built, stronger than he’d ever felt it before when he animated a golem. But he had done this many times, and his skill was high, high enough that he could focus his will. Focus his will, and ensure that his best and oldest friend had the body they’d gone to so much effort to prepare.
And with joy in his heart, he watched as the ceramic dolly under his paw opened her eyes and tried to move her mouth.
Your Golem Animus skill is now level 47!
“Afgart.” She vocalized. “Umf. Ango. Ahng on. Hang on.”
“Newborn’s Mercy,” hissed Zuula, laying her head on Cecelia’s red, frizzy hair.
“Yorgum’s blessing of luck on Cecelia!” Fluffbear squeaked, slapping her hand on the ball-jointed doll’s ankle.
“Status,” Cecelia said.
Threadbare smiled and offered her a paw up.
And the porcelain doll took it, testing her new legs, and finding them graceful enough.
“It’s fine, I hope?” Threadbare asked. He’d put a lot of work into learning and skilling up the sculptor job, which was evidently what you needed to make clay things and pottery things as well. A LOT of work, knowing that they only had one shot at this. There was a makeshift kiln out back, filled with his failures, and after a full week of grinding, his successes.
“It is.”
“So what didja get?” The three-foot-long wooden dragon who’d been watching through the doorway pushed herself into the bedroom. “Tell me the racial skills are totes bitchin’.”
“Well, the stats are way better than starting toy golems,” Cecelia told Madeline, smoothing her green cloth dress with fingers that Threadbare had crafted individually then worked into tiny ball joints, with Fluffbear’s help. “Better than wood, too. I’ve got a few triple digit attributes, mainly from my adventuring job levels, I think."
“Nice!” Madeline said, nuzzling her with one oaken cheek. “I shoulda held out fah clay. Be a pahttery dragon or something.”
“Well, one of the skills would do you no good. I’m immune to fire, which is of no use to you.” Cecelia said, easing herself down from the wrecked bedframe. Like most of the rest of the farmhouse, it was ruined, long gone to seed, with mold and vines growing over and through it. “And I have Gorgeous, which is like your Adorable skill, evidently. I skilled it up a bunch when I woke up.”
“Yeah, I’m thinking you’re beautiful,” the two-foot-tall wooden minotaur said, hooking thumbs through his belt. “Not that, uh, well. I mean... ah, let’s not make it weird,” Garon finished.
“No worry. I know what you mean.” Cecelia studied her pale hands and shrugged. “I guess. It’s... this is going to take some getting used to.” She frowned, as something on her status screen caught her attention. “My hit points aren’t much better than a wood golem’s, but my armor is over a hundred. Some of that’s probably from my Human job but not much.” Cecelia said, rubbing her chin with one ceramic hand. “I wonder if I’d stayed unfired, if it would be reversed? High hit points, low armor?”
“Yeah yeah,” Zuula said. The plush half-orc doll eased herself from the foot of the bed, dropped down next to the armored black teddy bear. “Skip to important part. How many of you jobs and levels you get back?”
“Five animator, five enchanter, five knight... and five Steam Knight.” She smiled.
And Threadbare felt joy well up inside him. It had been a lot of work and time to figure out how to make her face flexible enough to do that, with the tiny joints and the interplay of her wood skeleton and stuffing ‘muscles’. But it had been worth every bit of grinding to see his little girl smile again.
“Then we have what we need.” Garon relaxed, adjusted the harness slung over his wood-and-fur chest. The hatchet he’d found kept tugging it down.
“I’m thinking of askin’ for an upgrade,” Madeline said, turning glass eyes on Threadbare. They were marbles, catseye marbles they’d found in the attic while casing the ruin. Probably the closest thing they’d get to a dragon’s slit pupils, Madeline had said. “Bettah stats are okay wit’ me.”
“Not right now. We only had the one pinch of green reagent. And that was risky enough to get.” Threadbare shook his head. “But speaking of that, we need to go thank Graves. I think he’ll appreciate the results of his sacrifice. And his hard work.”
The doll haunters and their golem friends filed out of the room, making their way around the big gap in the floorboards, stepping carefully as the floor creaked and groaned.
They followed the faint sound of music. Eerie and in no tongue that anything on this plane spoke, it wound its way through the old house from outside. The late, unlamented Pastor Hatecraft would have called it eldritch, but then he always was an excitable one.
No, there was nothing eldritch here. The assorted constructs knew it was only their friend Glub, barding it up.
They found him outside the barn, which was moderately better preserved than the house and intact enough to hold Annie Mata’s wagon. A fire crackled not far from the barn doorway, and the rest of their friends sat around the campsite, watching them approach with relieved eyes. They were five in number, a big black bobcat and a cougar about half his size, both cats sound asleep by the warmest part of the fire. Next to them was a black-haired man wearing a padded cloth tunic and trousers, so thin that his bones were flush to his skin in places. Sitting on a nearby log was a little wooden doll that could only be described as a fishman, down to its leather catfi
sh whiskers and big googly eyes.
And then there was the catgirl.
“Oh wow!” A wooden marionette, of a black-haired woman with two kitty ears sticking out of her head and a tail poking out through a hole in her pants jumped up, stringless. She grinned at Cecelia, showing tiny fangs. “Captain, you’re gorgeous! Desu, desu.”
“You’re still saying that word, Kayin?” Garon snorted. “Seriously?”
“Shut up. I swear it gets me racial job experience,” the assassin who’d once been human but was now an undead spirit haunting a wooden catgirl golem walked up to Cecelia and knelt. “Captain! Reporting for duty!”
“Oh get up. Come on, come on,” Cecelia took her shoulders and straightened her to her feet. Her ball-jointed body was one of the larger golems here, standing two feet high, towering over her companions. “Pretty sure that oath was only until death.”
“Kayin swore a new one,” offered the sole living human in the group from the comfort of the fire. Graves leaned his withered body over his cane, studying Cecelia. “I’ll swear to a new code myself, as soon as I get another knight level. My armor’s gone, so I’ll need all the defense boosts I can get.”
“I still feel guilty about that,” Cecelia looked away. “That was enchanted armor.”
“Don’t be. I’m just glad we guessed right, and one of its components was green reagent. And after the bear gave up his pants for the task, I couldn’t do any less.”
“It does feel a little strange without them,” Threadbare said, looking down to his paw, and the golden, bear-headed rod he now had to wield without the benefit of his hammerspace pocket. “My scepter’s out in the open now, for everyone to see.”
There was a pause, then everyone but Threadbare and Fluffbear and the cats were laughing.
“Um,” the teddy bear said, puzzled.
“It’s probably a fart joke. Or about poop. Or a sex joke,” Fluffbear explained to him.
“It de last one. Sex joke.” Zuula said, winding down and proceeding to explain the meaning of the joke in detail.
Threadbare still didn’t see why it was funny, but whatever. If his friends got a good laugh out of it, he didn’t mind.
“Besides,” Graves said, “the armor would have made me stand out more. I’m sure that the inquisitor has reported me as a traitor by now. And it would’ve... hm... have you heard of the swordsman’s curse?”
“Oh. That.” Cecelia snorted. Kayin nodded.
“I don’t think we have.” Threadbare glanced back to Garon, Madeline, and Zuula, who were three of his big touchstones for worldly knowledge. They all shook their heads.