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The Bourbon Thief

Tiffany Reisz


  “Marry me, and all my problems will be your problems.”

  “That sounds like a marriage vow to me.”

  “It could be. We could write our own vows,” she said. “I’ll vow to clean the stalls without you telling me two hundred times and you’ll vow to let me ride my horse whenever I want, even when it’s raining.”

  “Not safe to ride in the rain. A good husband wouldn’t let you.”

  “Then you can vow to keep me from getting myself killed.”

  “What about this baby of ours we’re supposed to be having?” he asked. “Isn’t it going to be a problem when you say you’re pregnant to get us married and no baby ever shows up?”

  “I’ll say I lost it a couple months after we’re married. People lose babies. They lose them all the time.”

  “Oh, yeah, of course. I lost two babies last week. Hole in my jeans pocket. The babies fell right out somewhere on the trail. I gotta get that hole sewn up.”

  “You make everything a joke.”

  “Only if it’s funny.”

  “I don’t know why you’re making this so hard. It’s nothing but a wedding ceremony, and then we can go our separate ways if you want. Nobody’ll need to know we don’t live together.”

  “You really think if we get married, I’m going to be content to not fuck you? If I marry you, I fully intend to fuck you.”

  “Do it, then.”

  “You really mean it, don’t you?” Levi said. “You really want us to get married.”

  “I do.”

  “That’s cute.”

  Tamara laughed. “I didn’t mean... Yes, I do. I do want us to get married. I do want to say ‘I do.’”

  “And all because you are so noble and pure and honorable that you think poor little bastard me deserves to inherit even if it means you losing half of what you’d inherit someday.”

  “Right.” Tamara grinned. “Also, me getting married means Momma loses control of the money and the company.”

  “Nice fringe benefit,” Levi said.

  “You know you hate her.”

  “I do, I do. But I do not hate myself, Miss Rotten. Not even a little bit, although if I married you, I probably would.”

  “Why? Because I’m white?”

  “Ring-a-ding-ding,” Levi said.

  “I’m right?”

  “Right and white. She gets it in one.”

  “I hate to tell you this, but you look as white as I do, Blue Eyes.”

  “Yeah, and I have blue eyes because one of your blue-eyed forefathers raped one of my brown-eyed foremothers. My mother was black. All the family I have left is black. I’m not about to leave them for you.”

  “You wouldn’t have to leave them.”

  “You think my family could come to your family parties? You think my family could be invited to our wedding? Where we getting married? The country club? The governor’s mansion? Do my aunt and uncle get to come to our big white wedding?”

  “No,” she said. “But neither do mine.”

  Levi started toward the door, but Tamara stopped him with one sentence. She hadn’t wanted to play her trump card, but if he left her no choice...

  “I’ll marry someone else, then.”

  Levi turned on his heel.

  “You’ll what?”

  She shrugged. “I’ll marry someone else, then. If you’re too stupid to see what a good idea this is, that’s your loss. I’m still getting married.”

  “To whom, might I ask? I’ll send a card.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I’ll find somebody. Momma’s spending my money like it’s going out of style, anyway. If you don’t want to marry me, I’ll find someone who will so I can get my inheritance before it’s all gone. I wanted to cut you in because Granddaddy cut you out. But if you don’t want to marry me, that’s fine. But don’t think you’re my only option.”

  “You stupid crazy girl. Do you even know any man other than me?”

  “Not many. Granddaddy has some friends who are divorced or widowed.”

  “You can’t marry a man old enough to be your grandfather.”

  “I can marry anybody I want to.”

  “You can run through the forest with antlers on your head during deer season, too, if you want. Your funeral.”

  “If he’s old enough, it’ll be his funeral. Then I’ll be free. Free and rich. And you’ll still be living in a stable loft, giving riding lessons for five bucks an hour.”

  “Goddammit, you’re too smart for this, Tamara.”

  “You said I was dumb.”

  “You’re playing dumb. You’re acting dumb. Marrying some stranger to fuck with your mother, that is dumb.”

  “I have reasons for doing what I’m doing that have nothing to do with my mother. And I’m going to do it with or without you. I’m going to have a good time spending your money on myself.”

  “You’re going to have a better time lying underneath your fat sweaty sixty-year-old husband while he fucks you raw every night. If he can still get it up, that is.”

  “If that’s the price I have to pay, I’ll pay it.”

  “You must still be a virgin, then, if you believe it.”

  “I am a virgin.”

  “You sound proud of that. Most girls wouldn’t be.”

  “You would be if you were me.”

  “Glad I’m not you. Then I’d have just asked someone to marry me and gotten turned down.”

  “You didn’t turn me down. You only think you did. I still haven’t heard a flat ‘no,’ only a pile of jokes and excuses. Now, I’m getting married and it’s going to be you or it’s going to be somebody else and that somebody else is going to be real grateful to get to spend your money. What’s your answer? I’m not going to ask again. I don’t have time.”

  Levi raised his hands to his head and yanked back on his hair, giving his face a ghoulish look for a moment. It made her laugh.

  “In the Pantheon of Vexatious Young Women, you are Zeus.” He released his hair and hung his head. Defeat. Tamara stepped forward and put her hands on his stomach. He didn’t try to take them off, which meant only one thing—she had him.

  “And in the Pantheon of Vexatious Men, you are Hera.”

  Hera—the goddess of marriages who blessed hearth, home and the wombs of young brides. Zeus’s wife.

  “You’re going to talk me into doing this, aren’t you?” Levi asked.

  “I already have.”

  “Not yet. I’m still on the fence.”

  “Would this get you over the fence?” Tamara stepped forward and put her arms around his neck. She brought her lips to his mouth and kissed him. She wasn’t sure at first if he’d kiss her back. She wasn’t sure at first if she wanted him to.

  But he did kiss her back, hard enough she knew he wanted to scare her away from him. One last fight before giving in. She kissed him back twice as hard. Someday he’d thank her for this, thank her for talking him into marrying her.

  “You ruined me before,” he said. “You’re gonna ruin me again.”

  “I said I’d make you rich.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Rotten. Not what I meant at all.”

  She shivered despite the heat of his body against hers. Why was he so warm? He felt like a furnace against her skin.

  “You’re playing me,” he whispered against her mouth, nipping her bottom lip with his teeth to get her attention. It worked.

  “I thought I was kissing you.”

  “You’re playing me like a piano. And you are Rachmaninoff.”

  “I must be a natural, then,” she said. “Never had one lesson.”

  Their mouths met again, tongues touched and mated. He was hard against her and she liked it. She loved it even, and considering all that had happened, she loved that she loved it.

  “I don’t want a child bride,” he whispered into her ear. “I’m not that kind of man.”

  Her fingernails dug into the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders. On bare flesh she would have broken the
skin.

  “I’m not a child. I haven’t been since the flood,” Tamara said, pulling back from the kiss. She laid her head on his chest and could hear his heart racing and knew she’d done it. They were getting married.

  “I’m only doing this so you don’t marry some dirty old man.”

  “I only want to marry a dirty young man.” She grinned up at him.

  “All right, then. You got me. We’ll get married. I don’t want to do this. And I know I’m going to regret it.”

  “You’ll regret it more if you don’t.”

  “And that’s the reason I’m doing it. Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. But if I’m going to burn, I might as well burn in a big fancy bed in your mother’s house.”

  “Soon to be our house,” she said. “I can hear her spinning in her grave already.” Tamara had never heard a sweeter sound.

  “She’s not dead,” Levi said.

  “Not yet.”

  “So when do we do this?” he asked, pulling away from her.

  “Soon as possible. Before my mother manages to spend every penny of mine that’s supposed to be yours.”

  “Soon as possible? Which means...?”

  Tamara smiled.

  “You free tomorrow?”

  13

  They were married two days later in Louisville. Judge Daniel Headley presided in his Ohio riverfront office with his secretary and his law clerk acting as witnesses. The ceremony was brief and somber, with Headley acting like he was presiding over a funeral, not a wedding. The rain outside didn’t help lighten the mood nor did the judge’s reserved demeanor. He had a kind face but wasn’t the sort who smiled easily and often. A serious man. He was only forty or so, but he seemed older in this setting, with row upon row of leather-bound legal tomes on hulking ornate mahogany bookshelves and a polished brass statue of Lady Justice standing on a shelf behind his great boat of a desk. Levi knew she wore a blindfold because justice was supposed to be blind, meted out with no regard to race or sex or religion or wealth or lack thereof. From what he’d seen of the world so far, he figured Lady Justice did quite a bit of peeking out from under her blindfold.

  The vows were simple and perfunctory.

  Do you, Tamara Belle Maddox?

  I do.

  Do you, Levi Joseph Shelby?

  I do.

  When Judge Headley pronounced them husband and wife, Levi gave Tamara a kiss as perfunctory as the ceremony.

  It was done, then. Papers were signed and witnessed. Hands were shaken. Muted well wishes were given before the judge’s secretary and law clerk took their quiet leave of them.

  “Have a seat,” Judge Headley said, gesturing to the two chairs in front of his desk. “Let’s talk about the future.”

  “Do we have to right now?” Tamara asked. She reached over and took Levi’s hand in hers. He had to hand it to her, the girl put on a good show.

  “We do, in fact,” the judge said.

  “We should,” Levi said. “Better now than later.”

  Levi ran his hand down the front of his shirt, straightening the blue tie he wore to match his blue suit. He should have gotten a new suit. The last and only time he’d worn this one had been to his mother’s funeral.

  “You seem like a sensible man,” Judge Headley said. “I’m sure you’ll understand when I say I’m not happy about this.”

  “It’s not what I’d planned, that’s for certain,” Levi said. He could play the part, too. “But we have to do what’s best for Tamara.”

  “Yes.” The judge nodded. “Yes, we do. A child needs a father. I know if Tamara’s father were still with us, this never would have happened. I blame myself. I should have been more of a father to you after Nash died. I know that’s what he would have wanted.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Tamara said. “Don’t think that this is a bad thing. This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

  “Well, I know your granddaddy’s up in heaven smiling. He wanted nothing so much in the world as to see you bringing another Maddox into the world. I would have liked for you to wait a couple years, but what’s done is done and many marriages that start out on the wrong foot end up working out. My own sister doesn’t like to celebrate her wedding anniversary for similar reasons, and she’s managed not to shame the family too much since then.” The judge gave Tamara a little wink.

  Tamara smiled at him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “We didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I was young once, too. But your mother’s going to want to kill you and me both when she finds out.”

  “I left her a note,” Tamara said. “It’s in her medicine cabinet so she’ll find it when she takes her sleeping pill tonight. How’s that?”

  “Let’s hope she doesn’t get a headache or a stomachache before you two get yourselves somewhere she can’t find you. If I know Virginia, she will raise heaven and hell about this. I’d suggest—highly—leaving town.”

  “We’ll be gone,” Levi said. “I’ll take care of Tamara.”

  “What about the will?” Tamara asked. “What’ll happen with that?”

  “It’s in probate. You two are legally married and expecting a child together. That will certainly speed the process up. Do you know when you’re due?”

  “Seven months,” Tamara said. “If it goes all right.”

  “Let’s pray it does. I think we’re looking at about three months until the will can be fully executed. In the meantime, everything is as it was.”

  “Will Momma be able to sell the company?”

  The judge shook his head. “Not with ownership under dispute. But you’ll still get your five-hundred-dollar monthly allowance. Will it be enough for you to live on?”

  “I told you, I can take care of Tamara, sir.” Levi sat up even straighter. He didn’t want this judge or anyone thinking he couldn’t provide for his wife. A hundred and twenty dollars wasn’t much to live on, barely minimum wage, but Levi would bus tables if he had to before he’d borrow money from anybody.

  “I was under the impression you lived in a stable loft.” Judge Headley raised his eyebrow.

  “Only to save money, sir. I have a thousand dollars saved up.”

  “You’re going to be a very wealthy man when all this is said and done.” The judge picked up a fancy blue pen and tapped it on the desk. “I’d hate to think that was the motive behind this blessed event.”

  “It’s not,” Tamara insisted. “After Momma fired him when she caught me kissing him, I had to sneak behind her back to see him. I went to see him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be with him.”

  “I want Tamara to be safe,” Levi said. “Considering the circumstances, I think she’ll be better off with me than with her mother.”

  “If I didn’t know her mother so well, I might disagree. But I do...” Judge Headley’s voice trailed off and Levi felt a pang of sympathy for the man. He, too, had been a victim of Virginia Maddox. Tamara said he’d been married when Tamara was conceived, a drunken night at a going-away party. He seemed like the sort of person who’d carry his guilt with him all his life. “You two find a safe place to hole up while I take care of things on my end. Let me know how to reach you. There’ll be forms and papers to sign when it’s all said and done.”

  “I’ll let you know where we land,” Tamara said.

  “It’s getting late,” Levi said. “We best be on the road.”

  The judge had worked them in after his day in court ended. Now it was close to dinnertime and then it would be night. Levi’s first