He looks at me as though he has never seen my eyes before.
Like he does not remember how they blend in with the sky on hot Montana days.
Or the way they tear up when I hear him read
a bedtime story to a child.
He looks at me, blank face, emotions stripped away.
A replica of my soulmate.
And I realize a stranger stands before me and he is speaking in a language, I cannot understand.
I can hear my soul ripping in half, and it is making his words hard to absorb.
This beautiful man who once told me how many freckles I have scattered across skin
that is the softest this side of the West coast…
is looking straight through me.
And even the sound of my heart falling at
his feet does not startle him
as he tells me he no longer loves me.
And all the while, he is looking at me
as though he has never seen my eyes before.
~Stranger
M O N S O O N
71
I saw a battleground in his eyes.
The wars he had fought in life
held my stare.
He held out his battered hand,
and cupped my face,
and told me he was utterly lost.
But I knew that lost was not
a place, but was a soul
in paralysis, waiting to feel moved,
and I wanted to help him feel.
And I desperately
wanted him to feel me.
~Warrior.
72 Abandoned
Breaths
I am so much more.
More than your shallow heart
can hold.
More than your blood
that runs cold.
I am more than the
failure you thought I would be.
I am more than the words
you spoke to me.
I am more than the reasons
you used to flee.
More…
then you will ever let me be.
~More
M O N S O O N
73
Be honest with yourself.
You are not afraid
to love someone.
You are afraid
of not being loved back.
~Obstacles.
74 Abandoned
Breaths
I often think I am too broken,
not cracked… or chipped,
but utterly shattered.
Fractured in a way
that cannot be reassembled,
the way I was before,
but then I look up,
and I see the Universe
in all its luminous glow,
I know that you can
still shine brilliantly…
even in pieces.
~Fractured
M O N S O O N
75
Even on the days that you cannot find
one thing about yourself to admire or love,
I can promise you that you are viewed
differently by others.
You are unique and effervescent.
You are vintage in a sea of cookie-cutters.
You are stardust buried beneath self-doubt;
amazing in ways unequalled,
because your delicate, but profound touch
in this world matters.
No one is you.
You and your heart are leaving
lasting fingerprints of infinite value…
because you have perfected the art
of loving in indelible ink.
~You are stardust.
76 Abandoned
Breaths
I will always reach for you.
Maybe not with arms,
but my mind
grabs hold of you
in every memory,
and my God…
its grip is fierce.
You are my motivation
for getting through the day.
You have been,
ever since you went away.
~You are missed.
M O N S O O N
77
I remind myself of my strength often.
At times, I have had to hold on for dear life
with a coward’s grip.
But, if I am honest with myself…
the true test has always been
using my superpower to let go.
~Holding on was too easy.
Zephyr
Z E P H Y R
81
Learning to navigate a road
you have never traveled,
- alone,
is hard,
when you are fleeing
the very arms
that pushed you away.
I see lost souls
walking past me.
On the left.
On the right.
All on a mission
to reach happiness.
They all have a story.
They carry it high,
in their eyes.
Afraid to look you head on,
because you might be able
to read where their hearts
have been, and where
they long to go.
~Story
82 Abandoned
Breaths
When I stopped interrogating myself
about what went wrong,
I began attracting everything…
that was right.
~Don’t look back
Z E P H Y R
83
I did not look back,
even though the past
continued to scream my name.
I just ran faster…
until all I heard were
your whispers
urging me forward.
“I don’t love you.
It’s not you…It is me.”
~Whispers
84 Abandoned
Breaths
I tried to be
what he wanted.
I swear…
I gave it
every scream
within my chest.
Until one day
the cries crawled
their way out,
and led me
out the door.
~Crawling
Z E P H Y R
85
I hope you never have to do it.
I hope you never have to bury
your soulmate,
knowing they still walk upon this earth.
~Buried Alive
86 Abandoned
Breaths
Any kind of love that is
void of action
is not the kind of love
that you deserve.
If you are experiencing
the kind of love
that allows them to
willfully stay away…
then I beg you, I plead,
let it go.
Let them go.
You deserve the kind of love
that stays by your side,
and does not make you
question its existence.
~Deserving
Z E P H Y R
87
He ran his hands over my past,
lingering over the dents
and worn edges of my heart.
When I thought he would run away
like the others had…
he told me I was his Siren,
and that my heart had called
to him -
beckoning,
asking him to bestow
honor and respect.
~Siren
88 Abandoned
Breaths
Let’s be honest.
We hate our pasts.
Who looks backward and thinks they did it right?
We made poor choices.
W
e gave parts of ourselves to people who were not emotionally worthy enough to tie our shoes, much less make a relationship a priority.
We allowed them to mistake our kind hearts for weak ones.
They could not respect us because they thought we were drivel, pansies, pushovers.
That’s what happens when you fall in love.
Hearts soften a bit.
They tenderize. They rub up against the force-fields that have been erected
until they break through - marinated in pain,
and ready to be thrown into the fire…
of love.
~Fire
Z E P H Y R
89
You need not worry
if she will make it
after you are gone.
Her track record
is testimony for
resilience.
What you need to
contemplate,
is how her absence
will change your life.
~Reflection
90 Abandoned
Breaths
If there is one thing I know for sure it is that the world can be cruel.
It will bare its teeth and you will get your heart shredded.
Most of the time you will never get the answers you seek either.
Prepare yourself… it is going to happen.
To think otherwise is setting yourself up for a ‘Why me’
moment.
You cannot sail through life.
Yet whatever you do, do not let it harden you until your heart is wooden
and splintered beyond repair.
Reinforce self-love because the world will gleefully snatch it away.
You must know, deep inside, that your existence and contribution matters.
People cannot, and will not validate you.
The world will not celebrate your uniqueness.
It will not remind you that you are precious despite its toying with you.
So, get used to giving your soul high-pitched catcalls and long - low whistles.
Happiness begins with you.
~Happiness
Z E P H Y R
91
I am not twenty something anymore.
I do not have youth on my side.
Wisdom has replaced the mistakes
and lessons have been disguised as
soul fillers.
Perhaps more importantly, the memories
have been earned; I would not go back
and change much.
Through heartache, I have unearthed a heart
that is resilient, and pliant, and deeper
than any five hundred-page novel I could get lost in.
My story has been inked with mystery, intrigue, deceit, crime, true romance…
and too many toxic turns.
All of this has helped create a desire
to live a life with a passion
that is no longer on hold.
~Twenty-something
92 Abandoned
Breaths
If I had never visited the darkness,
I would have never found my light.
Learning to love myself
was a foreign emotion.
I had to learn to like myself first,
and it took some time to convince
my heart,
that I was worth a
second look.
~Love Yourself
Z E P H Y R
93
Never make the mistake
of thinking a quiet soul
is an empty one.
~Quiet
94 Abandoned
Breaths
I hurt in places
you brought back
from the dead.
Now I have to lay
them to rest again.
~Risen
Z E P H Y R
95
I know all about scars.
My smile is the mask
I wear
365
days
a year.
~Put that lipstick on and smile for the world.
96 Abandoned
Breaths
I will never understand
the vastness of the
human heart’s landscape.
How it can hold centuries
worth of love
within its walls,
yet harbor lifetimes of hate
in every nook and cranny.
~Human heart
Z E P H Y R
97
I kept the door wide open,
not halfway, not a narrow crack,
but torn-free from its hinges.
I kept it open
in case you walked through.
Now it is time.
I am locking the door
I have stood and prayed from.
I am bolting it from the inside.
I can no longer give you permission
to visit, nor knock on it.
~Vacant.
98 Abandoned
Breaths
The world is full
of precious souls
wearing masks
to hide the pain.
~Masquerade Ball
Z E P H Y R
99
There are words
that need to be said.
Buried beneath pride and fear.
Rejection has suffocated
their tenacity to bloom.
So, they stay dormant
and fester.
Dwelling in the darkest
and dusty corners of a crying soul.
Unseen, yet felt.
Not alive, but not dead.
Abandoned Breaths.
Words that need to be said.
~Abandoned words.
100 Abandoned
Breaths
Storms don't scare me,
especially in the middle of the night.
The lightning makes it easier
to see the ghosts
in the corners of my heart.
~Illumination
Z E P H Y R
101
I will always wonder
if I pruned your
garden
too closely…
and if that is why
you had to leave
in order to grow.
How empty
would my mind be,
if I let you go?
~Gardener of Heartache
102 Abandoned
Breaths
What I view as catastrophic,
is in fact a metamorphosis.
I am becoming
the best version
of myself.
Pain has carved the
8th wonder of the world.
A Survivor.
~Metamorphosis
Z E P H Y R
103
My spirit has mental earthquakes,
and nothing helps its incessant shaking
more than absolute quiet.
‘Stillness’ is the comfort I seek
as the Universe rips me wide open
in cyclonic despair.
I have come to accept
that my soul is shifting.
It is changing and purging…
making room for growth
and for more love.
~Shaking
104 Abandoned
Breaths
I would rather ache…
than feel nothing at all.
To know that I respond
to another heart with such
craving, reminds me that
I am alive.
~He plays the keys to my heart like a well-tuned piano.
Z E P H Y R
105
I believe in change because
I have watched it manifest
within my own heart.
It is a process, not an over-nighter.
The tough part is enduring
t
he ripping and the mending.
You cannot go through pain
and not be changed in some way.
The skeletons come out
of the closet, and dance
with your hopes and dreams,
and the best version of yourself
is the last man standing.
~I am not the same person I was 20 years ago,
or 20 minutes ago.
106 Abandoned
Breaths
There are those who mistake
her sorrowful eyes for weak.
What they do not understand
is that supernatural strength
grows from pain…
and that this soft
and delicate creature
who purrs like a kitten,
is really a woman
with super powers that
roars with the ferocity