Nina-Bots

Nina-Bots

  By Tommy Smith

  Copyright 2013 by Tommy Smith

  It was a good night’s sleep, still lying in my bed all I can hear is the wind outside. The sound was soft, but the only thing I could hear. My alarm was about to go off any second. I have these mornings sometimes, my internal clock slightly ahead of my alarm clock. On the days I wake before my alarm, it is usually because of expectations, and today has the largest expectation of them all.

  After putting my alarm to rest after it went off I stood to look out my window as I do every morning. I look out at the lifeless looking tree outside that fills my window. When I first moved here to the University of Illinois, over fourteen years ago, I could see all the way to the other side of the campus. It was a wonderful sight my freshman year; I could see all the students walking, running, studying in the middle of the campus. At some point the tree overcame my window, I remember being able to see the campus and I remember being able to see the tree block my view, I really don’t remember the in-between right now. The tree could be seen from every building on campus, but it was closest to my room, it even touched my building, therefore it is MY tree. And MY tree is looking dead, but it isn’t, it’s just the winter here.

  At some point during my thoughts I ended up in the shower, my days so scheduled I’m probably doing most of it by habit now. After today that will no longer be the case, my schedule will be done, how will I wake up tomorrow? More importantly will I wake up tomorrow?

  Oh, I can’t worry myself too much or I may cower out, my nano-bots are done, they need to fulfill their purpose and they need to do so today, I can’t set this aside. Up to this point every morning I consider myself somewhat happy. As I wipe the condensation off of the mirror to study myself, I consider this the time where I no longer feel that happiness even matters. I look in the mirror, and see my wintry tree, thin and weak, but unlike the tree I have never blossomed when summer has come through before. Also, unlike the tree, when I look in the mirror, more than anything I see a ghost of a person, I see fear, I see my mother who not only looked Identical to me, was also sickly like me. If I am my mother, I have three years left to live, that’s when she left me. At least I don’t have a child to leave behind.

  My friends are supposed to see me today. Why today? They don’t know that I finished my nano-bots yesterday. But I know every year on this date we have always dedicated the whole day to just being with each other. No one knows I have finished my nano-bots, it has to be that way or they would not let me use them on myself. They would want to study, test, study, test, and then test them some more, in the meantime, I die. I don’t want to die, I’m sorry mother, but I want to defeat the genes that killed you so I can live. If I wait till tomorrow and join my friends today, that’s 24 hours for someone here at the college to realize that I have finished my project and not allow me to use them. I need to use them today.

  Walking across the campus I look back at the tree blocking my window, such a large tree it has grown so fast, after all these years I still don’t know what kind of tree it is. Heading up the entrance of the science/lab building I doubt my friends will track me down here. My friends, it almost sounds strange at this point. I grew up with them, all on the same street, all six of us. They were there the day my father and two brothers were killed in a traffic accident when I was seven years old. They were all there, staring at my birthday cake with me, waiting for my father and brothers so we could eat my cake. I don’t know what happened to the cake that day, but my five friends sitting there with me, are still the five friends that kept in contact with me over the years; my happenstance friends. Had I been on a different street, town, or country this group would be a different group of people, so in that way they really aren’t all that special. At the same time, like MY tree, they are who they are because of where they are. They are my friends, and to me that does make them special, nothing else matters about that.

  I walk up the stairs to the third floor to my lab and bots to get some exercise and to avoid the crowded elevators. I like people, but talking to them isn’t really my thing a lot of the time, especially here, more often than not, I’m not here to socialize. I’ve had a goal here, and it’s made me a hermit, a stuck up old bag at times, a mystery to some people, but that no longer matters, I’m done with my bots and I can learn to start a new life if they work… no if.

  They have to work.

  I dig through my keys to find my lab key, slowly, with no hurry. Unlike other days there is no more work, just implementation. Two years after my father and two brothers died my mother also died. The day after my mother’s death, was the first time my five friends forced me to come out and build an igloo with them, that winter it turned into a bad snowman, but every year since we have tried and, in some years, have made some amazing structures, and have had some amazing memories made on that day, on this day, in my past.

  It was not a surprise, my mom was ill all of my life anyway, and doubly so after my seventh birthday when she lost all of her family, minus me of course. My mother’s sickness and even perhaps, her death can be largely attributed to my father and brother’s accident. Perhaps I am not as sickly as I believe, and perhaps I am, but perhaps it doesn’t matter either way. I spent all my life, since I can remember, trying to figure a way around my past, around my mother’s genes. My results are in; the nano-bots that I have dedicated my time here at the U of I, that I have dedicated my life too, are my answer.

  I go to my desk and stumble through my keys again to open a container in my safe that contains my bots. I spent these last fourteen years, and more, developing these little nano sized robots, these nano-bots which have been dubbed ‘Nina-bots’ by those that work here with me on them, little do they know how accurate that term is. These bots are to go into my body and heal my body from the inside, to keep me healed, permanently. I’ve spent my whole life being afraid of my mom’s fate, my apparent death, so much so that I will have to literally make a new life after today, after the bots start doing their job.

  I prepare the syringe with the nano-bots in it and walk to the window before inserting them in my arm to let them basically take over the function of keeping me healthy, keeping me alive. My tree is still very large even across the campus at this distance. Like the tree now, for the first time, I feel ready to bloom, just waiting for the right time. I look at my pale arm, and wonder if the paleness will remain, or will the bots see this as a problem and flush my skin. It’s hard to tell, as I gave them a well thought out amount of artificial intelligence, I needed to, or they wouldn’t be able to function properly.

  I take a deep breath and puncture my skin with the syringe and put them into my arm. I walk over to my desk again and dispose of the syringe and clean up so that tomorrow, if all goes as planned I can let everyone know that my bots are ready for testing.

  It wasn’t long, my eyes stopped hurting from the years of microscopic work and monitor glare, I felt good, strong. Perhaps just from adrenalin, or even fear. Whatever was happening to me, it didn’t feel normal. I figure it was time to test my bots; a paper cut would do it. I would make a simple paper cut on the back of my hand.

  “ow..” I realized I said ow before I actually cut my hand, but it did hurt none the less. I watched in amazement as my hand heals. I smile, I’ve succeeded. I think I can actually see the nano-bots in action. They heal my hand fast.

  Something’s wrong though, there’s a line on my hand where it was cut, similar to a scar. This shouldn’t be; paper cuts don’t scar. I look closer at the thin line left on my hand and realize it doesn’t look like scar tissue. I take a sample and stick it under the microscope. It turns out to be the same material as the nano-bots. They did indeed heal my hand, but in the process turned the “healed” skin into nano-bot material.


  I lean back and let this sink in. If this is true, any time I get hurt, a bruise, a bump, stub a toe, or scratch my arm my nano-bots will turn that part of me into something non-human. What will happen when I get a headache? What if I go outside and my fingers get cold and the nano-bots, with their artificial intelligence, decide my fingers would be better off fixed? Are these nano-bots going to kill me the next time I step out into the cold? Or get wet, have I just killed myself?

  I look out the window again at the tree; if I put these nano-bots in the tree would it petrify? I feel dizzy, everything seems to take on a different perspective; I may have just killed myself.

  The cool dry air in my lab was mortifying for the first time in my entire, apparently shortened, life. I looked at the white walls the cold unfeeling steel shiny stool and black marble counter tops. Why don’t they care? Why are they allowed to exist so strong for so long and have no life? It’s not fair. I was apparently the only ‘soft’ thing in my lab, something I never really noticed till now. I’ll use that stool even if it doesn’t disserve something alive using it, I can no longer stand, nor look, nor move, nor breathe if I could get away with it and still live. I raised my head slowly to look in the mirror I used maybe twice in the last 5 years, looked in the mirror not knowing how far this would go.

  I can’t believe it, how could I have been so short sited, after all these years, after all this planning. All for nothing, if this is true, I will have taken my own life as a result of trying to save it.

  The sound of footsteps, of someone approaching outside the door, which would normally at most just bother me. I wouldn’t want the interruption, but now I’d rather them not exist in my world if my world is about to end. I couldn’t care less, my life is fruitless and they don’t have the right to bother me or exist either. It’s not fair.

  The door opens, without a knock.

  “Nina!” Tessa never knocks. How does someone get the nerve to just walk into a place like this, this is my lab, my solitude, my fortress. I will not turn around and face her, nor answer her.

  She has no right to intrude…

  “Nina! We’re waiting for you, come on. We need everyone there to build this igloo.” She said somewhat necessarily.

  I should speak, or she’ll never go away. “Nah, I should stay here, stuff to do. Ya know?” I don’t think that was strong enough, I really hope my situation didn’t come through in that tone. I’m sure she’ll need more convincing to get rid of her.

  Taking a deep breath, steeling my nerves to turn around and face her. I need to do it softly so she won’t know anything is wrong.

  “Well, that’s not going to fly…” Tessa’s voice so confident she had a laugh in there. So bold, and strong, someone I usually strive to be more like, she could handle this a lot better than me. “You know better than that.” Even stronger this time… she’s going to be hard to get rid of. I must make it seem like it’s impossible for me to leave right now, somehow.

  I steel my face, and even smile a little, I think. Then I turn to her. “I really wish I could.” Shaking my head in fake disappointment “but I really need to stay here and get things done.” Things?!? Things?? Why didn’t I say something technical, maybe above her head, would have been so much more convincing, than THINGS!

  Tessa looked at me like something was wrong, could she see my desperation, could she tell I was about to break down, or did she not like the word… things… Tessa may be one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, but she was small and petite, from a glance you might think that even I could overwhelm her physically, but I knew no one that could. She wasn’t a red head, that might have explained her strong nature, she did have a couple of freckles, but her hair was blacker than night.

  “Things? The only… ‘THING’ you need to do is take a break and come build and igloo with us.” I knew it was the THINGS, not the prettiest girl on the street; she was like me, dull looking but very smart in her own way. Luckily for me, she was people smart, I was technical smart, now I need to go technical, and enough to convince her, but not so much she might figure something out, or make me come with her. She’s going to know I’m lying, there’s no way around that, that’s who she is, but if I make it soft enough she won’t dig too much, and let it go, hopefully.

  “It’s almost finished; a couple of days and I will be done with my Nina-bots, ready for testing. If there was any time that I needed to work it’s these few days.” She doesn’t know that I’ve already finished them, I thought anyway. Tessa’s facial expressions seems to question me, question my resolve. “Once I finish with these few little adjustments, I’ll be ready for many breaks and igloos. But if I stop now, it would take me out of my groove and would only prolong my work for who knows how long. Trust me, I would love to go out there with you right now,” oops, ‘love?’ That was too much, “but it would just throw me completely off.” OK, she seen through that one, I went too far.

  “The snow will probably be gone in a few days hun” As she says this and then takes a deep breath of a sigh, I knew I had won; the first step of getting her out the door and away from me so I can be sad again. No, so I can figure this out.

  Sad again? Am I really that pathetic?

  Oh no! I lost my steel, I started to hunch she knows something’s wrong.

  Shaking her head “I don’t know, it’s not right.” Don’t cry, don’t cry she doesn’t know for sure. “We’ve always built them together” she didn’t see, she didn’t catch me almost crying, wow, is she slipping? “Doing it without you, or any one of us, just ruins the whole thing.” They’ll have to if I die.

  “Besides, I know something’s up, something’s wrong. Maybe I’ll just stay here with you.”

  I knew it, sometimes I loved her for it and sometimes, like now, I didn’t so much care for it. I don’t want your help! “Yeah, I’m a bit overwhelmed is all. It’s been so long, it’s almost over” almost over, you ainta’ kiddin’! “It will be strange to have my bots done, ya-know. It is kinda’ scary I’ll admit, I don’t know what I’m going to do after I’ve finished with my bots, but it’s no biggie.” I force another smile, I think, hopefully a good small one.

  She breathes in deep, gives me a quick study. She knows I’m still hiding something, but I don’t think she realizes how big. This is all I could hope for with her.

  “OK, well, maybe we’ll go start on it a little bit.” Yes! I won, why does that make me so sad? Wow, I won. Don’t falter, don’t cry, smile.

  I smile, I think.

  “But we won’t finish without you; there will be no completed igloo, unless all of us are there. It’s just that simple.” If Tessa says it, she means it, and that, my friend Tessa, does make me feel better.

  I smile.

  “And I will be back here to check on you later, I know you want me out of your hair, but I don’t care, I will be back to check on you.” She suggested; well, maybe I can be somewhere else, and maybe by then I will need her here.

  “Thank you, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” Like that will make a difference.

  “Like I said, I don’t care, I’ll be here.” … see ….

  She looks me over again, scanning me like some kind of sci-fi device looking for hidden agendas. She’s good, but she’s not sci-fi. She will find out eventually what she hasn’t uncovered here, that’s fine with me as long as it isn’t right now.

  She walks over to me, with a small smile. Gives me a small ‘friend’ hug, and I could tell I won. It was quick and a soft hug, had she seen through me, it would be longer and tighter. She was getting ready to go. I won. It’s not fair.

  “I’ll see you soon sweetie, I might bring the rest with me.” Oh no, no group session, just you at most.

  “I really would like to get this done, if you bring everyone it’ll take forever for me to get back to work. I mean…” wow that was rude. “Sorry, just this once, please, if you do come back by; just you please.” I give my best wide eyed pleading look.

  Tessa
gives a small smirk “of course” and a wink. She turns and heads towards the door.

  She’s leaving, and for the first time I feel a small need for her to stay.

  “Tessa!” … careful, I don’t want her to see my desperation. “Thanks, I’ll be here when you come back.” Oh, I hope that wasn’t too much.

  She just looks at me and gives me a big Tessa smile, and then she walks out the door.

  She’s gone. Like they say, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, even if it’s just a distraction.

  Now, once again, here’s my cold and sterilized lab and me, finally alone. Where, was I? Oh yeah, my attempt to save myself will most likely kill me now.

  I turn to look in the mirror, I drop my guard. The mirror seems to suggest that I’m about to cry. I feel a hint of content I did not feel before.

  She helped me smile.

  Maybe I lost all my work; at least now I know I haven’t lost my life, my life is more than my work. I have my friends.

  I apparently also have an igloo to help finish. I know a great tree to build it under.

  I feel myself starting to drift, becoming dizzy. I need to just go, and find out what will happen. I walk out of the lab, not knowing what is locked, not knowing or caring what can be seen or found by others in my lab anymore. I need to go out into the cold and find out what happens. I simply need to.

  I find myself in the middle of the campus yard, my friends not far away. I am still alive, I can breathe. I look at my friends as they work on the igloo. I look at the tree, in front of my window, it doesn’t look dead it looks very much alive and very powerful now. It simply doesn’t have its coat of leaves on yet. I look around and see my friends enjoying each other and the snow.

  My family is gone, and apparently I’m still here. I feel the cold air. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like I am my own mother. For the first time in my life I don’t know what I’m going to do, I don’t know if I care.

  I hope I can build this igloo with my friends tonight. I hope I wake up tomorrow. Yes,