I tried to talk and tell
But my words were never important to you
My eyes tried to say
But you never were able to read them
My heart beats tried to cue
But you were too fast to understand their rhythm
My smiles tried to express
But you were too distracted to notice their reasons
Finally when my tears welled up
To the point I wasn’t able to hold them back
You wiped them and simply said
It’s just water... Be strong !!
What would it take?
For you to know... How much I have loved you
From the moment
You set steps in my lonely life...??
The Answer :
Guy to girl
Every word you ever said
I have analyzed and absorbed
Your deep stunning eyes
Expressed more than you could ever say
Your slow beats of heart
Made my heart skip a beat
Every time I was too near you
Your appealing innocent smile
Was all the more a reason
To hold you forever
And those tears
In your dazzling eyes
Made me hate myself
Because I always knew
I was the reason behind them.
I don’t know how will I ever
be able to tell you
How much I have loved you
From the moment I saw you.
But could never accept
Because I can’t trust myself
To take care
Of the most beautiful hearted girl
I could ever meet.
So I will make you strong
And call your tears simply water.
And one day will fade away from your life
To be a beautiful memory
Not a hurtful past !!
Monica Singh
*****
Lost?? Me?? Well maybe
"Lost?? Me?? Well maybe"
That’s all she could answer
When questioned
"Why are you so silent?
And lost these days? "
Something had definitely changed
Over past one year,
Too shy and person of less words
Evolutes into chatter box
Talking of anything and everything
Answering the unquestioned
No more plain smiles
But full of real words
Kicking the contained silence
Succeeding into several voices at once
And everyone liked and loved her new Avatar
And then... It all ceased
Not a sudden change,
But
Like subsiding of erupted volcano
Like the silence after storm
Like the calm winter after Fall
Something had taken away
That zest and zeal from that laughter
That sparkle and shine from those eyes
That chirp and cheer from that voice
She couldn’t quite
Put the finger on change
Or find the reason of roll back.
That cloud of serenity
Again engulfed her
Pulling her back
Into that world again
Where all that was adequate
Was herself and the imaginations
Her nods and smiles
Symbolizing good listener
Is that what they called being lost?
Then maybe somebody needed to locate her
To discover the giggles again
To replay the fountain of mirth
To rekindle the passion for words…
Monica Singh
*****
Voice From Inside
Standing on that hilltop
A voice echoed to her
“Why you deny?”
“Deny? What?” Answered she
“That you love him
Deeper than this gorge
Larger than that ocean
Greater than your life”
No name was mentioned
But her heart...
Took her to one person only
There she was...
Back to those old memories
That first day they met
His miraculous smile
His brimming enthusiasm
His sparkling eyes
Those few words they shared
Ringed in her ears.
Clear as glass
Her mind could recall
Those talks they shared
Those undecided quarrel
Those moments of sheer joy
Over time lot has change
But did she really love him
“Out of question” she shouted
Her voice echoing back
“The strong walls around my heart
Can’t be so weak
No one I will permit
To hurt it again
No one I did permit
To hurt it again``
Monica Singh
*****
Another Night on the Terrace
This seems a strange land,
This seems a strange life,
Listening to the breeze blow by,
Listening to the cuckoo sing,
Gazing at things,
Thinking to myself,
Myself,
That’s all I’m left with
Trying to find me, within me,
The me who smiled in the sunny phase of life,
Laughed like he had never laughed before,
They always said, as much you laugh, so shall you cry,
He always ridiculed them
I do not cry,
Ok maybe sometimes,
But that’s only because, there's no better way out
Maybe they were right,
Maybe I’ve exhausted my share of smiles
Insensitive now to the world outside,
And inside
Not a soul to understand me,
And here I am looking into the moonless skies,
Trying to find the moon
There's utter silence out here,
The sound of fireflies in the background,
An occasional breeze brushing past
Thoughts, a flood of memories,
The past, The good past,
Reliving it again in my head,
Trying somehow to bring it back,
The magic that was life
What if I had not taken that one step forward?
Or what if I had, taken that other one???
There's emptiness,
A vacuum devoid of feelings,
Laughing at every little thing,
And then suddenly turning quiet...
Emptiness
A silence
Nishant Rawlley
Blank
A sinking... Lonely feeling
And I wanna cry
But cant, because there’s none
who will my tears dry
The people I thought cared
Who actually did for a while
Are still around; but emotionally
‘ave gone away thousand mile
Why isn’t anything stable
in my confusing life,
Even the sweetest words
Cut me deep like knife
How many times I resolute
Not to get attached to a friend or kith
But every time they become close,
Then turn away... leaving me in grievous pit
Somewhere a hope survived
Of having someone dear
Who understood my conflicts
Who was far yet near
But now like a glass broken
Everything seems
scattered,
With pleasant smile I answer all
Though all joy seems shattered
Another day
It’s just another day
I tell myself...
Another one of those dark ones
When nothing bothers me
Still I have a sinking feeling
When everything is at its best
Still I feel out of place
A point where I have what I didn’t ask for
But what has changed my life
Made it amazingly beautiful
Yet this feeling... Strange... Weird...
This might just pass on
With passing of this day
I hope sooner than later
Vague anticipations
Of something amiss
Yet a ray of excitement
Of something achieved!
Monica Singh
*****
Waves
I’m happy,
I’m sad,
I’m happy coz life's finally on track,
the world's good to me,
I’m good to the world,
I’m enjoying my life,
I’m enjoying it mono,
But then there's something missing,
I don't what it is,
but I feel its absence,
there's something that questions,
Why are you happy?,
and sends me back into a terrible low,
I know my faith,
I know how I works,
I know the secret to happiness,
but don't know why it isn't working anymore,
I’m happy for a moment,
and question my happiness the next,
I laugh one moment and go yet in eyes the next,
not that I want to be sad,
but somehow I just can't escape it,
a single seed of pessimism,
multiplies many-folds,
into an entire aura of pessimism around me,
and then everything goes wrong,
I so want to get out of here,
but it turns out to be futile,
I do know that my griefs are illogical,
but nothing helps at the moment,
the negativity is hovering over me,
everybody seems against me,
my faith dwindles, my trust waivers,
I doubt every friend,
every logic has ceased,
tears, my only loyal companions,
I live a life of lies,
lying to myself that all's well,
maybe it’s not, maybe it is,
I relive my childhood, seeking solace, seeking low,
vain, the joy is transient,
I wish to pray,
but I’m so self occupied,
so I take out this moment,
to kneel before Thee,
I know You love me,
I know I’m cared for,
but please help me out of this,
my life's my own,
let it remain mine,
let me not be controlled,
bless me, guide me, be my teacher,
I kneel before Thee....
Nishant Rawlley
*****
End of Journey
She thinks aloud...
"I am stuck on this road again
It has two paths ahead
One that leads to you... But may not ever be complete
And another that leads to new world... But I am afraid of it
Afraid of losing you... When I know I don’t have you anymore...
Why can’t life be as simple as choosing between apple and orange"
Like all other winds... She has moved on too
But that sweet fragrance will be carried around forever
That reminds her of his feel...
His conviction that she still loves him...
His trust that she can't choose anyone else...
But his desire that she should move on...
That’s all to make her fall in love all the more...
But... One day we eventually grow out of love
Not hatred... But not even love
A plain feeling of being content... That it happened
Maybe not lasted long enough
but it happpened...
One day she wants to wake up... And not know who she is...
Be a new person... Erased of all memories whatsoever
And so she decides
A new life
A new motive
That’s how she's going to end this journey
Begin a new adventure... A new journey... On a newer path
Monica Singh
*****
Best Known Stranger
Yeah I don’t like changes
Although the "things have changed.
But
No, I don’t want them to be like before anymore."
I have learned to live for myself alone
No, it’s decided... I don’t crave for you anymore...
You are definitely the best known stranger I never knew!!
Sometime letting go off is really the best decision you can make
As soon you let go... You realize how light you feel
And that it isn’t really about loving or being loved
It’s more about being yourself... Exploring the real you
The one that can exist without the one you thought was so essential
But would you really stop loving??
No, it’s just that you don't desire him anymore...
He would be the best known stranger of your life
Now I know
It wasn’t about you or me,
It was always about priorities.
But this doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,
It only means we will be best known strangers for rest of our life.
Monica Singh
*****
The Black Flower
I thought you loved me,
I always did,
You had convinced me so,
But now,
As much as I try,
I cannot convince myself again,
But you, take it from me,
I had loved you,
Maybe I still love you,
I had fallen into love,
I had committed an entire life to you,
And you knew it all the way,
I don’t know what to say,
My heart still believes in that innocent smile of yours,
It still believes in those dreams we dreamt together,
It still believes in the truth of your eyes,
Wants to believe that everything'll be alright,
That you loved me and that,
It was no fault of yours,
Never wants to say a word against you,
Again that’s how deeply I love/d you,
,
(I don’t know which one applies, though I wish the latter did),
I wish you hadn't chosen me for the prank,
I wish I forget everything as easily as you did,
And here I was, thinking that you'll be faring worse than I was,
But still I cry,
I still shed tears,
Simply in the timeless memory,
Of the beautiful times you gave me,
Yeah I had lived an entire life in those six months,
I cannot deny,
But didn't we promise to spend our entire lives,
Together?
Those dreams? Those promises?
That feel of your hand against mine that completed me?
I thought, we meant them,
You did mention about our uncertain future,
And I had promised to take care of it all,
Alas, I was never even given a chance,
Maybe I still have a
few regrets,
A few unrealized plans,
I had never thought, my sincere love,
Deserted such a ruthless, abrupt end,
Where I wasn't even granted our one last talk,
Yeah I regret a lot of it,
I had seen a perfect partner in you,
They say I’m acting stupid,
My head does say it’s time to move on,
The heart questions, Can you really?
Tell me how do I forget you,
Who's connected to every little element, every breath
of mine,
I don’t know what lies ahead for me,
The show called life must go on,
I guess I should just believe in him and go on,
Go on, not move on,
That might take some time,
But I won't stop,
Though I still repeat,
It should not have happened,
Right when I had barely
Learnt to live without someone,
You came, stayed and then left me with a fresh new
wound,
Anyways that’s all for me, you have a good life ahead,
You're a good person.
I can't say I love you anymore,
But I do have residual love for you in my heart,
That’s all I can say,
Take care...
Nishant Rawlley
*****
Self - Love
Something amiss... Deeply troubling
A pain... A grief
Don’t know what name I can give
But it’s troubling long... Not brief
At times wanna stand out
And show my strong belief
At others just wanna hide
Like a petty terrified thief
A remedy to these fears
A cure to the troubles
When nothing goes right
And when nothing seems ok
I just think of you
And find solace in my dream world
Free of all worries
free of all sorrows!!
From this day I promise thee
To care of none but thee
To love none but thee
All my affection went in vain
All my care went into drain
All my sacrifices are called pain
But from today... From now
I embrace only you
Yes only you... My dearest myself
This feeling of satisfaction
And being complete is more divine than heaven itself
Loving being in with myself
Monica Singh
*****
Abandoned Sadness
Curtains have been raised again,
Windows again opened,
Winds have gushed in,
It’s a new breeze, The breeze of life,
Singing and humming move on.
Life awaits me, it never stagnates,
Every day is bright,
Every night starlit,
When I wake up in the morning,
Life gives me two choices,
Smile in the present, or wail for the past,
And what do you think I do, I choose to be happy,
The nature rejoices my joy,
The sun smiles at me,
The winds hum my happy little tune,
The little nightingales sing for me every morning,
I believe in me ,
I’m a different soul,
I’m the favourite child of god,
He loves me the most, So Why,
should I expect from those around me,
They have nothing to give,
I give them all my love, but
I’m never alone,
I’m my own best friend,
I’m my own lover, This, life taught me,
Life is a strange teacher,
The teacher teaches and tests,
But life tests and teaches.
It said, you're bored
Coz you're bored of yourself.
But no more.
This world is inviting me,
Come! Conquer!!
My pleasure, my joy