Cosmic Dissonances

Cosmic Dissonances

  Owen Bittner

  Contents

  iii..

  iv.celestial dissonance

  v.softly

  vi.as One

  vii.Jimmy Knew His Scriptures

  viii.Baaa

  ix.confessions of a Narcissistic Snowflake

  x.Dragon

  xi..even

  xii.epitaph

  xiii.Feather

  xiv.Flight

  xv.Fracture

  xvi.his Vow

  xvii.invisible GF occurrence

  xviii.(leftovers)

  xix.Ode to Zingiber

  xx.Portrait, of i

  xxi.potatohead

  xxii.potatohead

  xxiii.percipitive decay

  xxiv.skin

  xxv.they Said

  xxvi.Wilt

  xxvii.Wishing Well

  xxviii.Words Convoluted

  xxix.Dog

  xxx.Paper Targets

  xxxi.Resignation

  xxxii.Haikus

  xxxiii.Cinquains

  xxxiv.‘busa porn

  xxxv.The ABBY- hybrid short story/poetry

  xxxvi.But You Look Fine- my personal experience with TBI

  Cosmic Dissonance

  By Owen Bittner

  Copyright ©2013 Owen Bittner

  Thank you for downloading this e-book

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this work, in whole or in part, in any form.

  celestial dissonance

  Dusk consumes with the closing of our eyes

  against the appetite of the darkness

  Stellar judgments stab at the bitter haze of regret

  as uninvited dreams infiltrate our sleep

  Awakened, viciously shaken, seeking that soothing

  touch while knowing it is no longer there

  Apathetic footprints imbedded on the moons face

  a reminder of the presence long since gone

  Encircled by bodies with not a hand to clutch

  finds us contritely glowering at the heavens

  softly

  Fading to gray, memories grow small

  Into the mist, barely remembered at all

  Ghosts did haunt, now solace grant

  Fictions in which we will not recant

  Construct of our present selves remade

  Liability of our past, karmas debt repaid

  As ivy, up our sandstone core it climbs

  Strangling verve, savagely at times

  Lamenting desires left all but unsaid

  Declared not to ears but on faces read

  Future held what none could’ve known

  Hearts turn leaden,

  palpable futures blown

  as One

  The first contact of skin on skin

  Hundredth time as the first, exhilarating

  Gentle kiss on back of your neck

  Smell of your hair, been all day waiting

  Your reactions quicken my beat

  Making love to you with a kiss, a touch

  Sketching outline of your curves

  Absence of words how it says so much

  Warm breath down your spine

  Stutter-breath affirming passion shared

  Crazy for you when we first met

  I was afraid, before first kiss was dared

  Pulling close to you, skin on skin

  Hand on your chest, feeling your heart

  Fingers interlocked, legs mixed up

  Melding as one, this is my favorite part

  Jimmy Knew His Scriptures

  Pope Urban Antioch crusade

  Die or be saved

  Muslims slain in the name

  of the Word-

  Reverend Parris Salem trial

  Heathen in denial

  Torture rack turn the dial

  Light ‘em up–

 

  Simmons White-sheet brigade

  Cross bonfire raid

  Slipknot hemp nooses made

  Down in Paluski–

  Adolph watercolor Aryan clan

  Kosher Jewish ban

  Master race purity plan

  Ovens bursting–

  Jim Jones scriptures observed

  Refreshments served

  Place in heaven reserved

  Sent from Guyana–

  Josef Fritzl basement Love-nest

  Father knows best

  24 years chained incest

  sex Toy daughter–

  Forgive them

  for they,

  like Jimmy, knew

  their scriptures.

  Baaa

  Wrong or right

  Tainted society painted

  Stark contrast of Black and White

  Labeled for ease

  No cause for thinking

  Just see what everyone else sees

  Monochrome simplicity

  Mute sheep blankly staring

  Eagerly absorbing hates toxicity

  Colors fading pale

  Vibrant world turned dull

  Black and White, Ahab and whale

  Resistant to changing

  A reordering of prejudices

  While believing they are thinking

  Division rules today

  Perpetuated by the masses

  Black or White, no hint of gray

  confessions of a Narcissistic snowflake

  Look at me! skillfully flying above

  those inferior flakes,

  Purest white of pristine perfection

  Yeh- I’ve got what it takes

  When winter is imagined I am the dude

  they fantasize about,

  Poster-boy of winter’s magnificence

  “Oh how beautiful” they shout

  Photographs of my chiseled features

  adorning Christmas cards,

  jealous much? Haters see me fallin’

  they be hatin’ hard

  Fred Astaire in the twilight, on the wind

  lighter than a feather,

  More graceful than a cool breeze

  in summer weather

  Look at the frozen water wishing they were me

  Puny snoweyFlakes

  Dragon

  We promised we’d love always

  Forever–yeh, like everything a fucking lie

  Deceiving as the myth of a God

  Breathed panting and sweaty intent to pacify

  Always, our whisper of lovers speak

  when lust ruled our empty hearts

  Ever-more was a set-up of intentions

  adoration became a deceitful farce

  Our inadvertent lies would always be truth

  addiction smiling down, again flying high

  Choosing your Dragon ride over sobriety

  counting the tics ‘til next fix, when you die

  Our betrayal of forever was assured

  brutally spinning our promises moot

  Discarding intentions rampant in the gutter

  trampled beneath a junky’s naked foot

  Words necessarily spoken to fit the moment

  forever was a bullshit promise in the night

  You gave a smile when needle bore the hole

  the strongest person I’ve known

  - lost your fight

  .even

  Justified

  Conscience petrified

  Morality whore

  Retribution

  Hates’ prostitution

  Saturated core

  Sanctified

  Bloodbath tide

  Bodies torn

  Execution

  Foes fusion

  .even

  Epitaph

  Wrong or right.

&
nbsp; Painted society

  utter Black and White.

  Monochrome simplicity.

  Mute sheep staring

  vomit hates’ toxicity.

  Empathy sinking.

  Reordering prejudices

  believe are thinking.

  Bright raped dull

  Black And White

  colors fade pale.

  feather

  Feet dangling wishing never to meet the ground, watching

  as a sunrise Dali paints the waking clouds with

  surreal brushstrokes of brilliant red and fierce orange

  The world without hatred, stunning from my view up high

  in reality an earth waking from a restless slumber

  wearily pleading a ceasefire for the sake of humanity

  Overwhelmed by the irony of this paradoxical moment

  I am afforded a glimpse of such stunning sights

  as I’m on task to make sure someone else ceases to be

  Wishing to float forever never to touch down, anxious

  over the viciousness expected against a person

  I’ve never met taking all he is

  and all he will ever be

  Squeezing my lids tight

  as a drop escapes

  This moment in the scrapbook

  of my psyche

  How have we come to this?

  flight

  Darkness – void of sound, feeling,

  and motion; a tranquil ethereal chill

  has infiltrated from within,

  not one of temperature but from

  when something is

  just not right

  Trembling – overpowering and

  violent – undermines me; I try to move

  my body will not respond.

  Slowly I am aware of a radiance,

  shapes hover over me

  focus is elusive

  Voice – soft of studied empathy

  and ambiguous dissociation recites

  “You were in an accident…

  you are on LifeFlight...

  Stay with us....”

  I return to Darkness.

  fracture

  incision Bad decision Blood soaked Love choked

  dead tissue reminder

  disfigured clown Joke of town Brain-dead Broken head

  brilliant breakdown

  pain comfort Insecurity covert Convincing liar Emotions fire

  hands of her

  love well Into it fell Don’t ask why Never show hurt Soul’s her dessert

  deceived by trust

  passionate backhand Random precision Eyes blackened

  Beauty in the Breakdown

  Ugly disfigured Clown

  Picture me Broken

  his Vow

  He trusts in Dad to him keep safe

  only to be abused by the one he loves

  Wide trusting eyes searching for lost hope

  slapped down with a leaden glove

  Betrayed by the man meant to protect

  now a beaten kid distrusting of everyone

  Violence the old mans solution to everything

  big man with an iron fist for his son

  Has it down to an art, where to strike

  broken bone heal, fracture easy to hide

  Yeh, the clumsy kid fell of the swing again

  You’re not hurt kid, only your pride

  Takes his licks from pops like a man

  Punching bag for a giant, his tiny body breaks

  Vows to never be like this coward, this

  big man with an iron fist

  for his son

  Invisible gf occurrence

  Scientist girlfriend

  Big beautiful brain

  Particle physicist girlfriend

  Particle physicist girlfriend

  Gamma ray zap

  Lab accident girlfriend

  Lab accident girlfriend

  Can’t see her anymore

  Invisible girlfriend

  Invisible girlfriend

  Can’t see her anymore

  Broken-hearted girlfriend

  (leftovers)

  Epidemic of the mannequins

  placid faces’ painted

  smiles,

  faux compassion thinly veiled

  apathy.

  Heartbeat supplanted with a

  ticking machine

  counting,

  bills extracted from account

  overdrawn.

 

  Sunshine warmth gold card

  glow, leasing

  identity

  thirty months at a time with

  zero down.

  Accountability exchanged for

  delegation of blame

  to satiate

  the seducers of defeat, Viagra

  powertrip.

  His midnight fulfillment from

  Fuck-buddy surrogate,

  emotional

  disconnect to lone dinner, hot

  microwaved empty

  reality a leftover

  marriage plate,

  reheated.

  Xanies with red wine chaser, hmo

  self-medication dream

  exchange plan, Pfizer

  and a Merlot pharm

  consolation, d-cell

  lover date night

  companion,

  Questioning why she is

  not enough.

  ode to Zingiber

  “Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.”- P.G. Wodehouse

  oh minx of

  Flaming mane’s passionate flowing

  wedded with such a free and fiery spirit

  Pollock phrases on fair skin glowin’

  Helen of Troy and goddess Aphrodite

  Elizabeth I and Cleopatra, Lucy I’m home

  Timeless beauties dreamt of nightly

  Exquisite splendor brings me to my knees

  My sensibility off the table for an auburn woman

  “Hair of the rising sun” to Cherokee

  Leonardo di calls you bella testarossa

  roux to Pierre’, Portuguese rovia, Ginger

  Natura’s tribute with her Lily Gloriosa

  Legendary sweet stealer of souls

  each freckle another man’s heart taken

  I surrender to an eternity of red-hot coals

  Portrait, of i

  scars, dead tissue reminders

  of past misadventure,

  some hidden – to visit

  when I’m alone

  ink, graphic skin narrative

  of my private account,

  picture-book story

  for all to browse

  eyes, wide angle recorder

  of the humanity near,

  witness of man’s best

  and worst acted

  mortal, active participant

  of our human tribe,

  vulnerable to fears

  also to affection

  journal, leather bound tome

  of many tattered pages,

  broken-back record

  with cryptic entries

  potatohead

  Reality show disconnect,

  escape artist

  airwaves silver surfer.

  Apathetic deference,

  Fox News terrorists

  assailing homes nightly

  perpetuating hate and fear,

  corporate kkk

  crosses burning in

  hd plasma color.

  Wag the Dog of Bentham –

  greater good of

  military-industrial

  patriarch,

  plane folding house-

  of-cards tower

  inciting ten years of

  deceit, hiding

  in plain sight.

  WMDs and clown

  free-world leader

  laughing stock

  potatohead,

  pentagon 767 missile

  m
isdirection

  twin towers implosion

  Afghan pipeline

  twenty-first century call-to-arms.

  Surrendering freedom

  to parasite regime,

  raping liberties –

  Gitmo Roach Motel,

  patriot Act prophylactic

  blanket leavings us

  cold

  any way we stretch it.

  War on terrorism

  punch-line of

  potbelly playground

  bullies, wondering why

  we are hated

  while bitch-slapped

  down off our

  bleached pony,

  rattling saber

  Seppuku

  with god approved

  martyrdom.

  Politicians consuming

  the carcass of

  society as

  stepping stones for

  political agenda,

  gym class to M-16 PTSD

  generations lost

  chastity and

  freestyle curiosity

  replaced by kill counts,

  taking flame to

  paper-mache adolescence.

  Guilt-cancelling yellow

  ribbons for daughters

  and brothers

  the bill,

  price of their pilfered

  psyches payable only

  when people

  question why

  Percipitive Decay

  Crystalized expectations falling at once the same as and different to the others, bringing promise and renewal masking breakdown and destruction with a blanket of forgiveness and perfection. Scrutinized with a sense of hope(yet of) disdain in the knowing of inevitable melted decay of such beauty a parallel of being. Salvation of the forgiven in a time of despair when a smile makes a difference, an absolution of white for a barren world of our own design. Expectations of paradise shattered by the reality of an Atlantis imagined, a utopia for the dementia of those given to delusion of solace in a time of quarantine where touch is connection all but forgotten. Words as stilettos penning mortal wounds with insolent stares, implicit contempt dismisses the unwanted and unclaimed denying that we are all less than three steps from a box and steam grate. Silence the jaded intention a false condemnation as payback for indiscretions imagined stealing trust with a grin, killing others with longing as weapon of choice. New face chance meeting fresh hope to get it right this time, fresh layer of addiction to build a fortress to emotions and trust. Beauty invitingly bitter to touch freezing breath upon lips as chilling crush of anguish clenches a fleeting embrace, neither the snow or the flower have faith in forever instead consuming the moment fantasizing an impending spring in which the fluxing snow nourishes the blossom. Enticing symbiosis of selfish seasons.