The Impossible Vastness of Us, Page 2

  “How?”

  “Theo is...well, he’s wealthy. And he’s already made it perfectly clear that he wants the very best for me, and that means the very best for you.”

  “Are you trying to buy my acceptance of this whole ridiculous thing? You are aware that this isn’t normal, right?”

  Hayley dropped my hand. “Don’t be melodramatic. I just want you to know that, yes, of course it will be difficult to leave behind school and your friends here and move to Massachusetts, but the upside is that we’ll never have another financial worry in our lives. Ever.”

  Jesus, how wealthy was this guy?

  As if she read the question on my face, Hayley smiled dreamily. “He’s an incredibly well-respected attorney from a wealthy family. Boston’s elite.”

  “And he’s marrying you?”

  “Nice,” she snapped. “Very nice.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” I shrugged. “I just... I thought those people stuck to their own.”

  “Usually. But Theo doesn’t care about that stuff. He just wants to marry the woman he loves.” She waved away my negativity with a shake of her hair over her shoulders. “He married a well-to-do woman, and they had a daughter, Eloise, before she died of cancer a few years ago. He hasn’t been serious about another woman since, until me.”

  “Oh my God.” I shook my head in disgust. “You think you’re living in a fairy tale.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that.”

  “You’re hauling me across the country to move in with some guy I’ve never met!” I heard the hysteria creep into my voice, but couldn’t seem to stop it. “Let’s remember the last guy you chose that I had to live with. Or have you already forgotten?”

  Understanding dawned on Hayley’s face. It was shocking that I even had to say it out loud. A good mother would have known exactly why I was taking this so hard. “Oh, sweetheart.” She moved toward me but stopped when I flinched back. “Theo is not like him. Not anything like him. I’m not a stupid kid anymore. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.”

  I stared at the floor, trying to will my heart rate to slow. I could barely hear anything over the whooshing of blood in my ears.

  I started at Hayley’s touch and looked up. She’d decided to ignore my body language and cross the room to take hold of my arms. She ducked her face to stare into my eyes.

  “No one,” she whispered fiercely, “no one will hurt you. I promise.”

  Liar.

  LIAR.

  LIAR!

  The scream rang out inside of me but somehow I swallowed it.

  This was happening.

  She was taking my control away.

  I slumped beneath her touch, dropped my eyes from the promises in hers and nodded. She kissed my forehead and squeezed my arms.

  “Why do we have to move? If he has so much money, why can’t he move here?”

  “Because it’s not like he’s a lawyer who can move to another firm. He owns the firm. Plus, Eloise goes to a very good school in Boston. It just makes more sense for us to move there.”

  “We’re two weeks into the semester already. What about my classes?”

  “Classes at your new school don’t start until next week. By the time you start there it will be the end of September, which means you’ll only have a missed a few weeks of classes instead of a month.

  “Sweetie, this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us. And didn’t you hear the part about Theo being a lawyer? I know you want to work in the district attorney’s office one day. Theo can open doors for you there.”

  I was stunned she’d even considered that for me. I wanted to put criminals behind bars where they belonged, and so I didn’t want to just study to be a lawyer, I wanted more. I wanted to work my way into the district attorney’s office one day, and in my secret heart of hearts...I wanted to be the DA. I didn’t realize Hayley had actually listened to me about my career aspirations.

  But still... I wanted to do it on my own. I didn’t want to depend on anyone to get me there, especially not Hayley’s new sugar daddy.

  * * *

  Fries. Pop-Tarts. Cap’n Crunch. A Hershey’s bar. Burger. With cheese. I really like cheese. And mustard and ketchup on top. SpaghettiOs with little hot dogs cut up into it. Like Mommy used to make.

  Stop thinking of food.

  I can’t even cry. It would hurt too much to cry. Take too much effort.

  Too cold. The shower in our tiny bathroom in the trailer wasn’t the best place to sleep. I had water. But the water was starting to hurt my tummy.

  How long had it been? I needed food.

  I tried to get out but he’d done something to stop the door opening on the other side and I could see he’d boarded up the tiny window above the sink.

  Sleepiness kept coming for me.

  I was so tired of thinking about food.

  Just be sleepy.

  I heard the stomping of feet outside the door.

  A cracking sound.

  I felt a sudden tingle of warmth over my face.

  “Open your eyes, Trash.”

  I opened my eyes.

  He glared at me from the narrow doorway. “Punishment is over. I’m sick of using Carla’s bathroom.”

  My mouth felt dusty. Dry. Gritty. Like our road outside in the hot summer.

  “Well?” He grabbed my arm and hauled me up. It hurt more than usual. “Get the fuck out.”

  He let me go and I fell against the door frame, then slumped to the ground.

  My legs didn’t work right, I thought, panicked.

  Suddenly pain flared up my side and I turned.

  He drew his foot back from contact with my hip. “I said get the fuck out.”

  Somehow I managed to crawl.

  The bathroom door slammed shut behind me. I lay on the floor of our kitchen, staring up at the cupboards.

  Finally I whimpered.

  There was food. But I was too tired to reach for it.

  * * *

  I WAS TOLD WHEN I GET OLDER ALL MY FEARS WOULD SHRINK!

  I shot awake at the blaring sound of Twenty One Pilots coming from my phone. My alarm. Fumbling for the phone, I turned off the alarm and sat back.

  My body was coated in sweat.

  I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in a long time but it didn’t take Freud to figure out why the bad dreams were back.

  After all, in a couple of weeks I was moving all the way across the country to live with a man I’d never even met.

  Groaning, I dragged myself out of bed, wondering why I had been blessed with the most selfish, irresponsible mother on the planet.

  * * *

  “I can’t believe India is really moving.”

  At the mention of my name I halted before turning the corner in the hall. I was on my way to a dance committee meeting after school.

  “I can. It’s the first thing since she got here that’s ever made sense,” Siobhan said.

  I narrowed my eyes. She was such a bitch.

  “How do you mean?” Tess said.

  “Oh, please, Tess. You and I both know that India doesn’t bring much to the table. Look where she lives compared to me. She’s way trash. I’m way live. I have the big party house and the pool. And my house is by the beach. She lives in some poky little apartment that only Anna has seen the inside of. It’s a crime that she’s as popular as she is.”

  I barely heard anything after “She’s way trash.”

  Panic had seized my chest at those words.

  No.

  This was supposed to be my safe place.

  No one could talk about me like that here.

  As long as I was still here, this was my kingdom. I whirled around the corner.
Tess was already striding down the hall toward the classroom the dance committee used for meetings.

  Siobhan had been staring after her but jerked a little at the sight of me.

  I eyed her carefully as I passed. “Well. Are you coming or not?”

  “I am, but why are you?” she grumbled as she fell into step beside me. “It’s not like you’ll even be here for the formal.”

  “Then, no. But I’m still here now,” I reminded her.

  And I got more joy than I should have when everyone in the room greeted me enthusiastically and barely acknowledged Siobhan, and still more when a lot of my suggestions were taken despite the fact that I’d be long gone by the time of the actual dance.

  I was in control.

  Siobhan and her words couldn’t touch me in that room.

  “You look tired,” Anna told me quietly once the meeting was over.

  I couldn’t exactly tell her that was because, for the fifth time this past week, I’d had one of the old nightmares. It had woken me up at three that morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep.

  “Just exhausted. Packing and stuff, you know.”

  “I know. Don’t remind me.” Anna wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into her. “Did Hayley tell you any more about this guy?”

  “A little. And I Googled him.”

  Her eyes grew round with curiosity. “What did you find?”

  Nothing incriminating. But still something terrifying. “Hayley said he was wealthy. She meant wealthy. This guy is high society. She’s moving me into high society. Me.” I felt the growing panic in my chest, knowing that climbing the social ladder in Boston was going to be near impossible. Being bottom of the social hierarchy was a nightmare. People didn’t notice you down there, and when you were almost invisible there was no one to care if anything bad happened to you. No one to swoop in and stop you from being hurt.

  It was a different kind of social ladder altogether in Theodore Robert Fairweather, Esq.’s world. “How am I ever going to fit in there?”

  “Not everyone at your school will be wealthy.”

  Unfortunately, Anna was wrong. “Most of them will. I’m going to private school.”

  She looked as horrified as I felt. “No joke?”

  “No joke.”

  “Like with a little plaid skirt and stuff?”

  “I checked out the school’s website and there doesn’t seem to be an actual uniform, but it’s on a whole other level academically.” Which was good for my application to college, but would mean having to work that little bit harder, and working that little bit harder meant cutting into my plans for social climbing. “The tuition fee is insane. Apparently Theodore got me in without an interview thanks to his name alone.”

  Anna wrinkled her nose. “Wow. I can’t believe you’re moving in with Mr. Moneybags and you haven’t even met him. Your mom is such a flake. This is like a TV show.”

  I gave a bark of bitter laughter. “My whole life is like a TV show.”

  CHAPTER 2

  THE HOUSE IN WESTON, Massachusetts, was a mansion. An actual mansion.

  I stood on the driveway outside, my neck craning back, and took in the massive redbrick building. It had gray slate tiles on the roof and bright white wood-framed windows. It also went on and on and on.

  “Do you like it?”

  I swallowed hard and glanced over at Hayley’s fiancé and my soon-to-be StepVader—I mean, stepfather. Theodore Fairweather was in his midforties, tall, athletically built and, I guess, good-looking for an old guy. To top it off he owned a home that could fit our California apartment inside it twenty, thirty times over.

  “It’s big,” I said.

  Theo laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They did that a lot. I supposed that meant he laughed a lot. That didn’t mean he was a kind man, though. Those laughing blue eyes could still be hiding cruelty. People were, after all, masters at deception. “It is big,” he agreed.

  “You know I love it.” Hayley laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally here.”

  “I can’t, either.” He kissed her forehead. “It feels like forever I’ve been waiting for you to show up.”

  Theo had picked us up at the airport. We didn’t have a lot of stuff with us because Hayley told me not to pack too many clothes. She said we’d need to go shopping for clothes that would help us fit in better.

  Right.

  I could tell she was excited at the prospect of spending Theo’s cash. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to owe this guy anything. Unfortunately, I was already into him for thousands in tuition fees at some stuck-up school in Boston.

  “Let’s get inside.” Theo strode in through the double front doors. We stepped into a marble entrance hall with two large inner double doors that led into the main hall. A grand staircase swept down toward us in a curve. I stared around wide-eyed at the expensive furnishings.

  Growing up I tried my best not to feel like trash. I knew people thought we were trash. But I worked hard to remember that no matter what they said, I wasn’t.

  But standing in cheap clothes in that big, expensive house, I suddenly felt this overwhelming fear that I would never find my power here, my control. I felt awkward. Unsophisticated. Uncultured.

  I felt like trash.

  And if possible I hated Hayley and Theo even more for bringing me here and making me feel that way about myself.

  “I’ll show you around and then to your room, India.”

  The rest of the house made me sick to my stomach with its beauty. I lost count of how many stunningly decorated and lushly furnished reception rooms Theo led us through. The kitchen was twice the size of our apartment. Finally he led us to the back of the house into a more casual TV room. Three of the walls were made up of floor-to-ceiling glass and a twin set of French doors that led out onto a large patio area. I could see a barbecue, large outdoor dining set, lounge chairs and beyond that in the near distance was a massive swimming pool and a pool house that was a miniversion of the main house.

  Sitting around the pool, laughing and talking, were a group of kids about my age.

  Theo frowned at the sight but as soon as he became aware of my scrutiny he grinned. The sudden change only reinforced my decision to be wary of his character. “Eloise’s out there with some friends. Why don’t we take you out there and then Eloise can show you to your room later.”

  I couldn’t think of anything worse.

  Immediately the sick feeling in my gut became a swarm of butterflies.

  My feet might as well have been weighted down with anchors as Theo and Hayley forced me outside into the late-September sun.

  “Eloise,” Theo called, and a pretty redhead stood up from a lounger. She was wearing a beautiful yellow silk dress that looked great against her pale rose skin and probably cost a fortune.

  She stepped forward and beamed at her father. I felt a twinge of something I refused to call jealousy as father and daughter embraced—a tight hug that was so full of feeling they would have to be really freaking great actors for it to be faked—and then smiled into one another’s faces.

  Theo murmured something that I couldn’t quite hear and Eloise looked chastened. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Eloise looked squarely at Hayley. “I apologize for not coming out to welcome you properly.”

  “That’s okay, sweetheart.” Hayley waved her apology off while I tried not to scowl at them both. Sweetheart? Really? Just how close were Hayley and her new soon-to-be daughter?

  “Eloise, this is India. India, Eloise,” Theo said.

  Light hazel eyes connected with mine and I tensed. The warmth in them had disappeared.

  “Welcome.” She gave me a tight smile.

  I gave her a terse nod, which only made her smile tighter.

  “
I’m going to help Hayley get settled in. Why don’t you introduce India to your friends and then show her to her room. Okay?”

  “Sure thing, Daddy,” she chirped.

  Hayley squeezed my hand and gave me a bolstering look as though she cared whether or not she was leaving me to my doom. I turned away from her to stare warily at Eloise.

  She stared back, not saying a word until we heard the click of French doors behind us.

  Eloise crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re here.”

  Yes, definitely not the warmest welcome in the world. “So it would seem.”

  She frowned at my clothes. “You’ll need to go shopping.”

  I didn’t give her or her friend who giggled from a lounge chair beyond us a reaction to her insinuation that my clothes were too cheap for her world.

  Pulling on my armor, I did the only thing I could and pretended like I wasn’t intimidated. “Who’re your friends?” I said, walking toward them.

  The giggler was a petite girl with flawless golden skin and rich dark brown hair. She was perched on a lounge chair. Sitting on the edge of the pool with their pant legs rolled up were a sun-bronzed blond-haired boy and a stunning blonde girl with perfect porcelain skin and features—they looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. In the pool on a blow-up lounge was a guy with black hair and a curious smirk. Finally my eyes swung to the boy leaning against the pool house wall. He was tall with naturally tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes, one of those boys that were too good-looking to be real, and he was staring at me with cold indifference.

  I stared right back with my best I’m so bored I could die expression before turning my attention to the giggler.

  To my surprise she gave me a little smile. “I’m Charlotte.”

  “More importantly, I’m Gabe,” the boy in the pool called out. He paddled toward our end of the pool and held a hand out while he grinned up at me. He wore his close-cropped black hair in waves and water glistened on his warm brown skin. Freckles a shade darker sprinkled his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, giving his handsome face a hint of adorable. His smiling dark eyes roamed my face.