Effortless, Page 24

Chapter 24

 

  Trying Again

  I gave Kellan a few moments of peace, to collect himself, then I went searching for him. I found him in his room, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. I didn't know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. His face was blank, expressionless, and I thought that maybe he was just trying to not feel anything.

  Leaning against his doorframe, I stared at him for long seconds. He didn't acknowledge my presence, just kept staring at the wall. Containing a sigh, I whispered, "Can I come in?"

  He inhaled and looked over at me. Nodding, he twisted back to stare at the wall. Glancing at the spot he was staring at, I noticed something I hadn't before. There was a circular section of the wall where the plaster was smooth, not textured like the rest of the wall. It was fist-sized. I bit my lip, hating the thought of Kellan hurting himself by punching a wall. It hadn't happened while I'd been here, so it must have been from before. . . maybe right after his parents had died.

  Sitting beside him on the bed, I laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't do anything at first, then he sighed and laid his head on mine.

  "I'm sorry if that was harsh, Kiera. I'm just. . . don't push me on this one, okay?"

  Knowing this was exactly why he'd kept this secret from me in the first place, I nodded on his shoulder. "Alright, Kellan. "

  We stayed quietly resting against each other for several minutes. I listened to his even breath, so long absent from my ear. I placed my hand over his heart, just to feel the steady beat. Closing my eyes, I whispered, "How long do you have? Until you have to go back?" I knew he'd left abruptly, just to surprise me, and I also knew he was incredibly busy, prepping the new album. I had to imagine that I didn't have very long with him.

  He confirmed that with one long sigh. "I have a flight in the morning, well, in a few hours now. "

  I felt the tears prick my eyes. It was almost cruller that he'd come back only to be ripped away again. But not really. We'd needed this break. We'd needed these conversations. Clutching his shirt under my fingertips, I wished things were different. I wished he could stay here with me.

  "I wish you didn't have to go. . . "

  He lifted his head off mine and I peeked up at him. Shaking his head, he bunched his brows. "Do you still want to be with me?" he whispered, looking afraid of my answer.

  Blinking, I pulled back to search his face. "Of course. " My hand reached up to brush his cheek. "I'm in love with you. Of course, I still want to be with you. "

  He smiled and looked down. "I know I'm not the easiest person to love. . . I thought maybe you'd had enough. . . "

  Was he joking? I watched his eyes, downcast, sullen, and realized he wasn't. He really didn't see anything of value in himself to love. And why would he, when the people he'd loved the most, and I truly did believe he'd loved his parents, despite their cruelties, hadn't been able to give him an ounce of love in return. Sometimes family was the cruelest form of love there was, for no one could hurt you more than the people who created you.

  Forcing his head up, making him look at me, I gave him a warm smile. "Loving you, Kellan, is so easy, it's effortless. " His smile matched mine, then I frowned and sighed. "Trusting you. . . that's the hard part. "

  He sighed, his eyes dropping. "We messed up, didn't we?"

  "What do you mean?"

  Peeking back up at me, he shrugged. "How we got together, the lies, the betrayals. . . we doomed ourselves before we even started. " He shook his head. "We love each other so much. . . and we don't trust each other at all. "

  Hearing the fears that I'd had myself being spoken out loud by him made my eyes water, made my stomach tighten. Was it even possible to stay together? Maybe we shouldn't. Love. . . wasn't always enough. And love without trust. . . was that even love? Maybe all we had was lust after all.

  Imagining never being with him again, imagining ending things right here made me start to hyperventilate. We couldn't end. . . we just couldn't. We did love each other. It wasn't just lust. I loved him so much it nearly brought me to my knees.

  I wrapped my arms around him as my breaths came in sharp pulls. "Don't leave me," I begged, when I found the air to speak.

  Kellan wrapped his arms around me just as tight. Voice cracking, he murmured, "I won't. . . I'm yours, Kiera, for as long as you want me. "

  Pulling back, I cupped his face. "Forever, I want you forever. "

  Gazing at me, a tear finally fell down his cheek and over my fingers. "I want that too, Kiera. "

  I brought my lips to his, needing to feel the love behind our intense connection, not just the fire. It swept through me instantly, growing in my chest until it was nearly painful. Silently, our lips and the occasional sniffle the only sound, we undressed each other.

  When he laid me back on his sheets, his eyes swept down the length of my body. The heat his gaze usually gave me wasn't there. I still wanted him, intensely, but what was burning through my body, through my soul, was the need to connect with him. To comfort him. To show him that someone in the world cared about him. I wanted to give myself to him in a way that left me completely bare and open. And I wanted him to do the same for me.

  Cupping his cheek, I urged him on top of me. Our gazes locked as I wrapped my legs around him. When he slowly slid into me, we both opened our mouths, but neither one of us closed our eyes. He searched my face as we silently began to move together. I felt tears stinging as I whispered, "I love you, Kellan. . . only you. "

  His eyes watered and he briefly closed his eyes. Opening them he murmured, "And I only love you. . . I will only ever love you. "

  He lowered his head to kiss me, our bodies still moving slow and steady. When I felt the buildup of my love for him coming to an apex, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. He squeezed me back just as hard. Slowing our pace instead of increasing it, I started to shake with the impending release.

  Kellan grabbed my cheek, sucking in a breath as he quickly kissed me. "I love you. God, I love you so much. . . "

  He let out a quick exhale, his body shuddering as he came. I squeezed him tight as the intensity washed through me. I babbled some incoherent phrase about loving him more than life itself, and cinched my body around him as the joy flooded every muscle, every nerve, every cell in my body.

  Tingling with good feelings, we slumped against each other. Wordlessly, Kellan repositioned us and curled into my body. Kissing my hair, he whispered, "I promise I won't keep anything from you again. "

  I nodded and kissed him back, the tears re-stinging my eyes. "And I promise that I won't keep anything either. "

  He nodded and we clung to each other. We'd try again. It was all we could do.

  I woke up to my favorite thing in the world, a steaming cup of coffee, practically under my nose. Kellan was squatting on my side of the bed, holding it out to me, a content smile on his face, and I reconsidered what my favorite thing in the world was. Smiling, I ignored the cup and reached out for him.

  "Hey," I whispered, my lips lightly brushing his.

  "Mornin'," he whispered back.

  I giggled at the words I'd missed so much, then carefully grabbed the cup in his hand. "You are a Godsend," I murmured, taking a sip.

  Chuckling, he ran a hand back through my hair. "You and coffee. . . "

  I flushed as I pulled the cup away. Fighting back remnants of sleep, since I really hadn't had much the night before, I glanced at his clock. "What time is your flight?"

  I looked back at him and he smiled wider. "I have to go soon. " It was only then that I noticed that he was already wearing his jacket, and his hair was slightly damp around the edges from a recent shower. Wow, I guess I'd been exceptionally tired. Breaking up will do that to you.

  I sat up, sloshing a bit of coffee over my mug. "Well, I'll get ready. I'll come with you. "

  Rescuing my cup from my frantic hands, Kellan set it on the nightstand and shook his head at me. "No, I want you t
o stay here and relax. " I frowned at him and he smiled. "Every separation between us seems to be long and dramatic, like we're never going to see each other again. " He ran the back of his knuckle over my cheek. "It's like we're. . . savoring every moment because we both think it might be the last. "

  I bit my lip and nodded; I'd had those same thoughts. Kellan grinned, seeing my agreeance. "So, let's break out of that cycle. " Inhaling deep, he sat up straighter. "Goodbye, sweetheart. I have to go to work. "

  Grinning at him, I shrugged. "See ya. "

  Laughing at me, he shook his head and leaned in for a kiss. "Keep the bed warm for me," he murmured against my mouth. I was giggling when he pulled away. "I'll call you when I land. "

  I nodded. As if on cue, his phone in his jacket chirped. I glanced at his pocket and raised an eyebrow. Kellan rolled his eyes and sighed. Pulling his phone out, he glanced at the number. "That would be my father with his morning message. " He raised an eyebrow at me. "There will be an afternoon and an evening one, I'm sure. "

  He hit the end button without even reading it. I frowned. "Don't you even read them?"

  Sniffling, he put his phone back in his pocket. "No. I never read them and I never respond. " Lowering his head, he glanced up at me. "That's why I freaked out when you were going to. I don't want him to be. . . encouraged. " He looked up at me fully. "I want him to stop. "

  I bit my lip, hard, wanting to object but knowing that Kellan wasn't going to budge on the matter, and he'd get mad if I started in on him again. I nodded, then a question slipped out without my permission. "What does your sister think about you ignoring him?"

  Kellan sighed and moved to sit on the bed beside me. "She thinks I'm being stubborn. She doesn't understand why I'm hurting him by refusing to. . . " He stopped talking and pulled his phone back out. "She asks me to give him a chance, every time I talk to her. "

  "Wise girl," I muttered.

  Kellan heard me and lifted an eyebrow. Not wanting to start an argument, I held out my hand for the phone. "Can I read it?" Kellan narrowed his eyes and I quickly added, "I won't respond," I shrugged, "but I feel like someone should at least read them. "

  Kellan pondered it for a moment, then slowly gave me his phone. I wanted to jump for joy at the level of trust he'd just shown me. Maybe there was hope for us yet. Not wanting to betray that trust, I held the phone in one hand, found my way to his inbox and opened the missed message. Then I held the phone in my palm, all of my text-writing digits away from the device.

  I read the message Kellan refused to, and tears stung my eyes. 'Please, talk to me today. There's so much I need to tell you. '

  Biting my lip, I flipped to another. 'I know you're angry, but please don't shut me out. '

  And another. 'I can be a part of your life, if you let me. Please call me. '

  I flipped to a few more and they were all similar-I need to talk to you, please call me, I want to explain-and even one, near the end of the saved messages on Kellan's phone, that read, 'I regret leaving. Let me make it up to you. . . son. '

  I had to wipe away a tear at that one. It was the message dated Christmas morning. If Kellan had just let me read it. . . all these months of secrets and held-back truths wouldn't have happened. Things between Kellan and I wouldn't have been nearly as strained.

  Seeing my reaction, Kellan whispered, "What. . . what did he say?"

  Sighing, I shook my head and handed him the phone. He didn't look at it as he put it in his pocket. "He just wants a chance to explain. He wants to get to know you. " I placed my hand on his cheek. "He regrets leaving you, Kellan. "

  Kellan's eyes misted and he nodded. Swallowing a couple of times, he stood up. "I should get going. "

  Staring up at him, at the moody, gorgeous, soulful man that he was, I smiled and hoped he'd let his father in. . . one day. Appearing deep in thought, Kellan was halfway through the door when I called his name. He looked back at me sprawled on his bed, naked under the light sheet that I had wrapped around my torso, and smiled contently.

  "I just wanted to wish you luck on the end of your tour, and tell you. . . " I bit my lip and he smiled wider. Seeing the happiness, even under his current confusion, I giggled. "I'll be here when you get back. " I motioned with my eyes to indicate his house.

  His line of sight followed mine and he beamed at me. Taking a step back into the room, he asked, "You're moving back in with me?"

  I nodded, giggling more as I wrapped my arms around my knees. I'd sort of decided that the moment he'd left, but recent events had. . . solidified the decision. He shook his head at me, then took off his jacket. I stared at him, confused, as he stripped his shirt off and then started unbuttoning his jeans.

  "What are you doing? I thought you had to go?"

  Grinning at me, he crawled over the edge of the bed, making me lie back as his body hovered over mine. "I've got five minutes. "

  His mouth was over mine and I giggled under his lips. "Five?" I asked breathily as his fingers started to explore me.

  Kicking off his shoes, he muttered, "Okay, fifteen then. " Shoving off his jeans, he quickly darted under the sheet with me. I giggled as his warm, hard body collided with mine. And as silent as we were last night, we made up for it this morning.

  He ended up running nearly a half hour behind. . . but it was worth it.

  I stayed in Kellan's bed for who knows how long after he left the house. I was stretched out on it, envisioning where I could put all of my stuff, when I heard Kellan's phone ringing downstairs. Remembering that my cell was back at home, I thought that maybe Kellan had touched down already and was trying to let me know that he was okay.

  Wrapping his sheet around me burrito-style, I dashed down to his kitchen. Hoping I made it in time, I breathlessly picked up the receiver. "Hello?" I panted.

  "Kiera. . . you okay?"

  A familiar accent warmed my heart and I smiled. "Hey, Denny. Yeah, I'm good. "

  A long pause. "Are you sure?"

  Remembering my goodbye kiss to Kellan, I sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure. "

  He laughed a little and I figured he was probably shaking his head at me. Denny was probably thinking, once again, that he was glad his relationship wasn't so complicated. I sometimes wished mine wasn't either; the fiery heat in our relationship sometimes burned us both. But I wouldn't change the love Kellan and I had for each other for anything. I'd already had the solid, comfortable relationship, and it hadn't been enough. Complicated or not, Kellan and I needed each other.

  As Denny chuckled, I sighed and added, "Kellan and I had a chance to talk about everything last night. . . it was a good talk. We're. . . back together, with no more secrets. "

  "Good, I'm glad to hear it. And I'm a little surprised. I sort of felt like I was dropping you off in the middle of a war zone. " He chuckled again and I pictured him running his hand over his jaw. "I was pretty worried about you this morning, especially when you didn't answer my texts. When I realized you'd probably left your cell at home, I thought I'd try you here. "

  "Oh, yeah, I guess I kind of ran out of there last night. . . " I paused to bite my lip. "Hey, Denny, thank you so much for being there for me. It meant a lot. It means a lot to me that you still. . . care. After everything, you still care. "

  A soft sigh met my ear. "I'll always care about you, Kiera. We may not be together anymore but I'm still the one you can call when you're. . . lost. . . alright?"

  I smiled, wrapping the phone cord around my finger. "Yeah. . . same here, Denny. You can always talk to me. "

  "I know. " His voice, so warm and soothing, sounded completely stress free. He really was okay. We both were. Denny's voice switched to inquisitiveness as he asked, "Is Kellan there? Maybe I should talk to him, now that things are calmer. "

  I shook my head, sighing a little. "No, he left early this morning. He had to catch a flight right back. "

  Denny exhaled, sounding a little relieved. Maybe he didn't really think Kellan h
ad calmed down, at least not when it came to him. He probably figured he would get yelled at again if he spoke to Kellan. Pretty brave of him to even call here. "Quick trip," he muttered.

  I nodded. "Yeah, he's a busy guy. " I smiled when I said it, thinking of all the upcoming adventures in Kellan's life. Adventures that maybe we would share together.

  Hearing my smile in my voice, Denny's accent thickened as he asked, "Are you guys really okay now? After just one talk?"

  I paused, considering. "It will take more than one talk, but," I shrugged, "we are talking and we'll never stop. We both want this, and we're gonna fight for it. "

  Even though Denny couldn't see it, I set my jaw and lifted my chin at my hopeful declaration. Denny made a noise like he was impressed, and I imagined him smiling and shaking his head. "You have changed. . . you've grown. " Quietly laughing, I knew he was giving me his trademark, goofy grin. "Maturity sounds good on you. "

  I pursed my lips, wishing he was here so I could smack him for his comment, then I laughed with him, thinking maybe I wasn't so mature after all. "Yeah, well, I should get going if I want to make it to class on time. " I sighed dramatically, remembering that I had obligations and couldn't lounge in Kellan's bed all day, even if I really wanted to. "Some of us still need to work on graduating. "

  I grinned ear-to-ear that I was so close to being done with the pressures and stress of academics. That only left me the pressures of what I was going to do with the rest of my life. . . but, like every college graduate, I'd deal with that later.

  Chuckling at my comment, Denny agreed with me and wished me luck.

  We said goodbye to each other and I hung up the phone. After taking a long, hot shower, I got dressed with some spare clothes that I kept at Kellan's place. Sticking my fingers into the pockets of my jeans, I felt something in the bottom of one. Shaking my head, I pulled out a tiny scrap of notebook paper. On it, in Kellan's surprisingly neat handwriting, was one last note.

  'Remember today, that I love you. '

  Smiling like an idiot, I shoved the memento back in my pocket, and finished getting ready for school.

  So much had happened in the past few hours that doing something as mundane as going to a writing class felt sort of odd. My secret about Denny was out. Kellan's secret about his dad was out. I was going to try trusting him with the assortment of floozies that seemed to hover around him, and he was going to trust me to be just friends with my ex.

  It was sort of. . . epic. . . for us, and a huge step in the right direction. Maybe it was too soon, but I felt good about our future. No, I felt great about it.

  Skipping a little as I made my way to the door, I stopped and grabbed the Chevelle keys. Kellan had tossed them on the half-moon table that we'd often used as a dumping area for our various car keys when we'd all lived here together, ages ago.

  Not having brought my schoolwork to Kellan's last night, I locked up Kellan's home, started Kellan's car, and made my way back to my place. Well, my place for now. I'd have to tell my sister that she'd have a room free for the baby. I wasn't sure if that would make her decision on keeping the baby easier or not. She'd have more space, but she'd be on her own. Sort of. I'd never let her be truly alone.

  She was in the kitchen when I opened our door. Having gathered her bravery, she was again reading through the book about pregnancy. The part she was reading must not have been too scary, she had a small smile on her face and a hand on her belly.

  Used to seeing her up at an earlier hour, since she'd started going to bed at a more respectable time, I smiled at her. "Hey, sis. "

  She glanced up from her book, small tears in her eyes. "Hey, Kiera. Did you know that the baby is about the size of a grape, and she's already forming fingers and toes?"

  Walking up to glance at the book she was reading, I contained a smile. "She?" I asked casually, catching the feminine pronoun.

  Swishing her hand in the air, she raised an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, I'm having a girl. " She shook her head. "There's just no way I'd put another Griffin on this earth. "

  I let my smile show through, amused that she thought she had any say on the matter. I did hope she was right though. The firmness of her statement also made me happy. She'd said I'm having a girl. She'd personalized the pregnancy in a way that she hadn't before. She was bonding with the baby growing in her belly. That was definitely a good thing.

  Not saying anything that might sway her one way or the other, I grabbed my bag off of the dining room table. I felt my sister's eyes watching me and I knew I had a sappy smile on my face. I just felt better about Kellan and me than I had in a long time.

  Setting her book down, Anna crossed her arms over her chest. . . her getting larger chest. "Are you just now getting home? Where were you last night?" She narrowed her eyes when she said it, like she was sure I'd been with Denny.

  Smiling at whose arms I'd been wrapped in, I shrugged. "I stayed at Kellan's. "

  She blinked. "Oh. . . alone?"

  Smiling wider, I shook my head. "No. . . "

  I trailed off, remembering Kellan's fingers on my body, his lips on my neck. Anna took my satisfied expression to mean one thing-she smacked me upside the head. "Damn it, Kiera. You hooked up with Denny, didn't you?"

  Rubbing my skull, I frowned and considered smacking her back. The baby in her belly was the only thing that stayed my hand. "No, I did not, thank you very much. " As she frowned at me, her full lips forming a perfect pout, I rolled my eyes and clarified. "Kellan flew in last night to surprise me. I spent the night with him. "

  I flushed after saying it, our heated night fresh in my brain. Anna blinked again. "Oh. . . oh!" She gave me a hug. "Oh, I'm so relieved. I was going to kill you if you'd gotten yourself stuck in another love triangle. " Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "Especially if it was the same love triangle. " Smirking, she added, "If you're gonna be an idiot. . . at least branch out. "

  That time I did smack her, just on the arm, though.

  Thinking of Kellan, and everything that had been discussed between us, I felt heat entering my cheeks. There was one part of last night that Anna wasn't going to like, one part that I sort of hadn't meant to tell Kellan, but I'd had to, to defend myself.

  As I bit my lip, Anna scrunched her brow. "What?" she asked cautiously.

  "Don't be mad. . . "

  She instantly got mad. Tossing her hands in the air, she screeched, "You told him! Kellan is Griffin's best friend, and you told him? Kiera!"

  I stepped back from her harsh tone, then scrunched my own brows. "Kellan is Griffin's best friend? Really?" Kellan had always seemed. . . tolerant of his bassist, at best.

  Anna dropped her head into her hands. "Goddamn it, Kiera, you promised. "

  Feeling bad, I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I had to. "

  She glared at me between her fingers. "You had to?"

  Sighing, I removed my hand from her body. "Kellan found the bag of tests. . . " Remembering his face when he'd broken up with me, I frowned. "He thought I was pregnant. . . "

  Anna immediately stopped her pissy attitude, her hands covering her mouth as she gasped. "Oh God, Kiera. . . I'm sorry. I didn't think. . . I'm so sorry. " I smiled feebly at her and she touched my shoulder, her face now only showing concern. "Are you guys okay? Are you still. . . together?" she whispered.

  Thinking of his grin when he'd said goodbye, I nodded. "Yeah, we. . . talked it out. " Talked, accused, cried, yelled. . . made love.

  Exhaling in relief, she smiled. "Oh good, I'd hate to think that I. . . " Her face hardened back up as she remembered her situation. "He won't say anything to Griffin, right? You told him not to, right?"

  I tilted my head, trying to remember if I'd ever told Kellan, specifically, to not say anything to the soon-to-be dad. "Um, well, things were a little intense and I don't think I actually. . . "

  She shoved my shoulder back. "Kiera?"

  Frowning at her shifting mo
ods, I shook my head. "I told him you were considering adoption, so I'm sure he won't mention anything to Griffin until you've decided. "

  Her mouth dropped open and a hand subconsciously rested on her belly. "You told him I was thinking of giving her up? Why would you tell him?"

  Interested by her reaction, I said, "He needed to know why I didn't tell him about the pregnancy right away. " I shook my head. "There was too much tension between us and I couldn't lie. I'm sorry, I had to tell him the truth. "

  She nodded, then sat in a folding chair by the table. Tears immediately started filling her eyes. "So now Kellan thinks I'm awful, huh? Giving up my baby. . . "

  She swallowed, choking back a sob and I squatted in front of her. Holding her hands, I shook my head. "No, no of course not. Kellan. . . understands. " I wasn't sure if Kellan did or not, but I couldn't say anything else to Anna, she was on the verge of losing it.

  She nodded a few times as tears started trickling from her eyes. Then her mood shifted another way. It happened so fast, I nearly got whiplash. Standing up, her face was instantly fiery. "You need to call Kellan, and make him keep his mouth shut!"

  Her fast movement had made me lose balance and from my new seat on the floor, I glanced up at her. "What?"

  Rummaging through my bag, Anna found my phone and flung it at me. "Call him! Do whatever you have to do!" She indicated my body with her finger. "Do that heavy breathing and moaning thing that I hear through the walls all the time-whatever you have to do!" She pointed at me, adding, "But make sure he keeps his big mouth shut!"

  My mouth dropped wide open. Oh my God! Had she heard the phone sex? Jesus, I'll be so happy when I was out of here. I flicked open the phone and dialed Kellan's number. It rang a few times, then, "Hey, this is Kellan. I'm probably onstage or making out with my girl. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you. . . if I feel like it. "

  I smiled at the message that I begged him repeatedly to change. "Hey, Kellan, it's me. Um, Anna's flipping out about you telling Griffin. . . " Anna glared at me and I sputtered out, "Just call me back, okay?"

  Shutting the phone, I shook my head. "He's traveling back to the band. He's probably in the air, or just about to land somewhere. "

  She sighed grumpily and I stood up, wondering if I should try and comfort her or run away from her. Figuring her mood couldn't possibly swing much farther today, I thought I'd take a chance and tell her the good news. Grabbing my bag, since I did need to head out to school, I started backing away from her.

  "I'll try him later today, alright?" Anna nodded, her arms re-crossing over her chest. Knowing it was now or never, I quickly added, "I should probably tell you, so you have lots of time to make arrangements, but. . . I'm moving back in with Kellan. "

  I waited just long enough to see her mouth drop open, then I yanked on the door and quickly made my escape. I thought I heard cursing as I fled down the hall.

  Kellan called me back just as I shut off his car in the school parking lot. Watching my schoolmates shuffle about, on their way to this class or that class, I couldn't help but wonder if their lives were as dramatic as mine tended to be.

  A light splattering of April rain hit my windshield, making circular shapes that coalesced into long streams. Flowers were in bloom along the berms that I could see from the solitude of my car, petals open in welcome to the moisture. When I'd first come here, I'd hated the drizzle, preferring warmth and dryness, but I had so many nice memories that were wrapped in rain, that I'd come to embrace it, just as much as the locals.

  The cell phone propped against my ear filled with Kellan's warm laugh. His sound, combined with the light ting of drops hitting the roof, brought an image of Kellan into my mind-wet, hair slicked around his eyes, drops trailing across his lips. . .

  "Hey, I just landed. Miss me already?"

  My image of him insanely erotic, I laughed, huskily. "Always. "

  "You said your sister was freaking out?"

  I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah, she's just afraid of Griffin finding out. . . before she's ready to tell him. "

  Kellan sighed as well. "I wouldn't. . . that's not my secret to share. "

  I smiled, his comment meaning that he also understood why I hadn't told him. "Well, I think she will tell him, and I think she's going to keep it. . . or her, I should say, since Anna is convinced she's having a girl. "

  Kellan chuckled. "Let's hope so. I think a baby girl to dote on is just what Griffin needs. "

  "Would you want a baby girl one day?" I asked, then blushed. I hadn't meant to ask him about kids yet. One step at a time, Kiera.

  He was quiet a moment, then, "Yeah. . . a girl, or a boy, would be fine, but. . . yeah, I do want kids. "

  I giggled, softly. "Me too," I whispered. A comfortable silence passed between us, and knowing I had to go to class, I sighed. "I should go. . . are we good?"

  Kellan gave me a soft laugh. "I didn't convince you of that before I left? Really? You. . . sounded convinced. " I felt the heat burn my cheeks as echoes of my. . . conviction. . . echoed through my head. Before I could answer, Kellan said, "Yeah, Kiera. . . I think we're better than we've ever been, actually. "

  Smiling, I tilted my head. "Even with Denny being back in town?" I bit my lip, hating to bring it up but knowing I needed to. Kellan and I couldn't hide from the hard conversations. And Denny didn't need to be a hard conversation anymore.

  Kellan sighed, the sound was full of contentment. "Yeah, even with Denny in town. I don't know, Kiera, but Denny just doesn't worry me anymore. Maybe. . . maybe I really do trust you. "

  I exhaled, feeling the weight sliding off of my shoulders. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that, Kellan, because there really is nothing there. No one. . . no one compares to you, Kellan. No one even comes close. "

  He groaned. "God, you're making me wish we were back in my bed when you say stuff like that. " I giggled and flushed with heat, the good kind this time. Chuckling, he added, "I feel the same way, Kiera. No one comes close to you in my eyes. . . no one. "

  I closed my eyes, warmed beyond all doubt by his words, by his heart. "I love you. I'll see you in a few weeks. "

  "Okay, I love you too. "