How It Is

  before Pim the journey part one right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards halt nap a sardine or suchlike tongue in the mud an image or two little scenes mute words hang on off again push pull all that part one but before that again

  another story leave it dark no the same story not two stories leave it dark all the same like the rest a little darker a few words all the same a few old words like for the rest stop panting let it stop

  try and hear a few old words on and off string them together in a phrase a few phrases try and see how it can possibly have been not before Pim that’s done part one before that again vast stretch of time

  two there were two of us his hand on my arse someone had come Bom Bem one syllable m at the end all that matters Bem had come to cleave to me see later Pim and me I had come to cleave to Pim the same thing except that me Pim Bem me Bem left me south

  Bem come to cleave to me where I lay abandoned to give me a name his name to give me a life make me talk of a life said to have been mine above in the light before I fell all the already said part two with Pim another part two before part one except that me Pim Bem me Bem left me south I hear it murmur it in the mud

  together then life in common me Bem he Bem we Bem vast stretch of time until the day hear day say day murmur it don’t be ashamed as if there were an earth a sun moments of less dark more dark there laugh

  dark bright those words each time they come night day shadow light that family the wish to laugh each time no sometimes three every ten four every fifteen that ratio try sometimes same ratio succeed sometimes same ratio

  bright dark that family for every hundred times they come three laughs four laughs brought off the kind that convulse an instant resurrect an instant then leave for deader than before

  until the day murmur day don’t be ashamed when to his surprise something there Bem alone in the dark the mud and end for him of that part for me too to my surprise too something there too as I depart right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards towards Pim unwitting long long journey

  time to forget all lose all be ignorant of all whence I come whither I go frequent halts brief naps a sardine tongue in the mud loss of the speech so dearly regained a few images skies homes little scenes falls half out of species brief movements of the lower no sound loss of the noble name of Bem part one before Pim how it was vast stretch of time it’s done

  it’s come it’s said it’s murmured in the mud how it was not before Pim that’s done part one before that again vast stretch of time very pretty but not right something wrong something quite wrong

  it’s the sack Pim left me without his sack he left his sack with me I left my sack with Bem I’ll leave my sack with Bom I left Bem without my sack to go towards Pim it’s the sack

  Bem then I was with Bem before going towards Pim I left Bem then without my sack and yet that sack that I had going towards Pim part one that sack that I had

  that sack then that I did not have on leaving Bem and that I had going towards Pim not knowing I had left anyone was going towards anyone that sack then that I had I must have found it there’s reason in me yet that sack without which no journey

  a sack no doing without a sack without food when you journey as we have seen should have seen part one no doing without them it’s regulated thus we’re regulated thus

  leaving then without a sack I had a sack I had found it on my way there is that difficulty overcome we leave our sacks to those who do not need them we take their sacks from those who soon will need them we leave without a sack we find one on our way we can continue on our way

  a sack that if one died here one might say had belonged to one dead at last having let it go at the last then sunk beneath the mud but no and so a simple sack pure and simple a small coal-sack to the feel five stone six stone wet jute food inside

  a simple sack then pure and simple that no sooner on our way without food or thought of ever finding any or memory of ever having had any or notion of ever needing any we find no sooner on our way in the dark the mud for a journey that would otherwise be brief and is not brief vast stretch of time and appropriate to ourselves and lose a little before arrival together with the uneaten food as we have seen part one how it was before Pim

  more sacks here then than souls infinitely if we journey infinitely and what infinite loss without profit there is that difficulty overcome something wrong there

  at the instant I leave Bem another leaves Pim and let us be at that instant one hundred thousand strong then fifty thousand departures fifty thousand abandoned no sun no earth nothing turning the same instant always everywhere

  at the instant I reach Pim another reaches Bem we are regulated thus our justice wills it thus fifty thousand couples again at the same instant the same everywhere with the same space between them it’s mathematical it’s our justice in this muck where all is identical our ways and way of faring right leg right arm push pull

  as long as I with Pim the other with Bem a hundred thousand prone glued two by two together vast stretch of time nothing stirring save the tormentors those whose turn it is on and off right arm claw the armpit for the song carve the scriptions plunge the opener pestle the kidney all the needful

  at the instant Pim leaves me and goes towards the other Bem leaves the other and comes towards me I place myself at my point of view migration of slime-worms then or tailed latrinal scissiparous frenzy days of great gaiety

  at the instant Pim reaches the other to form again with him the only couple he forms apart from the one with me Bem reaches me to form with me the only couple he forms apart from the one with the other

  illumination here Bem is therefore Bom or Bom Bem and the voice quaqua from which I get my life these scraps of life in me when the panting stops of three things one

  when according to me it said Bem speaking of how it was before the journey part one and Bom speaking of how it will be after the abandon part three and last it said in reality

  it said in reality in the one case as in the other either Bem solely or solely Bom

  or it said in reality now Bem now Bom through carelessness or inadvertence not realizing that it varied I personify it it personifies itself

  or finally it passed prepensely from the one to the other according as it spoke of how it was before the journey or of how it will be after the abandon through ignorance not realizing that Bem and Bom could only be one and the same

  that it was vain to wish for him an unfamiliar guise whose coming it announced right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards

  that he was necessarily that ancient other whom it said I had suffered then forsaken to go towards Pim as Pim me suffered then forsaken to go towards his other

  to no unwitting all here unwitting our justice go never from never towards

  unwitting that each always leaves the same always goes towards the same always loses the same always goes towards him who leaves him always leaves him who goes towards him our justice

  millions millions there are millions of us and there are there I place myself at my point of view Bem is Bom Bom Bem let us say Bom it’s preferable Bom then me and Pim me in the middle

  so in me I quote on when the panting stops scraps of that ancient voice on itself its errors and exactitudes on us millions on us three our couples journeys and abandons on me alone I quote on my imaginary journeys imaginary brothers in me when the panting stops that was without quaqua on all sides bits and scraps I murmur them

  a voice which if I had a voice I might have taken for mine which at the instant I hear it I quote on is also heard by him whom Bom left to come towards me and by him to go towards whom Pim left me and if we are a million strong by the other 499997 abandoned

  the same voice the same things nothing changing but the names and hardly they two are enough nameless each awaits his Bom nameless goes towards his Pim

  Bom to the abandoned not me Bom you Bom we Bom but me Bom you Pim I to the abandoned not me Pim you Pim we Pim but me Bom you Pim something very
wrong there so eternally I quote on something lost there

  so eternally now Bom now Pim something wrong there according as left or right north or south tormentor or victim these words too strong tormentor always of the same and victim always of the same and now alone journeying abandoned all alone nameless all these words too strong almost all a little too strong I say it as I hear it

  or one alone one name alone the noble name of Pim and I hear wrong or the voice says wrong and when I hear Bom or it says Bom in me when the panting stops the scrap Bom that was without quaqua on all sides

  when I hear or in fact it says that before going towards Pim part one I was with Bom as Pim with me part two

  and that at this moment part three right leg right arm push pull Bom towards me as I towards Pim part one

  it’s Pim that should be heard Pim that should have been said that I was with Pim before going towards Pim part one and that at this moment part three Pim towards me as I towards Pim part one right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards

  a million then if a million strong a million Pims now motionless agglutinated two by two in the interests of torment too strong five hundred thousand little heaps colour of mud and now a thousand thousand nameless solitaries half abandoned half abandoning

  and three if three when in me the panting stops this voice which was without quaqua on all sides when I hear it speak of millions and of three which if I had a voice I quote a little heart a little head I might take for mine then I alone hear it who alone am abandoned

  alone murmur of millions and of three our journeys couples and abandons and the name we give to one another and give and give again

  alone hear these scraps and murmur them in the mud to the mud my two companions as we have seen being on their way he who is coming towards me and he who is going from me something wrong there that is to say each in his part one

  or in his part five or nine or thirteen so on

  correct

  whereas the voice as we have seen peculiar to part three or seven or eleven or fifteen so on just as the couple to part two or four or six or eight so on

  correct

  assuming one prefers the order here proposed namely one the journey two the couple three the abandon to that to those to be obtained by starting with the abandon and ending with the journey by way of the couple or by starting with the couple and ending with the

  with the couple

  by way of the abandon

  or of the journey

  correct

  something wrong there

  and if on the contrary I alone then no further problem a solution which without a serious effort of the imagination it would seem difficult to avoid

  as for example our course a closed curve and let us be numbered 1 to 1000000 then number 1000000 on leaving his tormentor number 999999 instead of launching forth into the wilderness towards an inexistent victim proceeds towards number 1

  and number 1 forsaken by his victim number 2 does not remain eternally bereft of tormentor since this latter as we have seen in the person of number 1000000 is approaching with all the speed he can muster right leg right arm push pull ten yards fifteen yards

  and three if only three of us and so numbered only 1 to 3 four rather it’s preferable clearer picture if only four of us and so numbered only 1 to 4

  then two places only at the extremities of the greatest chord say A and B for the four couples the four abandoned

  two tracks only of a semi-orbit each say how shall we say AB and BA for the travellers

  let me for example be numbered 1 it’s not asking a great deal and at a given moment find myself abandoned that is to say again abandoned at the extremity A of the great chord and assuming we turn deasil

  then before I can find myself again at the same point and in much the same state I shall have been successively

  victim of number 4 at A en route along AB tormentor of number 2 at B abandoned again but this time at B victim again of number 4 but this time at B en route again but this time along BA tormentor of number 2 again but this time at A and finally abandoned again at A and all set to begin again

  correct

  for each one of us then if only four of us before the initial situation can be restored two abandons two journeys four couplings of which two on the left or north tormenting always the same in my case number 2 and two on the right or south tormented always by the same in my case number 4

  as for number 3 I do not know him nor consequently he me just as number 2 and number 4 do not know each other

  for each of us then if only four of us one of us for ever unknown or known only by repute there is that possibility

  I frequent number 4 and number 2 in my quality of victim and tormentor respectively and number 2 and number 4 frequent number 3 in their quality of tormentor and victim respectively

  possible then in principle that to number 3 on the one hand through my victim whose victim he is and on the other through my tormentor whose tormentor he is possible then I repeat I quote in principle that to number 3 I am not a total stranger without our ever having occasion to meet

  similarly if a million strong each knows personally only his tormentor and victim in other words him who comes immediately behind him and him who goes immediately before him

  and by them alone is personally known

  but may quite conceivably in principle know by repute the 999997 others whom by virtue of his position in the round he has never occasion to meet

  and by repute by them be known

  for take twenty consecutive numbers

  no matter which no matter which it is irrelevant

  814326 to 814345

  number 814327 may speak misnomer the tormentors being mute as we have seen part two may speak of number 814326 to number 814328 who may speak of him to number 814329 who may speak of him to number 814330 and so on to number 814345 who in this way may know number 814326 by repute

  similarly number 814326 may know by repute number 814345 number 814344 having spoken of him to number 814343 and this last to number 814342 and this last to number 814341 and so back to number 814326 who in this way may know number 814345 by repute

  rumour transmissible ad infinitum in either direction

  from left to right through the confidences of the tormentor to his victim who repeats them to his

  from right to left through the confidences of the victim to his tormentor who repeats them to his

  all these words I repeat I quote on victims tormentors confidences repeat quote I and the others all these words too strong I say it again as I hear it again murmur it again to the mud infinitum alone commensurate with us

  but question to what purpose

  for when number 814336 describes number 814337 to number 814335 and number 814335 to number 814337 for example he is merely in fact describing himself to two lifelong acquaintances

  so to what purpose

  moreover the thing would appear to be impossible

  for number 814336 as we have seen by the time he reaches number 814337 has long since forgotten all he ever knew of number 814335 as completely as though he had never been and by the time number 814335 reaches him as we have also seen has long since forgotten all he ever knew of number 814337 vast stretch of time

  so true it is that here one knows one’s tormentor only as long as it takes to suffer him and one’s victim only as long as it takes to enjoy him if as long

  and these same couples that eternally form and form again all along this immense circuit that the millionth time that’s conceivable is as the inconceivable first and always two strangers uniting in the interests of torment

  and when on the unpredictable arse for the millionth time the groping hand descends that for the hand it is the first arse for the arse the first hand

  something wrong there

  so true the panting stops I hear it I murmur it to the mud so true all that is

  so no acquaintance by hearsay and as for the other or personal acquired by
frequentation that which with his tormentor on the one hand with his victim on the other each one of us may boast as for it

  when you think of the couple we were Pim and I part two and shall be again part six ten fourteen so on each time for the unthinkable first when you think of that

  what we were then each for himself and for the other

  glued together like a single body in the dark the mud

  how at each instant each ceased and was there no more either for himself or for the other vast tracts of time

  and when we came back to be together for an instant again when you think of that

  cruelty suffering so paltry and brief

  the paltry need of a life a voice of one who has neither

  the voice extorted a few words life because of cry that’s the proof good and deep no more is needed a little cry all is not dead one drinks one gives to drink goodbye

  they were I quote good moments somehow or other good moments when you think

  Pim and me part two and Bom and me part four what that will be

  to say after that that we knew each other personally even then

  glued together like a single body in the dark the mud

  motionless but for one right arm brief flurry on and off all the needful

  to say after that that I knew Pim that Pim knew me and Bom and I that we shall know each other even fleetingly

  you may say yes and you may say no it depends on what you hear

  it’s no I’m sorry no one here knows anyone either personally or otherwise it’s the no that turns up I murmur it

  and no again I’m sorry again no one here knows himself it’s the place without knowledge whence no doubt its peerlessness

  whether four then revolving or a million four strangers a million strangers to themselves to one another but here I quote on we do not revolve

  that is above in the light where their space is measured here the straight line the straight line eastward strange and death in the west as a rule

  so neither four nor a million

  nor ten million nor twenty million nor any finite number even or uneven however great because of our justice which wills that not one were we fifty million not a single one among us be wronged