Balle Kumar's Universe Vol 1
Sunil Wagh
Contents
A Couple Fights2
Tourist 6
Doctors and Kidney 9
Insurance Agent 12
Beggar 16
Superhero Sushi Man 18
Conversation with God 24
Banker27
Forgetful Husband29
30
31
A Couple Fights
Wife: You told me before our marriage that you would respect my dad
Husband: I said I would give him the respect he deserves!
Wife: "Hi Homeless" is not way of greeting my dad!
Husband: He lost his job at Home Depot and so I just wanted to cheer him up by saying something funny
Wife: He took an offence
Husband: I guessed so when he decided to stay in MY house for an unspecified amount of time
Wife: He is MY father!!
Husband: Don't be so sure!
Wife: What have you got against him?
Husband: Nothing at all. He called the cops on me when I went to him to duplicate the keys. The keys to my house!!
Wife: But it was written on the keys "Do Not Duplicate"
Husband: What about the time when he didn't ring those items purposefully when he was working as a cashier.
Wife: He didn't do that on purpose
Husband: The only time he didn't do something on purpose led to your birth
Wife: Now you have a problem with me being born!
Husband: Not exactly, I love the fact that you were born and used to cry all night and give your parents sleepless nights. I have a problem with the day we met.
Wife: Why?
Husband: You told me that you will love me till the end of the world and you stopped loving me the minute we came out of the Disney World.
Wife: You could have asked me to elaborate. But you are stupid, you paid a lump sum amount to buy plot on moon!
Husband: I bought it because he told me that he is your father's friend!
Wife: Now don't bring MY father in it
Husband: Why not? I applied glue on the money that I gave to his friend and we saw your father with a dollar attached to each of his nineteen fingers.
Wife: Nineteen Fingers!!
Husband: Don't forget his legs.
Wife: Yes but his index finger didn't have anything attached.
Husband: Now don't ask me where it is always.
Wife: He said that he was trying to get a candy for a teenager and the teenager played a prank on him.
Husband: That was a hooker!
Wife: My father is a real gentle guy.
Husband: Not with the hooker.
Wife: So you talked with the hooker.
Husband: So your father did go to one!
Wife: No I didn't admit that
Husband: So it’s true and you don't want to admit it.
Wife: He would never cheat on my mother.
Husband: Anyone who is married to your mother should be given the legal right to cheat.
Wife: What so you have against my mother?
Husband: Nothing, actually nothing other than fact that she ran away with my father.
Wife: Your father charmed my mother.
Husband: Why was she only interested in women before?
Wife: How are you sure about it?
Husband: It is because your father used to sleep in evening gown saying that is your Scottish tradition.
Wife: No he didn't
Husband: He lied to you that Santa kept the wedding gown as a Christmas gift. He bought it; he slept in it and gave it to you saying it’s from Santa.
Wife: How do you know that?
Husband: Your mother told to my father and my father told that to the neighbor who told me.
Wife: So you believe your neighbor more than me
Husband: Yes he is a guy and you are a girl, I trust a guy more
Wife: Then why didn't you marry one.
Husband: My neighbor refused, he said Christians don't do it so this openly
Wife: So you and Stan...
Husband: It was just a thought, we never did anything crazy.
Wife: The real reason is that you are not Stan's type
Husband: Now how do you know that?
Wife: He is my friend, he told me that
Husband: Come to think of it, how come all my friends were you boyfriends. Why did you choose to marry me?
Wife: Because I got syphilis from my last boyfriend and I wanted to contain it and so I married you.
Husband: And I blamed my dog for it and wasted a bullet. You know how much a bullet cost?
Wife: I am sure it’s more than your salary
Husband: Don't go on my pay. I at least have a job.
Wife: Yes your boss was the boyfriend who gave me syphilis. He keeps you because he feels sorry for you.
Husband: Oh!! I didn't know that he feels sorry for anyone
Wife: Yes he is very sensitive, especially at some places
Husband: Yes you said to me before you have been to places. I didn't know the places are confined to a human body.
Wife: I never said that!
Husband: That was on your Dating Site profile
Wife: That was written by my gay friend Steve. I would break the heart of the boys he finds cute and then he would seduce them.
Husband: Then why didn't you break my heart
Wife: Steve found you repulsive too
Husband: So even your profile was not written by you.
Wife: People do things for beautiful people. You might have never been anywhere near anyone and you would not know.
Husband: People do things to beautiful people too.
Wife: And beautiful people like it.
Husband: If you think you are beautiful then you are for sure delusional
Wife: Why don’t you divorce me then?
Husband: Because my brother will marry you?
Wife: Why? Does he like me?
Husband: He usually likes to ‘do’ what I ‘do’. Like he used to pee in the same place I peed till we were teens.
Wife: Oh!! Disgusting!
Husband: See I work at Facebook Security
Wife: Yes building security
Husband: Yes even he joined there as one.
Wife: So there is only one option for you and that is to love me
Husband: Yes
(They both start kissing each other as if nothing happened)
