I Was a Rat!

  “And after that, I dunno what I done. All kinds of bad things, I think. Then I found Bob and Joan, only I got lost again, and now I’m in prison. I think they’re going to sterminate me, Mary Jane, and if Bob and Joan knew about it, they wouldn’t let it happen. Maybe it’d be best if I went back to being a proper rat. I tried being a rat in the sewers, only nothing went right. I can’t go back and I can’t go forward, I don’t know what to do, Mary Jane, really I don’t. Can I go back?”

  “I don’t reckon you can,” she said, “any more than I can. You’re stuck as a boy, and I’m stuck as a princess.”

  “Don’t you want to be a princess, Mary Jane?”

  “Well, I did to start with. I longed for it. I wished so hard! But I’m not sure anymore. I’m so afraid I made a mistake, Roger. I might have been better off staying Mary Jane. See, I don’t think it’s what you are that matters. I think it’s what you do. I think they’d like me to just be, and not do anything. That’s the trouble.”

  “We oughter work that magic again, like what changed us in the first place,” he said.

  “I wish we could,” she said.

  “We could try and wish that lady back!”

  “Yes,” she said, “let’s try.”

  She was holding his hands through the bars. The Princess and the monster closed their eyes and wished as hard as they could, till they were trembling with it; but when they opened their eyes, nothing had changed, and the only beautiful lady there was the Princess herself.

  “Well, perhaps we can’t,” she said after a moment or two. “It goes to show. Maybe she only comes once and grants you a wish, and then you’re stuck with the consequences. I suppose we’ll have to make the best of it.”

  “Well, I could go on being a boy,” said Roger, “if only they’d let me. I can do it quite well most of the time, except when they make out I’m something else underneath.”

  “We’ll have to see what we can do,” said the Princess.

  THE DAILY SCOURGE

  MIRACLE OF PRINCESS AND “MONSTER”

  There were extraordinary scenes yesterday outside the Palace as the news emerged of Princess Aurelia’s miracle intervention in the so-called Monster case.

  As many had suspected, the “Monster” was nothing of the sort.

  A fairy-tale Princess

  It took the clear-sighted vision of a fairy-tale Princess to penetrate to the heart of the matter and see the astounding truth.

  THE MONSTER WAS ONLY A LITTLE BOY.

  Not a subhuman fiend. Not a venom-dripping beast from the nethermost pit of hell.

  Just a normal little fellow like any other. Mischievous, perhaps—but evil?

  Not in a month of Sundays!

  Lucky to be alive

  The boy is to be released into the care of foster parents and apprenticed to a decent trade.

  THE SCOURGE SAYS:

  GOD BLESS OUR PRINCESS AURELIA!

  There’s no corner of the world so dark that a little ray of magic from a Princess’s heart can’t light it up.

  As for these self-appointed “experts” and “philosophers”: WHERE IS THEIR COMPASSION?

  Thanks to Princess Aurelia, a little boy can sleep safe tonight.

  How many more innocent children are under threat from our cruel, cold-hearted system of so-called justice?

  Read more about Princess Aurelia on pages 2-13.

  A fairy tale made in Heaven, by our Royal correspondent, pp. 14-16.

  Private pictures from Princess Aurelia’s family collection, pp. 17-19.

  Special feature: Princess Aurelia’s favorite charities, pp. 20-21.

  Interview with Princess Aurelia’s hairdresser, p. 22.

  Beauty tips by Princess Aurelia’s personal make-up expert, p. 23.

  Compassion: the latest health secret, p. 24.

  The Power of the Press

  On every front page of every newspaper in the country, there were big pictures of the Princess, looking beautiful and concerned. The stories that went with them were confusing, but they all said roughly the same thing: the Princess, by the superhuman power of her love and compassion, had worked a miracle and transformed the ghastly evil ravening Monster of the Sewers into a normal little boy.

  What had really happened, of course, was simple. The Daily Scourge had seen an even better story than the one about the Monster of the Sewers. The Princess Aurelia story had everything, and it could run for years—with prettier pictures, too.

  Toasted Cheese

  “Well, I never knew the like,” said Bob. “I tell you this, I’m fed up with them blooming papers. I’ll never buy one again.”

  “Yes you will,” said Joan. “You’ll buy it for the sports and the crossword, and then you’ll just see what’s happened in the news, and you’ll believe it just as much as you ever did.”

  “I won’t,” Bob said, but he didn’t want to argue.

  In the corner, Roger was busy stitching a little shoe. He hardly ever nibbled the leather anymore, and Bob could leave his beeswax on the bench and only find two or three tooth marks when he came back.

  “Look,” said the boy. “Is that neat? I think it is. I stitched it ever so tight all the way round.”

  “Just right,” said Bob, peering through his glasses. “I reckon you’re going to be a good cobbler.”

  “Roger, love,” said Joan, “come here a minute. I want to ask you something.”

  The little boy came and stood on the hearth in front of her. He had new clothes on, his brown hair was neatly brushed, and his black eyes shone.

  “Yes?” he said politely.

  “What really happened when the Princess came and saw you?” she said. “All this stuff about miracles and so on. No one’s told us the truth, and no one ever will unless you do.”

  “We just talked,” said Roger. “And she remembered who I was, because she used to know me when I was a rat. Then I was made into a page boy when she went to the ball, only I missed the coach back through getting into mischief. If I’d gone back on that coach, I’d’ve been made back into a rat. I suppose that might have been better, except that I might have remembered being a boy and I’d’ve wanted to be a boy again, forever.

  “But she’s changed too now, Mary Jane has. I mean the Princess. She ain’t so happy now. It all come about because of her wish, and that goes to show,” he said.

  “What’s it go to show?” said Bob.

  “I dunno. It’s what she said. But she made me promise to be as good a boy as I could, and she promised me she was going to be as good a Princess as she could, and that was the consequence.”

  “Ah,” said Bob. “And do you want to be a rat now?”

  “It’d be easier,” said Roger. “You have less trouble being a rat, except for being sterminated. I wouldn’t want that. It’s hard being a person, but it’s not so hard if they think you are a person. If they think you ain’t a person, then it’s too hard for me. I think I’ll stick to cobbling.”

  “That’s a wise decision,” said Bob. “There’s always a demand for good craftsmanship. If I hadn’t made them slippers, well, I don’t like to think what would have happened.”

  The kettle came to a boil, so Joan made them all a cup of tea, and Bob toasted some cheese, and they all sat down comfortably around the hearth. The world outside was a difficult place, but toasted cheese and love and craftsmanship would do to keep them safe.

  PHILIP PULLMAN is the author of the internationally renowned His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass, winner of the Carnegie Medal (England); The Subtle Knife, winner of a Parents’ Choice Gold Award; The Amber Spyglass, the first children’s book ever to win the Whitbread (Costa) Book of the Year Award; Lyra’s Oxford; and Once Upon a Time in the North. Philip Pullman’s other books for children and young adults include The Scarecrow and His Servant, Two Crafty Criminals!, I Was a Rat!, Spring-Heeled Jack, Count Karlstein, The White Mercedes, and The Broken Bridge. He is also the author of the award-winning Sally Lockhart mysteries: The Ruby in t
he Smoke, The Tiger in the Well, The Shadow in the North, and The Tin Princess.

  Philip Pullman lives in Oxford, England. To learn more about the author and his work, please visit hisdarkmaterials.com and philip-pullman.com, and follow him on Twitter at @PhilipPullman.

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