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The Pride of Jared MacKade

Nora Roberts


  Hers wasn’t all that important. She knew how to hammer it out. Time and work and the home she’d continue to make would all help. She didn’t need a man to make her whole. Never had. She would see to it that her son never felt the lack of a father. But she would punish Jared for raising Bryan’s hopes.

  The bastard had made himself part of their lives. Flowers, damn him. Playing catch in the yard, taking Bryan over to the farm, awakening her in bed the way no one, damn him again, no one ever had.

  Then looking down at her from his lofty lawyer’s height. Questioning her morals and her actions and her motives. Making her feel more, then making her feel less, than she’d ever been. Making her question herself.

  He wasn’t going to get away with it. Without realizing it, she shifted to the center of the bed, so that it wouldn’t feel so empty. He couldn’t worm his way into their lives, then start making demands. Who was she, where had she been, what did she want? She didn’t owe him any answers, and she was going to prove it.

  He’d wormed his way in, all right, she thought, scowling at the ceiling. He’d made her feel foolish and inadequate and, for the first time in ten very long years, vulnerable. Now he thought he could worm his way out again because she wasn’t just exactly what he preferred in a…

  She sneered at the word. In a wife.

  She hated him for that, really hated him for making her start to think, start to hope and even plan along those lines, without her even being aware of it. Until Bryan brought it up, she hadn’t realized she was dreaming, just a little, about happy-ever-after.

  Like the fairy tales she illustrated, with their strong and passionate princes.

  It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. A woman like her, a woman who had managed through sheer will and grit to shrug off the bruises life handed out, to be brought this low by a man.

  She’d survived alone. She’d gone hungry, worked until she was dizzy with fatigue, had taken jobs that scraped at her pride. She’d been turned out by her own father when she needed him most.

  And none of that, not one of the painful or difficult experiences in her life, had ever left her as low as this.

  And none of that, she had made certain, had ever brought Bryan one moment’s sadness.

  She took a deep breath, then another. She would show Jared MacKade just what kind of woman she was. The kind of woman who didn’t need him.

  Jared decided brooding on the front porch with a beer on a Saturday afternoon wasn’t such a bad thing. He was almost enjoying it. It was a beautiful day, and he was pleasantly fatigued from the morning’s work.

  His brothers were with him, and it was a good feeling, to have all of them there. Just passing an hour, he mused, at home. Watching the grass grow and the dogs race over it.

  Maybe, just maybe, in a little while, he’d stroll on over to the cabin. He figured he’d given her time enough to stew, to calm down and see reason.

  He’d given himself almost enough time, as well. He was almost ready, not quite but almost ready, to admit he’d been somewhat heavy-handed. Maybe just the slightest bit unreasonable.

  Still, she’d been ridiculous. Accusing him of being threatened by a photograph, of wanting a different kind of woman. Of not being satisfied with her because she didn’t read Kafka.

  God knew where she’d come up with that.

  He didn’t appreciate the comparison of her life with his, either. Made him sound like a narrow-minded sexist. Which he certainly was not.

  It was different, that was all.

  “Talking to himself,” Devin commented as he whittled a piece of wood.

  “Been doing it since he got here yesterday.” Shane yawned and kicked back in his chair. “You ask me, Savannah kicked his butt out.”

  That, and Rafe’s snorting laugh, snagged Jared’s attention. “She did not. I left to make a point.”

  “Yeah.” Rafe winked at Devin. “What point was that?”

  Eyes narrowed, Jared tipped back his beer. “That she’d better start seeing things the way they are.”

  This statement was greeted by hoots.

  “His way,” Rafe pointed out. “It always has to be his way or no way.”

  “Bull.” Unoffended, Jared crossed his ankles. “It just has to be the right way.”

  From his perch on the top step, Devin shifted, leaned his back against the post. “So, what was she doing wrong?”

  “She holds back. I get a call from Howard Beels this morning, thanking me for introducing them. Seems she went over there yesterday and he bought three of her paintings.” Just thinking of it had him simmering again. “Does she tell me? No. What kind of relationship is that? I don’t get anything out of her without a direct question, and then she only answers half the time.”

  Amused, Shane stretched his arms. “And I just bet you’ve been full of questions, too. What happened then? What did you do? What chain of events led to that? And where were you on the night in question?”

  Jared’s punch would have been stronger if Shane hadn’t been a full arm’s length away. “I don’t interrogate her. I ask. I want to know about her. A man has a right to know the woman he’s going to marry.”

  Rafe choked on a gulp of beer. “When did that happen?”

  “I knew it.” With a heavy sigh, Shane flipped the top of the cooler and got out a beer for himself. “I just knew it.”

  Eyes bland, Devin studied Jared. “You asked Savannah to marry you?”

  “No. I didn’t get a chance to tell her—”

  “Tell her.” Now Devin grinned. “Typical.”

  “You might try to see my side of it,” Jared grumbled. “I realized that’s what I want. I was thinking about it, going over it, and then I see she’s gotten the effects from her father. She hadn’t told me it had come. There was a photograph of her with Bryan’s father.”

  “Hmm…” Rafe’s comment went for all of them.

  “When I asked her about it, she got defensive.”

  “Hostile witness,” Shane murmured, and earned a glare.

  “She tossed it out,” Jared continued. “Like it meant nothing.”

  “Maybe that’s just what it meant,” Devin put in.

  “Look, the bastard got her pregnant, then abandoned her. Her father kicks her out. She’s sixteen, for God’s sake. It means something. But she won’t come out with it. She won’t tell me. What she does is start accusing me of idiotic things. Then she says, get this, she says that I figure it was all right for me to sow wild oats or whatever, to get in trouble and kick some butt. But I expect her to be untouched or a victim, or words to that effect. It’s insulting.”

  Rafe regarded the lip of his beer bottle. “It’s true.”

  “The hell it is.”

  “Sorry, bro. You pass the bar, buy yourself a couple of lawyer suits—”

  “Do you want me to break your nose again?”

  “In a minute. Anyway, after a while you decide it’s time to get married, so you pick out an ice queen, one with no baggage, no secrets, no noticeable flaws. You know why?”

  Temper percolating, Jared eyed him. “Why don’t you tell me?”

  “Because the image worked for you. It didn’t take you long to realize the woman didn’t, because you’re pretty sharp most of the time. Now, Savannah, there’s a woman with baggage, some secrets, a few flaws. The image is a little hard to tuck into a box, but the woman works.”

  He wanted to argue, to debate, to tear the hypothesis to shreds. And discovered he couldn’t. So he swore instead.

  “Kafka,” he muttered as a light dawned. “Barbara read Kafka.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me,” Rafe said cheerfully.

  Trying it all from a new angle, Jared took out a cigar. “The argument is still valid that if two people want to build a future together, they have to trust each other enough to share the past. I want the boy, too,” he said, blowing out a stream of smoke.

  “Are you going to let a photograph stop you?” Devin asked quietly.

  �
�No. I’m not going to let anything stop me.”

  “Two down,” Shane complained. “You know, women start getting ideas when your brothers get married.”

  “Live with it,” Jared told him.

  All of them glanced over at the sound of a car coming up the lane, fast.

  So she’d come to her senses, he decided, proud of the fact that he’d given her the night to think it over. Now she was here, sorry she’d lost her temper, he imagined. Ready to sit down and discuss it all reasonably.

  He rose, moved over to lean on the post opposite Devin. He’d be big enough to apologize, as well, he thought. And to explain himself more coherently. He was sure that years from now they’d laugh over the whole foolish mess.

  He lifted the cigar to his lips, ready to welcome her, when she squealed to a halt at the end of the lane.

  The woman who unfolded herself from the car didn’t look conciliatory. She looked wild, glowing and stunning.

  “Oh-oh” was all Shane said, but he rolled his eyes merrily at Rafe.

  She didn’t speak, but stood with her hands on her hips, scanning the four men. An audience, she thought. Even better. Didn’t they all look smug and pleased with themselves just for being men?

  She swaggered around to the trunk, unlocked it. The box came first. The dogs jumped and circled around her in excited greeting as she carried it to the side of the car. With a wide smile she overturned it. Several articles of clothing tumbled out. Suits, ties, shirts, socks. Still smiling, she gave the heap a couple of good solid kicks to spread things out.

  Delighted, the dogs trampled over the clothes, sniffing and barking. Fred proved his recognition of Jared’s scent by lifting his leg.

  On the porch, four men watched in silence, with varying degrees of emotion.

  Ah, Jared’s favorite tie was snagged on her foot, she discovered. Eyes on his, she ground her heel into it.

  Rafe grinned like a loon. Shane let out one full belly laugh. Devin watched in rapt admiration.

  Jared just watched.

  She wasn’t finished. Not by a long shot. Back to the trunk she pulled out a leather-bound address book he’d left on the nightstand. Her smile cool, she held it open as if to demonstrate. Then tore the pages out and let them flutter onto the heap of the now dirty, dog-haired clothes.

  She took out his shoes. The good Italian leather first. Holding them down for Ethel to sniff, Savannah let the first one fly, then the second, and the dogs gave grateful chase. Tennis shoes went next. Two pairs, one of which, she was delighted to note, was only two weeks old.

  She hoped the dogs chewed them to shreds.

  There was shaving gear to deal with. She pitched a piece here, a piece there, drawing out the event until Shane simply rolled out of his chair onto the deck of the porch, helpless with laughter.

  But she’d saved the coup de grace. The wine.

  There had only been one bottle open, but she’d tossed that before she left. She uncorked all three, all fine vintages, expensively French. Chin up, eyes challenging, she walked back to what was left of his clothes. She tilted her head first, darkly pleased when his eyes went to green slits. With a veteran waitress’s skill, Savannah poured them out, all at once over his best suit.

  Done, she let the bottles fall with a clink on the grass. Still without having uttered a word, she strolled back to the car, slid behind the wheel. With a final smile, an arrogant salute, she backed up, swung around and drove down the lane.

  Other than Shane’s helpless laughter, there wasn’t a sound until Devin finally cleared his throat. He studied the mess on the lawn carefully, even patted Fred’s head when the dog devotedly brought him one of Jared’s mauled shoes.

  “Well,” he said at length. “I’d say she made her point, too.”

  “She’s a spooky woman,” Shane managed, mopping his streaming eyes. “I think I’m in love with her.”

  Because he knew what it was like to be at the mercy of his own heart, Rafe rose and slapped a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “You know, Jare, you got two choices.”

  He was all but quivering with fury. “Which are?”

  “Run like hell, or go get her. I know which one I’d choose.”

  Jared didn’t do anything for a couple of hours. He knew himself well enough to understand that his temper could be dangerous. He worked off some steam, and worked up a sweat in the barn before washing up.

  When he finally headed out, his anger was still there, but strapped in. She figured she was dumping him, he thought, like she’d dumped his things.

  But she was going to figure again.

  “Hey, Jare.” From the side yard where he was playing tug-of-war with the dogs over one of Jared’s shoes, Shane sent up a shout. “Tell Savannah we really enjoyed the show, okay?”

  “Remind me to kick your butt later.”

  She’d humiliated him, he fumed. In front of his brothers. Seeking control, he jammed his hands into his pockets and veered toward the woods. Not to mention that she’d ruined a good portion of his wardrobe.

  Thought she was damn clever, he was sure. He imagined she’d sat up half the night planning it all out. If he hadn’t been the brunt of it, he’d have admired her finesse. The sheer nerve of it.

  But he had been the one who took the brunt of it.

  The woods closed around him, but he didn’t experience the usual sense of peace and companionship. His mind was on the other side of them, on Savannah. And, he thought with relish, on revenge. Let’s see how she liked it when he went into her closet and—

  He stopped himself, took another deep breath. Look what the woman had brought him to. He was actually considering vandalizing her belongings in some sort of juvenile one-upmanship.

  Wasn’t going to happen. He would gain revenge by showing her that, despite her outrageous behavior, he was a reasonable man. To make certain he would be, Jared detoured off the path and sat down on the rocks.

  He couldn’t feel them—the ghosts that haunted this place with their sorrows and hopes and fears. Perhaps, he thought, because for the first time in a long time he was plagued with too many of his own.

  He’d known loss. The jarring, devastating loss of his parents. He’d lived with that, because he didn’t have a choice, and because, he thought, there were so many good, solid, important memories to draw on for comfort.

  And, of course, he’d always had his brothers.

  He’d known sorrow. He had been struck with it when he finally admitted his marriage had been a mistake. Not a disaster. Somehow that would have been better, less pale, than a simple, easily rectifiable mistake.

  Hope, of course. His life had been full of it, a gift from his parents, from his roots. Wherever there was hope there was fear, the price to be paid for the sweetness.

  He’d known all those emotions, used them or overcome them. But until Savannah, he’d never known anything so sharp, so vital. So frightening.

  The wind changed as he sat there, picked up, where it had been calm before. It fluttered the trees, whispered through the leaves that filtered sunlight. And chilled.

  They came here. He sat very still as he thought of it. The two boys, wearing different colors, came here. Each of them wanted only to find home again. To escape from the madness into the recognizable. The familiar. To find the sense of it all again, the meaning of it. The continuity of family, of people who knew and loved them. Accepted them.

  Maybe, in some odd way, that was what they’d fought for.

  For home.

  What an idiot he’d been, Jared realized, and closed his eyes as the wind scooped up dead leaves and swirled them around him. The two boys had never had a chance once they chose their path. But he had a chance. The same fate that had doomed those two soldiers so long ago had placed Savannah and Bryan right in front of him.

  Instead of accepting, he’d questioned. Instead of rejoicing, he’d doubted.

  Because what frightened him most was this blinding love. A love that demanded he protect, defend, treasure. And
he couldn’t protect the girl she had been, defend that girl against the cruel and thoughtless blows of life when no one else would help. She’d had to face it alone, without him. And, if necessary, she still could.

  That left him feeling impotent, and scorched his pride.

  So, he was an idiot. But she wasn’t going to get rid of him easily.

  He heard a rustling, and when he opened his eyes he wouldn’t have been surprised to see a young Confederate soldier, bayonet ready, fear bright as the sun in his eyes, step off the path.

  Instead, he saw Bryan, head down, feet scuffling leaves. He would have laughed at his overactive imagination if the boy’s pose hadn’t been one of such abject dejection.

  “Hey, Ace, how’s it going?”

  Bryan’s head came up. The smile, a bit more cautious than Jared was used to, fluttered around his mouth. “Hi. Just out walking. Mom’s in a mood.”

  “I know.” In an unspoken invitation, Jared patted the rock beside him. “She’s pretty steamed at me.”

  “She said you were steamed at her, too.”

  “I guess I was.” Instinctively Jared draped an arm over Bryan’s shoulders when the boy settled beside him. “I’m over it. Mostly.”

  “She’s not.” Ready for male bonding, Bryan rolled his eyes. “She kicked me out.”

  “No, kidding? Me, too.”

  The idea of that had Bryan chuckling. He didn’t think his mother had told Jared to go play outside, for God’s sake. “We can go live at the farm, till she cools off.”

  “We could,” Jared said consideringly. “Or I could go on over and try to smooth things out.”

  “Can you?”

  Jared looked down, and for the first time saw the worry in the boy’s eyes. “She’s not really mad at you, Bry. She’s mad at me.”

  “Yeah, I know. Can you make her not mad at you anymore?”

  “I hope so. When you tick her off, does she stay that way long?”

  “Nah. She can’t, ’cause…” There was no way to explain it. “She just can’t. But she’s never let a guy hang around like you, so maybe she can stay mad at you.”

  “She’s never…” He stopped himself. It was wrong to ask the child. “Maybe you should give me some pointers.”

  “Well.” Bryan pursed his lips as he thought about it. “She really digs the flowers you bring her. No one ever did that before, except once I brought her some little ones for her birthday. She got all mushy about it.”

  “No one ever brought her flowers,” Jared murmured. He wasn’t just an idiot. He was a champion idiot.

  “Nuh-uh,” Bryan continued, warming up. “No one ever took us out to ball games or for pizza, and she likes that, too.”

  This time he could ask, because it was for the boy. “No one ever took you to ball games or for pizza?”

  “Nah. I mean, Mom and me went, sure, but not with a guy who like set it up and stuff.” Bryan was thinking that over, how much he liked it, when inspiration struck. “Oh, yeah. And when you’re going to take her out, like on a date, she sings in the shower. She went out on dates before and all, but she never sang when she was getting ready. So maybe you should take her on a date. Girls like that stuff.”

  Jared determined there were going to be lots of ball games, lots of pizza, lots of dates and lots of flowers in Savannah and Bryan’s future. “Yeah, they do.”

  “Have you got any love words?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Like in the movies,” Bryan explained. “You know how the woman gets all moon-eyed when the guy says love words. Only the guy has to be kind of moon-eyed, too, to make it work. She might like that.”

  “She might.”

  Bryan sighed at the thought. “It’s probably embarrassing.”

  “Not if you mean them. Here’s the thing, Bryan.” Jared scooted away just