1 2 3 Disappear

1, 2, 3 Disappear

  By

  Sharon Abimbola Salu

  Copyright © 2014 by Sharon Abimbola Salu

  Cover Image from Shutterstock

  Short Stories:

  The Piano Book

  Nosa's Wedding

  Three Mangoes

  The Last Komole

  Stay in Berlin

  Novellas:

  Bewaji's Ankara Adventures: A Novella (The Aso-Ebi Chronicles, Part 1)

  Connect with Sharon

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  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

  Table of Contents

  1, 2, 3 Disappear

  About the Author

  1, 2, 3 Disappear

  Twice it had happened that morning, and Mrs. Phillips was losing her patience. She had called this boy almost five times, before he finally answered. Dotun had only worked for a week, and she was already counting down to the day when she would kick him out of her house. Yes, she had a date picked. One has to be ready for such things, if every single house help you've hired in the last six months has left under less-than-pleasant circumstances. That was Mrs. Phillips' experience and she was ready for Dotun. He was already displaying what she termed the "warning signs," and strongly believed that to be forewarned was to be forearmed.

  According to her limited, though varied experience, the warning signs of a house help who was going to leave included the following: spending extended hours running errands and doing chores that normally took less than 30 minutes, breaking expensive china plates, stealing food and anything else that was not glued to the floors of the house, and most importantly, a sour attitude. The sour attitude was the part Mrs. Phillips could not deal with as it was usually prefaced by feet dragging and ended with mumbling under the breath. The rest of the signs were dealt with immediately using threats.

  The most popular threat, which was uttered in loud tones in Yoruba, accompanied by much finger-shaking, and menacing looks, was "If you break another plate, I will use it to draw tribal marks on your face." Mrs. Phillips had never resorted to actually mutilating any of her house helps, but with Dotun's behavior, she was veering dangerously close to putting her words into action. She had never had any house help who was so stubborn. But then, Dotun was her first house boy.

  It might be worth noting that Dotun had just turned 11 when he was brought to come and live with Mrs. Phillips. The woman was nearing 60, and lived alone, her husband having passed away the year before. Her children - she had three - were all grown up and did not live anywhere near Lagos. They all lived in Abuja, the federal capital city. The suggestion to get a house help came from her daughter, Sayo, who visited her mother every month, and was worried that seeing her mother once a month was not enough to make sure she was properly cared for. This was barely two months after their father passed away.

  After discussing the idea with her siblings, for Sayo was the eldest, they agreed that their mother needed to have someone living with her who would take care of the household chores and also keep her company if needed. Mrs. Phillips was a quiet person, and her husband's death had made her even more reserved. She welcomed the idea because she also saw that the enforced solitude she faced was not going to benefit her. That was when the hunt for the perfect companion, or shall we say, house help, began.

  Aside from Dotun, six house helps had worked for Mrs. Phillips in the preceding months, and they were all girls. Except for Mama Joy, who was certainly not a girl. She was a woman. The size of her hips, which made a good case for eating fewer carbohydrates, suggested that it had been at least two decades, and five children, since Mama Joy was referred to as a girl. Or a maiden. She was Number 6. But it is best to start with Number 1.

  Number 1 was Gloria. She was a very attractive, fair-skinned girl of 16, who had no qualms about doing laundry. In fact, that was her forte. Mrs. Phillips could swear that she had never seen her whites cleaner than when Gloria washed the filth out of them. However, Mrs. Phillips was a good Christian woman, and she did not swear. Aloud. Gloria was far from perfect though. She had two major weaknesses, which accounted for her short stay: cooking and men. Gloria was a poor cook and as the days passed by, her employer developed a genuine fear of being poisoned. Not deliberately, of course. But whether by accident or premeditation, Mrs. Phillips had no intention of dying from food cooked in her own house, let alone by a teenager.

  Gloria's other weakness was men. At odd hours of the day, there would be knocks on the door from strangers, and when her Madam asked who was at the door, Gloria's reply was usually "Oh, someone asking for directions, ma" or "The man wey dey live for that white house down the street, ma" or even one time "Na these Jehovah witness people, ma." Wondering why her house had suddenly become the port of call for all these strangers who happened to be men, Mrs. Phillips set out to uncover the truth behind these unwelcome visits.

  Alas! Before Mrs. Phillips had a chance to investigate, what she feared the most came to pass. Gloria came to her one night, with tears streaming down her pretty face, and confessed to her Madam that she was pregnant. A shocked Madam asked her who was responsible, and she uttered the name Dauda.

  "Which Dauda? Isn't that the name of Otunba Adekunle's gateman?" Mrs. Phillips asked in a voice that was devoid of empathy.

  "N-n-n-o-o-o, ma," Gloria stuttered. "Dauda na de mechanic wey dey--"

  `A quick slap across the face ended Gloria's explanation.

  "You got pregnant for a mechanic?" Mrs. Phillips asked, as if she felt that getting pregnant for a gateman would have been far more prestigious or easier to swallow than getting pregnant for a mechanic. The timing of the revelation made it necessary for Mrs. Phillips to desist from immediate judgment. But the following morning, she sent Gloria packing.

  Number 2 was Esther. She was four years younger than Gloria, but not as good with the laundry. Her cooking skills were passable, and she would have stayed longer, save for one thing: her singing. While doing the chores, Esther would sing very sorrowful, heart-wrenching songs, in a language that Mrs. Phillips did not understand. The girl's pain was evidenced by the torrent of tears that usually followed these solos. She was crying because she missed her family very much, and this was the first time she had lived outside her home. Depression is contagious, and soon enough, Mrs. Phillips found herself inconsolably sad whenever Esther was around the house. Finally, one day, Mrs. Phillips decided that although Esther had a beautiful voice, she was not prepared to die of depression. So, she sent Esther packing, to be reconciled with the family she missed so much.

  Philomena, who everyone called "Philo," was a cheerful, round-faced, diligent worker, and she was Number 3. She was 17 when she came to work for Mrs. Phillips. Unfortunately, she soon discovered that Philo was a sneaky little liar. Whenever she sent the girl to the market, she would buy every single item on the list alright. But, Philo inflated the prices so much that Mrs. Phillips began to wonder if the girl had been crossing the border to go to source the items sh
e was told to buy. She always came back with tales of how the prices of foodstuff had gone up exponentially, or how the bus fare had tripled over night. It did not take too long for Madam to discover Philo's deception, after she visited the same market herself and ascertained that her housemaid had been exaggerating and pocketing the change. Philo was promptly fired to go and continue her life as a career criminal.

  Number 4 and Number 5, Mary and Mercy respectively, were sisters. Mary came to work with Mrs. Phillips and was fired after two weeks for insubordination. The girl was rude, and perhaps her age accounted for this: she was 22. Mrs. Phillips' good friend, Mrs. Towobola, was the one who had brought Mary to her. After apologizing for the girl's ways, she offered to bring in Mary's sister, Mercy, who was the very picture of humility, Mrs. Towobola said. Although she was hesitant to hire another maid from the same family, Mrs. Phillips decided to give it a shot. That was how Mercy, who was 18, came to work for her.

  Mrs. Towobola was right. Mercy was very humble and well-mannered, and Madam wondered how she could possibly be Mary's sister. She was sure that Mercy would be with her for a very long time. Unfortunately, Mrs. Phillips