Just After Sunset, Page 35

  Curtis Johnson got the full sense of this after a moment of utter, perhaps willful, incomprehension. Then he started forward, rolling his hands into fists. He hadn't hit anyone since a playground scuffle when he was in the third grade, but he meant to hit someone now. He meant to hit The Motherfucker. The bugs still buzzed obliviously in the grass, and the sun still hammered down--nothing in the essential world had changed except for him. The uncaring listlessness was gone. He cared about at least one thing: beating Grunwald until he cried and bled and crawfished. And he thought he could do it. Grunwald was twenty years older, and not well. And when The Motherfucker was on the ground--hopefully with his newly broken nose in one of those nasty puddles--Curtis would say, That was for my ragbag. Neighbor.

  Grunwald took one compensatory step backward. Then he brought his hand out from behind his back. In it was a large handgun. "Stop right there, neighbor, or I'll put an extra hole in your head."

  Curtis almost didn't stop. The gun seemed unreal. Death, out of that black eyehole? Surely not possible. But--

  "It's a .45 AMT Hardballer," Grunwald said, "loaded with soft-point ammo. I got it the last time I was in Vegas. At a gun show. Just after Ginny left, that was. I thought I might shoot her, but I find I've lost all interest in Ginny. Basically, she's just another anorexic Suncoast cunt with Styrofoam tits. You, however--you're something different. You're malevolent, Johnson. You're a fucking gay witch."

  Curtis stopped. He believed.

  "But now you're in my power, as they say." The Motherfucker laughed, once more choking it off so it sounded strangely like a sob. "I don't even have to hit you dead on. This is a powerful gun, or so I was told. Even a hit in the hand would render you dead, because it would tear your hand right off. And in the midsection? Your guts'd fly forty feet. So do you want to try it? Do you feel lucky, punk?"

  Curtis did not want to try it. He did not feel lucky. The truth was belated but obvious: he had been cozened out here by a complete barking lunatic.

  "What do you want? I'll give you what you want." Curtis swallowed. There was an insectile click in his throat. "Do you want me to call off the suit about Betsy?"

  "Don't call her Betsy," The Motherfucker said. He had the gun--the Hardballer, what a grotesque name--pointed at Curtis's face, and now the hole looked very big indeed. Curtis realized he would probably be dead before he heard the gun's report, although he might see flame--or the beginning of flame--spurt from the barrel. He also realized that he was perilously close to pissing himself. "Call her 'my ass-faced ragbag bitch.'"

  "My ass-faced ragbag bitch," Curtis repeated at once, and didn't feel the slightest twinge of disloyalty to Betsy's memory.

  "Now say, 'And how I loved to lick her smelly cunt,'" The Motherfucker further instructed.

  Curtis was silent. He was relieved to discover there were still limits. Besides, if he said that, The Motherfucker would only want him to say something else.

  Grunwald did not seem particularly disappointed. He waggled the gun. "Just joking about that one, anyway."

  Curtis was silent. Part of his mind was roaring with panic and confusion, but another part seemed clearer than it had been since Betsy died. Maybe clearer than it had been in years. That part was musing on the fact that he really could die out here.

  He thought, What if I never get to eat another slice of bread?, and for a moment his mind united--the confused part and the clear part--in a desire to live so strong it was terrible.

  "What do you want, Grunwald?"

  "For you to get into one of those Port-O-Sans. The one on the end." He waggled the gun again, this time to the left.

  Curtis turned to look, feeling a small thread of hope. If Grunwald intended to lock him up...that was good, right? Maybe now that he'd scared Curtis and blown off a little steam, Grunwald intended to stash him and make his getaway. Or maybe he'll go home and shoot himself, Curtis thought. Take that old .45 Hardballer cancer cure. A well-known folk remedy.

  He said, "All right. I can do that."

  "But first I want you to empty your pockets. Dump them right out on the ground."

  Curtis pulled out his wallet, then, reluctantly, his cell phone. A little sheaf of bills in a money clip. His dandruff-flecked comb.

  "That it?"

  "Yes."

  "Turn those pocketses inside out, Precious. I want to see for myself."

  Curtis turned out his left front pocket, then his right. A few coins and the key to his motor scooter fell to the ground, where they glittered in the hazy sun.

  "Good," Grunwald said. "Now the back ones."

  Curtis turned out his rear pockets. There was an old shopping list jotted on a scrap of paper. Nothing else.

  Grunwald said, "Kick your cell phone over here."

  Curtis tried, and missed completely.

  "You asshole," Grunwald said, and laughed. The laugh ended in that same choking, sobbing sound, and for the first time in his life, Curtis completely understood murder. The clear part of his mind registered this as a wonderful thing, because murder--previously inconceivable to him--turned out to be as simple as reducing fractions.

  "Hurry the fuck up," Grunwald said. "I want to go home and get in the hot tub. Forget the painkillers, that hot tub is the only thing that works. I'd live in that baby if I could." But he did not look particularly anxious to be gone. His eyes were sparkling.

  Curtis kicked at the phone again and this time connected, sending it skittering all the way to Grunwald's feet.

  "He shoots, he scores!" The Motherfucker cried. He dropped to one knee, picked up the Nokia (never taking the gun off Curtis), then straightened up with a small, effortful grunt. He slipped Curtis's phone into the right pocket of his pants. He pointed the muzzle of the gun briefly at the litter lying on the road. "Now pick up the rest of your crap and put it back in your pockets. Get all the change. Who knows, you might find a snack machine in there."

  Curtis did it silently, again feeling a little pang as he looked at the attachment on the Vespa's keyring. Some things didn't change even in extremis, it seemed.

  "You forgot your shopping list, Fucko. You don't want to forget that. Everything back in your pockets. As for your phone, I'm going to put that back on its little charger in your little housie. After I delete the message I left you, that is."

  Curtis picked up the scrap of paper--OJ, Rolaids, pce of fish, Eng muffins, it said--and stuffed it back into one of his rear pockets. "You can't do that," he said.

  The Motherfucker raised his bushy old-man eyebrows. "Want to share?"

  "The house alarm's set." Curtis couldn't remember if he had set it or not. "Also, Mrs. Wilson will be there by the time you get back to Turtle."

  Grunwald gave him an indulgent look. The fact that it was mad indulgence made it terrifying instead of just infuriating. "It's Thursday, neighbor. Your housekeeper only comes in during the afternoons on Thursdays and Fridays. Did you think I wasn't keeping an eye on you? Just like you've been keeping one on me?"

  "I don't--"

  "Oh, I see you, peeking from behind your favorite palm tree on the road--did you think I didn't?--but you never saw me, did you? Because you're lazy. And lazy people are blind people. Lazy people get what they deserve." His voice lowered confidentially. "All gay people are lazy; it's been scientifically proven. The gay lobby tries to cover it up, but you can find the studies on the Internet."

  In his mounting dismay, Curtis hardly noticed this last. If he's been charting Mrs. Wilson...Christ, how long has he been brooding and planning?

  At least since Curtis had sued him over Betsy. Maybe even before.

  "As for your alarm code..." The Motherfucker loosed his sobbing laugh again. "I'll let you in on a little secret: your system was put in by Hearn Security, and I've been working with them for almost thirty years. I could have the security codes for any Hearn-serviced home on the Island, if I wanted. But, as it happens, the only one I wanted was yours." He sniffed, spat on the ground, then coughed a loose rumbling cough that ca
me from deep in his chest. It sounded as if it hurt (Curtis hoped so), but the gun never wavered. "I don't think you set it, anyway. Got your mind on blowjobs and such."

  "Grunwald, can't we--"

  "No. We can't. You deserve this. You earned it, you bought it, you got it. Get in the fucking shithouse."

  Curtis started toward the Port-O-Sans, but aimed for the one on the far right instead of the far left.

  "Nope, nope," Grunwald said. Patiently, as if speaking to a child. "The one on the other end."

  "That one's leaning too far," Curtis said. "If I get in, it might fall over."

  "Nope," Grunwald said. "That thing's as solid as your beloved stock market. Special sides is why. But I'm sure you'll enjoy the smell. Guys like you spend a lot of time in crappers, you must like the smell. You must love the smell." Suddenly the gun poked into Curtis's buttocks. Curtis gave a small, startled scream, and Grunwald laughed. That Motherfucker. "Now get in there before I decide to turn your old tan track into a brand-new superhighway."

  Curtis had to lean across the ditch of still, scummy water, and because the Port-O-San was leaning, the door swung out and almost hit him in the face when it came off the latch. This occasioned another burst of laughter from Grunwald, and at the sound, Curtis was once more visited with thoughts of murder. All the same, it was amazing how engaged he felt. How suddenly in love with the green smells of the foliage and the hazy look of the blue Florida sky. How much he longed to eat a piece of bread--even a slice of Wonder Bread would be a gourmet treat; he would eat it with a napkin in his lap and choose a complementary vintage from his little wine closet. He had gained a whole new perspective on life. He only hoped he would live to enjoy it. And if The Motherfucker just intended to lock him in, maybe he would.

  He thought (it was as random and as unprompted as his thought about the bread): If I get out of this, I'm going to start giving money to Save the Children.

  "Get in there, Johnson."

  "I tell you it'll fall over!"

  "Who's the construction guy here? It won't fall over if you're careful. Get in."

  "I don't understand why you're doing this!"

  Grunwald laughed unbelievingly. Then he said, "You get your ass in there or I will blow it off, so help me God."

  Curtis stepped across the ditch and into the Port-O-San. It rocked forward alarmingly under his weight. He cried out and leaned over the bench with the closed toilet seat in it, splaying his hands against the back wall. And while he was standing there like a suspect about to be frisked, the door slammed shut behind him. The sunlight was gone. He was suddenly in hot, deep shadows. He looked back over his shoulder and the Port-O-San rocked again, on the very edge of balance.

  There was a knock on the door. Curtis could imagine The Motherfucker out there, leaning over the ditch, one hand braced on the blue siding, the other fisted up to knock with. "Comfy in there? Snug?"

  Curtis made no reply. At least with Grunwald leaning on the Port-O-San's door, the damned thing had steadied.

  "Sure you are. Snug as a bug in a whatever."

  There was another thump, and then the toilet rocked forward again. Grunwald had removed his weight from it. Curtis once more assumed the position, standing on the balls of his feet, bending all his will to keeping the stinking cubicle more or less upright. Sweat was trickling down his face, stinging a shaving cut on the left jawline. This made him think of his own bathroom, usually taken for granted, with loving nostalgia. He would give every dollar in his retirement fund to be there, razor in his right hand, watching blood trickle through the shaving cream on the left-hand side while some stupid pop song played from the clock radio beside his bed. Something by The Carpenters or Don Ho.

  It's going over this time, going over for sure, that was his plan all along--

  But the Port-O-San steadied instead of tumbling over. All the same it was close to going, very close. Curtis stood on tiptoe with his hands braced against the wall and his midsection arched over the bench seat, becoming aware now of how badly the hot little cubicle smelled, even with the seat closed. There was the odor of disinfectant--it would be the blue stuff, of course--mingling with the stench of decaying human waste, and that made it somehow even worse.

  When Grunwald spoke again, his voice came from beyond the rear wall. He had stepped over the ditch and circled around to the back of the Port-O-San. Curtis was so surprised he almost recoiled, but managed not to. Still, he couldn't suppress a jerk. His splayed hands momentarily left the wall. The Port-O-San tottered. He brought his hands back to the wall again, leaning forward as far as he could, and it steadied.

  "How you doing, neighbor?"

  "Scared to death," Curtis said. His hair had fallen onto his forehead, it was sticking in the sweat there, but he was afraid to flick it back. Even that much extra movement might send the Port-O-San tumbling. "Let me out. You've had your fun."

  "If you think I'm having fun, you're very much mistaken," The Motherfucker said in a pedantic voice. "I've thought about this a long time, neighbor, and finally decided it was necessary--the only course of action. And it had to be now, because if I waited much longer, I'd no longer be able to trust my body to do what I needed it to do."

  "Grunwald, we can settle this like men. I swear we can."

  "Swear all you like, I would never take the word of a man like you," he said in that same pedantic voice. "Any man who takes the word of a faggot deserves what he gets." And then, yelling so loud his voice broke into splinters: "YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE SO SMART! HOW SMART DO YOU FEEL NOW?"

  Curtis said nothing. Each time he thought he was getting a handle on The Motherfucker's madness, new vistas opened before him.

  At last, in a calmer tone, Grunwald went on.

  "You want an explanation. You think you deserve one. Possibly you do."

  Somewhere a crow cawed. To Curtis, in his hot little box, it sounded like laughter.

  "Did you think I was joking when I called you a gay witch? I was not. Does that mean you know you're a, well, a malevolent supernatural force sent to try me and test me? I don't know. I don't. I've spent many a sleepless night since my wife took her jewelry and left thinking about this question--among others--and I still don't. You probably don't."

  "Grunwald, I assure you I'm not--"

  "Shut up. I'm talking here. And of course, that's what you'd say, isn't it? Regardless of whether you knew or not, it's what you'd say. Look at the testimonies of various witches in Salem. Go on, look. I have. It's all on the Internet. They swore they weren't witches, and when they thought it would get them out of death's receiving room they swore they were, but very few of them actually knew for sure themselves! That becomes clear when you look at it with your enlightened...you know, enlightened...your enlightened whatever. Mind or whatever. Hey neighbor, how is it when I do this?"

  Suddenly The Motherfucker--sick but apparently still quite strong--began to rock the Port-O-San. Curtis was almost thrown against the door, which would have resulted in disaster for sure.

  "Stop it!" he roared. "Stop doing that!"

  Grunwald laughed indulgently. The Port-O-San stopped rocking. But Curtis thought the angle of the floor was steeper than it had been. "What a baby you are. It's as solid as the stock market, I tell you!"

  A pause.

  "Of course...there is this: all faggots are liars, but not all liars are faggots. It's not a balancing equation, if you see what I mean. I'm as straight as an arrow, always have been, I'd fuck the Virgin Mary and then go to a barn dance, but I lied to get you out here, I freely admit it, and I might be lying now."

  That cough again--deep and dark and almost certainly painful.

  "Let me out, Grunwald. I beg you. I am begging you."

  A long pause, as if The Motherfucker were considering this. Then he resumed his previous scripture.

  "In the end--when it comes to witches--we can't rely on confessions," he said. "We can't even rely on testimony, because it might be cocked. When you're dealing with witches, the subjecti
ve gets all...it gets all...you know. We can only rely on the evidence. So I considered the evidence in my case. Let's look at the facts. First, you fucked me on the Vinton Lot. That was the first thing."

  "Grunwald, I never--"

  "Shut up, neighbor. Unless you want me to tip over your happy little home, that is. In that case, you can talk all you want. Is that what you want?"

  "No!"

  "Good call. I don't know exactly why you fucked me, but I believe you did it because you were afraid I meant to stick a couple of condos out there on Turtle Point. In any case, the evidence--namely, your ridiculous so-called bill of sale--indicates that fuckery was what it was, pure and simple. You claim that Ricky Vinton meant to sell you that lot for one million, five hundred thousand dollars. Now, neighbor, I ask you. Would any judge and jury in the world believe that?"

  Curtis didn't reply. He was afraid to even clear his throat now, and not just because it might set The Motherfucker off; it might tip the precariously balanced Port-O-San over. He was afraid it might go over if he so much as lifted a little finger from the back wall. Probably that was stupid, but maybe it wasn't.

  "Then the relatives swooped in, complicating a situation that was already complicated enough--by your gayboy meddling! And you were the one who called them. You or your lawyer. That's obvious, a, you know, QED type of situation. Because you like things just the way they are."

  Curtis remained silent, letting this go unchallenged.

  "That's when you threw your curse. Must have been. Because the evidence bears it out. 'You don't need to see Pluto to deduce Pluto is there.' Some scientist said that. He figured out Pluto existed by observing the irregularities in some other planet's orbit, did you know that? Deducing witchcraft is like that, Johnson. You have to check the evidence and look for irregularities in the orbit of your, you know, your whatever. Life. Plus, your spirit darkens. It darkens. I felt that happening. Like an eclipse. It--"

  He coughed some more. Curtis stood in the ready-to-be-frisked position, butt out, stomach arched over the toilet where Grunwald's carpenters had once sat down to take care of business after their morning coffee kicked in.