Home Tears, Page 22

  “Are you insane?”

  Sandra gave her a ‘duh’ look. “Yeah.”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “Impossible and crazy should be synonyms of each other.” Sandra tipped her head back and chuckled. “Henri’s impossible. Thinks she sees damn angels.”

  Dani’s chest was heaving. No one came to check on the noise, so she retrieved her chair and pulled it back in front of her grandmother.

  Sandra murmured as she sat back down, “Henrietta tells me every day that my girls are around. Daniella and Erica. Can you imagine that? Talk about delusional. I don’t see things that don’t exist. When I’m out of it, I see people from my past. More possible than Henri. She’s nuts.”

  “I’d like to know who my father is.”

  Sandra sobered, her eyes flicking to Dani’s. “You can’t handle that yet.”

  “I can, too.”

  “No, you can’t. It’s rolled up in a whole other slew of barrels, and you’re barely holding it together as it is. You think this lie is bad? There’s a whole bunch more when you find out who he is and his twisted story.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Sandra plopped her feet onto Dani’s lap again and settled back once more. “Don’t worry about your daddy. He’ll come to you when you’re ready. I know that much, if I don’t know a lot else. Let me tell you about your granddaddy. How about that? He’s another story.” Sandra chuckled. “Your granddaddy’s name is Oscar Bendsfield. Oscar Senior.”

  Mr. Bendsfield. Dani’s eyes lit up.

  “That’s right.” Sandra chuckled again. “Nanery Bendsfield used to be my best friend until her husband up and left her. He didn’t leave her for me, so she never suspected a thing, but I hope you don’t got the O’Hara curse for stupidity.”

  “What do you mean?” Dani repeated.

  As she talked, her fingers began moving on her lap. Sandra was making the motions like she was crocheting. There was nothing in her hands, but that’s what she was doing. “I was stupid. I went back around for more and more. He got me pregnant again and again. I lost the last kid—which is what I think set off my crazy spells. He never made no promises with pretty words and such, and we were never together in the ‘official’ sense, but I loved him. I kept going back for more and more.”

  “Does…”

  “Does Nanery know?” Sandra nodded her head and grinned wickedly. “She sure does, but she didn’t find that out until years later. It took her nearly twenty years before she got told what her precious Oscar was up to outside their cold bed, long before their marriage went stale.”

  “You ruined a marriage.”

  She snorted, shaking her head. “The marriage was ruined long before Oscar came sniffing around.”

  “You didn’t help it.”

  That got her grandma, and Sandra sat back. “Huh. Got a point.”

  “Marriage is sacred.”

  “Theirs wasn’t. Theirs was just wrong.” Sandra’s fingers went back to air crocheting. “Sometimes partnerships aren’t meant to be. And sometimes they only do bad more than good. Theirs was one of those. They weren’t meant to be married, and Oscar knew that.”

  “Lilies and daisies,” Dani announced.

  Sandra grew still. “What did you just say?”

  “Lilies and daisies. Her husband. My grandfather. He liked lilies and daisies. She told me that two days ago, didn’t he?” But Sandra was looking away. That was her answer. Dani stood up slowly. “It was sacred in her mind. Isn’t that all that counts? That it was sacred to one of them.”

  “They just flowers.”

  “Funny.” Dani’s voice dripped in disdain. “Those were her words, too.”

  Sandra O’Hara looked away.

  “She cared enough to remember him. She named her son after him.” Dani turned away. “Those were my mother’s favorite flowers, too. Lilies and daisies. They’re my mother’s flowers, so don’t say they’re just flowers. They’re more than that. They meant something.”

  “Why are you doing this? Why do you care after all these years? These are secrets better left buried. They just…they just bring pain to everyone involved.”

  “So says the one who’d rather have her sins left buried.” Dani shook her head. This was wrong. It was another wrong that was being buried. This wrong affected people. The cycle had to stop. The pain had to stop. “You’d like everyone to forget about you, don’t you? You want to forget what you did, what you did to your daughters. You don’t want to be remembered because then you gotta look at your decisions.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Dani’s blood began to boil. “That’s all this family has right now: secrets. I barely talked to two of my sisters growing up, and I don’t talk to the one living now. Julia’s like an anal, obsessive-compulsive stranger who just knows all my hurts. Secrets got us where we are right now. I think I have a right to find out who I come from!”

  “You’re going to tear up this family—”

  “There’s no family to tear apart!” Dani cried out. “We got the same name. That’s it. There’s no family anymore, and it started with you!”

  “Now, I didn’t—”

  “You told your daughter to give her children away. You told her that Mae could have me, if she cleaned up her act. You acted like we were cattle to give away to the richest owner. You told your daughter, who came to you—knowing that she was dying—you told her to split her children up.”

  “I gave my two cents. That’s all I did—”

  “Words have power! I never felt a part of that house. You were a mother who told her dying daughter what to do. She listened to you. You did that! Not my mother! You tore my home apart, and you did it because that’s where you came from.”

  “I didn’t…”

  The evidence was right in front of her. “You—”

  “No.” Sandra bunched up her blanket on her lap and began shaking her head. Her eyes grew wet, and her lips started to tremble, but she wasn’t looking at her granddaughter anymore. She reached for a button clipped to the bed. Her hand curled around it. She held it tight, like it was a weapon. “Leave. This is my room. This is my home, and I get to say who comes to judge me. I say leave and don’t come back.”

  Dani couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looked around in exasperation, and she caught sight of a single clove on her grandmother’s nightstand. One clove, tucked underneath the Bible, and Dani knew it had been kept for a purpose.

  “I always found a clove under my pillow. I never knew who put those there, but I guess it was your mother. She was always worried about me.”

  “The cloves were for…” Dani scrunched up her face, trying to remember.

  “The cloves were to attract my guardian angels. My mother told me one night, and I’m telling you that, too.” Dani’s mom smiled down at her, tucking a stray hair strand behind her ear. Her fingers lingered over her cheek, feeling how smooth they were. “You remember that, my little Dani. You see a clove, you remember that I put it there.” She lowered her head, resting her forehead to her daughter’s, and whispered, “Because I’ll be your guardian angel if we’re ever separated. I’ll be looking out for you.”

  A clove. That was all it took.

  Anything else she’d been about to say died in her throat. Dani couldn’t explain it. She stopped. Everything. She stopped pushing for answers. She stopped interrogating her grandmother. She let it all go, and she knew that she was done. Sandra O’Hara was done with her, too. There’d be no more visits. Dani left. Sandra’s stubborn face never looked back at her, not after she left the door open, not as she trailed past her window, and when Dani got outside, she turned around and peered up.

  The window to her grandmother’s room was blank. No one stood there watching.

  Dani knew Sandra was locked within herself, and in that moment, she pitied her, but she also pitied herself, too. Her grandmother couldn’t physically run, but that was what she was doing.

  Dani would neve
r be that person. She was done running.

  She’d stay.

  She’d stand.

  Phylllis watched from the second floor window. She mused, her arms wrapped around herself like she was chilled, “That’s a shame. I don’t think that one will be back.” Then she went back to her desk and didn’t give Dani another thought.

  Henrietta was in the corner, wrapped in a blanket and rocking back and forth. She looked up, and saw dancing lilies and daisies in the sky. She whispered to herself, “No one will be back. It’s going to break.”

  She saw the rain coming.

  Dani parked at Aiden’s house, and sat in Jonah’s car for twenty minutes.

  She couldn’t bring herself to go in there. Sandra. Mae. The secrets. The lies. Boone. Even Jake. And now Jonah, as she sat in his car, smelling him, remembering the taste of him, the feel of him on top of her.

  She needed to get up. She needed to go. She needed to find him. If he cared about her, he could tell her. She wasn’t running. She wasn’t going to be another Sandra O’Hara.

  But she still sat.

  Another car’s headlights swept over her and the rest of the cars, driving into the driveway before parking. Two figures stepped out from the car. Boone had come after all, and he wasn’t alone. He was holding hands with Jenny as they crossed behind where she sat.

  They went inside. The door opened, highlighting the far side of the porch, and Dani saw Kate there. She had a drink in hand, and a koala attached to her arm.

  She said once she stood at the bottom of the porch, “For a cop, you’re oblivious tonight.”

  Kate jumped, laughing as she turned around.

  Dani saw the darkened spots on her friend’s outfit. “Sorry about that.”

  “No, no.” Kate dabbed where her drink had spilled. “It’s my fault. You’re right. I’m not real alert tonight.”

  Dani pointed to Kate’s arm. “What’s with the dude bear?”

  Kate laughed. “The carnie outfits fell through. Bubba didn’t get them in time, or something. I’m not sure. Aiden said we’re going with the animals tonight.” She raised her arm. “I’m Koala One.”

  “Who’s Koala Two?”

  “Ah. Yes. That’s why I’m not the ‘cop’ tonight. It’s supposed to be Robbie, but he’s not here yet.”

  “Oh.” Dani leaned beside Kate against the patio’s frame. “I heard a rumor you’re supposed to kiss?”

  “We are.” She slumped next to her, holding her cup with both hands. “I think he has to tell Lori that. At least, that’s what we decided.”

  “Gotcha. And if he doesn’t come tonight?”

  “Then he didn’t tell Lori.” Kate gave her a pointed look.

  Dani frowned. “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah.”

  “My grandma’s alive.”

  “What?” Kate did a double take.

  Dani shrugged. “I thought I’d share in your misery. My grandmother’s alive, and she just kicked me out of her hospital room.”

  “Why’d she do that? Where is she? Your grandma’s alive?!”

  “I pushed her to admit something, but she wouldn’t.”

  A smile ghosted over Kate’s features. “Is that code to tell me that I’m pushing Robbie?”

  Dani gave her a wry smile. “Robbie asked me one night if I thought Lori would make a good mother.” Kate winced, but Dani kept going, “I’m not telling you that to hurt you. I’m telling you that because he’s thinking about his future. And I told him if he was asking a stranger that question, he knew the answer.”

  “He kept dating her.”

  She touched Kate’s arm. “I haven’t kept up to date with what’s going on, but I wouldn’t worry about it. Robbie seems like a guy who needs a little push. And if he doesn’t, then he’s losing something amazing.”

  “Oh.” Kate frowned. Her hand flicked up to her eye. “Thanks, Dani. Maybe we could stay out here and get drunk? Forget waiting on guys, right?” It was a wishful thought, but Kate laughed as she reached into her pocket and produced a walkie-talkie. She pressed the button and spoke into it, “This is Koala One to Chimp Two.”

  Static sounded a moment. “This is Chimp Two. Chimp One is still missing in the jungle. What do you need, Koala One?”

  Kate whispered over the sound to Dani, “Chimp One is Aiden. Chimp Two is Bubba.”

  Dani nodded. “Got it.” She’d never remember that.

  Kate pressed the button again. “Koala One has come across Flamingo Two. Flamingo Two is requesting more coconut juice.”

  Dani mouthed, “Coconut juice?”

  “Booze. And you’re Flamingo Two.”

  They heard a reply, “Coconut juice is on its way, Koala One and Flamingo Two. Good to hear you arrived, Flamingo Two.”

  Dani took the radio and spoke into it, “Thank you…”

  “Chimp Two,” Kate mouthed for her.

  Dani finished, “Chimp Two.”

  “Anytime, Flamingo Two. Coconut juice’s E.T.A. is two minutes, already en route.”

  “Over and out, Chimp Two.”

  “Over and out, Flamingo Two.”

  Dani asked, “Flamingo Two?”

  Kate grinned. “Jonah’s Flamingo One, and it’s because you’re both so pretty.”

  “If he doesn’t come tonight, Robbie is a complete idiot.”

  The smile vanished from Koala One’s face. “Yeah, well, there’s a reason why he was given the name Baboon.”

  Bubba rapped against the door with his knuckles. His hands were full with two glasses. A flamingo sat perched on his face, and its legs spread out down the sides to his ears, holding itself in place like a headband.

  Dani burst out laughing.

  Kate opened the door, and Bubba handed over two Coronas. He plucked off the flamingo and stood right in front of Dani.

  “Oh, please. I kinda wish you’d gotten the carnie costumes.” Dani reached for the headband, but Bubba moved her hands away. “Where’s your kids? Are they going to be traumatized by all this?”

  “They’re at my folks. Now, I have to do this just right, Aiden said so.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down. “Flamingo Two has been anxious to meet her owner.” Bubba giggled, and it seemed wrong for such a muscular man to giggle like a schoolgirl. He concentrated next, biting down on his lip. “Fancy Nancy is very happy to make your acquaintance.”

  “Fancy Nancy, huh?” Dani reached to touch the flamingo after he put it on her head.

  “Fancy Nancy doesn’t like to be touched.”

  “She doesn’t? She’s going to bite me or something?”

  “Nah.” Bubba was biting his lip down. “We’ll let Flamingo One do that.” He winked at her.

  Dani shook her head, grinning stupidly. If this was the start to her evening, she’d come to any party wearing Fancy Nancy. “This is hilarious.” She didn’t comment on Bubba’s other comment.

  “This is just the warm-up. We have full costumes still.”

  “Jonah has one of these, too?”

  Bubba laughed again. “He won’t wear one of our get-ups, but he still gets called Flamingo One.”

  “Why do I have to wear this and he doesn’t?”