Book of Enchantments
Patricia C. Wrede
Book Of Enchantments
by Patricia C. Wrede
Journey to the Enchanted Forest and Beyond
* A princess finds true love (and a very conceited unicorn) in the Enchanted Forest. ...
* To rid his land of enemies, a soldier must make a terrible sacrifice for the woman he loves. . ..
* A young mercenary is hired to escort a beautiful noblewoman on a journey and takes with him a strange old sword that could protect them—or lead them into danger. . . .
* A careless sultan terrorizes a family with curse after curse, until he casts one they may never be able to break. .. .
* On a field trip, two students encounter an ancient witch who is determined to keep them from getting home. ...
* A harp made of bone sings of murder. . . .
From Queen Cimorene's Frying Pan of Doom to Rikiki, a nut-mad blue chipmunk, these ten tales offer wit, wisdom, magic, and more!
Storytelling World Award Honor Winner
"High entertainment... amusing and witty." —The Alan Review
"Varied and satisfying." —Kirkus Reviews "A road map to enchantment... clever and inventive." —The Bulletin
For the people who urged me
to try writing short:
Jane Yolen and the denizens
of Fidonet WRITING echo
Contents
The Frying Pan of Doom
Rlkiki and the Wizard
The Princess, the Cat, and the Unicorn
Roses by Moonlight
The Sixty-two Curses of Caliph Arenschadd
Earthwitch
The Sword-Seller
The Lorelei
Stronger Than Time
Cruel Sisters
Utensile Strength
Quick After-Battle Triple Chocolate Cake
Notes from the Author
The Frying Pan of Doom
ClMORENE AND Mendanbar settled the crowns on their heads just as Willin came through the doorway with a young man carrying a large cast-iron frying pan.
"Your Majesties, Tamriff of High Holes wishes an audience."
"Thank you, Willin," said the King. "What did you want to see us about, Tamriff?"
"This," Tamriff replied, carefully raising the frying pan.
"What does it do?" Cimorene asked. "Make gourmet meals, or just instant eggs-and-bacon for however many people you need to feed?"
The young man sighed. "No. That's the problem. It's a weapon."
"A weapon? It's a frying pan."
"My father is an enchanter," Tamriff explained. "He decided to create the ultimate weapon, something powerful and wondrous that heroes would fight over for centuries. The Sword of Doom he wanted to call it. Only Mother came in with the frying pan at just the wrong minute and the spell went wrong and fixed itself to the frying pan."
Mendanbar blinked. "The Frying Pan of Doom. How... unusual."
—From the Enchanted Forest story, "Utensile Strength"
* * *
Rlkiki and the Wizard
A S'Rian Folk Story
Once there was a wizard whose luck time was three days long. He was the luckiest wizard in the world, and he worked hard at his magic. He did a good business working spells for the people of Liavek. But the wizard was not satisfied.
He bought himself musty dusty books in Old Tichenese and burned sheep-fat lamps until late at night while he read them and practiced the spells they contained. Soon he had a house on Wizards' Row, and the Levar himself was buying spells from him. But the wizard was not satisfied.
He traveled to faraway places to learn their magics, then went into his cellar and invented spells of his own. He became the best wizard in the world, as well as the luckiest. People came from Ka Zhir and Tichen and even from the Farlands just to buy spells from him. The wizard became very rich and very famous. But he was still not satisfied.
"Everyone knows who I am now," he said to himself. "But in a few hundred years they will not remember me. I must find a way to make my reputation last."
Now, the wizard had a daughter of whom he was very proud. She had skin like a flower petal, and long hair that fell down to her feet, and bright black eyes that danced like the sun on the Sea of Luck. She was the most beautiful woman in seven cities, and her name was Ryvenna.
The wizard decided to call on the gods and offer his daughter in marriage to whichever one would promise to make him so rich and so famous that he would never be forgotten for as long as people lived around the Sea of Luck. "For," he thought, "not only will I be as rich and famous as anyone could desire, I will also get my Ryvenna a husband worthy of her beauty."
The wizard made his preparations and cast his spells. He worked for a week to get everything right. But the gods were angry with him, because he had never asked his daughter whether she agreed to his plan.
"Bad enough that he presumes we'd want her," grumbled Welenen the Rain-Bringer. "But giving the girl away without telling her? He acts as if she were a pet dog or a camel!" And the other gods agreed.
So when the wizard cast his spell, none of the gods would answer. He called and called, for two days and for three days, and nothing happened. Finally he resolved to try one last time. He set out the gold wire and burned the last of the special herbs and put all of his luck into the spell (and he was the luckiest wizard in the world).
Now, Rikiki had been at the meeting where all the gods agreed not to answer the wizard's summons, and he had agreed with them. But Rikiki is a blue chipmunk, and chipmunks do not have long memories. Furthermore, they are insatiably curious. When the wizard put all his effort into his last try, Rikiki couldn't resist answering, just to see what was happening. So when the smoke cleared, the wizard saw a blue chipmunk sitting before him, looking up at him with black eyes. "Nuts?" asked Rikiki.
The wizard was very angry to find that the only god who had answered his summons was a blue chipmunk. But Rikiki was a god, so the wizard said, "Rikiki! I will give you my daughter, who is the most beautiful woman in seven cities, if you will make me as rich and famous as I desire!"
"Daughter?" said Rikiki. "What daughter? New kind of nut?"
"No! She is a woman, the most beautiful woman in seven cities, and I will give her to you if you do as I ask!"
"Oh!" said Rikiki. "Seven cities of nuts! What want?"
"No, no! My daughter, not nuts!"
"Daughter? Don't want daughter. Want nuts! Where nuts?"
By this time, the wizard had decided that Rikiki was no use to him, so he said, "North, Rikiki. North along the shore of the Sea of Luck. Lots of nuts, Rikiki!"
"Good!" said Rikiki. "Like nuts!" And he scurried out of the wizard's house and ran north. He ran up and down the shore of the Sea of Luck, looking for the nuts the wizard had promised, but he didn't find any. He dug holes in the ground, looking for the nuts. The dirt that he threw out of the holes became the Silverspine Mountains, but Rikiki didn't find any nuts. So he went back to the wizard's house.
"No nuts north!" said Rikiki. "Where nuts?"
"I don't have any nuts!" said the wizard. "Go away!"
"Said nuts north. Didn't find nuts. Want nuts! Where look?"
"Go west, Rikiki," said the wizard. "Go a long, long way. Find nuts. And don't come back!"
"Good!" said Rikiki. "Like nuts!" And he scurried out of the wizard's house and ran west. He ran for a long, long time, but he didn't find any nuts. Finally he came to a mountain range on the other side of the plains. "No nuts here," said Rikiki, and he turned around and went back. It was midday and the sun was very hot. Rikiki let his tail droop on the ground as he ran, and it made a line in the dusty ground. The line became the Cat River. But Rikiki still didn't find any nuts. So he went to see the wizard again.
"N
o nuts west!" Rikiki said when he got back to the wizard's house. "Where nuts?"
"Not again!" said the wizard.
"Want nuts!" Rikiki insisted. He looked at the wizard with his black eyes.
The wizard remembered that Rikiki was a god, and he began to be a little frightened. "No nuts here, Rikiki," he said.
"Promised nuts!" said Rikiki. "Where?"
The wizard thought for a moment, then he said, "Go south, Rikiki. Go a long, long way south." He knew that south of Liavek is the Sea of Luck, and he was sure that it was deep enough and wide enough to drown a chipmunk, even if the chipmunk was a god.
Rikiki nodded and scurried off. The wizard heaved a sigh of relief and sat down to think of some other way to become rich and famous forever.
Now, the wizard's daughter Ryvenna had been listening at the door since her father started his spell casting. She had thought Rikiki sounded nice, so she ran out to the Two-Copper Bazaar and bought some chestnuts from a street vendor. She returned just in time to hear the wizard send Rikiki south to drown in the Sea of Luck.
Quickly, Ryvenna opened up the bag of chestnuts. When Rikiki came scurrying out, she said, "Nuts, Rikiki! Here are nuts!" and held out the bag.
Rikiki stopped. "Nuts? Nuts for Rikiki?" He came over and sat in Ryvenna's lap while she fed him all the chestnuts she had brought from the Two-Copper Bazaar. When he finished, he looked up and said hopefully, "Nice nut lady! More nuts?"
"I'm sorry, Rikiki," said Ryvenna. "They're all gone."
"Oh! Fix easy," said Rikiki. He looked at the empty bag and crossed his eyes, and the bag was full again. "More nuts!" he said, and Ryvenna fed him again.
Rikiki was finishing the second bag of nuts when the wizard came out of his study. "What is he doing here?" the wizard demanded when he saw Rikiki.
"Eating nuts," said his daughter coolly. She was annoyed with him for trying to marry her to a god without asking her, and for trying to drown Rikiki. "He made the bag fill up again after it was empty."
"I don't care about nuts!" said the wizard.
Rikiki looked up. "Not like nuts?"
"Nuts aren't worth anything for people! I want gold! I want to be famous! And I want that blue chipmunk out of my house!"
"Oh!" said Rikiki, He looked cross-eyed at the bag again, then said to Ryvenna, "Dump over."
Ryvenna turned the bag upside down. A stream of gold chestnuts fell out, more chestnuts than the bag could possibly hold. They rolled all over the floor. The wizard stood staring with his mouth open.
"Gold nuts for nice nut lady!" said Rikiki happily.
The wizard closed his mouth and swallowed twice. Then he said, "What about my fame?"
"Fame?" said Rikiki. "What fame? Fame good to eat? Like nuts?"
"No, Rikiki," Ryvenna said. "Fame is having everyone know who you are. Father wants to be so famous no one will ever forget him."
"Oh!" Rikiki thought for a minute. "Not forget?"
"That's right!" said the wizard eagerly.
Rikiki sat very still, staring at the wizard, and his tail twitched. Then he said, "Not forget! All fixed."
"You have?" said the wizard, who was beginning to regret sending Rikiki to drown in the Sea of Luck.
"All done," Rikiki replied. He looked at Ryvenna. "Nuts all gone. 'Bye, nice nut lady!" And he disappeared.
"Well," said the wizard, "there's the last of my wishes; that blasted blue chipmunk is gone."
"I thought he was cute," said Ryvenna.
"Bah! He's a silly blue god who'll do anything for nuts. It was very clever of you to get some for him. Now help me pick up these gold chestnuts he made for me; we wouldn't want to lose one."
The wizard bent over and tried to pick up one of the golden chestnuts, but as soon as he touched it, it turned into a real chestnut. He threw it down and tried another, but the same thing happened. Only Ryvenna could pick up the golden chestnuts without changing them back into real ones, and the magic chestnut bag would only make more gold for her. Worse yet, the wizard discovered that whenever he touched one of his gold levars it, too, turned into a chestnut. So did his jeweled belts and bracelets. Even the food he ate turned into chestnuts as soon as he touched it.
The wizard tried to keep his affliction a secret, but it was impossible. Soon everyone was talking about what Rikiki had done to the luckiest wizard in the world. Even people who never bought spells and who had no dealings with magicians heard the story and laughed at it. So the wizard became more famous than ever, more famous, indeed, than he wanted to be. And his fame has lasted to this day, for people still tell his story.
Ryvenna was a clever woman, and she knew that magic does not last. The magic chestnut bag ran out in a year and a day, but before it did she had poured a goodly supply of gold chestnuts from it. She became a wealthy woman, and eventually fell in love with and married a sea captain who was as kind as he was handsome. And she never forgot to leave a bowl of nuts at the door for Rikiki every night as long as she lived.
* * *
The Princess, the Cat, and the Unicorn
Princess Elyssa and her sisters lived in the tiny, comfortable kingdom of Oslett, where nothing ever seemed to go quite the way it was supposed to. The castle garden grew splendid dandelions, but refused to produce either columbine or deadly nightshade. The magic carpet had a bad case of moths and the King's prized seven-league boots only went five-and-a-half leagues at a step (six leagues, with a good tailwind).
There were, of course, compensations. None of the fairies lived close enough to come to the Princesses' christenings (though they were all most carefully invited) so there were no evil enchantments laid on any of the three Princesses. The King's second wife was neither a wicked witch nor an ogress, but a plump, motherly woman who was very fond of her stepdaughters. And the only giant in the neighborhood was a kind and elderly Frost Giant who was always invited to the castle during the hottest part of the summer (his presence cooled things off wonderfully, and he rather liked being useful).
The King's councillors, however, complained bitterly about the situation. They felt it was beneath their dignity to run a kingdom where nothing ever behaved quite as it should. They grumbled about the moths and dandelions, muttered about the five-and-a-half-league boots, and remonstrated with the Queen and the three Princesses about their duties.
Elyssa was the middle Princess, and as far as the King's councillors were concerned she was the most unsatisfactory of all. Her hair was not black, like her elder sister Orand's, nor a golden corn color, like her younger sister Dacia's. Elyssa's hair was mouse brown. Her eyes were brown, too, and her chin was the sort usually described as "determined." She was also rather short, and she had a distressing tendency to freckle.
"It's all very well for a middle Princess to be ordinary," the chief of the King's councillors told her in exasperation. "But this is going too far!"
"It was only the second-best teapot," said Elyssa, who had just broken it. "And I did say I was sorry."
"If you'd only pay more attention to your duties, things like this wouldn't happen!" the councillor huffed.
"I dusted under the throne just this morning," said Elyssa indignantly. "And it's Orand's turn to polish the crown!"
"I don't mean those duties!" the councillor snapped. "I mean the duties of your position. For instance, you and Orand ought to be fearfully jealous of Dacia, but are you? No! You won't even try."
"I should think not!" Elyssa said. "Why on earth should I be jealous of Dacia?"
"She's beautiful and accomplished and your father's favorite, and—and elder Princesses are supposed to dislike their younger sisters," the councillor said.
"No one could dislike Dacia," Elyssa said. "And besides, Papa wouldn't like it."
The councillor sighed, for this was undoubtedly true. "Couldn't you and Orand steal a magic ring from her?" he pleaded. "Just for form's sake?"
"Absolutely not," Elyssa said firmly, and left to get a broom to sweep up the remains of the teapot.
"Hmmph," said the Queen. "They're being ridiculous, as usual. I could have your father talk to them, if you wish."
"It won't do any good," Elyssa said.
"You're probably right," the Queen agreed, and they sat for a moment in gloomy silence.
"I wish I could just run off to seek my fortune," Elyssa said with a sigh.
Her stepmother straightened up suddenly. "Of course! The very thing. Why didn't I think of that?"
"But I'm the middle Princess," Elyssa said. "It's youngest Princesses who go off to seek their fortunes."
"You've been listening to those councillors too much," the Queen said. "They won't like it, of course, but that will be good for them." The Queen was not at all fond of the councillors because they kept trying to persuade her to turn her stepdaughters into swans or throw them out of the castle while the King was away.
"It would be fun to try," Elyssa said in a wistful tone. She had always liked the idea of running off to seek her fortune, even if most of the stories did make it sound rather uncomfortable.
"It's the perfect solution," the Queen assured her. "I'll arrange with your father to leave the East Gate unlocked tomorrow night, so you can get out. Orand and Dacia can help you pack. And I'll write you a reference to Queen Hildegard from two kingdoms over, so you'll be able to find a nice job as a kitchen maid. We won't tell the councillors a thing until after you've left."
To Elyssa's surprise, the entire Royal Family was positively enthusiastic about the scheme. Orand and Dacia had a long, happy argument about just what Elyssa ought to carry in her little bundle. The King kissed her cheek and told her she was a good girl and he hoped she would give the councillors one in the eye. And the Queen offered Elyssa the magic ring she had worn when she was a girl going off on adventures. (The ring turned out to have been swallowed by the castle cat, so Elyssa didn't get to take it with her after all. Still, as she told her stepmother, it was the thought that counted.) All in all, by the time Elyssa slipped out of the postern door and set off into the darkness, she was downright happy to be getting away.
