Fools Quest, Page 66

  I took comfort there, coming and going quietly, enjoying the music, the awkward courtships among the younger staff, the pranks of the boys and girls, and the soft firelight and slower pace. More than once I saw Ash there and Perseverance, and twice I saw Spark, watching Ash’s friend from a distance with a pensive look on her face.

  Chade remained genially vague. He took his meals in his room. He was welcoming when I called on him but never addressed me in a way that indicated he clearly recalled who I was and what we had been to each other. He always had an attendant. Often it was Steady or Shine. Sometimes it was a pretty Skill-apprentice named Welcome. He delighted in her attention and she seemed fond of him. I walked in once to find her combing out his white hair and singing a song about seven foxes. The few times I contrived to be alone with him by asking her to run some small errand, she went quickly and returned before I had more than the briefest opportunity to try to jostle some true response from Chade.

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  Kettricken had taken Shine in hand. The girl dressed more sedately yet elegantly and was occupied whenever I glimpsed her. Nettle began her Skill-lessons. Shine seemed content to be at court and to be part of Kettricken’s circle. No young men were allowed to court her, and Kettricken chose industrious and intelligent young women to be her companions. Shine blossomed in the light of the queen’s interest. I could not be certain, but I wondered if some of her calm was due to herbal teas. Having found her father and his doting affection, she seemed to accept that Lant was lost to her as a suitor. In darker moments I wondered if her experiences at the hands of the Chalcedeans had dampened her enthusiasm for the company of men. My even darker conclusion was that if it was so, there was nothing I could do about it.

  I knew I’d have to wring from her a fuller account of her experiences with her kidnappers. I made my request to Nettle, as I feared answering upsetting questions might trigger some sort of Skill-storm with her. Nettle agreed immediately that we must know everything we could. Kettricken was less willing to subject Shine to a detailed interrogation, but when the matter was placed before Dutiful, he agreed it was necessary while suggesting it be done as gently as possible. I prepared a list of questions, but it was Kettricken who asked them, with Nettle present in the room to monitor Shine’s level of distress. I was there also, but behind the wall, back in my old spy-hole, where I could listen and take notes without my presence increasing her anxiety.

  It went well, but not at all as I had expected. Kettricken summoned Shine to help in sorting out a large basket of brightly dyed yarn that had become mingled. Nettle joined them, seemingly by chance and, as women seem always to do, joined in the task of sorting and rewinding the yarn. Their talk wandered until I thought I would go mad with waiting for my information. But somehow Kettricken shepherded Shine’s thoughts to that terrible day when she had been snatched out of her old life. Then she did nothing but listen, with occasional exclamations of sympathy or a soft word or two that invited the girl to confide more in them.

  I think Shine was almost relieved to tell what had befallen her. Her words were hesitant at first, and then came in a torrent. I learned the names of some of her captors, and listened in sick horror to how they had neglected my child in her grave illness. It was only when Shine mentioned Bee’s shedding of her skin that I recognized what had happened. Just as it had with the Fool, it seemed that as she approached whatever it was she was fated to do, her color darkened. Only to hear Shine tell it, Bee had become paler. I pushed all implications of that aside, stubbornly telling myself that I must stay fixed on Shine’s every word. Later, I would think of what it meant to me. And would mean to the Fool.

  I took careful note of every painful detail and became ever gladder that neither the handsome rapist nor Duke Ellik had reached a gentle end at my hands. But as Shine wound the tale to an end, to my horror she confided to both of them her pain at discovering that the man she had regarded as a suitor was actually her brother. She wept then, a girl’s brokenhearted weeping that even when her long nightmare was over, she had woken to the fact that the man she loved could never be hers in the way she had desired.

  Nettle covered her shock and Kettricken said simply that there was no way either of them could have known. Neither woman offered any rebuke or advice. They allowed her to weep herself clean, and when she fell asleep in the big cushioned chair in the room, Nettle simply covered her and left her there while Kettricken went on with her yarn tasks.

  FitzVigilant did not, however, take the revelation that he and Shine were siblings in stride. To my surprise, he did not discard his bastard’s name to take Chade’s surname. He subjected us all to several weeks of morose quiet. When seated near Shine at table, he kept his eyes on his food and contributed nothing to conversation. I was grateful that Chade took most of his meals in his room and that Shine frequently joined him there, for the old Chade would have quickly discerned Lant’s discomfort. The looks he sent after her when they passed in the corridors were too transparent for my comfort. I dreaded stepping in but just when I was certain I must, Riddle intervened.

  One evening he steered Lant firmly to a seat between us and demanded he discuss the virtues of his favorite taverns in Buckkeep Town. That led to a late-night expedition to visit three of them. At the end of the night, all three of us staggered back to Buckkeep Castle together. At one point as we all but groped our way up the dark and icy road, Lant burst out with a wail of “But no one understands what happened or how I feel!” Riddle rounded on him and said bluntly, “And that is the most fortunate thing that can befall you, or any of those you care about. Put it behind you, and think about it again in twenty years. Whatever it was, you can’t change it. So stop clinging to it, and let time and distance do their work. ”

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  I trudged along beside them in the dark. The night was cold enough that my face felt a stiff mask. I tried to think, but then Riddle began singing the old song about the woodcutter’s son, and after the second verse both Lant and I joined in. When Lant came to the table the next night, he announced he had spent the day fishing in an open boat and had caught a flatfish the size of a small child. I was unendingly pleased when I saw Nettle give Riddle a very special smile over Lant’s bent head as he set upon his food with an appetite we had not seen since Winterfest.

  So the slow moons of winter ticked past us all. I was more alone than I had ever been in my life and it suited me. It was a solitude that I cultivated. I let nothing touch me too deeply. Alone, I made my plans. With a hunter’s heart, I waited for winter to fade and better traveling weather to come. I wrote several very long letters, one for Hap, one for Kettricken, and another to Nettle and Riddle. I considered writing one to my unborn grandchild and decided I was wallowing in sentiment. The one to Chade was hardest, for I wondered if he would ever read it with a whole mind. Like Verity, I signed and secured my missives and set them by.

  I endured each day, waiting, as slowly broken things began to heal. My Skill came back to me, in tickles of chance thought and then in whispers. I used it as little as possible at first, respecting my daughter’s advice and wishes in that regard. Then I exercised it, but rigorously, in tight sendings to Thick, or a general comment to Nettle. I became aware of the various coteries within Buckkeep, and shamelessly listened in when their sendings were careless. I built my Skill-discipline as systematically as I rebuilt the muscles of my body and my fighting skills. By day, I took my bruises in the practice yard, and by night I practiced throwing knives and materializing poison from my cuff. I watched for the weather to grow kinder for travel and I waited for myself to grow deadlier.

  Every creature entrusted to my care, I settled into safekeeping. The crow was a jocund addition to the Fool’s chamber, for Perseverance brought her daily to see him. She was company for the Fool in a way no human could be, and at times I almost wondered if they did not share a thread of the Wit. She picked up words from him as a pigeon pec
ks up corn. Despite his blindness, he endeavored to teach her tricks, and I was never so astonished as I was on the day when he told her to “take Fitz’s spoon” and she promptly hopped across the table and stole it for him. Motley did not seem to respond to my Wit, but her language and responsiveness were those of a Wit-bonded animal. She puzzled me.

  As for Fleeter, I had little use for a horse while I lived in the castle. I still visited her sporadically in the stables. Several times, I found Patience leaning on the door of her stall, apparently admiring the horse. So I was not surprised on the day that Fleeter swung her head toward me.

  My boon?

  Ask it.

  I’ve found my partner. See that I stay with her.

  Done.

  And that was it. After that, Fleeter disdained me completely. Perseverance bridled a bit when I asked the girl to take over Fleeter’s exercise and grooming, but I refused to be moved. I saw the light in the Patience’s eyes when I gave her the duty and knew that she would enjoy the horse with an open heart I could not offer. I visited the stables less and less often, and as I saw Fleeter bond to her, I did not intervene. The beautiful partner I had spurned lavished herself on another. I deserved the regret that stung me. It was too late to change it, and I would not if I could have.

  The Fool continued to heal but very slowly. The evening that he came to join me at the hearth in the Great Hall, I felt a lift of relief. Ash had obviously chosen his garments: I saw him admire the effect from a distance. The Fool wore a long robe of black in a style half a century old, spangled with moons and stars cut from other fabric and quilted onto the garment. He wore the slouch hat that had once belonged to Lord Feldspar, now adorned with green buttons and charms of brass and tin. His walking stick carved with serpents and dragons was his own handiwork, and I was glad to see he had taken up his old pastime. Motley rode on his shoulder and contributed to his peculiar appearance. Ash guided him to a seat beside me, and to those who greeted him, he introduced himself as Gray, a traveler from far Satine. He claimed no title of lord, but presented himself as a foreign mage come to Buckkeep to study the legendary magic of the Farseers. His garments and accoutrements were peculiar enough that his gold eyes and scarred face seemed appropriate to them. That first evening he did not stay long but, as winter passed he began to move about Buckkeep Castle. He courted no new friends as Mage Gray but did begin to call on those who had known him. I saw him taking a small pleasure in this new role, and both Ash and Spark seemed to take great enjoyment in assisting him in it. The two youngsters, I thought, would care well for my old friend. So even from the Fool, I caged my feelings and thoughts.

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  I watched Nettle grow heavier with the child she carried, and Riddle became ever more solicitous of her. Kettricken and Elliania could not contain their joy for her. I took comfort that she was surrounded by their love even as I kept a careful distance. If I let no one depend on me, I could fail no one.

  On most nights, sleep eluded me. I did not really care. In the dark of night, the libraries of Buckkeep were empty save for me and my lamp. I began a careful combing of them. At one time, Chade had developed a fascination with what he had called the religion of the White Prophet. I found the scrolls he had collected. Some I translated afresh, and others I renewed with painstaking pen-work. Here I finally found the references I sought. Clerres was distant, farther away than ever I had been. The accounts of traveling there were old and sometimes contradictory. I discussed my work with no one. The slow gathering of information consumed me.

  I made time to go down to Buckkeep Town, and to frequent several of the taverns where the sailors gathered. I sought out those who had come farthest to Buckkeep’s port and asked of them for any news of a place called Clerres. Three had heard of the place, but only one claimed to have ever visited that far port. He’d been a boy, on one of his earliest voyages. The garrulous old man did his best to tell me of nearby ports, but time, a harsh life, and much rum had eroded his memory. “Go to the Spice Isles,” he told me. “There’s folk there that trade with the White Island Servants. They’ll put you on the right tack. ” A tiny clue but one that gave shape to the journey to come.

  I was relieved that my assassin’s skills no longer belonged to my king. I even told Dutiful how relieved I was, at a private dinner one evening in Chade’s rooms. My old mentor picked listlessly at his food as our king explained his decisions to move us into open view. “I know it was uncomfortable for you, Fitz, but your status demanded appropriate chambers. And a son of the Farseer reign should not be lurking in hidden passageways and spying on his people. ” He set down his fork with sigh and gave me a weary smile. “Fitz, I am finished with secrets. Look where they have brought us. Consider how they twisted childhood for Shine and Lant, let alone yourself. And the near-disaster of their meeting when they were unaware of their kinship. ”

  I chewed slowly, my eyes on my food, wondering how he had acquired that bit of insight and hoping that the meaning had slipped past Chade.

  “Think of your crown and my father’s last letter to you, hidden for years and known only to Chade. If he had perished in the Red-Ship Wars, none would have known of Verity’s wishes for you. I look at Chade as he is now, smiling and nodding, and I wonder what else he knew and has now forgotten, what key bits of Farseer history will never be revealed by him. ”

  I raised my eyes to see how Chade was receiving such a rebuke, but he seemed intent on sorting his peas into two separate piles on his plate. He became aware of my gaze and looked up to meet it. His left eyelid slowly dropped and then opened again. I stopped chewing. Had he winked at me? Or was it part of the drooping of his features? Our glances met but his green eyes were as opaque as seawater.

  Dutiful was still speaking. “I know it was hard for the Fool, but I think it was the wise decision. Perhaps he will never be as gay as he was when he was Lord Golden, but he no longer cowers in the dark. Surely that is better for him than hiding away in Chade’s dark old den. ”

  “What will become of those rooms?”

  “Oh, eventually we will move the wardrobe in Lady Thyme’s chamber and restore the door to them. Lady Rosemary has begun to sort what is there. She told me that some of it must be handled carefully. There is no rush. An empty room or five in this rambling old castle is not as large a concern as a dragon in Bearns. Have you given any thought as to what might be done about the dragon Baliper?”

  “I should be happy to help with the tidying of the old den. Rosemary is correct when she says there are items there that must be disposed of with great caution. I will see to some of them. ” And many items that would be very useful to me. Already I was planning that I would do that as soon as possible. I knew of several entries to the spy-labyrinth. But now was not the time to dwell on that lest Dutiful discern the direction of my thoughts. I put a thoughtful expression on my face.

  “And as to your dragon, well, there is always killing him. But as he can speak to some humans, and as he has kin among the dragons of Kelsingra, that might not be our best solution. ”

  “Indeed, it’s our last resort. If we kill one, my dukes will see it as the easiest solution. Right now I have forbidden any warlike actions against any dragon. ”

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  “Well, then the only solution is to treat him as you would any ill-mannered guest. Choose what you will give him, offer it freely, and hope he is satisfied with it. Do not make him comfortable. Hope he stays only a short time. ” I tried to think of a fresh solution. “Contrast the farms they raid with the ones they leave alone. Find out what conditions they prefer and don’t create them. ”

  “They eat so much,” Dutiful muttered in dismay.

  “Too much!” Chade suddenly agreed. We both turned to him. His eyes were bright with anger. He looked directly at me. “There’s too much rosemary on this fowl! I can’t stomach it. What is worse than a journeyman cook who thinks she knows better tha
n the master! Heavy-handed! That’s what she is!”

  “Lord Chade, this is not fowl but good venison. And I taste no rosemary in it at all. ” Dutiful spoke gently but uselessly to his complaint.

  “Pah!” Chade pushed his plate aside. He pointed at me with a finger gone knobbly. “My boy would agree with me, I think! He never liked her stirring the pot, Fitz did not. ” He slowly surveyed the room. “Where is Fitz? Where is my boy?”

  “I’m right here,” I said hopelessly.

  He swung his gaze back to me. “Oh, I doubt that,” he said. He took a slow drink of his wine. As he set it down, he looked at me again and said, “I know my boy. He’d know his duty. He’d feel the spurs. He’d be long gone by now, he would. ”

  I found a smile and patted his hand. “The impulsive boy that ran through Buckkeep Castle with a bared sword? He’s long gone indeed, Lord Chade. ”

  Chade twitched. For a single moment, his green eyes locked with mine. Then he smiled vacuously. “Just as well,” he sighed slowly, “though sometimes I miss him. ”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Loose Ends

  In this dream, everything stank. I was in a terrible place. Animals walked about without their skins. They looked like the hanging deer in the cooling sheds, after the carcasses had bled and when the hunters stripped the hides from the meat. I do not know how I knew that, for I had never seen hunters ride to the hunt, nor deer hung to bleed before skinning. The animals were dark red and purple and pink with glistening white muscles. The worst was around their staring eyes. They could not blink.

  In the streets the men and women were wearing the animals’ skins. It was so clearly wrong and yet all the folk there in Wortletree thought it the most normal thing in the world. I did not want to be there. On the water, a great seabird with broad white wings called for us to hurry. They made me go.