Day of the Living Pizza

Day of the Living Pizza

  A zombie story to sink your teeth into

  By Vickie Johnstone

  Day of the Living Pizza

  Copyright January 2012, Vickie Johnstone

  Published by Inknbeans Press as part of The Gage Project children’s charity book in April 2012, and separately in ebook format in June 2012

  This edition republished November 2012

  All rights reserved

  Cover image: Jennifer Bastow

  Acknowledgements

  This story was written for Gage Bailey, who was to undergo a scary operation, as part of a book called The Gage Project. His favourite things include a zombie TV series, rock music and chicken, so all of these things fell into the story.

  The Gage Project book of stories, jokes and poetry for younger readers is available in paperback, with all royalties being donated to children’s charities, primarily Ronald McDonald House.

  It is published by Inknbeans Press.

  Other tales for younger readers

  Kiwi in Cat City (book 1)

  Kiwi and the Missing Magic (book 2)

  Kiwi and the Living Nightmare (book 3)

  Kiwi and the Serpent of the Isle (book 4)

  Kiwi in the Realm of Ra (book 5)

  Day of the Pesky Shadow

  Other titles are available for adults.

  Chapter 1

  “Can I have a large, deep-pan pizza with chicken, bacon, peppers, mushroom and olives... well just a few olives?”

  “Sure,” replied the pizza delivery guy. “Hold on... we’re out of chicken. Do you want a different topping instead?”

  “Ahhh,” sighed Andy. Chicken was his favourite. He always had chicken. Should he ring his old, usual pizza company? But then he’d heard that this new place served the best pizza in Crazy Name Town, and he was really hungry. He smiled to himself. He’d take a chance. “Ok, can I have pepperoni instead and no bacon. I don’t think they go together.”

  “Sure. Sorry about that. Your pizza will arrive in about 45 minutes. Thanks for your order. Bye.”

  The line went dead. “Bye,” mumbled Andy, and put his mobile phone into his pocket. Now it was time to dig out a good DVD to watch. But, first things first. With a grin, he opened the fridge and took out a beer. Leaning against the door, he clicked open the can and took a sip. Ahhh. Some things were better than chicken. Well, some things. Not many, but some. Now, to find that perfect DVD, he thought.

  “I’m on a highway to hell,” sang AC/DC from the speakers as Andy headed into the lounge. Perfect accompaniment, he thought, smiling.

  Chapter 2

  “So what’s the problem, Mr F-F-Farter?” asked Doctor Boring, peering up from under his glasses. They always slid down his nose slightly when he looked down. He pushed them up with his finger.

  Andy sighed. He wished people would only use his first name. Whenever he heard his surname, he grimaced. If only he’d changed it when he reached 18, but then you had to keep the family name going, and the doctor’s name was pretty silly too.

  “I’m not sure,” said Andy, sitting down opposite the doctor. “I’ve been feeling a bit weird. Since yesterday, Sunday, I’ve had blinding headaches and I feel really hot all of the time. I can’t eat. Food makes me feel sick. And then there’s this really weird rash...”

  “I’ll take your t-temperature f-first,” said the doctor, sticking a thermometer into Andy’s mouth. He tapped his pencil against his desk as he waited. “Yes, mmm, that’s very high. I think you should be resting. It’s probably flu.”

  “And the rash?”

  “Yes, yes, let me see...”

  Andy took off his jacket and pulled up his T-shirt.

  The doctor peered closer. A bright red rash spread across the whole width of Andy’s stomach, from the waistband of his jeans up to his neck. “That’s a big rash. Does it hurt or itch?”

  “It doesn’t hurt or itch really, but it feels really hot. My head feels hot too. It’s also on my back and my arms.”

  “It could be eczema or it could be an allergic reaction to something,” said the doctor. “I’ll prescribe you some antihistamines – basically hayfever tablets – to take the reaction down. If it doesn’t improve in a few days just come back. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Perhaps you ate something unusual.”

  “But why do I feel so hot, and have headaches...” asked Andy. It must be something. He felt so weird.

  “I think you may have flu as well. There’s a bug going round at the moment. Quite a few people have been here today with the same symptoms. Go home and rest.”

  “Ok,” said Andy, pulling down his jumper and putting on his jacket.

  The doctor handed him a prescription and Andy left. Flu? He wasn’t so sure. Still, he headed home, collecting the antihistamines from the chemist on the way. At home, he grabbed his duvet and pillow from the bedroom and made the settee his new bed, so that he could watch TV. He had a funny feeling he wouldn’t be going to work the next day. He really didn’t feel good.

  The next day, Andy woke feeling like seven shades of drippy pooh. It took him all of his power to raise himself from the settee. His head pounded. The light from the window made him squint. Sitting up, he brushed his hair back from his face. Ah. He didn’t feel good. The TV was showing trailers. He must have fallen asleep while watching something. Oh well, he definitely must need sleep then.

  He rubbed his eyes and stumbled towards the bathroom. Ah, the first wee of the day was the best, he thought. He started to whistle but stopped. His throat felt dry and tight. He flushed the chain and washed his hands. Opening the bathroom cupboard he glanced around for his headache tablets. What? What was that? He’d seen something red behind him, looking in the mirror...

  He closed the door of the cupboard and looked at the mirror again. Andy jumped. The face that stared back at him was bright red. The horrendous rash had spread to his face. He pushed back his hair. It was even along his scalp. Yuck. He looked disgusting. And he felt really hot. His eyes seemed smaller and squinted back at him. His lips were dry and cracked. His nose was bright red. It reminded him of a big tomato.

  “Enough,” he said to himself. “Damn, I hate being ill!”

  His whole body felt hot, much more so than yesterday. Grimacing, Andy pulled off his shorts and T-shirt. Oh no! The rash now covered his entire body, even his feet. Grrrr. Those antihistamines are rubbish, he thought. The doctor had to give him something else.

  Andy marched into his bedroom, dressed, grabbed his jacket, keys and shoes, and stormed out of the house. He was going to tell the doctor that he wasn’t leaving without allergy tests.

  Chapter 3

  “Do you have an appointment?” asked the receptionist.

  “No,” said Andy. “But I was here yesterday. I had a rash on my chest but it has spread over my entire body!”

  “Oh,” said the receptionist, staring him straight in the face. The more she tried not to stare, the more she stared. “It does look sore.”

  “It doesn’t hurt, but I feel very hot,” replied Andy.

  “Doctor... there’s a Mr F-F-Farter here.” She tried not to giggle at his name. “He came in yesterday and he doesn’t have an appointment, but the rash is now covering his whole body... including his face...Yes... Yes... Okay, doctor.”

  She looked up at Andy. “He’ll see you now. He’s worried it might be something... well... go in...”

  “Hello Mr F-F-Farter... woah, that rash... is it everywhere?” asked the doctor, standing up. He pushed his spectacles back on to his nose.

  Andy smiled. “Yes, it is.”

  “Does it hurt?” asked the doctor?

  “No, I’m just very hot.”

  “Sit down, sit
down. I’ll just get my thermometer...”

  “You don’t need to take my temperature. I’ve already told you I’m hot. And I haven’t eaten anything since that pizza on Saturday, and now I’m very very hungry...”

  “Mr F-F-Farter, please sit down...”

  “I don’t want to sit down... I’m hungry...”

  “Yes, you said that. That’s good that you’ve got your appetite back, but please sit down!” said the doctor, trying to be authoritative. He held the thermometer up, gripped in his left hand.

  “But I’m sooo hungry, you don’t know how hungry I am...”

  Andy walked closer and closer to the doctor, who backed away behind his desk. But there was nowhere to go. His back bumped into the tall bookcase of leather-bound books. The doctor blinked. He reached out his right hand to the telephone, but he couldn’t reach it. He hurriedly pressed the alarm button to summon the receptionist. Andy was now standing right in front of him. His face was bright red from the rash and his eyes looked smaller than before. They were also yellow. Jaundice?, wondered the doctor. Andy’s lips were very dry. The rash on his face was so bright and if he wasn’t so scared right now, the doctor could easily have made a joke about it because Andy’s face really resembled a pepperoni pizza...

  “I’m sorry doctor,” mumbled Andy, grabbing the doctor by the throat with one hand. He dropped the thermometer.

  “Doctor?!” screamed the receptionist as she opened the door. “Let him go!”

  “I can’t. I’m hungry,” replied Andy, taking a bite.

  The receptionist fainted with a bang on the floor.

  “Tastes just like chicken!” said Andy.

  Chapter 4

  Detective Smarts looked around the doctor’s waiting room. He was a tall man with brown hair and dark eyes. He stood with a straight back, wearing black polished shoes and a fresh brown suit. “So what exactly happened here?” he asked.

  “Not entirely sure,” replied Officer Dewdrop, pushing his reddish hair out of his face. His fringe always seemed to fall into his eyes. “But we’ve found two bodies – the doctor and the receptionist. The doctor was the first victim, sir. There are two other patients who escaped.”

  “Good,” said Smarts. “Can I speak to them?”

  “They’re a bit shaken up,” said Dewdrop. “But... well... okay.”

  The two men walked over to a young girl and her mother, who were sitting inside an ambulance. A medic and a policewoman stood outside.

  “Is it okay if..?” asked Smarts.

  The policewoman nodded.

  Smarts stepped up into the ambulance, followed by Dewdrop, who lost his footing and banged his head on the door. “Sorry, sir,” he mumbled.

  “Hello, I’m Detective Smarts. I’m sorry you’ve had such an awful experience today. How are you feeling?”

  “Shocked,” announced the mother, looking up. She had dyed red hair and very bright green eyes, which glinted in the sun that streamed through the window. Smarts swallowed. The combination of the red and green was very attractive. He glanced down at his notebook.

  Focus on work, he told himself. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  The young girl burst into tears, and the older woman held her head, stroking her hair.

  “It was too much for Mollie,” she said. “I’m Sylvia. We were at the doctor’s, waiting to see him. Mollie was reading, but I was looking around. So I saw a red light flashing behind the receptionist and then she basically ran into the doctor’s room. But then there was a scream and I guess she fainted as I heard a bang. Then the patients started to look around. Some got up. A couple of them went to see what was wrong with the receptionist. Then we heard shouts and screams. Someone shouted “I’m hungry”. Then I pulled Mollie towards the door. I had this sudden feeling that we should get out fast. I was just opening the exit door when I turned and saw... saw it...”

  “Saw what Sylvia?” asked Smarts, his pencil poised for action.

  “... it... I can’t describe. It looked like a man, but it was red. It was wearing only jeans and shoes. It was bright red...”

  “So it was a man that did this?” asked Dewdrop.

  “Well... it looked like a man... but it also looked like... well... please don’t laugh, but it looked like a pizza...”

  “Pizza?” asked Smarts, his mouth falling open. Dewdrop chuckled. Smarts nudged him.

  “I knew you’d laugh,” said Mollie. “But I’m not going crazy...”

  “Maybe it’s the shock,” suggested Dewdrop, trying to keep a straight face.

  “No, I’m not in shock. He looked like a pizza. A pepperoni pizza,” announced Mollie. “And there may have been some peppers too.”

  It was too much. Dewdrop exploded into laughter. Covering his mouth, he stumbled down the steps of the ambulance.

  Smarts replaced his notebook and pencil in his pocket. “Thank you, ma’am.” Why was it that all of the attractive women he met were always a bit mad? He said “goodbye”, and stepped out of the ambulance. What a dead end. They were the only witnesses. He frowned. He’d have to see what the autopsy came up with.

  “What now?” asked Dewdrop.

  “Not sure. I guess it’s pointless asking them any more questions.”

  “Are you hungry, sir?”

  “A bit. I guess we could go for a bite to eat before I call up about the autopsy.”

  “How about Pizza Magic?!” asked Dewdrop. “They do a really amazing pepperoni...”

  “I think not, Dewdrop,” scowled Smarts. His colleague was always trying to be a comedian.

  Chapter 5

  Alice Pickle glanced in the mirror again and screamed. There it was again, the horrific thing. It moved. She jumped away from the mirror. What was it? She glanced down. Ahhhhh! Her hands! They were bright red with orange and brown bits on. If she wasn’t so scared, she could have sworn that her hands looked as if they were covered in mushrooms and peppers. What? She cursed her stupidity and looked back in the mirror. There she was. The rash had spread over the whole of her body. Her eyes looked tiny and yellowish, her nose looked like a giant tomato and, well, her body looked like a pizza... with mushrooms, peppers and... what looked like olives.

  Her doctor had told her it was flu or an allergic reaction, but she hadn’t eaten anything since Saturday night – that vegetarian pizza. She usually had chicken, but they had been out of that, so she’d gone veggie. Like the old days before she rediscovered her love of all things meat. A few hours after eating, she’d started to feel really hot, and tired. She’d slept for what seemed forever since she saw the doctor on Monday. But if this was an allergic reaction, it was a crazy looking one.

  Did she really look like a pizza? There must be something wrong with her eyesight. Her eyes looked smaller than usual and they were yellow, and the sun hurt them. Yes, she must be seeing things because of that. She would ring the doctor again. Weirdly, every time she dialled there was no reply. Strange. She waited five minutes, but nothing. Alright, she’d just go there.

  Alice pulled on her jeans, trainers, a jumper and a light jacket. She headed for the front door, but as she passed the mirror again, she jumped. She couldn’t go out like this... she looked like pizza head! Alice ran back upstairs and grabbed her hat, scarf and gloves. It was far too warm for all of this, she thought, but she really needed a disguise. She’d scare all of the children! Now no-one could see much except for her reddish, tomato shaped nose and little, squinty yellow eyes. No matter. Maybe it was just some virus that was affecting her eyesight. After all, no one could really look like a pizza, could they?

  She closed the front door and walked out into the street. It was empty. Some birds tweeted in the trees and it wasn’t cold at all. Alice felt even hotter as she made her way down the street that she’d lived in since she was born, all those years ago. Well, not long, she told herself. She was only 23, after all! She smiled as she turned the corner.

  Mrs Haddock! The old lady was walking on the other side of the road,
pulling her shopping bag on wheels.

  “Mrs Haddock!” called Alice. “Hi!”

  “Oooh, Alice, hello dear,” replied the older lady. She pulled a gloved hand out of her pocket and moved the scarf around her neck to cover her face. “How are you dear?”

  “I’m not too bad, but I’ve got flu or something...”

  “Ah, I’m afraid I have too... or an allergic reaction, the doctor said...”

  “Perhaps there’s a bug going round,” replied Alice, also pulling her own scarf higher over her face. “Mightly cold today...” she lied.

  “Freezing,” lied Mrs Haddock, covering her face. “Well, I must get back home,” she mumbled, and off she went without even waiting for Alice to reply.

  How strange, thought Alice, it’s not cold at all. She carried on walking towards the doctor’s surgery. She could feel her body sweating under all of the layers of clothes. She wanted to pull them all off, but she didn’t want anyone to notice her rash.

  Chapter 6

  “Pizza!”

  “Oooh,” squealed Alice, looking around. Had someone seen her tomato-shaped nose?

  “Andy’s hungry!” yelled a voice from nowhere.

  Alice spun round. In the other direction, she could see a figure, walking at a slow speed and staggering a little. Perhaps he was a little bit drunk? But it was the afternoon. Who would be drinking in the afternoon? Didn’t people read about the dangers of drinking too much alcohol? Alice tutted to herself. The figure seemed to be moving towards her. Alice felt a twinge of fear. Whoever it was wasn’t wearing any clothes, except for shoes. Black shoes. And he was red, very red indeed.

  “I’m hungry...” shouted the weird man, looking straight at her.

  “Pizza!” he screamed, even louder, his arms outstretched towards her. “Pizza!”

  Agreed, thought Alice, he definitely resembled a pizza. A pepperoni pizza with bits of pepper, mushroom and... were those olives? Staring wide-eyed, she realised how close the man now was and his fingertips were outstretched towards her. Closer and closer! Suddenly, she regained the use of her legs, which had seemed to freeze, and her heart started beating loudly in her chest.