Night of the Creepy Things
R. L. Stine
Rotten School
Night of the Creepy Things
R.L. Stine
Illustrations by Trip Park
For Hampton
–TP
Contents
Map
Morning Announcements
1. The Mummy’s Revenge
2. The Beast from Preschool
3. Help! It’s Stuck to My Foot!
4. Revenge of the Warts
5. Attack of the Toadstool People
6. Attack of the Apples Falling on Your Head
7. Beauty and the Beast II
8. Don’t Tell Anyone
9. Giant Monster Ants Up Close
10. Me, the Werewolf
11. Morning of the Robot Worm
12. Lousy Night at the Zoo
13. Attack of the Root Beer
14. The Making of Horror Zoo
15. Scream, Sherman, Scream!
16. Snakes on My Leg
17. Movie in My Head
18. Escape of the Mad, Mad, Mad Gorilla
19. Attack of the Klutz!
20. Scream, Feenman and Crench, Scream!
21. I’m Scared!
About the Author
Other Books by Rotten School Series
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
Map
MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS
Good morning, Rotten Students. This is your beloved Headmaster Upchuck. Please—no standing ovation this morning. I know how much you admire me. I wish I liked kids. It would make my job so much easier.
But anyway, please listen to this morning’s Morning Announcements…
Will the students who buried Coach Manley Bunz’s car under the soccer field please return the shovels? Chef Baloney needs them to dish out today’s lunch.
Nurse Hanley would like to remind all fourth graders that you are not supposed to be giving each other measles shots. That is her job.
Just because the fourth grader known as Beast ate a cockroach at dinner last night doesn’t mean that everyone has to do it. There aren’t enough cockroaches to go around.
Assistant Headmaster Skruloose has learned that all the money donated to the Bernie Bridges Save-A-Life Foundation is being kept by Bernie Bridges. Please do not give any more money to this charity.
The Sixth Grade Long-Distance Burping Competition will be held today after lunch. Please remember that contestants must stand at least six inches apart from one another.
Finally, Parents Visiting Day has been canceled for next week because your parents begged us not to force them to see you.
Chapter 1
THE MUMMY’S REVENGE
Well, dudes, as our scary story starts, big Joe Sweety was sound asleep in his desk chair. Sweety falls asleep every night the minute he starts to do his homework.
And there he was, snoring a little, his mouth open, eyes shut, dirty brown hair falling over his face. And there we were—my buddies Feenman, Crench, and me—sneaking silently into his dorm room to turn him into a mummy.
Yes, a mummy.
Don’t worry. I’ll explain.
As you may know, you never call Joe Sweety Sweety.
That’s because Joe is the biggest, toughest, meanest dude at Rotten School. He’s so tough, he can slap you with his tongue—and it really hurts.
If he steps on your foot, it isn’t a foot anymore. It’s a pancake with bones.
Joe is so tough, his mother calls him sir!
The best time to hang out with Sweety is when he’s asleep. That’s why my buddies and I waited until we saw his head droop. Then we crawled in through his window.
I had a plan that couldn’t fail. I always have plans that can’t fail.
You’ve probably heard of me. Bernie Bridges. I may be the brainiest, coolest, most awesome kid at Rotten School—but I never brag.
Tonight we were starting to make the best horror video ever made by fourth graders. That’s why we needed to turn the Big Sweety into a mummy.
So we climbed into his room, and I handed a roll of bandages to Crench. “Let’s get started,” I whispered.
I turned and saw Feenman blowing his nose on the drapes. “Why are you doing that?” I asked.
“Cuz I have a cold,” Feenman replied.
Feenman is an awesome dude. But I’ve seen him blow his nose on the drapes even when he didn’t have a cold!
He wiped his nose on the back of his hand.
“Wrap Sweety up,” I told Crench. “Make it look good.”
I was the writer, the producer, and the director of this video. I knew it would be great even before we started. Sweety was gonna be the scariest mummy in movie history!
Why were we making this scary video?
Why were kids all over campus out terrifying one another every night?
Don’t worry. I’ll explain later.
Crench carefully lifted one of Sweety’s big arms and started to wrap it. Sweety let out a snort, but his eyes didn’t open. Crench began to wrap white bandages around the big dude’s chest.
“Lookin’ good,” I whispered.
Sweety snored away as Crench wrapped his other arm and started tying the bandages around his head. Sweety looked more like an ancient mummy every second.
Scary. Totally scary.
But then I heard Feenman make a noise behind me. It sounded like Ah–Ah-Ah.
I turned—and Feenman made a much louder noise….
Feenman’s sneeze rattled the windows, knocked over a lamp, and sprayed the front of my T-shirt with about a gallon of snot.
And it woke up Joe Sweety.
The Big Sweety let out a growl, tore at his bandages, jumped to his feet—and grabbed me by the throat. “Revenge of the Mummy!” he screamed.
Gasping for air, I turned to Feenman. “Are you getting this?” I choked out. “This is perfect! Are you getting this on video?”
Sweety started to rattle me like a saltshaker. I saw Feenman’s mouth drop open.
“Uh-oh,” he muttered. “Sorry, Bernie. I forgot the camcorder.”
Chapter 2
THE BEAST FROM PRESCHOOL
Yes, life can be scary these days at Rotten School.
Why were kids terrifying one another every night? Well, I promised I’d explain.
It all started on Welcome Back Day.
That’s a tradition started many years ago by our school’s founder, Mr. I. B. Rotten. Every year Headmaster Upchuck welcomes back some dude or dudette who graduated from our school.
The person gives a speech to the whole school. You know. To inspire us. To tell us how being in Rotten School prepares us to go out into the world and do great things someday.
I remember the speaker from Welcome Back Day last year. It was a woman who had a knitting needle stuck in her nose. She talked about how you can still have an awesome life, even with a knitting needle in your nose.
Two years ago the speaker was the guy who invented diapers for horses.
We have a lot of cool graduates from our school.
But this year’s visitor was the coolest of all, even cooler than the horse-diaper guy. And we were totally crazed and excited because…
…this year’s speaker was our favorite horror movie director, Mr. B. A. Gool.
As we all piled into the auditorium, my buddies and I argued over which was Gool’s creepiest film.
“It’s gotta be The Beast from Preschool!” Crench said. “Remember that dude? He was only four years old, but he could bite your throat out.”
My buddy Belzer gave Crench a shove. “That wasn’t scary at all,” he said. “Know which one totally freaked me out? I’ll Eat Your Face for Breakfast. After that movie, I couldn’t eat breakfast for a month!”
“Too babyish,” Crench said. “My two-year-old sister liked that one. Gool’s scariest film has to be My HAIR Is ALIVE! I couldn’t sleep for six weeks. I knew if I went to sleep, my hair would strangle me.”
They turned to me. “What do you think, Big B?” Belzer asked.
Before I could answer, Sherman Oaks bumped up between us. He tossed back his blond hair and flashed us his perfect, sixty-five-tooth smile.
“Anyone got change for a hundred?” he asked. He waved a hundred-dollar bill in my face. “Or can anyone change this five-hundred-dollar bill?” He waved it under my nose.
Sherman does that every day. He doesn’t want change. He just likes to make me drool.
He is the richest kid at Rotten School. He’s so rich, he pays a kid to burp for him.
“Dudes, check this out,” he said. He stuck out his left sneaker.
I saw a small silver screen on top of the sneaker. “What’s that for?” I asked. “A viewer so you can see what you’re stepping into?”
“The sneaker is a DVD player,” Sherman said. “I downloaded twenty-eight B. A. Gool movies onto it. I watch them on my shoe while I walk to class.”
Sherman raised the shoe higher. “See? The volume control is on the toe part,” he said. “The shoe cost five thousand dollars. My parents sent it to me cuz they think they can buy my love.”
“Cool,” I said. “What does the other sneaker do?”
“It’s an MP3 player,” Sherman said. “I downloaded two thousand songs onto it.”
We jammed into the auditorium and found seats near the front. Headmaster Upchuck was already on the stage. He’s only about three feet tall. He’s so short, he has to stand on a ladder to look in the mirror to comb his hair!
The Headmaster stood on a tall stool, trying to reach the microphone.
I could tell Belzer was excited. He kept kicking the seat in front of him. “What do you think B. A. Gool looks like?” he asked. “He’s got to be way weird, right?”
“He probably wears a long, black cape,” Crench said.
“Maybe he has fangs,” Feenman said. “And really pale white skin…because he has no blood. And they’ll have to keep the auditorium lights off because bright light will melt him.”
“I’ll bet he’s like some kinda monster,” Belzer said. “He’s got to be way weird to make movies like those.”
Up on the stage, Headmaster Upchuck tapped the microphone. “Welcome back to Welcome Back Day,” he said. “I want to welcome back everyone to our Welcome Back celebration.”
His stool tilted. He started to fall off.
Everyone cheered.
But he caught himself by grabbing on to the microphone.
Everyone groaned.
“And now,” he said, “let’s welcome back to Welcome Back Day one of our most famous graduates. Let’s give a real Rotten welcome to…B. A. Gool!”
We all cheered and jumped up and down and went nuts.
And there he came, B. A. Gool, walking onto the stage…and everyone gasped in shock!
Chapter 3
HELP! IT’S STUCK TO MY FOOT!
Everyone gasped in shock…because he looked totally normal!
He wasn’t weird in any way. He was tall and thin. He had wavy brown hair, wore black-rimmed glasses, and had a nice smile as he stepped up to the microphone.
No black cape. No fangs. He wore a pale blue shirt under a gray sports jacket and faded jeans.
“My name is B. A. Gool,” he said in a soft voice. “And my job is to scare you!”
A few kids laughed. But most of us just stared at him. He wasn’t scary at all!
“Kids ask me all the time where I get my ideas for my scary movies,” he continued. “Well, a lot of my scariest ideas came from right here at Rotten School.”
“YEAAAA!” Belzer cheered and kicked the seat in front of him.
I glanced down the row. At the end, my friend Chipmunk had his hands covering his face. He scrunched down low, hiding behind the seat backs.
Chipmunk is the shyest kid at Rotten School. He’s so shy, he has trouble talking to himself! Poor guy. I could see that he was really scared of B. A. Gool.
“I lived in Rotten House,” B. A. Gool said, “and my room was very crowded—with insects! At night I would wake up with bugs and worms crawling all over my body…in my hair…in my ears…and on my tongue.”
“Me too!” someone shouted.
In the next row, my friend Beast shouted, “Did you eat any of them?”
A lot of kids laughed. But we knew Beast wasn’t joking. Beast is a little strange. We’re not sure if he’s human or not. He’s way too hairy to be a human. And he chews the bark off trees.
“Mr. Gool!” Beast shouted. “What did you do with the bugs you pulled from your nose?”
Gool squinted at Beast. “Good question. I’ll answer your questions later,” he said. “Anyway, that’s where I got the ideas for my first two movies—Bugs on My Face and Bugs on My Face II: Night of the Living Bugs.”
The whole auditorium went nuts, cheering and clapping. My buddies and I have watched those movies at least ten times—and then we itch for a week!
“This is a wonderful school for horror,” Gool said. “I remember one night in fifth grade. I went for a late-night swim in Pooper’s Pond. I dove in. And when I came up, some kind of slimy, sticky jellyfish creature had attached itself to the bottom of my foot.
“Man, did that sting! I sat down and tried to pull it off. But it stuck to my foot. My friends tried to tug it off. The slimy thing wouldn’t budge. It was stuck tight.”
“Finally they helped carry me to the nurse,” Gool said. “She tried to cut it off—but it wouldn’t cut!”
He held up his left shoe. “I’m still wearing it!” he cried. “I’ve had this creature stuck on the bottom of my foot for twenty years! That’s why I have to wear such big shoes.”
Everyone oohed and aahed.
“But it gave me the idea for my biggest film,” Gool said. “I’m sure you all remember HELP! It’s STUCK to My FOOT!”
Again the auditorium went nuts. Everyone stood up and cheered and shouted.
Everyone except Chipmunk.
Now he was hiding under his seat with his head buried in his hands.
“So, enjoy the horror, everyone!” Gool shouted. “You’ve come to the right school!”
We all settled back down into our seats. I saw Beast pull a fat, brown bug from his hair and toss it onstage. It landed on B. A. Gool’s neck. I don’t think he saw it.
“And now I have big news…” he said. “I have a big announcement for all you Rotten Students.”
An announcement?
A hush fell over the auditorium.
We had no idea that B. A. Gool was about to change our lives.
Chapter 4
REVENGE OF THE WARTS
“I think it’s time you proved just what a scary place this is!” Gool said. “So I’m inviting all you Rotten Students to make your own horror videos.”
We just stared at him. Was he serious?
“Make the scariest videos you can,” Gool continued. “On Halloween night I’ll come back to Rotten School. And I will judge them.”
“What do we win?” Joe Sweety shouted.
“Could I have that bug back?” Beast asked, pointing to the bug on Gool’s neck.
Gool sipped from a bottle of water. “The boy or girl who makes the best horror video,” he said, “will win a small role in my next movie. As you probably know, the movie is called EEK IV: Revenge of the Warts.”
Everyone cheered and clapped.
Sherman Oaks leaned forward from the row behind me. “I’ve been watching EEK III: The Warts Are ALIVE! on my shoe,” he said. “It’s way scary. Made my whole foot shake!”
But I wasn’t interested in Sherman’s shoe. I was thinking hard about the video contest. I knew I could win it. And once I had a small part in B. A. Gool’s movie, I knew I could talk him into giving me a bigger part.
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Bernie B. was going to be a movie star!
Kids stood up and started back to class. I pushed my way up to the stage. I put on my best smile—the one with the adorable dimples in both cheeks—and stepped up to B. A. Gool.
“Nice to meet you,” I said, sticking out my hand for a handshake. “I’m Bernie Bridges. You can call me Bernie. I’m your contest winner. I just want to say thank you in advance. I’d like to tell you a few of my best movie ideas. And I…”
But he wasn’t listening to me.
He was gazing at Beast with a big smile on his face. Beast stepped onto the stage, and Gool patted him on one hairy shoulder. “Nice costume,” B. A. Gool said. “I like all the bristly animal hair and those insane monster teeth! Great costume, kid. You totally scared me.”
He hurried away.
I burst out laughing. Of course, Beast wasn’t wearing a costume! Actually, he was looking a lot better than usual.
“Beast, I think he liked you,” I said.
Beast licked my hand. “Thanks, Bernie.” He pulled another bug out of his hair and offered it to me.
“No thanks,” I said. “I’m a vegetarian.”
I grinned at him. And suddenly…suddenly I had a fabulous idea for a horror movie.
Chapter 5
ATTACK OF THE TOADSTOOL PEOPLE
You probably go home every day after school. Our school is a boarding school. That means we all live here.
