Banana Disaster-The first day (S.J Pinkin's diary of everything upside-down flip sided and just plain wrong!)



  S.j Pinkin’s

  diary of everything upside-down, flip sided or just plain wrong!

  By the S.A.S

  This book is dedicated to raise awareness of the several diseases of Ataxia that can make someone have difficulties in things that we think is completely easy and all can do with a click of our fingers. This book is not meant to be an insult to be who are a bit clumsy, it is to bring a bright side to being unique.. My intention is for you all is too have some great laughs with this bundle of nonsense like I did 

  S.A.S xxx

  Banana Disaster

  Sarah-Jane Pinkins is just simply, outrageously unlucky, but as far as the bitter bicker of gossip each Sunday afternoon at the far east country club says, that she speaks of only utter nonsense that even her parents are discouraged.

  The only thing that keeps her going is her picture- perfect best friend Stacey Pentwood, she might as well be a modern remake of Rapunzel with her one meter long blonde hair and counting, good thing she’s quite tall for a Fifteen year old otherwise her hair would be dragging with her feet, thinking she might as well die from humiliation. I know right you’re calling BS, but hey nothing is impossible in the no significant town of the sunny state of California, East Woods. I mean just look at Sarah-Jane.

  So I welcome you all to be some bad ass sticky beaks and look in the diary of Miss Pinkins were all of the nonsense starts.

  Wednesday August 29th 2012

  First day

  I am hyped .I mean seriously it’s a new school year, new…. Well that’s the only new thing in this tiny-like-a-pea-in-a-witch’s-cauldron town. Nothing is ever new, I took a deep breath and relaxed no need to discourage myself… again.

  I mean why would I do that? After burning myself with a too hot shower, by pouring milk on the table instead of my cereal. No, not discouraging at all. Of course my younger sister Jamie thinking that I was a superstar with my clumsy ways, picked up a carton of milk and through it on the wall. White liquid sliding down the wall dripping like rain onto the carpet … again. With no mercy at all Jamie squealed and clapped her hands while mom is staring daggers at the wall. Recognising the good ol’ calm before the storm’ I stuffed my dry cereal in my mouth and took my retreat.

  As usual I’m running behind the bus thinking “ let’s roll out autobots” Stacy would deff find the term “roll out” funny on a bus with huge round wheels and a bus driver that is just as round… in all areas of the body I’m sure . Not that I go Nancy Drew body scuba-diving it’s just a thing that a girl knows ;) .

  When I was safe and sound on the bus I did some reflecting on my morning while picking my nails .because I had nothing else to do. Jamie was a mini –me apart from our in-sync clumsy ways, we had the same thick light brown hair, a fine nose an elegant round face and long eyelashes. We could even be twins the only thing setting apart was our age and that her eyes are a pretty dark blue and mine light green.

  Finally when the bus came to a stop I stumbled out and walked over to me and Stacey’s tree waiting for here to enlighten me with her presence. As soon as she showed up I told her of the same old Jamie adventures, my headline was ‘Superhero princess takes a milk-thrower-disguise’. Stacey continued my mojo with her new save-the-day-line, “you should be proud you’re creating a new intelligent human race way more intelligent than the apes.”

  Rolling my eyes I jutted my head toward the big banner hiding the schools flaws which happened to be the whole building actually. “Talking about apes it’s time for the banana festival Yay!” I said with no enthusiasm .Of course hearing my faux sarcasm this guy just had to jump in front of us, stomp his feet, scratch his armpits all the while chugging down with no hands a miraculous banana .Guys, I thought with a snort. Pushing past him Stace yelled at him ;

  “Unfortunately scientists and doctors have proven that banana’s do infect your Gluteus Maximus , ya’ get what I’m saying dude? I’m talkin’ ‘bout the chub, the slop in fact they can even become floppy” she kept a straight face which for me would be absolutely impossible. The guy looked quizzically at us as a blonde came up to him kissing his cheek, asked.

  “What’s a gluteus maximus?”

  Stacey batting her eyelashes sweetly said “Ask Google.” The poor girl, I swear to god and all of his crew that I have never laughed so hard in my life.

  But when you have a friend like Stacey, you know that in two days you’ll be saying the exact same thing, jumping all the way to your next class. Trying to keep yourself from peeing in my brand new jeans which is exactly what I was trying to do.

  Tumbling into French as a second language, still shaking uncontrollably our “proffeseure” frowned her eyebrows covering her warm eyes but I could see that she was trying to hide a smile. She is the coolest teacher in the school each class he gives us a few minutes to chat ourselves and just isn’t boring.

  She cleared her throat “well I wanted to direct the attention to our new student like the evil teacher I am, but with that entrance Miss Pinkins and Miss Pentwood I’ll save him the trouble.”

  With a flick of a hand she shooed us to our seats and as soon as the bell rang she started speaking in French and presented the new guy as Derrick Winnerhill, he was cuuuuuute but, when I glanced his way I knew he was not my type. fortunately I don’t really dig the whole Mr cool-football jock-dark hair-eyes even darker no I totally don’t dig that right??? He caught me, smiling this big as banana grin, and I cocked my eyebrow questioning his intelligence .My brow I’m sure it was shaped like a banana too.

  Gah! I swear our mascot for the banana festival should be a banana version of chucky grrr stupid bananas. I mean just with being at East wood high school for three years I figured out that Mr Kayton is quite creative and is always finding a way to enlighten us with “a special lesson to the way of life!” :O

  I think he thought we had no idea what his so called “message” is this year but even I suck at math but this equation was simple to me ;

  High school = hormones + “Special lesson to the way of life” + creative principal = Banana Festival a.k.a Banana Protection ;)

  Unfortunately I have to go to the festival next Thursday, so does the whole school. Not that we want to, the teachers have found our weakness. If there are not enough students that “participate”, we’ll have school the next day. I see the situation more like this: You’re on a cliff to your left the depths of death of the deep Pacific Ocean and to your right you’ve got blazing fire as red as the hot plates on the oven so your choices? Jump in the water and drown or run through the fire get a few scars for life and jump in the shower. I go for the fire.

  The morning passed easily, at lunch I was cracking up telling Stace that she should have a loo strapped to her back, for all the guys nearly piss themselves in her presence and for me who laughs too much of her smart mouth that is always on overdrive. You can’t even tell when she in over drive, or on a high cruise on the highway, but anything less than that then she will “die” ahh how I love my dramatic friend.

  Ugh maths was really sucky, in all honesty who likes fractions? Dividing them, multiplying them, adding them, subtracting them, me all I wanna do is leave ‘em they’re more stanky then skunks and I’m convinced Mr Smith is one.

  Last period ,I had English with the new guy “D”his nickname (apparently) no I did not go snooping … ok maybe a little bit , alright so maybe ten facts counts as a littl
e bit too much, but if you’re going to be snoopy might as well do it all the way.

  But you never know if the rumours are true anyway, so I guess it doesn’t count then?

  Long and quite boring as usual English with Mr Brown are those types of classes where you can’t help but snooze. I mean while reading Shakespeare he (Mr Brown) didn’t have to speak in such a monotone voice. What happened to the “passion of a poets adjectives”? .After having my nanny nap he gave out the homework just a book to read , I would take reading alone anytime over his monotone voice , but then I would choose to read over anything really apart from hanging out with Stacey.

  When the last bell rang, I waved bye to Stace as I placed myself in the traffic in the main corridor. It was wild fire like usual, but with the lovely banana chucky on our minds the dumbass’s just had to decide it would be hilarious to use a banana peel as skates and skid across the tiles . I felt like I was the first woman to go to the moon because I was planting my feet on safe ground just until my locker, still in one piece I grabbed my stuff slid my one shoulder, baby yellow bag and headed off to the front doors, completely forgetting about the banana peels.

  I fell, of course if I’m gonna go down I’m taking someone with me, PAF! My butt hurts, and because I’m that clumsy all my books had scattered everywhere and for heaven’s sake I didn’t just take anyone down with me it was Derrick.

  Sugar. Honey. Ice. Tea.

  He groaned “ouch couldn’t they at least have had carpet.” he mumbled rubbing his butt vigorously,( not that I was looking.). After that he said some pretty four lettered words that definitely need parental guidance when heard. Following all of things in the thirteen+ rating he finished of with “teenage security people geeze.”

  I couldn’t help myself I laughed out loud he froze and grinned that banana like grin , I quickly snapped out of it ,saving my chicken butt, I grabbed my books , pens and pencils and jogged lightly to the door while yelling a pathetic “sorry”.

  Tomorrow’s going to suck, if in six and a half hours he can become the most popular guy in our school, in one hour Mr Banana-Grin can shove me and Stacey lower in our already low “reputation”. Way to go Sarah-Jane.

  10 facts on Derrick WinnerHill

  1. He moved he just 4 days ago with his single mom.

  2. He was born in Chicago.

  3. Takes burgers over pizza’s any day.

  4. Hates small dogs.

  5. He loves every sport but golf –too boring.

  6. He’s allergic to mice (never heard of that one).

  7. Is intimidated by chickens.

  8. He knows karate.

  9. His favourite colour is maroon.

  10. He is single. *roll’s eye’s*

  Next entry; Sarah & Stacey’s Saturday Night lights

  About the author;

  S.A.S is just a girl who thinks she’s funny but really only funny unintentionally (so says her best friend). she lives in Quebec, Canada but with this freezing weather she gives it the nickname of the north pole, she loves her family and her precious Labrador, Belle and reads like a maniac  and she’s giving you those puppy dog eyes to leave a review good or bad or even would be grateful with a WTH. If you want to be updated on what’s happening on her world search Facebook for an S.J Pinkins page that should be up sooner or later in the meantime you can contact her through her email [email protected] to give your thoughts good or bad about Banana Disaster!