Puppet: Agent
What Ever
Puppet: Agent
By
Whatever
Copyright 2013 by Whatever
[email protected]
https://blather-n-stories.blogspot.com
Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.
Cover photo “Secret Agent Man” by Jack Zalium. His site is
https://www.flickr.com/photos/kaiban/with/6998898690/
The image itself can be found at
https://www.flickr.com/photos/kaiban/6998898690/
The image is licensed under the Creative Commons “Attribute-Non Commercial-Share Alike 2.0” license.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners, including but not limited to Robert A. Heinlein. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 1
“Bad news.” Gideon, the majordomo for the alien leader known as the Elder, announced as he came into the room.
The Elder looked like a giant blob of mercury, fully 30 feet across. It was the amalgamation of its entire race’s memories and experiences.
“Nuts.”
“What’s that book you were reading?”
“Oh, nothing. Is it who I thought it was? Baxter?”
“I’m afraid so...How to Win at Trivial Pursuit? How can you read that at a time like this? And besides, I was the one that warned you about Baxter!”
“Don’t change the subject!”
“What was the subject, Trivial Pursuit?”
“Yes! Erm, no...is it as bad as I thought?”
“You mean as we thought?”
“Whatever.”
Gideon sighed.
“Pretty much; if this thing hits the streets we’re looking at ten times the casualties from the first plague.”
“And Planetary Defense?”
“They’re sitting on their hands. There are still elements within the PD that think being rid of us would be worth a few lives.”
“Then we have no choice. There’s only one person that can stop this before it starts...”
* * *
“So you want to complain?”
“That’s right!”
“About your cat?”
“Well, not about the cat, no. It’s about one of those damn blobs took control of it!”
Mike had hoped that his previous exploits on behalf of the Earth would have earned him a cushy job, but no such luck. Tom had volunteered Mike and Alice for work in PDA intelligence, which was how he found himself doing such fascinating work.
Alice snickered from behind a desk. During his previous escapade, Mike had rescued Alice from certain death...but so far she had not been very appreciative.
Remember, Mike’s Puppeteer told him sulkily, you wanted her back. You could have left her to her fate as a fallen hero but nooooo! A Puppeteer, which looked like a small puddle of mercury, could talk to its host through the host’s nervous system.
“Do you have the cat with you?”
“McCavity!” the man said sternly.
An orange tabby jumped up onto the desk. It regarded Mike for a few seconds and then curled into a ball.
“Alright, you, are you hosting a Puppeteer?”
“Meow.”
Alice didn’t even try to hide her laughter.
“Why do you think your cat is hosting a Puppeteer?”
“If you look under his fur, you can see the crafty little bugger.”
Mike looked closely at the cat’s back. Brushing back the fur a bit, he could just make out the silvery surface of a Puppeteer.
“Alright, what’s the big idea?” He glared at the cat, which remained unmoved.
Mike sighed.
Can you talk to it?
Oh!? What’s this? Is someone actually consulting me for my opinion on something?
Mike gritted his teeth.
Just talk to the stupid cat.
Mike’s Puppeteer gave the telepathic equivalent of a sigh and then flowed over his arm. Mike reached out a silver covered finger and touched the cat’s back.
Mike’s Puppeteer tried the stern approach.
What’s all this then?
No response.
Look you, unhand this cat.
No.
You can’t stay.
The hell I can’t, the cat thinks it’s fine.
Well, it’s not.
Says you. This thing has got it made! All it has to do is purr every now and then, and it gets as much food as it wants. It doesn’t even have to do what its owner says.
But don’t you want to be out there, you know, helping people?
Nah, I’d rather be lazy. The cat says it understands laziness.
Mike looked at the cat’s owner with a pained expression. “The Puppeteer says it doesn’t want to leave. It says the cat has agreed to let it stay.”
“Well, make it leave!”
Can you force it out?
No. Well, technically yes, but I won’t.
What?
We can’t force a Puppeteer to leave if the host agrees to letting it stay.
You mean you won’t force it to leave.
Yeah, that’s the basic idea.
What about the Leet?!
That was different. We invited them to this world.
Small difference!
“I’m sorry, Mr... erm.”
“Brash.”
“I am not!”
“No, I’m Nathan Brash.”
“Well, uh, Mr. Brash, I’m afraid I can’t make it leave if the cat agrees to it.”
“What?!”
“That’s just what I said.”
At that moment, Tom came into the office. Tom was a veteran of the Planetary Defense Agency, a group that was formed by the nations of Earth after the Puppeteer invasion. Since then humanity and Puppeteers had formed a very shaky alliance.
Tom was followed by a Raptor, one of the lizard-men that had attacked a year ago. Since that time, Mike and Tom had discovered that the Puppeteers had “invited” the Leet (as they called themselves) to “play” a match against the Earth. The Puppeteers had done this to ingratiate themselves with humanity by supplying advanced weapons to them. Humanity and Leet-kind had made peace and there was even a thriving trade between the two races, in the form of chicken nuggets. Go figure.
The Raptor was wearing a black suit. It looked at the cat hungrily.
“i hear 7ho$e 7hIng5 7@57e Lik3 chIcKen!”
This got the cat’s attention. It sprang up and arched its back, hissing.
“Tom, what’s going on here?!”
“I want you to meet our new ‘exchange student,’ Rex.”
The raptor held out a clawed hand.
“1eet!”
The cat’s owner scooped up the animal and ran for the door, giving Rex a wide berth.
“I’ll talk to you later!” he said as he rushed out the door.
“So um...Rex, what’s your background?”
“d00d?”
“What did you do before the war?”
“dude! i was to7@lly in cHaRGe 0f 7h3 3ntir3 @rMy!”
Tom stepped between the two of them and spoke in a low voice.
“I think he’s the son...”
“...hatchling...”
“...of the Totally Awesome Uber General.” Tom glanced over his shoulder at Rex and then whispered “The thing is I’m not sure that the general wants him back.”
“How are we going to maintain a low profile with...with Rex tagging along?”
“i h@v3 a t0t@llY aW3soMe dIsguise!”
Rex put on a pair of dark sunglasses.
“Great! First the guy with the cat, now this! Can this day get any worse?”
Just then a man in a black G-man suit came in the room.
“Mike? You and the team need to go interview Richard Baxter.”
“Isn’t he the guy who runs the city sewers?” Alice chimed in.
“Arrrgh!”
“133t!”
* * *
For the drive to the sewage plant, Mike, Alice Tom and Rex crowded into Mike’s government blandmobile, yet another “reward” for saving the Earth.
“7his Is w3ak! i call3d 5h0tgun!”
“Did not!” said Tom irritably.
“dId 70o!”
“Did not!”
“Don’t make me turn this car around!” cut in Mike.
This is like driving a bunch of children.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” whined Alice from the back seat.
“How much farther to the plant?” asked Tom.
“Arrrgh!”
* * *
They pulled up in front of an industrial building. Sewage ponds could be seen in the background. Richard Baxter watched all this on closed circuit TV.
“Do you think they know anything?” asked a tough guy sitting next to Baxter.
“Of course not! And do you have to wear that damn leather jacket? It’s a dead giveaway.”
“Is that a Raptor they’ve got with them?”
Baxter looked at the monitor. “I think you’re right. Though there’s something weird about him...”
“Must be the dark glasses.”
“I’d better get out front.”
“You think they want to talk to you?”
“No, I’m sure they’re here for the foosball table.”
* * *
Mike and the other three trooped in to the reception area. After a moment, an older guy came through one of the doors.
“We’re here to see Mr. Baxter.” Mike stated.
“I am Richard Baxter.” Baxter said.
Mike looked confused.
“Don’t you have a secretary or something?”
“Used to, before the budget cuts.”
Rex rushed over to Baxter, grabbed him by the lapels, and lifted him off the floor.
“t@lk, sLim3body!”
“What the hell?!”
“Rex,” Mike was aghast, “put Mr. Baxter down!”
Rex dropped him.
Mike helped the sludgemaster back to his feet.
“Sorry, it’s his first day.”
“Since when did the PDA start employing Raptors?”
“i'm no7 3mpl0y3D...tH3y d0N'7 p@y me”
“He’s some sort of goodwill exchange thing...”
“With goodwill like that, who needs enemies?”
“Um...so we understand that one of your workers died recently.”
“Yeah, and he had just come back from vacation...the slacker.”
“So how did you find out about this?”
“Someone noticed bits of him in one of the ponds.”
“That’s horrible!”
“Yeah, well, that’s life.”
“is 7Her3 @ny leF7?” Rex chimed in.
Mike turned to Rex. “That’s disgusting! You know they found him in a sewage pond?”
“oH...forg37 it 7H3n.”
Even Baxter seemed taken aback. After an uncomfortable silence, Baxter said, “Do you want to see where we found him?”
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”
Alice nudged Tom in the ribs.
“Don’t you have more experience with this kind of thing? Shouldn’t you be taking the lead?”
Tom crossed his arms.
“Nah, this way Mike has to deal with Rex!”
“Good point.” Alice looked at Tom with renewed respect...or at least some respect.
The five of them walked down a hallway. Various people stopped when they saw Rex. Most turned around and walked quickly the other way.
“What’s that?” Alice asked.
“Break room. Yeah, I know it’s coddling the employees, but there’s some union regulation.” The four of them turned a corner and completely missed Rex’s yip of surprise.
Arriving at one of the sewage ponds, the four of them surveyed the placid waters.
“So you found him here?” Tom asked.
“No, I just liked to come here for the view.” Mike, Alice and Tom turned to Baxter. “Of course I found him here!”
Baxter seemed to be searching for something as the others looked at the pond.
“Didn’t you guys have a Raptor with you when you came in?”
* * *
Kerrr-plunk!
“Ha...ha...ha.”
“Ach, laddie! Ye have nae idea how to use the goalie!”
Rex was standing opposite two scruffy workers. He had just scored another goal.
“There you are!” announced Mike as he came into the break room.
“What’s he doing to my...my employees?” Baxter demanded.
“I’d say he’s skunking them,” Mike said as he regarded the score.
Kerrr-plunk!
“Ha...ha...ha.”
“That blasted lizard is putting a hex on us!” complained one.
“Now stop that!” Baxter said.
The two workers looked downcast and tried to shuffle out of the room. Rex barred their way. With a resigned expression, one of them handed Rex a bag of chicken nuggets.
“Can I have one?” Tom asked. Rex hissed at him.
Mike’s cell chose that moment to ring.
“Isn’t that the ‘Imperial March’ from Star Wars?” Alice asked.
“Shut up,” Mike said, flipping his phone open.
“dude! tHat Ph0ne is $0 re7r0!” put in Rex as he ate another nugget.
“And you can do better?” Alice asked.
Rex displayed his iPhone, complete with leopard skin covering.
“OK, but beating Mike is pretty easy.”
Mike glared at them, spoke a few words into his phone and put it away.
“So what’s the word?” asked Tom.
“Thanks for your time, Mr. Baxter, we have to be going.” At that moment, more workers came into the break room, heading for the foosball table. They had to drag Rex out.
“Yeah, ah...no problem.” Baxter said as he escorted them out of the building.
“So what’s the word?” asked Tom impatiently.
“Dunno, that was Sterling. The big blob wants to see us.”
“Don’t you mean that the Elder wants to see you?”
“No, for some reason he wants to see all of us.”
“What about?”
“Sterling didn’t say.”
The car pulled out of the lot.
“you $@id i coUld Ride sho7gUn 0n the Way 8@cK!”
Chapter 2
Mike, Alice, Tom and Rex disembarked from the shuttle to the Puppeteer asteroid ship. As usual, Gideon was there to meet them. Gideon looked grim.
“Something the matter, Gideon?”
“You’ll see,” he said ominously.
Gideon led them to the Elder’s room. As normal, Mike felt queasy in the zero gravity.
“You wanted to see us?”
“Yes” replied the Elder.
The silence stretched out.
“Want to tell us what’s got you so upset?”
“Your friend, Baxter...”
“He’s not my friend!”
“...your would-be friend, Baxter, is cooking up a new version of the plague.”
“What? How do you know that?”
“I’ve had my feelers on this guy for a while. You see, his wife died in the first plague. He blames the Puppeteers for the whole thing.”
“When one of his people died suspiciously in an industrial accident, I bribed the coroner. He got me a tissue sample. It contains a very nasty virus.”
The four of them looked at each other.
“Dude! Wh@t's a viRUs?” asked Rex.
“Shut up.”
“w3@k.”
“Mike,” cut in the Elder, “we’ve adapted to the original virus that your people created. The new virus has to be much more deadly to be effective against the current generation of Puppeteers. Last time you got away with less than one percent casualties. With this bug, you’re looking at more than one hundred million people dead in the first wave. And then the virus may mutate into something really nasty.”
“We have to stop this guy!”
“So why don’t you notify the PDA and have them round up Baxter and his men?”
“Puppeteers currently enjoy a rather precarious situation in human politics: some people would like to see us wiped off the face of the earth, even if it takes a few hundred million people. PD is in no way immune to such public opinion. We feel that, while alerting them to the threat, pursuing a secondary investigation would be...prudent.”
“So you want us to investigate the situation? That might work if not for the fact that only Tom here is really trained in any sort of secret agent stuff, and my guess is that he’s more of an analyst type then a James Bond type.”
“Aha! But that’s where the real genius of my plan shines through: I’ll act as Tom’s guide for the operation, and my superior knowledge and skill gleaned from centuries of cloak and dagger experience will enhance his laughably inadequate skills to the point where he’s the first man/Puppeteer super agent!
Mike crossed his arms. “You? A secret agent? What are you going to call yourself - James Blob?”
“You know...I like the way that rolls off the tongue...er...vacuole. So, what do you say, Tom?”
“Not a chance!”
Even Rex seemed surprised.
“8u7 wha7 @b0u7 s@vinG @lL 7Hose p3oPle?”
“I’m a very good agent without a blob, thank you very much!”
“Could I or Alice do it?” Mike asked.
“The process would work best with someone who is already familiar with the proper procedures.”
The group considered this.
“There are some other benefits of hosting, you know...” the Elder said slyly.
“Like what?” Tom asked incredulously.
“Like you become more attractive to the opposite sex.”
“Really?” Tom looked a little more interested.
“That’s never worked for me!” Mike said glancing at Alice, who stuck out her tongue at him.
It’s because you’re such a putz, Mike’s Puppeteer informed him helpfully.
I think it’s because you’re such a drip, Mike shot back.
“Just look these statistics!” The Elder flashed some graphics across the screen at lightning speed. “And as part of your mission you’ll get all kinds of nifty gadgets and devices!”
