Control, Page 22

  Trude touched the tips of his fingers to his eyes, pressing gently, trying to clear his mind of all distractions. He wished momentarily for steaming coffee, a gallon of it, but he knew he was nervous and delaying what he hoped was success but so often had been failure.

  Silent prayer. Then he began to talk.

  “You’re ten months now, ten months, now six, now six, four months old, four months young, four peaceful months of life, now one, one month, now weeks before that, now days before the weeks, now you’re there, William, you’re in the womb and safe, you’re somewhere in the blessed moments between creation and birth, between creation and birth, you’re between creation and birth, William, tell me that you fully understand where you are, you’re between creation and birth, between creation and … and…say it.”

  The breathing ever deeper.

  “Say it.”

  No reply. Nothing. Just the enervating passage of time…….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  Waiting was always murderous for Trude. Nothing had come slowly for him all his life, nothing had ever taken time, ask a question, the answer came like that. So the waiting now, coupled with expectation, was brutal.

  Trude began to talk again then, setting up more rhythms, sharper cadences in his voice. “Your first words, your first words, your first words, are hard. Your first words, your first words, your first words, bring fear. But no need for fear. No need for fear. You are in the one true safe place. You are in the safest place. Between birth and creation is the safest place. And the best place. The best place. The free place, William. The only free place. The only true free place, William, the freest place on earth, free is what you are, William, safe and free, safe and free, say that, for me William, say free, say free, say it, say it, free, free, free…”

  “fruh…

  fruh…

  fruh…”

  Trude had to fight the desire to prompt, to complete the word “free” but he had been at this before and knew he had to wait for the dead sound from the giant body to continue. And it was a dead sound. Slow and deep and there was no hint of emotion. Not yet. But as Trude looked at the other man, he could see, now, the first signs of perspiration beginning to spread across the enormous body.

  “…free…”

  “Do you know what you’re free to do? Do you know what you’re free to do? Do you know what you’re free to do?”

  “…no…”

  “Such a wonderful thing, Such a splendid glorious thing, A magical thing.”

  “…mmmuh…magic…”

  “Yes. Magic. Yes. Special Magic. Magic for you alone.”

  Trude hesitated now because he knew that there was liable to be a reaction soon, and not a good one. “Magic for you alone. Magic only you can do. Travel.”

  ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

  Billy Boy lay with his eyes closed but now he was perspiring more heavily. And his body was commencing to tremble.

  “Travel.

  Travel for joy.

  Travel anywhere.

  Anywhere your dear ones are.

  Travel to your dear ones.

  To your own and only beloveds.”

  “huh…

  huh…

  hoo…?”

  “You know who.

  Whom do you care for?

  Whom do you understand?

  Understand completely?”

  “…thuh…

  …thuh……

  theo…

  “Yes, Theo.

  Of course, Theo.

  Ted, Theo, Theodore.

  Theodore Duncan.”

  “... theo…

  …thuh…

  ...theo…… is… … here … ?”

  “Yes, Theo’s here.

  Yes, and waiting.

  On Gramercy.

  Gramercy Park.

  You on Sutton.

  Theo on Gramercy.

  Such a short trip.

  Such a quick trip.

  Such a joyous trip.”

  “… theo…

  …theo…

  …close …”

  “A blink away.

  A quick blink.

  A blink to Theo.”

  Trude watched, studying. The trembling was worse now, the en- ; tire body wet from perspiration, glistening and trembling.

  “…fuh…

  …fuh…

  THEO’S FUCKING! FUCKING CHARLOTTE!”

  ‘Does he know you’re with him?”

  “…no…”

  Trude made his voice very gentle now. “Tell Theo … tell him not to be afraid. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ tell him.”

  “…don’t…

  …be…

  …afraid…”

  “That’s right, but Theo is the one you must give that information to, dear Theo, let Theo know not to be afr—”

  “HE’S SCREAMING!”

  “What?”

  “SCREAMING

  SCREAMING

  ‘NOT AFRAID NOT AFRAID!’”

  “William—William listen to me—

  you must listen to me—

  he’s not afraid of you—

  he doesn’t realize yet

  he doesn’t know it’s you—

  what do you know?—

  what do you know that Theo knows—

  what do only you and Theo know?”

  “…buh…

  …buh…

  …bairn…”

  “And what is that?”

  “…word…”

  “What does it mean?”

  “…buh…

  …buh…

  …baby…”

  “And only you and Theo know?”

  “…only…

  …only…”

  “Then let him know you know.

  Say it ‘Bairn.’

  Say ‘Bairn.’

  Say ‘Bairn’ to Theo now.”

  “HEARD WRONG.

  HEARD BUR-EN.

  HEARD BURN!”

  Trude stared as the giant’s body began shaking with pain and terror—the water poured from him now and his giant hands were pressing at his temples—his knuckles were twisting and drilling at his temples.

  “… FIGHTING…

  … HURTING…

  … CHARLOTTE…

  … STRONGER…”

  Trude spoke quickly, brought Billy Boy out, watched him jam his knuckles into his temples, signaled for a sedative, gave the murderous giant enough to make him sleep for a day. Then he went to his office and even before making another pot of coffee, he called Kilgore in Washington to pass on the triumphant news…

  2

  The Pipers

  Even though it was before dawn, Eric wasn’t the least surprised when the phone started ringing. He’d been in his apartment for less than five minutes and he was almost expecting the call. He knew it would be Karen and that probably she’d been dialing for hours.

  He hobbled toward the phone. Not in the best of shape. He’d lain bleeding on the sidewalk for he really had no idea how long. But a patrol car had found him and he managed to take them into the building and point out the dread elevator sh
aft; he had planned on staying right with them but the closer they got the closer he came to lightheadedness. Finally he sat on the floor, waved away any help, which made his fellows realize he more than likely needed some. So while one of them stayed in the unfinished building, the other drove Eric down to Bellevue Emergency where they prodded him and X-rayed him, finally bandaged and patched him and suggested he get home and sleep for a week.

  “Yeah,” Eric said into the receiver.

  “Where have you been, Little? I’ve been phoning and phoning.”

  Eric sat heavily into a chair and stared out at Lincoln Center and Chagall.

  “Little?”

  Eric sat staring out, wondering did she wake from a dream or had she been up late when the premonition came. As they’d spent more and more of their lives away from each other, Karen running the Foundation now, their senses of each other had grown even stronger. Once when she’d broken her leg on a winter Vail morning and there was genuine concern that her back was gone too he had known something, and that knowledge came in the middle of a jewel robbery investigation at the New York pied-a-terre of a Delaware Du Pont. This Mrs. Du Pont, who had lost a considerable number of valuables and was considerably upset, was a little surprised when in the middle of questioning Eric had said, “Pardon me, may I use your phone.” She had expected, apparently, that he would be calling the precinct house or some such police business, and when he put in a long-distance call to Colorado, she became rattled. That led to upset when he called again five minutes later because the line was busy the first time and Eric remembered Haggerty saying, “He has this telephone fixation, Mrs. Du Pont, but otherwise he’s a crackerjack operative, please humor the lad as best you can—”

  “Little?”

  “It would have been awful if-your back had gone.”

  “The Vail thing?”

  Eric stared out at the Chagall.

  Karen’s voice grew very stern. “You must get hold of yourself now and talk to me, I’m concerned, I don’t like these silences.”

  She had a point, and Eric was about to explain when he realized, was quite startled to realize, that he was too full to talk about it. He could sense the drying in his throat.

  “Are you too upset, is that it?”

  Eric grunted that that was it.

  “Just tell me a few things then—call me later but at least tell me, are you all right, is it Frank, is he all right too?”

  “Not all right too,” Eric managed, and then he hung up. He went to the kitchen, got the Scotch he kept for visitors. There was maybe a quarter of a bottle left. He took a sip, hated the taste, chugged the rest, made it across his apartment, fell to bed.

  And instantly the phone rang.

  And rang.

  And rang.

  “Whuh?” Eric’s mouth felt like some group had been holding a convention inside.

  “Got a few minutes?”

  Eric blinked. He knew the voice, knew it well. “Huh?”

  “This is Captain Haig, Lorber; have you got a few minutes? Couple things we might talk about.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Eight thirty.”

  Eric shook his head. “Still dark out though—that’s funny.”

  “At night, Lorber.”

  Fifteen hours, Eric thought. Flaked fifteen hours and it went by like a song. Then he remembered Frank. A dirge; it went by like a dirge. His body throbbed.

  “Well, what about it?”

  “Right,” Eric said, not quite sure what they were talking about

  “Should be finished here within an hour—I’ll stop by then. Nine thirty.”

  “Be waiting,” Eric assured him, hung up, and immediately was back asleep.

  This time the pounding at the door brought him around. “Yeah, yeah, right,” he managed as he stumbled to the door, opened it, said “With you in a sec” and retreated to his bedroom, throwing on a pair of wash pants, a cashmere crew neck that was an insane color of purple, the reason, Karen assured him, it was on sale and happy birthday.

  “Sure this isn’t an inconvenience?” Haig said as Eric came barefooted into the living room.

  Eric shook his head, sat.

  Captain Haig stared out the window at Lincoln Center. “Some view,” he said.

  “Reason I’m here,” Eric answered, wondering why the hell Haig was here. Haig was really a detestable figure; for a cop. You wouldn’t have minded his ruddy good looks and glad-handing if he’d run an ad agency or sold life insurance.

  Haig turned from the window then. “The main reason I’m here is that I thought we ought to talk about Frank Haggerty’s funeral.”

  The funeral! Jesus, Eric thought, how could that have not crossed your mind before. And what a thing it would be. You could never wash away the stains of the last hours totally, but if anything could help, it would be the funeral.

  Just the size of it alone. Cops have a way when a brother dies brutally. Heroically. Ordinary unknown cops get great turnouts. But this was no ordinary unknown, this was the funeral of Frank thirty-five-years-and-then-some-on-the-force Haggerty; thirty-five years and maybe a couple of enemies, maybe a million friends; thirty-five years of work, not just here but side trips to Philly and Boston—he had cousins on the force in Boston—

  —maybe the Pipers would come!

  The Boston Pipers. The best bagpipe group bar none counting England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, bar none. And everyone would be dressed in their blues and thousands maybe of lawmen listening to the Pipers, fifty strong, and then after some music a few words, a eulogy from someone close—

  —Christ, Eric thought, that’s why he’s here, he wants me to give the eulogy. I can’t do that—my God, give a speech about Frank in front of all the others—I’m too young. It should be a contemporary, one of the old guard, one of—

  —it should be a member of the family. Frank Jr., he was the proper choice and as he looked across the room Eric realized that that was why Haig was here—to try and soften the blow of his not being allowed to speak at the funeral of his beloved partner. What a jerk Haig was—thinking he’d be upset. Eric shook his head and almost smiled.

  “Does that mean you don’t want to talk about it?”

  “Does what mean?”

  “You just shook your head.”

  “No, nothing like it, just tripping off.”

  Captain Haig looked at Eric now. “Are you all right, Lorber? We can do this tomorrow.”

  “Great shape. No need.”

  The Captain would not look away. Eric could feel his eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right, Lorber?’’

  “Like I said, great shape …” And now Eric could feel things breaking loose inside him. He tried for a quick smile, missed. “Well… great is probably not quite it, maybe okay would sum it up better…” And he tried to stop then, tried so hard, but the dam had given and he was helpless. “I… I never should have left Frank is the thing… See, he had Frank over the shaft but I… I had the gun… and so it was stalemate…” Stop, Eric demanded, don’t you dare sully this—not to Haig—not to a prick like Haig—control yourself— “… see, if I’d stayed, Frank would still be around… and I was gonna stay … I had the gun … in my hands… but Frank, he came up with an idea,.. and he said for me to go… he meant it… but.. “Enough shit Jesus, Eric shrieked silently into the night, he’s gonna tell this story, Haig’ll dine out on this, and Frank would cry of shame, if he was here he’d weep and shake his head and say Eric, Eric, didn’t I teach you any better than this? “… you make your decisions and most… most of the time it’s all right, you survive with your choice … but see … but see … Frank was no kid … he was great but he was no kid… and this Winslow… this fucking Winslow … he’s a pig … and I left Frank … alone with this crazy pig… I shouldn’t have done that… I shouldn’t have done that… I should have stayed with Frank… it was a bad choice, a bad choice … I could have stayed, I should have stayed, but I left him all alone and … I don’t think I’ll f
orget that for a while …”

  At last then, silence.

  Captain Haig got up, went back to the view, stood, hands clasped behind his back. “Terrible accident,” he said finally.

  Humiliated, Eric stayed seated, immobile.

  The blessed silence lingered.

  “I’m okay now,” Eric said, when he was.

  Captain Haig turned away from the window. “I talked to the two men who found you on the sidewalk. At some length. And I talked to the doctors at the emergency ward. You’ve had some day, was the general consensus.”

  Eric shrugged.

  “Don’t come in tomorrow, all right? Get aU the rest you can.”

  “I will rest,” Eric said. “Maybe I’ll show up for half a day, just to keep my hand in.”

  Haig shook his head, smiled. “Not tomorrow. I mean this. I’m speaking officially now. I don’t want to see you working until I give the word. You’re on vacation as of now. Head for the Caribbean why don’t you. Grab some sun.”

  “I don’t want to go on vacation. I’m a little rocky, sure, but who isn’t in February? It’s important for me to work now. I know what Winslow looks like, I’ve got a bead on how his mind goes. I’ll be in tomorrow.”

  “No,” Haig said. “You won’t.”

  Eric looked at him. “Wait a minute,” he said. “That’s an order, isn’t it?”

  “You don’t come in tomorrow and you don’t come in the next day and if I say take a week, you’ll take a week, if I say a month, you can consider it gospel. Are we clear?”