The Impossible Vastness of Us, Page 3

  I bent down and tentatively shook his wet hand. “India.”

  “Awesome name.” He reclined back in his lounge chair, drinking me in. His perusal was much different from Eloise’s and I relaxed a little. Maybe I still had a little power. After all, I didn’t magically stop being pretty in Massachusetts.

  “I’m Joshua.” The boy with his feet in the pool held out his hand.

  The girl next to him hit him in the gut with her elbow and glared at him.

  “Ow.” He scowled. “What?”

  She shook her head in disgust. “Idiot.”

  I ignored her and took his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You, too.”

  It was his turn to nudge the girl. She sighed heavily and looked up at me, giving me the same kind of once-over Eloise had. “Bryce,” she muttered.

  I glanced over my shoulder at the boy by the pool house. At my scrutiny he straightened up and walked toward me. He stopped at a lounge chair and sat down on it with a casual elegance you could only be born with. “Finn Rochester,” he said curtly, his voice deep, rich, around those two sharp words.

  He was the only one to introduce himself using his last name and I immediately knew I was supposed to register its importance.

  I decided then and there I liked him the least—this beautiful, pretentious boy.

  “My boyfriend.” Eloise strode toward him and put her hand on his shoulder.

  The gesture seemed forced and I had to wonder how Rochester felt about Eloise’s less than subtle claim of ownership.

  “And just so you know, Joshua is my boyfriend,” Bryce piped up.

  Laughter in my voice at their desperation to claim their boys, I said, “Good to know. I’ll be sure to shelve my inner man-eater around them.”

  Gabe chuckled. “No need to shelve it around me.”

  “You two—” I flicked my hand between him and Charlotte “—aren’t...?”

  “Oh God, no,” Charlotte said.

  “Hey!” Gabe splashed some water at her and she squealed like a five-year-old.

  “So, California?” Joshua said.

  I nodded. “Arroyo Grande.”

  “Ugh, the west coast,” Bryce sneered.

  I immediately thought of Siobhan and her aversion to all things not west coast. Had I stumbled upon her mirror twin in Massachusetts?

  “Maybe ‘ugh’ but I would kill for nice weather all year round.” Charlotte sighed in longing.

  “You’d bore of it,” Bryce said. “Four seasons are better than two.”

  I didn’t bother telling her that California had four seasons; they just didn’t contrast with one another as much as they did here. I was guessing that information wouldn’t make a bit of difference to change her mind about the west coast.

  “So...how strange are you finding all this?” Joshua said. “Theo and your mom getting together... It’s pretty sudden, right?”

  I felt Eloise’s eyes on me and understood that she was interested despite herself so I directed my answer to her. “I think our parents are dicks.”

  The guys burst out into laughter. Well, Joshua and Gabe did. Finn eyed me like I was some weird science experiment.

  Eloise narrowed her eyes. “My father is not a dick and I don’t appreciate that kind of language.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Your father is richer than Jay Z and yet no one thinks it’s a good idea for him to fly out to Cali so I can get to know the guy I’m supposed to call stepfather. Instead I’ve got to leave my life behind and move in with some strange man I’ve never met. That doesn’t sound at all dickish on the part of our parents?”

  “My father wanted to fly west to meet you,” Eloise told me with calm disinterest. “Your mother is the one who didn’t want him to.”

  I winced and felt an ache slash across my chest. Of course Theo wanted to meet me, and my mother talked him out of it. She probably thought I’d ruin everything for her by telling him the truth or, you know...just by being me.

  Pretending I didn’t care, I shrugged. “So do you guys all go to the same school?”

  “We—” Eloise circled her finger to include the group “—are Tobias Rochester High School. Finn’s great-grandfather was the founder.”

  Suddenly things were becoming clearer.

  I looked at Finn but he was staring stonily at the ground.

  So these were the cool kids. My “in.” How did I even begin winning them over when Eloise’s chilly demeanor wasn’t exactly inviting?

  My eyes slid past Eloise to Finn, who was looking at me again. Or should I say through me again.

  Unnerved, I glanced back at Eloise.

  She waved halfheartedly to the house. “I could show you to your room, but you probably want some alone time to adjust.”

  Hopes falling, I recognized her polite comment for what it was. She was definitely not welcoming me into her group.

  “Right.” I pasted on a smile I hoped was civil. “Later, guys.”

  “Definitely,” Gabe returned.

  I gave a nod to Charlotte as I passed but she dropped her eyes.

  I did my best to walk calmly inside and out of view.

  Once I had privacy I collapsed against the nearest wall and struggled to draw in breath. I felt shaky, my face was tingling and my breath was trapped in my throat.

  I felt like I was dying.

  Recognizing the impending panic attack, I struggled to get control over it.

  Eloise had made it clear she didn’t really want to be friends, and I didn’t know if it was because she hated my mother—if it was about not wanting a replacement or not wanting her father’s attention divided—but I did know I was being left out in the cold.

  School on Monday was going to be just delightful.

  Trembling, I slumped to the ground and pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes. I was used to feeling alone in a room full of people who liked me, but I wasn’t used to actually being alone.

  I was surprised by how much that terrified me.

  * * *

  I almost hyperventilated again trying to find my new bedroom. I got lost in the myriad hallways, stairways and rooms in the mansion.

  When I finally found my room I was stunned.

  Spacious didn’t even cover it.

  In the middle of a grand room that had French doors that opened onto a beautiful Juliet balcony was a massive four-poster bed with champagne drapes. The wall the bed was situated against had been wallpapered in gold damask. I had white French-style furniture—bedside tables, a dressing table and mirror with a matching stool. A desk with a Mac sitting on top of it, school supplies piled next to it, a flat-screen TV hooked on the wall opposite my bed with a little shelf holding a DVD player. On the wall by the door was an iDock so I could play my music and hear it through the small speakers that had been fitted high up in every corner of the room. To finish there was a generous dressing room/walk-in and a private bathroom with a rainfall shower and huge claw-footed tub.

  It was a suite for a princess.

  I loved it. And I hated that I loved it.

  It was the kind of room I’d dreamed of escaping to when I lived with my dad. The kind of room I’d never imagined I’d ever get to sleep in.

  So I loved it.

  I just wished it had come to me in a different way.

  “So what do you think?”

  Hayley stood in the doorway, smiling gently at me. She was alone.

  Eloise’s words from earlier came back to me and I turned around to fully face Hayley. “I think you’re either ashamed of me or ashamed of yourself.”

  She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about the fact that Theo wanted to come to Cal
ifornia to meet me, get to know me, before hauling me across the country into this strange place with strange people. You didn’t want him to meet me...not until it was too late.”

  A guilty-looking Hayley shook her head. “That’s not true.”

  “Eloise told me that Theo wanted to meet me, but you said no.”

  She stared at her feet and said nothing.

  It never failed to surprise me that she could still hurt me. Angry, I pushed. “So...what was it? Ashamed of me or ashamed of you?”

  “I...” She shrugged and looked up at me, seeming helpless. “I didn’t want to take the chance that you’d tell him the truth. I haven’t told him and I know how angry you still are with me, and I... I didn’t want to lose him.”

  I laughed bitterly at her confession. “Isn’t that always the way with you, Hayley? Always doing what’s best for you. Not giving me time to get to know this guy, for him to get to know me... No, that doesn’t work for you, right? So who cares if you rip my world apart again and toss me in with these sharks? As long as you’re okay.”

  She rushed toward me suddenly, gripping my biceps hard as she pleaded with me. “This is the best thing that will ever happen to us. I know you don’t believe me but Theo is a good man and he can take care of us. No one can hurt us here.”

  “No one but each other.”

  Her grip fell away. “Are you going to tell him?”

  I looked around at my room, knowing that a guest room would never have been tricked out like this—with the laptop and speakers and school supplies. Whatever Theo’s true character, he’d gone to great lengths to make me feel welcome in his home. “You know, I almost feel sorry for the guy.” I turned back to her. “Marrying a woman he doesn’t really know.”

  As I stared into Hayley’s tortured eyes I crumbled. The truth was this could be my perfect revenge, taking him away from her by giving him cold hard facts. But I didn’t have that kind of spitefulness in me. “I won’t tell him.”

  Hayley sagged with relief. “It’s the right decision, sweetheart. I promise. I am trying to make this up to you. I’ve been trying for six years. What else can I do?”

  “Stop trying.”

  I flinched as she raised her hand and brushed her thumb across my cheek. Her eyes were wet as she whispered, “Never.”

  I held strong and silent until she left me alone in my room. That’s when I finally let my tears fall.

  * * *

  “This is exciting,” Theo said. “Our first dinner as a family.”

  Hayley beamed at him while Eloise and I looked anywhere but at each other as we sat across from one another at the eight-seater dining table.

  After being forced from my new bedroom by Theo and Hayley I discovered Theo employed a driver, a cook, three maids and a groundskeeper. Apparently I’d missed the tennis court and badminton court situated beyond the swimming pool.

  They had “staff.”

  Staff.

  Seriously?

  I felt like Cedric Errol in Little Lord Fauntleroy.

  As we were served dinner by said staff, I ignored Hayley and Theo as they twittered lovingly with one another until Theo said, “Eloise, why don’t you join Hayley and India tomorrow? They’re shopping for a new wardrobe and could use you as a guide.”

  Eloise smiled at her father. “I would, Daddy, but I have a chemistry lab paper to write with Charlotte tomorrow. The paper is due Monday.”

  “Oh, well, your education comes first.” He looked disappointed but didn’t push her on it.

  I slumped with relief that she wouldn’t be joining us.

  “Charles Street has some very nice boutiques,” Eloise said warmly to Hayley. “And of course there’s Newbury Street. You’ll find everything you need there.”

  “Thank you.” Hayley turned to Theo. “I’ve never been shopping in Boston.”

  “Gil will drive you but Back Bay and Beacon Hill aren’t an easy place to get lost. That’s where your new school is, India. Beacon Hill,” Theo said. “Gil will drive you and Eloise there in the morning and pick you up after school. If you and Eloise end up with different schedules we’ll work something out. Your mother tells me you’re a great soccer player. Tobias Rochester, unfortunately, doesn’t have a girls’ soccer team but we do have a lacrosse team.”

  “I’ve never played.”

  “Perhaps you’ll be good at it.”

  “Does the school have a paper?”

  His eyes brightened at my sudden interest in conversation. I think he was pleased that my interest lay in academics. Of course, he didn’t understand that my true motivation wasn’t really about academia, although I did want to get into a good college.

  “It does have a school newspaper. An award-winning school newspaper.”

  “India was coeditor of her school paper,” Hayley said proudly.

  I was surprised she knew that.

  Theo was pleased. “Well, we will definitely need to see about getting you on the Tobias Rochester Chronicle.”

  “Thank you,” I forced out.

  “You’re welcome. Now what else are you interested in?”

  “I was on the debate team and I was the theater manager.”

  “Well—” Tobias grinned at his daughter “—Eloise has been the lead in the school play for the last three years. Usually they give the leading role to juniors and seniors but Eloise is so talented that she has won every part since she was fourteen. You could surely find India a job behind the scenes.”

  “Daddy, our theater isn’t some public school theater. Our theater manager is not a student—he’s an experienced, paid adult.”

  He shrugged. “I know that. But India could be an assistant.”

  “Yes, I could be an assistant,” I added, imitating Eloise’s big doe eyes.

  She looked almost pained. “I think we have all the behind the scenes staff we need.”

  “Pish posh,” Theo said. “It’s the start of the school year.”

  Pish posh, I mouthed at Hayley. Seriously? Did all Boston upper crust families talk like they thought they were still British?

  To my surprise Hayley hid her smile in her napkin at my teasing.

  “Yes, pish posh,” I said to Eloise. “You’re the talent. I’m sure you can pull a few strings.”

  Hayley choked into her napkin, not hiding her chuckle at all well.

  Theo didn’t even seem to notice. He was too busy eyeing me with new appreciation. “A go-getter. I admire that. I think you’re going to fit in very well here, India.”

  “I think so, too.” I forced myself to smile back at him.

  “When your mother told me you planned to go to law school, that you have aspirations to work in the DA’s office, I was impressed,” Theo added, seeming sincere. “And I’m even more so now that we’ve become acquainted. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a budding lawyer in the family.”

  I couldn’t tell you if a word out of his mouth was true, but I could tell that her father’s approval of me put a wary look in Eloise’s eyes I just didn’t understand.

  CHAPTER 3

  I HAD TO admit I was charmed by Charles Street.

  Gil, our driver, was a pleasant, tall bald man who looked to be in his early forties, with broad shoulders and thick biceps. I think he was more bodyguard than driver.

  He somehow found a spot to park on the street that was paved in red brick, lined with trees and had quaint gas lamps, antiques stores, restaurants and boutiques. The smell of flowers filled the air and it felt like we weren’t in a city at all.

  So far Hayley had bought two dresses that were hundreds of dollars each.

  I had bought a cute notepad.

  “You have to start looking,” Hayley said as we strolled toward where Gil was standing at attention by the car.
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  “What am I supposed to be looking for?” I said. “I have no idea how the kids at this school dress.”

  “I never thought of that. Damn. I should have asked Eloise. Sorry.”

  “I don’t think she would have helped.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Behind the ‘Daddies’ and chirpy smiles is a girl who is not happy to have me here.”

  I waited for Hayley to tell me I was being silly. She surprised me again by eyeing me carefully and replying, “Has she been rude to you?”

  “No, but she wasn’t that welcoming, either.”

  “Give her time.” She nudged me with her shoulder with a coaxing smile.

  “Whatever.”

  “You better tell me if Eloise crosses the line into rude. Her father has spoiled her a little.”

  “I can handle myself,” I said, too stubborn to accept her help.

  “Finn!”

  I jerked at Hayley’s random yell.

  And then I followed her gaze and realized she wasn’t being random.

  My stomach flip-flopped.

  Finn Rochester had just come out of the boutique I’d bought my notepad from earlier. He glanced over at us, his eyes narrowing on me.

  Before I could stop her Hayley hurried over to him.

  “Hayley.” Finn nodded politely.

  I hadn’t realized Hayley had met Eloise’s boyfriend but then I’d forgotten she had actually spent months around these people before dropping me in the middle of it. Not only had they apparently met, but they knew each other well enough to be on a cozy first-name basis. My resentment simmered to the surface.

  “Finn, how are you?” She smiled at him like he was the most interesting boy in the world. I knew Hayley well enough to know that she was impressed by his family name and his natural air of cultured superiority.

  “Well. And you?”

  “We’re shopping.” She raised the bags in her hands to elaborate.

  He took in the one tiny little bag in my hand. “You don’t shop?”

  He seemed so bored by his own question I wondered why he’d bothered to ask.

  Before I could say anything, Hayley said, “Well, India has a dilemma. Perhaps you could help.”