Musings of a Usual Mind

of a Usual Mind

  By Smiran Bhandari

  © Copyright 2013 Smiran Bhandari. All rights reserved.

  Dedicated to Nilansha Tiwari. My love and my hope.

  Table of Contents:

  1.Gordon’s Shadow

  2.A day in a diary

  3.Memoirs of a sleepless traveler

  4.A dinner conversation

  5.A story about cocks and bulls-Doggy Style

  6.Hahaha

  7.Roger’s night out

  8.Him

  9.Raghav

  10. Merchant of Soul

  11. For your eyes only

  12. Dan

  13. Dan Part 2

  14. A funny thing happened

  15. The story of Alfred and Christopher, one Nihilist and the other Philosopher

  16. The curious mystery which happened on a tree

  17. A happening thing happened

  18. What is the purpose of living? The purpose is theorizing anything and everything

  19. A modern fairy tale

  20. Ram Mohan Roy

  21. SAB titled

  22. Smiran’s fable

  23. Kyunki Killer

  24. Robbie

  25. Tom’s day out

  26. A bad hair day

  27. The symphony of life

  28. The axis of evil

  Authors note:

  I was in two minds about publishing these short stories. I had a feeling that perhaps my stories are too negative and depressing and may exacerbate people’s sadness. Nevertheless and as can be seen, I have published the stories. Not doing so would have overestimated the reader’s fragility to disturbing thoughts and ideas.

  But, I have done my duty by warning the readers of what lies ahead. So if you are the kind of person who gets too emotional by ideas of suffering and torment, reading further is not advisable.

  Thank you.

  Smiran Bhandari

  Gordon's Shadow

  Gordon had difficulty connecting to people. He could speak to people as long as speech was functional. But as soon as speech would convert into anything near conversation, Gordon would clam up. His mind would stop working, words would dry up and his outward demeanor would change for the worse. People would generally take this as a cue to say goodbye and usually made a mental note to avoid the awkward situation in the future. Gordon had taken steps to treat his social awkwardness but no amount of personality development courses could cure the mental breakdown he would face while conversing with people. Unfortunately, most people mistook his lack of social skills for mental retardation. His office colleagues made snide remarks about him even when he was within earshot not realizing that Gordon could comprehend and feel the pain. His expressionless face would mask the humiliation and the frustration but he would feel the pain nevertheless. Even though he was good at his job as a machinist, he could never make progress in his career. He did not mind the lack of career upgradation as much as he minded the lack of human contact. Gordon's age was 33 and let alone marriage he had not even dated yet.

  The only reason Gordon had survived was due to his 4 pet dogs. All of them stray ones. Somehow, he could connect with stray dogs and he especially bonded with the 4 dogs he kept as pets. He had never talked to his dogs like he had seen the other dog owners do. But the dogs never minded. The dogs loved his company and this is what kept Gordon going.

  Gordon was once feeding his dogs with milk and biscuits when he heard a meek voice behind him say "Can I play with the dogs as well Sir?” It was his 9 year old next door neighbor. They had never met before but it seemed the kid had a liking for dogs. "Yes. Ofcourse" Gordon replied. "Wow. Thanks a lot. That’s really nice of you. I love dogs. By the way, I am Steve. What's your name?

  Gordon waited for the usual clamming up sensation which would engulf him and would make him stutter his name nervously. But this time something was different. "Gordon" he replied confidently and clearly and with a smile to boot. Maybe it was the kid's enthusiasm and his cheery tone of voice or maybe it was the shared affinity of two dog lovers. Nevertheless, Gordon, for the first time in a long while, did not mind conversing.

  "What are their names Mr. Gordon?"

  Gordon had never thought of naming his dogs. The thought of calling out his dog's name had never occurred to him. But saying all of this to the kid would surely disappoint him. Gordon replied “This one you see here, he keeps scratching his ears. So I have named him scratchy"

  "Scratchy. Hahaha". Laughter. The sweet sound of laughter. Gordon had forgotten how to make anyone laugh. Steve's laughter was the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

  "And what about this dog, Mr. Gordon. He is so monstrous. What's his name?"

  'I have named him Little John" Gordon replied with a smile.

  "Hahahahahaha" Steve broke into uncontrollable laughter "Just like in Robin Hood. And what about this dog Mr. Gordon" pointing to a completely black dog.

  "Oh. That's Shadow. She is dark and she always follows me around. Just like me Shadow"

  "Wow. That's so cool. And what about this dog. The one wagging its tail"

  "That’s Gordon Junior. He reminds me of me. You can call him Junior if you want"

  "Yes. He is like you. Mysterious, but kind. You are an awesome neighbor, Mr. Gordon. Will you be my friend?"

  "Yes, ofcourse. I will be glad to" Gordon replied happily.

  "Thanks! Gotta run now Mr. Gordon. Mum might get worried. See you later!"

  "Bye Steve"

  Gordon could not remember the last time he had felt so happy. He went into his garage and quietly threw something into the dustbin. It was the rope he was planning to kill himself with.

  A day in a diary

  Tue, 21 Mar: This is one of those days where you feel the whole world conspires to ensure you remain bogged down.

  After 8 days of sobbing over Ted and not leaving my room I had finally mustered the courage to go to office and face my colleagues. Ted was the most difficult person to face but even though I am weak, I did go to office. When I entered it was with my head held high. The 8 day break had sobered me up. I knew I had to put everything behind me and get on with work. Trust me, I had done my best and had wanted to put my best foot forward. But as I entered my office, I saw people glaring at me and staring at me and mocking me. Their face had that look where you try to control your grin when someone trips on a banana skin and makes a fool of themselves. I instantly realized that people had been talking behind my back and most possibly making fun of me. But as I told you before, I was planning to put my best foot forward. I just tried to shake off the feeling of foreboding and humiliation that was engulfing me by brushing off the stares and the glares as mere office gossip. I just kept walking until I reached my cubicle.

  I knew office work would prove to be a good distraction so I started organizing my pending work. Heartbreak, it seemed, was not a good enough reason to take a long break. Some people wanted to prove that point by giving me more work than necessary. But I did not mind. More work meant less thoughts of Ted. And so I got about my work. I prepared a report diligently for 3 hours but I reached a point where I just could not go on. I just had to see Ted. I was trying to convince myself that I had stopped loving Ted but it wasn't that easy. I had really loved him. Sincerely. Fine, he did not love me in return but we did share some special moments. How was I supposed to forget all of that? These were the thoughts that were going on in my head at that time. So I decided to take a 10 minute break and just go to the floor where Ted generally hung out. The coffee floor. I would just pretend that I was dropping in to have a cup of coffee. And if I was lucky I would see Ted and maybe even say hi to him politely. I had made up my mind I would be extra civil to Ted. And make sure he did not realize how much the b
reak-up had affected me.

  I took the lift to the coffee shop and there he was surrounded by a couple of his guy friends. He did not seem sad by any stretch of imagination. That was the first thing I noticed. Infact he seemed to be having a jolly good time. He was being really witty and humorous and was making his friends laugh heartily.

  Ted’s back was towards me and so he could not see me when I took a few steps towards him. When I came within earshot I suddenly realized I was the topic of conversation. "And she was wailing like a Banshee 'But Ted what will I ever do without you. You completed me. Please don't leave me. I love you.' And I was thinking to myself 'Ted, you really have to get rid of her. She is so clingy. The melodrama and the soap opera seems interesting for a while but after a point of time you feel like saying CUT THE CRAP"

  Each sentence that he was saying was hitting me like a slap. Their laughter was nauseating me. I could not breathe. I knew I would fall if I did not lean against the wall. I felt like letting out a scream but the comparison with the Banshee was stuck in my head. The way he had mimicked me. All of a sudden, I realized the reason for the stares and the glares. It was not mere office gossip. It was something really disgusting.

  I desperately tried to control my tears and almost ran to the restroom where I burst out crying immediately. It does not feel good to write all this. But I can’t help it. Nobody else cares to listen and I can’t suppress it anymore...

  Memoirs of a sleepless traveler

  I have a particularly mixed record of sleeping during train journeys. In some fortunate journeys, I fall asleep instantaneously.