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    Judgement Calls

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      anything to do with any of this.

      I managed to fall asleep, but my pager woke me up shortly after the wee

      hours had kicked in. I recognized the number as Garcia's cell, so I

      returned the call. He could tell from my voice that he'd woken me and

      apologized.

      "I wasn't sure whether to call you, but I'm down here at juvie with

      Haley Jameson. She got popped for loitering to solicit."

      Portland's loitering-to-solicit ordinance was enacted just last year

      after the city ran into problems proving prostitution cases under the

      state statute. In practice, the only way to prove an agreement to

      exchange sex for money was to conduct sting missions using undercover

      officers posing as either prostitutes or Johns. It was an expensive

      and time-consuming process, and the sting missions had gotten out of

      hand. To avoid the stings, the regulars all started insisting on free

      samples before they'd negotiate the date: "Let me touch your cock so I

      know you're not a cop." What real John's going to turn that down? For

      obvious reasons, though, the bureau prohibited officers from engaging

      in sexual contact with suspects.

      The beginning of the end for sting missions was when an officer decided

      to get clever, put a nine-inch rubber replica in his pants, and whipped

      it out on an unwitting prostitution suspect. Actually logged it into

      evidence after the bust. PPB didn't like it, so they started hiring

      non-police informants to conduct the stings. When the weekly scandal

      rag disclosed that Portland's finest were paying losers to get hand

      jobs, the entire vice unit almost got shut down. The result,

      fortunately, was the adoption of a loitering-to-solicit ordinance.

      Everyone wins: Police get to stop the street-level prostitution that no

      one wants in their neighborhoods without having to conduct stings, and

      the Johns and prostitutes take a lesser punishment from a city

      ordinance instead of a state statute.

      As Tommy described it, Haley's loitering pop was pretty typical. Time

      of day, red-light neighborhood, flagging down cars with men in them. It

      was usually enough.

      "She saying anything?" I asked.

      "Nope. She's making it real clear that it's nothing new and she knows

      the only thing that's going to happen to her is mandatory counseling

      that she'll never attend and assignment to a foster home that she'll

      immediately run away from."

      "I don't see a lot we can do then, Tommy."

      "Agreed. I only called you because she brought up your name. As tough

      as she's playing, I think she'd like to get out of it if she could do

      it without any work on her part. She told me Kendra said the female DA

      on her case was alright, and that if we had told her that day in

      February that you were a friend of Kendra, she might not have been such

      a bitch."

      "Did she say when she talked to Kendra?" I asked.

      "Not exactly, but it sounded recent." I knew I shouldn't have believed

      Kendra when she said she hadn't been staying in touch with Haley.

      "Anyway, since she brought up your name and is apparently hanging with

      your vie again, I thought I should call you. You want me to cut her

      loose?"

      I thought about it. It would do Kendra some good to see the

      consequences of the life she'd left behind. "Screw her. Unless she's

      willing to give us something useful for vice, put the case through."

      "I figured as much but thought it was your call. I'll give her my card

      and tell her to call me if she wants to share any info?"

      "Go ahead, but I don't see it happening."

      I had a hard time falling back asleep.

      Nine.

      The next day of trial continued uneventfully. Things move along

      surprisingly smoothly when the defense never objects or cross-examines

      your witnesses. Lisa's silence initially made me nervous, because I

      suspected she was reserving the hardball for Kendra. I was wrong,

      though.

      After Jack Walker's testimony, Kendra took the stand and walked the

      jury through her life story. Two female jurors wiped away tears when

      Kendra talked about what Derringer had done to her.

      To my surprise, Lisa took the high road on cross. She didn't roll

      over, but she didn't rip Kendra apart, either.

      The entirety of Lisa's cross focused on Kendra's heroin use; she did

      not discuss prostitution activity at all. And even her questions about

      the drugs did not seem like a character attack. Instead, she zeroed in

      on the effects that heroin may have had upon Kendra's perceptions that

      night. Even I had to admit that her questions were fair.

      After Kendra testified, I called Andrea Martin to the stand, primarily

      to humanize Kendra by showing the jury that she had a mother. Her

      testimony, which was limited to Kendra's recovery, was uncontroversial,

      and Lisa didn't cross-examine her. Andrea had to leave for work once

      she left the stand, but Kendra stayed for the rest of the day.

      Pleased that Kendra had testified with relatively minor trauma, Chuck,

      Grace, and I took her to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner right after

      court got out. Nothing tops a hard day's work like a big plate of

      carbs followed by spumoni ice cream.

      Most of the dinner conversation focused on the trial. Kendra wanted to

      know how I thought it was going and what it meant that Lopez hadn't

      been tougher on her. I tried not to get her hopes up, explaining that

      the defense attorney appeared to be going through the motions so that

      Derringer got a fair trial. I didn't voice my growing anxiety that

      Lopez was hiding something up her sleeve.

      "Well, I don't think there's anything fair about it. He gets to sit

      there and glare at me while I have to talk to a bunch of old people I

      don't know about what he did. It was really embarrassing for me, and

      then he doesn't have to get up there at all. He just gets his fair

      trial? What about mine?"

      I wasn't going to try to defend the system on this one. "You're right,

      kiddo. The rules aren't always fair. But you're playing by them, and

      I think things are going well. You did a great job today. I think

      those old people who don't know you did know that you were telling the

      truth."

      Kendra held my eye for a moment, but then turned her attention to

      playing with her water glass. I was grateful when the waiter broke the

      awkward silence to top off our coffees.

      When he left, the silence returned, and Grace invited Kendra out to the

      dock behind the Spaghetti Factory to look at boats. I considered

      proposing that I take Kendra instead; I'd been wavering about whether

      to broach the subject of her renewed contact with Haley Jameson,

      despite my warning.

      I thought better of it, remembering the summer that our fathers forbade

      Grace and me from hanging around the school who recake Left to our own

      devices, we would have tired of her in a couple of weeks. But parental

      pressure backed us into a corner and we were stuck with helium heels

      for months. Plus, right now Kendra saw me as part of a system that was

      treating her unfairly. A walk with Grace could be just what she

    &nbs
    p; needed.

      So I let my opportunity to talk to Kendra alone slip by and volunteered

      to wait around for the bill. Chuck offered to keep me company.

      Once Grace and Kendra were out of earshot, he spoke up. "Hey,

      something came up at work today, and I wanted you to hear it from me

      and not from the news. It's probably nothing, but I know what the

      media are going to do with it. And that's going to bring up some stuff

      that's been bothering me already."

      "Just tell me. What is it?"

      "I guess the Oregonian received an anonymous letter today from someone

      trying to exonerate Landry and Taylor. Whoever wrote it claimed to

      have killed Jamie Zimmerman."

      "Jesus. Where the hell's that coming from?"

      "Some crackpot. Who knows? Could just be someone who wants attention,

      like those people who turn up and claim to be serial killers. Given

      the politics around here, it could be some nut job against the death

      penalty. Someone trying to make a point, now that it looks like the

      state might actually move on some of these death sentences. All I know

      is it's bullshit."

      "And I think people will see it the same way. It's going to take a lot

      more than some anonymous letter to a newspaper to reverse those

      convictions."

      "Honestly? I'm not even worried about the conviction. I went through

      this crap already a few years ago. Landry's attorney tried to make me

      out to be some rough rider, framing an innocent old lady to help my own

      career. It made me sick to my stomach when the best way to make the

      case was for that prick O'Donnell to argue to the jury that I didn't

      need to frame people, I could just milk my daddy's name to the top of

      the department."

      I had never considered how rough the publicity from the Zimmerman case

      must have been on Chuck. And now it looked as if he was going to have

      to go through it all over again.

      "I assume the department's investigating the letter?"

      "Yeah, at the highest levels. The Chief met with your boss today, and

      they decided to assign Walker and Johnson, since they know the details

      of the original Zimmerman case. But Mike and I are off."

      "I'm afraid to ask why."

      "Like you need to ask why, Sam? Shit!" A family next to us turned

      their heads at the noise of Chuck's raised voice and his slap against

      the tabletop. He nodded at them and tried to whisper. "They obviously

      think that if anything went wrong in that investigation, it had to do

      with me. And Mike's my partner. So we're off, and I'm going to be the

      center of everybody's fucking conspiracy theory again."

      There were actually good reasons for segregating Chuck from the

      investigation, even if the DA and the Chief were convinced as I was

      sure they were of the truth. But, for the second time tonight, I

      thought better of trying to defend the way things sometimes work.

      "Chuck, I'm so sorry. Look, you know Ray and Jack are on your side

      here. They are not going to set you up. You know how much they

      believe in that case. Remember? I thought Walker was going to climax

      talking about Taylor's lethal injection."

      I smiled, and Chuck shared it with me. "No, you're right. If they

      were trying to fuck me, they'd assign IA to it or bring in the Justice

      Department. Yeah, Walker and Johnson will handle it right."

      It was quiet for a while. "Man, Sam, I've been stewing about this for

      hours, and you manage to calm me down. How do you do that?"

      "You give me too much credit. You're not taking into account all those

      times when I'm the one who can rile you up like no one else."

      I paid the bill, and we went out to meet Grace and Kendra. "OK, guys,

      it's probably time we called it a night." I put my arm around Kendra.

      "This chi ca got school mafiana."

      She didn't look too happy about that one. But we finally managed to

      get her into Grace's car. Once again, Grace was a lifesaver. The last

      thing I needed was an hour-long car ride.

      Chuck and I made small talk about Kendra while he walked me to my car.

      I could tell he wasn't ready to be alone,

      so it didn't surprise me when he asked if I wanted to catch a movie.

      I looked at my watch. "Can't. Vinnie awaits, you know. Piss him off,

      and he seems to forget about his doggy door. Never know what I might

      find on my rugs."

      I think he actually tried to hide his disappointment, but he looked

      worse than Vinnie does when I take away his Gumby baby. I caved.

      "Why don't we rent something? Vinnie'd probably like to see you. But

      I get to pick."

      He countered with his own conditions. "No subtitles. No cartoons."

      Hard bargain, but it was a deal.

      A warning to the wise. Don't rent one of those

      friends-who-fall-in-love movies with an old lover you've sworn off as

      just a friend. Around the time Harry asked Sally if she wanted to

      partake of a piece of pecan pie, I made the mistake of pointing out

      that the film's only flaw was how implausible it was that they didn't

      figure out earlier that they belonged together.

      "Yeah?" Chuck said. "Well, take a look at us. Some people might say

      that we should've figured out a few things ourselves by now."

      It was the first time either of us had ever acknowledged out loud the

      potential to be more than friends again. I might like directness in

      every other aspect of my life, but I didn't think I liked it in this

      context.

      "No mistakes here. We were made to have a beautiful friendship," I

      said with my best Bogart impersonation.

      "Nope, not this time, Sam. Whenever I move a little closer to you, you

      pull out something goofy to help you scoot away. Cut it out with the

      Casablanca. I'm serious about this."

      "Well, maybe you missed your chance to be serious. If you were

      serious, and you thought we were meant to be together, you wouldn't

      have dumped me."

      He laughed out of exasperation. "Sam, we were kids back then. And I

      didn't want to dump you, as you put it. But I also didn't want to move

      down to California to learn how to be some corporate drone."

      "Then you could've come with me and done something else," I said. I

      stood up and started heading toward the kitchen, but he took my arm and

      pulled me back down.

      "You wouldn't have been happy, Sam. You had this idea in your head

      about what your life should look like, and back then I just didn't fit

      into it."

      "Well, what makes you think you'd fit into it now? Maybe you'd start

      to feel like I was trying to change you again, and we wouldn't want

      that, now, would we?"

      "I'd fit in, Sam, because you don't want to change me. We like each

      other just the way we are. The problem has been that you won't admit

      it. You won't accept that you like everything about me."

      "Including your modesty?" I said, trying to laugh.

      "Be serious for just a moment, OK, Sam? You know I match every part of

      that conflicted personality of yours. You like that I have this crazy

      job. You like that part of me is still a big kid. And you'll never

      admit it, but you love that I do what I want, even when it meant

     
    ; letting you down."

      This time, when I stood, he let me. I went into the kitchen, poured a

      glass of water, and sat down at the table.

      He came in after a few minutes. "When you found out your mother had

      breast cancer, you came to me, not Roger. And, today, when I heard

      about the letter to the paper, you were the one I wanted to talk to. We

      don't have to work out everything in our history and our future right

      now. But don't pretend you haven't thought about this, Sam. I'll go if

      that's what you want, but I really do need you tonight."

      It wasn't until the door closed that I realized I didn't want him to

      leave yet. And that it was important enough that I was willing to

      figure out the rest of it later.

      He was still on my front steps when I opened the door. He came back

      in, and we didn't talk again for the rest of the night.

      Given my long-standing commitment to keeping things with Chuck

      platonic, I would have expected larger repercussions from the night's

      activities. But the sky didn't fall, lightning didn't strike, and I

      didn't even regret it in the morning.

      The truth was, I hadn't felt that good for months. Whether it was just

      the aftereflects of the great sex remained to be seen.

      And it had apparently taken Chuck's mind off the Taylor investigation.

      He hadn't even watched the local news before we went to sleep.

      Unfortunately, reality set back in quickly. While I scurried around

     


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