Mommy Don't Give Up On Me

ith was sixteen years old born and raised in the Bronx by a single mother who loved the ground that he walked on. She would always push him to be the best that he could be and always taught him to never be afraid to walk alone. “Friends will be the first to break you down and the last to help you up never be fooled by someone smile and kind words this is a cold wick world out here baby” he could hear his mother Stephanie say. What his mother did not know was that behind all of Randy good doing he was just like the other boys she always warned him about Randy was smoking, having sex, gang banging, and stealing. Being raised by his grandparents and mother Randy knew for sure that whatever is in the dark eventually comes to the light, and yet he continued down the road to disaster. “Ma dukes go kill me if she find out about this bullshit I am doing” Randy said to himself. He rolled over and took out his journal where he wrote all of his deepest secrets.

  “Living a Double Life”

  Hey mommy it’s me your little boy that could do no wrong in your eyes. Well before you finish reading this poem I know you are sure to cry.

  You raised me to be a man and you did your best for me not to stray well ma I strayed away anyway.

  In the daytime I am a straight A student I help cook and clean, but at night I am the world’s worst dream.

  I smoke drink and party like a rockstar oh yeah and I fuck these bitches like a porn star.

  Everyday before I go to school I beg my homie to let me have a pull the stress from me trying to be the star child of your dream is starting to slowly eat away at me.

  The high I get from doing wrong is a high not even weed can keep me on.

  I steal, break, and take whatever I want and I dare for any cracker to ever get wrong.

  I am just like my dad the one you always pray for me not to be no matter how much you pray his blood still runs through me.

  I pretend to love church and being in school anybody that can’t see through me is simply a damn fool.

  I apologize in advance if I ever hurt you and yeah ma I do love you.

  You're the best women God has ever made you and grandma together really do make my day.

  I do pray and ask Him for strength, but nothing seem to change I guess prayer isn’t as strong as they say.

  I am living a double life that is about to spin out of control despite my fate I am going to let it be known.

  I am going to let the world know that CCN (Choppa City Niggas) are here to stay and blood will be drawn for those who get in our way.

  I tatted a C secretly on my chest for my brothers that we had to lay to rest.

  Choppas up niggas down any nigger that step to us better be able to hold their ground.

  Choppa Niggas For Life Baby

  Randy closed his notebook and headed down stairs for school. “Put on yo happy face nigga it’s show time” Randy said out loud. Grabbing his backpack he headed downstairs to where his mother was. “Good morning beautiful anything you need me to do before I head off to school” Randy ask kissing his mother on the cheek. “No baby mommy got everything now you know I got to rest six weeks since I had the baby I just want you to come straight home from practice and help prepare dinner” Stephanie said looking down at her new bundle of joy Ty’Keria. “Okay mommy get some rest now” Randy said kissing his mother again and rubbing his little sister stomach. “Damn man I can’t never do shit always got to come home and help around the house” he mumble to himself. “What my nigga you talking to yourself again DL” Randy homie Choppa Big Homie said. Everyone called Randy DL because everyone in his clique was aware of him living a double life. “Shit that shit up nigga and stop calling me DL before I body yo ass. You got a joint I need to hit some ma duke stressing a nigger out forreal. I got to come straight home after practice to help around the house since she had Keria shit have gotten worst. The no gooded ass nigga I kept warning her about up and left her a week before she had the baby yet she always on me about being a damn man when the nigga she fucking ain’t shit” Randy said with anger in his voice. “That’s how shit be that’s why I always tell you that you ain’t doing nothing wrong my nigga you lead by example and ma duke ain’t setting no example for you so do you my nigga” Choppa Big Homie said passing Randy the joint. “Yeah you right fuck that shit and the bullshit she been preaching me. Come on I can’t be late for class bro this term is almost over can’t fuck up now.” “Nigga you the only fool go to school I ain’t got shit to live for or work towards Ima holla at you later fena go try to sell these pills them new J’s post to be coming out tomorrow.” “Wait I thought you was go help ma duke pay yah’ll light bill.” “Nal fuck that shit if she want to fuck a nigga for free she can do that she always talking about how good her pussy is but the bitch stay broke. I got my priorities together I advise her to do the same thing.” Randy started to say something but just shook his head instead. “Ight homie see you later” Randy said patting the left side of his chest where the C was tatted at. Ring Ring Ring Randy heard the bell ring notifying him that he was late for his first period class. “Fuck ma dukes go kill me.” Running fast as he could to class Randy prayed that bitch ass Sanchez was late today like he was everyday. Stopping once he got close to the class Randy peeped inside of the classroom praying Sanchez was nowhere in sight. “Damn” Randy said under his debating on rather or not to turn around and go get a late pass Randy decided to take his chances and carefully open the door trying his best not to be notice. “Mr. Smith how nice of you to join us today. Is it a reason that you are late?” Sanchez ask. “Yes sir I was helping my mom with my baby sister my mom had thirty seven stitches and could barely move.” “You was helping your mom or you was talking to that Big Homie thug? I may be late to class but it is a reason why I am late I monitor this school to protect kids like you that have potential but chose to be victim to the streets we’ll finish this conversation after class have a seat.” Randy hung his head because Sanchez was right and if he knew what Randy thought he knew then it would only be matter of time before his mother find out. “Okay class pass up the homework open the book to page 398 the questions is on the board, and yes you guys do have a five minute pop quiz I notice alot of you aren't taking this class serious." Randy buried his head in the book. Ring Ring Ring the bell rung ending first period Randy watch as all the kids that didn’t read the chapter drug their feets to Sanchez desk to turn in their quiz papers. Waiting patiently for all the students to live the room Sanchez walked over to Randy desk. “Mr. Smith I will not keep you long, but I want to start off by saying that I am very disappointed in you I watch you smoke and drink in the back alley for three years but I never said anything until now. You have a lot of people fooled and your actions is going to hurt many that’s why I am bringing it to your attention that I am aware of your behavior and it will only be a matter of time before others notice. You come in here everyday smelling like weed you can barely keep your eyes open and is constantly jumping up and down scratching yourself like you are on drugs or something. Them boys you are hanging with are bad news and I hate that I waited this late to step to you. Joining gangs in the Bronx is a blood sacrifice not many of you young cats know that you just can’t up and leave them you either kill them or be killed there is no escape. I use to gang bang and I was on my death bed my mother was watching me take my final breaths and then a dove flew in my room out of nowhere I open my eyes and the room was so bright it was the kind of bright I never seen before it was beautiful, and I knew right then that God was with me and my family because I was sure it was my time to go. I was borned again and since then I been walking by faith and living my life the right way.” Randy stood up and looked Sanchez in his eyes “then why are you still here why aren’t you dead?” “I am covered in His blood but I know they are
still after me and everyday I am looking over my shoulders.’ “Well I have no worries because I am tough and can hold my own.” Sanchez chuckle you are book smart and street dumb these streets will eat you alive son. Have you ever open your door and found someone you loved in a box cut into pieces? I have. Have you ever witness your mother head being blown off in front of you? I have. Have you ever watch three gangs gang rape your sister? I have. You see lil soulja yah’ll cats not heartless how we was everything yah’ll doing now we did that at the age of eight hell six this is in our blood we didn’t wake up and decided to join a gang we was blood sacrifice. Ima pray for you Lil’ Randy me and your father use to run together and if you trying to be like your father or follow in his footsteps trust me when I say that he is highly disappointed your father ran three cities that he never step foot in. Randy stop while you can this is going to kill your mother you can go now.” Rand began to walk but stopped at the door “this conversation” “never happen Sanchez said cutting Randy off. Randy jogged to his last class laughing at him and Sanchez conversation.

  Back At Home

  Stephanie watch as her baby girl