One Hundred Poems, Volume IV



  One Hundred Poems

  Volume IV

  Tuomas Vainio

  One Hundred Poems, Volume IV. Copyright © 2015 Tuomas Vainio.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without a written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Please contact the author at [email protected].

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of

  the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial

  purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own

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  Discover other titles by Tuomas Vainio:

  Heart of Ceres (Science Fiction)

  One Hundred Poems Vol I-III (Poetry)

  Skull of Oghren (Fantasy)

  Table of contents:

  'Festival of Dangerous Idea(logue)s'

  The Shepherd's Crown

  Yi-Fen Chou

  'Free Speech Fundamentalist'

  On That Third Party Troll

  Dammit honey

  The obscurity of self publishing

  That Skull of Mine

  Living in denial

  #PC Principal

  The Three Stories Before Me

  Beetroot Hamburger

  Baby Penguins

  Job Interviews: Awkward Flirtations of Denial

  A book that remains unfinished

  #ShoutYourAbortion?

  'S' On My Forehead (For a Superhero Novel?)

  Nigga Fried Chicken (NFC)

  “Cyber VAWG?”

  Kollektivet Music Video: 'Kygo's Confession'

  Feminists and Sex Robots

  Accusation: Rape Apologist

  Finland's 'Ruined' Reputation

  Trains and Snow

  Mustard

  Words Have Meaning

  Aftermath of a Shooting

  That No Man's Sky (For science fiction novel)

  The Amber Rose Slut Walk

  The First Day of Autumn

  The life as it is

  #NationalPoetryDay

  The perks of being an art teacher

  The Martian

  A Queen's Buttock (For a fantasy novel)

  Comment Sections

  My role in #GamerGate?

  Death of a Computer

  UN picks fight with gamers?

  Jar or Pickles

  The news of today

  A poem a day

  Battle of Ideas

  #CocksNotGlocks?

  The Canadian Prime Minister

  'Mean'

  Kiss of a Rose (For a fantasy novel)

  Trailer: Star Wars – The Force Awakens

  #SavePoint

  School Attack in Trollhättan

  No poem today

  Priorities

  Online Fish Bait

  An update on #SavePoint

  Lardship Troopers

  Hello (For A Science Fiction Novel)

  Paedophilia

  #SavePoint is back, sort of?

  #OpForgive

  When the word 'too' is too 'sexist'

  Jessica Jones – Purple Man

  Supergirl

  I do not feel like thinking

  And something slightly more joyous

  People Online

  “#GamerGate movie”

  Super Cheese Bacon Hamburger

  A poem in ten in minutes

  “69”

  Orcas in Plastic Bags

  Unbearable Honey

  Peach Flavoured Ice Tea

  Aftermath of Paris

  #SavePoint, A Full Circle

  Of boxes of chocolates and jars of jalapeños

  Fallout 4, an author's bane

  Sköll (For a Fantasy Novel)

  #IStandWithStarkey

  Where are you dogmeat?

  When snow and rain fall

  #Freedom of Tweets

  Feminists and Daleks, kindred spirits

  Yar-har

  Dead or Alive, a volleyball game

  Twenty-eight words

  At the 'end' of Fallout 4 (Spoilers, duh.)

  Just Dance

  Fallout 4 - Road Goggles

  She cannot ride a bicycle

  Realistic Fish Pencil Case

  Midnight Cleaning

  “On the right side of history”

  Twitter's Censorship

  Say it again

  Love of All Things

  Die Clara Die, on Doctor Who

  The Modern News of the Political Left

  December Rains

  That Malaysian Prime Minister

  And a fourth hundred

  'Festival of Dangerous Idea(logue)s'

  Penny for your thoughts,

  A podium to present your shots,

  And it seems inflation is simply true,

  If you pay attention to the inanity that flew,

  Just listen to the absence of simple historical facts,

  How our penny gave us ideological shit polished with wax.

  A festival of authoritarian cultism and little else to go around,

  The entire festival's creditability came tumbling down,

  As for how long they will ride Hitchens' corpse,

  Who knows: but let's change how it works,

  Every panel ought to have itself a pair,

  Have these ideas fight and flare.

  The Shepherd's Crown

  I have devoured books with physical weight,

  Tomes of programming and law on my plate,

  Yet this one book feels heavier than the rest,

  If you read the tittle: I think you've guessed,

  It is the last of its series and I dare not start,

  For there lies genuine fear in my very heart,

  Mixed with sorrow and furious grievance,

  Alone I stare at the book in empty silence,

  ...

  Maybe tomorrow…

  Yi-Fen Chou

  It seems that a pseudonym warrants blame,

  Or at least that is what some claim,

  For not being the poet's name,

  And so they long to shame,

  If not verbally maim,

  A poet that was not a dame,

  And what really seems to inflame,

  Is how his work resulted in some fame,

  Although he had to come up with a pen name.

  And I am not bothered:

  A pen name is the author's right,

  In case their own hinders their verbal might.

  'Free Speech Fundamentalist'

  Interesting thing I read today;

  An insult that carried some sway,

  But I am not sure if I am offended,

  It did not sound as harsh as intended,

  Because in my defence of free speech,

  I defend your right to falsely impeach,

  And as strange as it might seem to you,

  I have a right to hear the words you spew,

  Regardless of how offensive they might be,

  I need to hear them so I can agree or disagree.

  On That Third Party Troll

  On the magical world of the internet,

  There are individuals who are now upset,

  For they raised their wine with their baguette;

  They thought they could make
some others sweat,

  When an universal troll was arrested for terrorist threat,

  Yet those who made accusations seemed to forget,

  The need for facts before making calls to beset,

  How their own history was not a null set,

  They even had this troll published!

  So a lesson to be learned is this:

  Just because you see someone smiling,

  It does not mean you know what they are thinking,

  And this third party troll: supported and opposed everything.

  Dammit honey

  Ramen hair?

  You dare?

  You err!

  The obscurity of self publishing

  You got front page for only mere minutes,

  And that is the nature of this business,

  Before whatever you worked on,

  Might just as well be gone,

  Hidden under the slush,

  Likely no better than mush...

  Thus if you do not advertise like a duck,

  Someone finding your books is just blind luck.

  That Skull of Mine

  There it sits by the flower pot,

  A thing I ordered and bought,

  Anatomical accuracy naught,

  Due to its golden and green hue,

  How it smiled with silent adieu,

  As trash can was; where it flew.

  Living in denial

  Facebook's new dislike button,

  Oh, sorry; new 'I am sad' button,

  Facebook's denial is simply obtuse,

  When they say how it is not for abuse,

  For the very nature of a thumb up or down,

  Was to live or die even when Romans were around.

  So instead of just having that pair of thumbs both up and down,

  How about we consider addition of a smile and a frown,

  Something very obvious for entirety of mankind,

  An addition that would be well designed,

  It would help users express their mind,

  Just image the algorithms primed.

  But no, they will live in denial.

  #PC Principal

  Have you seen the online butt hurt,

  Of those who saw the behaviour they flirt,

  A glimpse at their actions senseless and overt,

  The very truth of how they force others to assert,

  How freedom of speech is something to revert,

  Environment of fear of what one might blurt,

  And their victims are left to feel like dirt?

  Oh and compared to Quentin Crisp:

  Caitlyn Jenner is not a hero,

  She is just a zero.

  The Three Stories Before Me

  A story that has waited for a decade,

  The day I wield my pen like a blade.

  A story that I believe is a genuine challenge,

  Makes me doubt whether I can truly manage.

  A story that sprouted on my head on one afternoon,

  Ever so tempting but I fear that it might be too soon.

  Which to tackle I do not know,

  Alas my heart feels its sorrow.

  Beetroot Hamburger

  There ain't nothing more Finnish,

  Than a beetroot hamburger to finish,

  A purple mincemeat steak within a bun,

  Something so good that it might even stun,

  Along stringy cheese and those salty pickles,

  It is truly an experience for taste buds to tickle!

  Baby Penguins

  'Look at those baby penguins!'

  - What? Honey… Um. Actually, those are called magpies.

  Like a lightning bolt it struck,

  And funny how that term stuck;

  I cannot help how I want to use it,

  For it carries merit of humorous wit,

  That tosses aside my protests of reason,

  As the magpies hop in the winter season,

  Wearing their coats of black and white,

  With splashes of lovely blue to write,

  And so those birds perched on the trees,

  Are baby penguins, if you would believe.

  Job Interviews: Awkward Flirtations of Denial

  'What got you interested in this job?'

  It is one the most retarded things to ask,

  For in this economy: we accept any task.

  The applications were sent to every place,

  For getting employed today is a cruel race.

  The applications already count in thousands,

  The amount of paper builds entire mountains.

  No recollection of what was applied or where,

  So we are forced to bullshit as much as we dare.

  For the fact is that the truth doesn't land you a job:

  I am unemployed and you have a vacancy,

  Therefore: I am willing to work hard for a salary,

  And I frankly just do not care what this job might entail,

  For I am fully aware that there are many unemployed for sale.

  We are expected to tell how the opportunity is so great we cannot believe it,

  Even when it is literally all about shovelling minimum wage shit.

  A book that remains unfinished

  Life is ever so fleeting,

  It causes anger seething,

  Sorrow worth grieving,

  Moments in dreaming,

  Without truly seeing,

  Any real meaning,

  Or where it's leading,

  Moving on unceasing,

  Sometimes repeating,

  We continue breathing,

  In sickness sneezing,

  Our arms ever reaching,

  Our clever minds scheming,

  For the time is always creeping,

  While our emotions are weaving,

  Our hearts continue bleeding,

  Until they stop beating.

  What awaits us when we are gone?

  What was left behind undone?

  I may never know.

  But not a single one of us is useless,

  And the world will be all right.

  My thoughts at the end of Shepherd's Crown.

  #ShoutYourAbortion?

  The things that pop up on twitter,

  Are not better: even if you add glitter.

  Like how some are proud of having an abortion,

  And I cannot help but to consider it as contortion.

  Thus whatever reason was behind the abortion,

  There was an act of sex in its inception,

  And that resulted in the conception.

  Now in Western countries:

  Sex tends to be consensual,

  And possibly even perpetual.

  Which begs: are condoms really that hard to use?

  Are you really so obtuse?

  ...

  Anyhow: don't forget to tweet out #ShoutYourGroinalItch!

  …

  Hey! That might look better if you add some glitter to it!

  Well, maybe...

  'S' On My Forehead (For a Superhero Novel?)

  Look at it,

  I cannot help it,

  It just curls on its own,

  Kind of funny when I am without a frown,

  But it doesn't mean I do not want to…

  It doesn't mean I would not long to…

  To be a Man of Steel with a Golden Heart,

  The one to step up into the fray,

  And stand for all that is right,

  Even within the darkest night.

  So I put on my aviator goggles,

  Pull up hoodie's hood too,

  And jump into the air,

  To do what is only fair.

  Nigga Fried Chicken (NFC)

  Yes: sounds racist - but don't blame me,

  You can blame my friend from Ma-lay-sia.

  It is just what some call it over there,

  When African mates won't refuse a chair,

  Given the chance to e
at wings and legs bare,

  And then order that second bucket just for spare.

  And let us face that sad little fact:

  'Nigga, fried chicken-lah?'

  For those living on the go,

  It helps you save some words; yo.

  But – yeah – sure,

  It'll make you sound boor,

  If you ever use it aloud on state side,

  Some just won't understand or put it aside.

  “Cyber VAWG?”

  - So lets see what is up at UN?

  - Oh, they long for more Internet censorship!

  - And lets see what line they use to make it come true:

  - 'Oh, the humanity, will no one think of the women and children!?!'

  Thus the thing to ask with this recent idiotism:

  What do you do when you face criticism?

  Do you...

  Listen to hear if there is a valid point,

  Or advice for changes to appoint…

  Or would you rather…

  Cry for violence and abuse,

  Demand heads as dues?

  The latter seems to gain some grounds...

  So should our freedoms be limited for those who refuse to mature,

  Are the rest of us to sew our mouths shut in an effort to reassure,

  Those with views so feeble that criticism is too much to endure,

  When the simplest solution would be to tell everyone to inure?

  After all,

  When you are online,

  What lies between your legs,

  Does not automatically determine,

  How you will be perceived more or less.

  Kollektivet Music Video: 'Kygo's Confession'

  I am not sure if you have heard of Kollektivet,

  A Norwegian comedian group I cannot forget,

  All due to their many music video parodies,

  That go beyond merely copying the melody,

  And at times show something viciously funny,

  Or at least those are the words from my honey.

  And for me this particular parody did steal the show,

  Left me sitting with a jaw hanging from a whoa,

  A sweet vengeance from my honey, I know,

  For once ruining songs with literal lyrics…

  I guess it had to be done…

  For a fad…

  Stupid fad.

  Feminists and Sex Robots

  Today feminists oppose sex robots,