The Rocker That Holds Me

  The Rocker That Holds Her

  Terri Anne Browning

  Copy Write

  The Rocker That Holds Her

  Written By Terri Anne Browning

  All rights reserved © 2013 Anna Henson

  This is a work of fiction. Any characters, names, places or incidents are used solely as a fictitious nature based on the authors imagination. Any resemblance to or mention of persons, place, organizations, or other incidents are completely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any other means without permission from the Publisher.

  Table of Contents

  Prelude

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Epilogue

  Prelude

  It was raining. I love the rain; but not the thunder and lightning. The flashing lights aren’t as bad as the angry thunder. It reminds me of Momma when she’s in a rage, high on drugs, drink, and men. Today I have a double dose of it because there is a thunderstorm raging outside, and my monster of a mother is in one of her own rages.

  I had hoped and prayed to God that she would just go to sleep like she usually does. But God wasn’t listening today. It seems like God isn’t listening anytime I pray to him. I’m beginning to wonder if he even exists, like the preacher who stops by from time to time says he does. Momma curses God a lot, so I think she believes in him.

  The rain soaks through my thin tee shirt and leggings. I snuck out of the window in my room as soon as Momma finished with me. The raindrops wash away my tears and the blood on the many cuts that Momma left after she went after me with a switch and her fists. The cold water stung on my swollen welts and bruised body, but I was use to the pain.

  As soon as my bare feet touch down outside my window of our trailer I race across the tiny section of grass that separates the run down trailer that I live in to the one that Nik calls home. I pray that his mother hasn’t decided to clean his room, that she hasn’t locked the window that he always leaves unlocked for me—just in case.

  As I step on to the old five gallon bucket that I use as a stepladder I let out a whimper when I find that, yes Nik’s mom has in fact been in his room. The window is locked. Shivering now because the rain is cold and I have no shoes, no coat, and now no warm room to escape into. I know that there is no use trying one of the other surrounding trailers. Jesse’s dad is home and I would never go in there when there is the chance that Mr. Thornton could find me. Drake and Shane’s trailer only has a small window that is far too high up for my little legs to reach unless one of them helps me.

  A small sob escapes me and I push the wet, matted hair away from my face, only to winch when I touch my swollen cheek. Momma was a pro at slapping my face. And today she had been mainly on target considering the amount of drugs she has been taking and the booze that she is chasing it all with.

  There was a noise from across the small lawn. My mother has come back for round two and has discovered that I’m gone. Heart racing I do the only thing I can think of. I pull on the tin that underpins Nik’s trailer. I pull and pull, slicing my palms as I do so. But finally with a whimper of triumph I pull it back enough so that I can crawl under the trailer.

  Once I am under I pull the tin back into place. I swallow a scream when I set back and my hand touches the skeleton of a mouse. I wipe my hand on my soaked leggings and then wrap my arms around my knees so that I don’t come into contact with the mouse again. My head leans back against the underpinning and I close my eyes, praying that my mother doesn’t think to look for me here…

  I must have fallen asleep. When I wake up I hear Nik and Jesse calling my name. Both sound frantic. “Emmie?” Nik is right beside of me on the other side of the tin. “Em?”

  I reach for the tin and pull it back enough to look out. They don’t notice me at first. Nik is standing with Jesse, both have on their band shirts that they let me help design. Jesse has his drum sticks in his left hand while his other is clenched into a fist. Nik looks worried. “She wouldn’t have gone far.”

  “That fucking bitch! If I didn’t think that they would take Emmie from us I would call the cops so quick.” Jesse is muttering.

  “But they will, Jess. And then she would be in a worse place than she already is. At least here we can take care of her.” Nik tells the drummer.

  It’s the same conversation that they always have after every beating. If they called the cops, then social services would take me away. It isn’t safe in foster care anymore than it is at my mother’s. Maybe even worse. I’m seven and I understand what that means. Nik and the others have explained it to me more than once.

  I tug the tin back a little more and start to crawl out. I’m stiff and hurting. There is mud caked into the cuts left by the switch and the slice on my hand from the underpinning. I’m swollen and bruised. And I can already feel the tickle in the back of my throat that says I’m going to have a sore throat. Suddenly, strong arms are pulling me out. As soon as my feet are clear I’m lifted into Nik’s strong arms.

  “Fuck!” Jesse exclaims.

  “Shut up, Jess.” Nik bites out as his arms tighten around me. I can see the wheels working in his mind. He is wondering where to take me, were to hide me. I hear laughing coming from my trailer—my mother must have one of her boyfriends over; and there is the sound of the television coming from his—if his mom sees me like this she will call the cops herself; neither is an option.

  “My dad is gone.” Jesse is already walking toward his trailer. “Come on, Nik!”

  By the time they have me in Jesse’s room I am shaking. I’m cold, so cold and hurting so badly. “We have to get her warm.” Nik says. “Start running the hot water so I can give her a bath.”

  Jesse doesn’t say anything as he leaves his room and I hear water turning on from the next room. Nik sets me on my feet and starts pulling off my still wet tee shirt. I don’t protest as he tugs my leggings down along with my panties. He sucks in a deep breath when he sees the bruises, the deep gashes on my legs and arms; the ones on my back and across my stomach.

  “I’m sorry, Emmie.” He whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

  I don’t say anything because I don’t understand why he’s sorry. He didn’t hit me. This wasn’t his fault. I might only be a little girl, but I know that he can’t always protect me. He has a band, and today his band had played at a party for some kids from his school. I wish he could have taken me, but I know that a seven year old at a high school party isn’t a good idea. Shane tried to explain it to me, and I’m almost positive I understand the reasons for that.

  “Nik!” Jesse called from the bathroom. “I’m not sure if this is too hot or not. Come here and check it out.”

  Nik leads me by the hand into the bathroom and then bends to feel the temperature of the water. “This should be good.” He lifts me and places me in the water.

  I whimper when the water touches my gashes. It hurts, but the heat of the water feels good on my cold legs. Soon the shaking stops. Nik washes me, trying to be gentle as he cleans the wounds on my body. His jaw is clenched and I think there are tears in his eyes.

  Later, after my hair is washed and smells good he lifts me from the water and wraps me in a towel. Jesse has a box of Band-Aids with little princesses on it that he knows I like. But there is also a tube of the stingy ointment in his other hand and I shake my head. “No. That hur
ts.”

  Nik is rubbing the towel over my wet body, still trying to be gentle. Some of the gashes are bleeding again and it hurts when the towel rubs across them. When he is done he takes the ointment from me and I move away. “No, Nik.” I whimper. “I don’t want that.”

  “I know, Emmie. I know it hurts. But you don’t want them to get infected do you?” He is blinking a lot and I think he is trying not to cry. “If they get infected you will have to go to the doctor and get a shot.”

  That is the magic words. I hate shots! I hate doctors! So I sit on the small sink and let him put ointment all over me, trying not to whimper because it hurts. By the time he is done the tube is almost empty. Jesse helps him put the Band-Aids on. After each one they kiss the hurt, and say what they always say. “Get better.”

  Jesse puts one of his shirts on me. But it is so big that they have to tie a knot in it so that I don’t trip over it when I walk. When I’m covered Nik lifts me and carries me back into Jesse’s room. They put me into the little bed against the wall and tuck a blanket that smells like Jesse around me.

  Shane and Drake come into the room. Shane has a bag from Wal-Mart and he pulls out a box of medicine. They give me a big dose of Tylenol and then feed me. Drake had stopped at McDonalds and got me a chicken nugget happy meal. My stomach growls and I realize I haven’t had anything to eat since the day before.

  My stomach hurts after the first bite. I sit and hold my tummy until the pain passes and then I gobble the rest of the nuggets and fries up. I don’t drink the sprite that they got me until after I have eaten. It tastes good. Finally I reach for my toy, a little stuffed animal with crazy hair and a tee shirt. I hold it close to my chest as Nik brushes the tangles from my damp hair. It pulls, because it hasn’t been brushed in a while, but I don’t complain and he tries to be gentle.

  As the brush works through my hair my eyes begin to grow heavy. Soon I am asleep…

  Chapter 1

  I open my eyes the instant the bus stops. Grimacing I push myself up from the sofa and glance outside. The tour bus is sitting in the parking lot of the hotel. Another bus loaded with all the crew and two eighteen wheelers pull in behind, with all of the stage and band equipment. I want a shower and a full night’s sleep so bad, but I still have too many things to do.

  Standing I walk to the back of the bus to wake the others. Drake is sprawled out on his stomach in the bottom bunk. He has a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand, the bottle half empty. Above him Shane is snoring, his bass clutched to his chest. Against the other wall Jesse is talking in his sleep, muttering about some ‘fucker’.

  Sighing I shake his shoulder first. “Jess.” I have to get in his ear and yell his name. They are all heavy sleepers, but Jess is always the heaviest. “Jess! Come on. Let’s go sleep in a real bed.”

  Jesse yawns then blinks open his eyes. “Em?”

  I grin down at him. “Who else?” I kiss his cheek and tug on his arm. “Get up. We’re here.”

  When he sits up I move on to Shane. All I have to do is take the bass from him. He tightens his arms around it and sits up. “I’m awake.” He grumbles.

  “Drake.” I take the bottle of Jack from his hand and put the cap back on. His back is bare and the Demon’s Wings tattoo across his back flexes as I wake him up. “Ugh. You need a shower so bad.” I nearly gage at the stench of liquor on his breath when he turns over and pulls me down across him. “Get up, you drunk.”

  He kisses my cheek before he releases me and I stand, moving toward the end of the bus. “You guys get dressed. After I wake Nik up I’ll handle getting our rooms…Don’t go back to sleep Jesse!” I call, knowing that he was planning on doing just that. “I have a bucket of ice water calling your name if you do.”

  He mutters curses after me, but I just grin.

  The television was on. I turn it off and drop down on the sofa beside of Nik. He was in nothing but his boxers. I don’t stop to ogle his hard chest and tight abdomen. I’ve done that plenty of times before. Instead I put my hand over his mouth and pinch his nose. It takes a few seconds before he jerks and pushes me away. “Bitch!” He grumbles, but helps me up off the floor where I landed.

  Laughing I stand and reach for his Demon’s Wings shirt. “Did you sleep well?”

  “I only fell asleep a few hours ago.” He takes the shirt I offer him and slips it over his head. “Got too much on my mind. Songs trying to get out, but locked in my brain.”

  “I had a dream.” I confide.

  He stiffens, knowing that my dreams are never pleasant. “You okay?” He asks, reaching for my hand and pulling me onto his lap. “Want to talk about it?”

  Soothingly he combs his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and bury my face in his neck. God he smelled so good! “Like always you guys were taking care of me. It was one of the times my mother took a switch to me.”

  Strong arms tighten around me. His fingers clenched in my hair pulls but I don’t protest. “Hate that bitch.” He mumbles. “Hope she’s rotting in hell.”

  I couldn’t agree more. My mother died of a drug overdose six years ago. To say I had been sorry would be a total overstatement. All I had felt when I had found her cold body when I came home from school that day was an overwhelming relief. I was fifteen, but I was free of the disease that was my mother.

  “I need coffee.” Nik stands with me still in his arms.

  I squeeze him close for another second then wiggle free. “I’ll make sure you get it.” I call over my shoulder as I head toward the front of the bus.

  “It isn’t your job to get it!” He yells after me.

  But it was. All my life Nik and the others have taken care of me. Even when they left me after getting signed ten years ago, they had still taken care of me. Sending me money, and presents. Making sure that someone checked on me every day. They had been touring, doing all the things that rockers do, but they had still called me every day. The cell they gave me was my life line to them. I was able to call, text, email, or anything else I wanted or needed so that I could talk to them every day.

  Then when my mother had died they had come back, dropping everything as soon as I had called Nik. They took care of the funeral. Then when social services tried to take me away they stepped up and said that I was theirs. They took me away from all the darkness of that trailer in the run down trailer park that we had all grown up in. They bought me a laptop, arranged for me to have online classes so that I could complete my education from the back of a tour bus.

  My guys were never going to leave me again.

  And I owed them. For always taking care of me. Picking me up, putting me back together. Saving my sanity. Feeding me. Clothing me. Loving me. Not many people would do that. But Nik, Drake, Shane, and Jesse were different. They saw me when I was five, took me under their dark wings, protected me even though they were ten years older than me. These guys were my family and it was my turn to take care of them.

  So I handled everything. They wanted coffee, I got them coffee. If Drake needed a new case of fifty year old scotch that was impossible to find then I made sure he got it. I took care of everything from hotel reservations to women…Yeah, I had become a pro at getting rid of whatever woman that had outlived her expiration date. Normally, that was by the next morning.

  Two hours later, I had all four of the guys in their rooms. I spent extra time in Drake’s room to make sure he took a shower and brushed his teeth. Got him into a pair of clean underwear and put him to bed. By the time I got to my own room, I was running on fumes. My own shower was quick and I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

  “Em!”

  Jesse pounding on my hotel room door roused me a few hours later. I glanced at the clock, saw that it was time to head to the Civic Center to get ready for tonight’s concert and jumped out of bed. I opened the door for Jesse so he didn’t knock the door down. He walked in as I was taking off my sleep shirt.

  “You feeling okay, Em?” He asked, not even bothering to turn his head
as I slipped on my bra and pulled a Demon’s Wings shirt over my head. “You never oversleep.”

  In truth I had been feeling run down for a while now. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. He would tell the others and they would gang up on me; force me to go to the doctor. I hated doctors! “Just had a rough night last night.” I excuse. “Bad dreams.”

  I pulled on fresh panties and then slipped into a pair of skinny jeans. Knee high boots with three inch heels and I was done. I pulled my messy hair into a ponytail, didn’t bother with makeup and turned to find him still frowning at me. “I’m fine, Jess.” I hug him tight then stand on tip toe to kiss his cheek. “Relax.” I raised a hand and rubbed it over his bald head. He liked to keep it smooth. It was sexy as hell and everyone wanted to rub his head. He only liked it when I did it though.

  “I think we need a vacation.” He muttered as he followed me out of the room. “Maybe we should go home for a while.”

  I shot him a look over my shoulder as I pushed the button to summon the elevator. “And where exactly is home? We’ve been living on a bus for six years now.”

  “Nik was talking about buying a house. But we can’t decide on where we want to settle down. Drake suggested California, Shane wants Boston.” He shrugged as he stepped into the elevator with me. “What do you think?”

  Honestly I didn’t know what to think. I would follow them anywhere; as long as we were all together I could care less. But I hadn’t expected them to be ready to settle down yet, even if we were all getting tired of all the moving around. “I’ve never thought about it.” I tell him.

  “Well you need to. We want to know where you want to live. You know that where you go, we follow.”

  His words warmed my heart and I hugged him close. He dropped a kiss on top of my head and we stepped off the elevator on the ground floor. Nik, Drake, and Shane were already waiting on us. They each gave me concerned looks, but I just walked by them to the waiting limo outside.