airplane, stranded on runway, 186–187
Alaska, 87–89
Algalita Marine Research Foundation, 101
aliens, 198–199
Amsterdam, 188–189
amusement park(s), dangerous, 58–59
Angel, Criss, 196
animatronic Jesus, 123–125
ants, driver, 163–164
arbitrary lines, 226–227
Argentina, 102–104, 123–125, 168–170
Arizona, 67–68, 224–225, 226–227
ascent tampon(s), 81
Asia, 3–4, 10–11, 14–17, 18–19, 30–33, 49–51, 65–66, 85–86, 113–114, 139, 150–151, 178–179, 205–206, 211–212, 223–224
asshole(s)
being one, 139
Satan’s, 215
asteroids, giant, 213–214
Atacama Desert, 148–149
Australia, 84, 161–162, 171
Austria, 13, 105, 155–156
azaleas, 114
Azerbaijan, 152
B
bad ideas, 29
Baldwin, Michael, 134–136
Banana, the Big, 161–162
barbeque, mangled goat, 28
Barcelona, 39–41
BART, 45–46
bat-shit crazy, people who are, 20–22, 47–48, 95
bathtub(s) filled with beer, 12–13
Beast, the, 76–77
Bec des Rosses, 75
bedroom, your boss’s, 29
beer, bathtub filled with, 12–13
Beijing Museum of Tap Water, 10–11
Beijing, 10–11, 16, 134
bell tower(s), top of, 234–236
Bhutan, 114
Big Brother, 129
Bikram yoga, 230–231
birth canal, spotted hyena 209–210
black holes, as vacation destinations, 118
Black Rock City, 217–219
Blarney Stone, 132–133
Bodrum, Turkey, 120
body farms, xiv, 115–116
bog snorkeling, 202–203
Bolivia, 165–167
Borehole, Kola Superdeep, xiv, 109–110
Boston, 24
Brussels, 172–173
Bryson, Bill, 191
Buenos Aires, 102–104, 123–125
Buhler, Brendan, 200–201
bullfighting, 34–36
Burning Man, 217–219, 220
burps, really loud, 111–112
Burundi, 192–193
bus rides, uncomfortable, 52–53
Buzkashi, 27–28
C
Cairo, 128–129, 140–141
caldera(s), 118, 190–191
California, 6, 20–22, 45–46, 60–61, 94–95, 100, 157, 176–177
camel, bladder of, 71
Camino del Muerte, 165–167
Canada, 98–99, 190
Cancun, 213
capitalist “screw you”(s), 50
Carry Nation, 47–48
Cayman, Jack, 182–183
Chacabuco, Chile, 148–149
chainsaws, as arms, 182–183
Cheese Rolling Competition, Gloucester, 37–38
Chicago, 66, 137–138
Chicxulub, 213
Chile, 148–149
China, 10–11, 14–17, 23, 31, 66, 84, 114, 120, 145, 150–151, 178–179
Chodovar, 12–13
Chou, Emperor, 23
cicada brood, Great Eastern, 55–57
Circus Maximus, 194–195
Cleveland, Grover, 78–79
clitoris, doubling as pseudo-penis, 209
coal mines, Chinese, 178–179
cocaine, 9, 103
college campus, four months after you graduate, 204
Colorado, 1, 226–227
Columbia, California, 176–177
composting sewage 60–61
cows, 184
Congo, Democratic Republic of, 84
Connaught Circle, 3
Consumer Electronics Show, 201
Cooper’s Hill, England, 37–38
Corbet’s Couloir, 74–75
Cork, Ireland, 132–133
corpses, rotting, 115–116
Couloir, Corbet’s, 74–75
crap, giant room filled with human, 60–61
cream cheese, 13
Croatia, 234–236
crocodile, human-eating, 192–193
Cusco, Peru, 171
Czech Republic, 12–13
D
Dante, 23
Darwin, Charles, 168–170
dB drag racing, 111–112
Death, Road of, 165–167
deepest hole, the, 109–110
Deformed Man End Place(s), 10–11
dementors, 215
Demilitarized Zone, 49–51
deodorant, 84
Department of Motor Vehicles, the, 215–216
devil babies, 225
dicks, gathering place for, 137–138
Dildo Days, Historic, 156
Dildo Museum, 156
Disappointment Keeper(s), 54
Disaster City, 207–208
Disney, Euro, 5–6
DMV, 215–216
DMZ, 49–51
dog(s)
cute photograph(s) of, 227
launching into orbit, 109
dong toast, celebratory, 81
Dongguan, China, 150–151
drag racing, dB, 111–112
dropping balls, 69–71
drug war(s), 67–68, 96–97
E
eau de BART, 45–46
Egypt, 128–129, 140–141
elephant seal(s), 157–158
England, 37–38, 54, 142–143
Euro Disney, 5–6
Europe, 5–6, 8–9, 12–13, 34–35, 37–38, 39–41, 132–133, 142–143, 153–154, 155–156, 172–173, 174–175, 188–189, 194–195, 202–203
Evil, Axis of, 82
existential crisis, feeling of, 197
F
fan hours, Las Vegas porn convention, xiv, 200–201
fart, acronyms that rhyme with, 45
feces, rotting, 60–61
fiberglass thing(s), large, 161–162
Filkins, Dexter, 28
firearm neophytes, 94–95
foam parties, 9
forensic anthropology, 115–116
Four Corners, 226–227
France, 5–6
freezer burn, 41
Fremont, California, 22
Frenchmen, irascible, 192–193
Fucking, Austria, 155–156
G
Ganghwa Island, South Korea, 30
Garbage City, 140–141
Garbage Patch, Great Pacific, 100–101
garlic keeper(s), 54
germaphobes’ nightmare(s), 132–133, 180–181, 230–231
gladiator(s), crazy, 159–160
glandular fever, 133
Gloucester Cheese, 37–38
goat(s), dead, headless, 27–28
Gore, Al, 214
Grandma Rock, 18–19
Grandpa Rock, 18–19
Great Man-Drowning, 153–154
Great Molasses Flood, 24
gropers’ night, 211–212
Grote Mandrenke, 153–154
Guanajuato, Traveling Mummies of, 232–233
gulag(s), 205–206
Gum Wall, 180–181
gumsicle(s), 181
Gustave, 192–193
H
hamburgler orgasm(s), 81
Harry Potter, 215
Hatchetation, 47–48
Hawaii, 139
Hell
at Buenos Aires Airport customs office, 102
dermatologic version of, 176
Eighth Circle of, 23
Michigan, 25–26
in space, 118
in the form of the department of motor vehicles, 215
Hilton, James, 113
Himalayas, 113
historical food
containers, museum(s) of, 54
human flesh, 23, 115–116
hyena(s), 209–210
hygiene, questionable, 65–66
hygienic radish(es), 33
I
Ibiza, 8–9
idiotic activities, 37–38, 58–59, 74–75, 76–77, 111–112, 146–147, 176–177, 202–203
Il, Kim Jong, 50, 205–206
Illinois, 66, 137–138
imekura, 212
Inca Trail, 171
India, 3, 223
Inland Empire, California, 60–61
innertubes, pink, 86
insects,
horny, 55–57
sociopathic, 55
Io, xiv, 118–119
Ireland, 132–133
Israel, 84
Italy, 159–160, 194–195
J
jackalope(s), 42–44
Jackson Hole, 74–75
Jacobs, A. J., 23
James Fenimore Cooper Burger King, 78
Japan, 65–66, 85–86, 211–212
Jeanneke Pis, 173
Jesus, speaking with, 47–48
Joint Security Area, 49–51
Juarez, Ciudad, 96–97
Jupiter’s Worst Moon, Io, xiv, 118–119
K
Kahn, Jennifer, 220
Kansas, 47
Karostas Cietums, 105–106
Kenai Peninsula, 87–89
Khewra Salt Mines Mosque, 144–145
killing pigs, a bad idea, 140–141
Kingman Reef, 62–64
Koh Samui, 18–19
Kola Superdeep Borehole, xiv, 109–110
Korea, North, 49–51, 205–206
Korea, South, 30–33, 49–51
Kristof, Nick, 82–83, 84
L
Las Vegas porn convention, xiv, 200–201
Latvia, 105–106
lead poisoning, 122
Lebanon, 84
Line Islands, 62–64
Little A’Le’Inn, 198–199
Llanwrtyd Wells, Wales, 202–203
loser, definition of, 204
Luxor hotel, 197
M
Machu Picchu, 171
maggots, 115–116, 185
magma, 109, 190
Maine, 72–73
mall(s), crappy, 150–151
Man-Drowning, Great, 153–154
Manneken Pis, 172–173
Maoist china, 31
Margonelli, Lisa, 152
Mauna Kea, 139
maxi-pads, with your father in the room, 14–17
Medicine Lodge, Kansas, 47
Medinat Al-Fayoum, 128–129
Mexico City, 134–136
Mexico, 67–68, 96–97, 134–136, 190, 213–214, 232–233
Michigan, 25–26, 222
Mohorovicic Discontinuity, 109–110
Molasses Flood, Great 24
monk, masquerading as, 30–33
Montana, 1
Moore, Charles, 100–101
Mount Everest, 139
Mount Washington, Top of, 107–108
mummies, 149, 232–233
Mystery House, Winchester, 20–22
N
naked
backside(s), 16
hippies, 217–219
people, 23, 65–66, 130–131, 217–219
protestors, 35–36
sushi, 65–66
nantaimori, 66
nasty anal fruit salad, 80
Nation, Carry, 47–48
Nepal, 139
Nero, 194–195
Netherlands, 188–189
Nevada, 196–199, 217–219, 220
apology for including the entire state, 196
New Delhi, 3
New Hampshire, 107–108
New Jersey, 58–59, 78–79
New Mexico, 226–227
New Year’s Eve, 69–71
New York City, 45, 48, 66, 69–71, 76–77, 130–131, 188, 197, 215
New York State, 90–91
Nicorette, last piece of, 187
North Korea, 49–51, 205–206
nuclear
garbage dumps, 198
testing sites, 197
Nudes, Running of the, 36
nurdle(s), 31, 101
nyotaimori, 65–66
O
O le nu’u-o-nonoa, 25
Oklahoma, Picher, 121–122
Old Firm Derby, 174–175
Onondaga, Lake, 90–91
opium dens, 98
Orange, Texas, 114
Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument, 67–68
P
Pacific Ocean, 62–64, 100–101, 157–158
pack-mules, large budget for, 114
paella, worst, 39–41
Pakistan, 82, 114, 144–145
Pamplona, Spain, 34–36
pancake(s), macerated 220
Paris, Siege of, 23
peat bog(s) and sumo wrestling costumes, 202
“Pee Boy,” Little, 172–173
penis(es), 18–19, 172–173, 209–210
Pennsylvania, 98–99
period, getting your, 14–17
Peru, 171
PETA, 35–36
Petak, 228–229
phallic rocks, 18–19
pig lagoon(s), bottom of, 221–222
Pike’s Place, 180–181
Pis
Jeanneke, 173
Manneken, 172–173
Pittsburgh, 98–99
plane crashes, 84
platza treatment(s), 131
playa foot, 218
poison oak, 176–177
Poland, 144
Pollan
Isaac, 40–41
Michael, 39–40
porn convention, Las Vegas, xiv, 200–201
Powderhouse Hill, 72–73
prawns, world–weary, 40
prison(s), 105–106, 228–229
prostitutes, 79
pseudo-testes, 210
R
rabbi(s), twelve-inch, 81
rash(es), debilitating, 176–177, 231
rat pate, 23
rebar, wounds from, 207–208
Reef, Kingman, 62–64
religious theme park(s), 123–125
rendering plants, 184–185
Rendezvous Mountain, 74–75
Rhino, Yamaha, 146–147
riding chaps, leather, 49
rime ice, covering your body, 107–108
river of human excrement, 23
Roach, Mary, 54
Rocky Mountain Oysters, 1–2
Rome, 8, 159–160, 194–195
rotten eggs, stench of, 119
Running of the Nudes, 36
rush hour, Samoa, 52–53
Rushmore, Mount, 92–93
Russia, 109–110, 228–229
Russian & Turkish baths, 130–131
S
salt mine tourism, 144–145
Sam Kee Building, 98–99
Samoa, 52–53
San Jose, California, 20–22
sausage flies, 163–164
Schultz, Patricia, xiii
Scotland, 174–175
scrotums
fake 210
on toilet seats, 188
Seattle, 180–181
security detail, your own, 128–129
selling dirt, 152
Service Area, Grover Cleveland, 78–79
sewage, xiv, 60–61, 90–91, 161, 222
sex museum(s), 188–189
Shambala, 114
Shangri-La, 113–114
shark-baiting, 63, 157–158
sheep, unlawful slaughtering of, 25
sherpa(s), risking the lives of, 139
shipwreck(s), 62
shit, 3–4, 60–61, 221–222
shooting range(s), 94–95
shrunken heads, 225
Sichuan Province, 114
Simons, Eric, 168–170
Skar
du Valley, 114
ski-slopes
quaint, 72–73
ridiculous, 74–75
skinniest buildings, 98–99
sloth-like thing(s), green, 168–170
Sohra, India, 223
Solnit, Rebecca, 102–104
South America, 123–125, 148–149, 168–170, 171
South China Mall, 150–151
South Dakota, 42–44, 92–93
South Korea, 30–33, 49–51
Soviet Union, 80–81, 102, 105, 109–110, 152, 205
Spain, 34–36, 39–41, 103
spam subject lines, room where created, 80–81
special area(s) for naughty children, 151
speedboat(s), stupid, 76–77
sports fans, crazy, 174–175
spotted hyena birth canal, 209–210
Stari Grad, 234–236
Stark, H. J. Lutcher, 114
STD(s), 8
steam room, Russian & Turkish baths, 130–131
stone genitalia, 18–19
Stonehenge, 142–143
“stressed” is desserts spelled backwards, 22
Strip, Las Vegas, 196–197
stroboscopic zoetrope(s), in Nevada desert, 218
sulphuric acid, 118–119
Sumqayit, 152
sunblock, a serious need for, 171
sun, 118
Superfund site(s), 90–91, 121–122
supervolcano, 190–191
sushi, naked, 65–66
swine flu, 134–136, 140–141
Switzerland, 75
Syracuse, New York, 90–91
T
Tap Water, Beijing Museum of, 10–11
Tar Creek, 121–122
Tartarus, 25
Tecnu, 177
Templestay Korea, 30–33
Tennessee, 115–116
testicle(s), 1, 75, 81, 160
festival, 1–2
Texas, 96, 100, 114, 207–208
Thailand, 18–19
Thing, The, 224–225
Third Infiltration Tunnel, 49–51
Third Tunnel of Aggression, 50
1362, places not to be in, 153–154
Tibet, 113
tide, scum-dappled, 201
Tierra del Fuego, 102–104, 168–170
Tierra Santa theme park, 123–125
Times Square, New Year’s Eve in, 69–71
toilet(s), 14–17, 71, 189, 218
Tokyo, Japan, 65–66, 85–86, 211–212
Traction Park, 58–59
Troost, J. Maarten, 120
Tupperware Museum, 54
turd on shoe, 3
Turkey, 120
Turnpike, New Jersey, 78–79
2021, Outdoor Weddings in, 55–57
U
UNESCO World Heritage Site, 9, 144
United States, 1–2, 20–22, 25–26, 42–44, 45–46, 47–48, 54, 55–57, 58–59, 60–61, 67–68, 69–71, 72–73, 74–75, 76–77, 78–79, 87–89, 90–91, 92–93, 94–95, 98–99, 107–108, 111–112, 115–116, 121–122, 130–131, 137–138, 176–177, 180–181, 190–191, 196–199, 200–201, 207–208, 215–216, 217–219, 220, 221–222, 224–225, 226–227
urinating statue(s), 172–173
urine, lukewarm, 86
Utah, 226–227
V
Vancouver, 98–99
Varrigan City, 182–183
Vatican City, 182
Venus, 118
videogames, violent, 182–183