Love Only In Death



  Love Only In Death.

  Mathew Hall

  Copyright 2011 by Mathew Hall

  Once on the cool, yet mildly warm beach where the wind would gently whisper against our ears, and simply flow past , diminishing into the dark depths of this beautiful alone night, we tumbled onto the sand playing about, throwing it everywhere. Dashing and rolling until we stopped. Some how she had managed to role on top of me as I lay with my back down against the shiny, soft and gentle sand... We glare into each others eyes in an ecstatically wonderful moment of pure love, she tucks her hair behind her left ear using the arm that was free whilst the other one encases itself around the warm soft skin on my neck, in doing so she reaches down slowly as we both close our eyes and passionately kiss under the thousands of bright twinkling stars and elegance of the bright and full moon.... After this she jumped up and ran to play and dance around in the golden sand as I lay there and think just how beautiful she is and how much I just couldn't live without my wonderful Elizabeth... And Just how my life would be without her to turn it around from the wretched state it was before she so gracefully entered my life...

  "Up you come !" She said in a very enthusiastic and energetic tone of voice, almost shouting. She then pulled me up from the sand in which I lay and almost forced me to dance and play, with this I complied as dance and play was just what I wanted to do. So then we dance, and we play under the moonlight and on top of the golden sand where our bare feet scrape the mere movement as if it wanted to jump and play with us...

  Once again, we stopped. I gazed into her beautiful, gleaming eyes which were like the distant glare of the elegant bright moon's shine, reflecting it's mesmerizing image on the swaying, dark blue waves of the calm, tranquil sea, I realised... Just how lucky I am to be with such a wonderful, compassionate and just the uttermost perfect girl in every way, on this golden beach with our love burning like a wild forest fire in the middle of one wild summer.

  Still gazing into her eyes... So solemnly the words "I think it is time I told you something Elizabeth..." Escaped from my ever silent, until this moment, mouth...

  "Oh no... it is never good when these words are placed in conversation..."

  "This night has been just so perfect in every way up until

  now, what can it be?"

  Elizabeth said in a slow almost panicking tone of voice.

  "Elizabeth please don't worry my dear, its nothing bad. Well... Its simply something I have not told you yet... Something I think you should know." I said in a reassuring and quite tone of voice...

  Yet how could I be so confident?...This news. Such unbelievable news.... Should I tell her or should I not? If I told her she would be so upset and worried, where as if I didn't it would get worse and she wouldn't know until it was too late... But I think she has the right to know therefore she must know. So here goes...

  I open my mouth and start to shake immensely, as I don't know of her reaction for this is such big

  news.

  "Elizabeth.. Here goes, as you know I show my love for you as much as I can and spend everyday as if it were our last, simply for one reason. The reason is... I am ill Elizabeth, for all I know these could be my last Words to you..." I said in such a regretful and sorrow filled voice. She hugged me so tightly and cried silently onto my heightened Shoulder, heightened so she can rest on it. "You can not be serious! This cant!.. This wouldn't!... This just isn't happening!". "How ? When? Exactly what!?..." She replied in such a sorrow filled upset and just so heartbroken voice.

  Oh dear.. To myself I thought, I have turned such a perfect summers night on the sandy beautiful beach into such a horrible night of sorrow, disbelief and heartbreak... On both sides. I moved towards her ever so slowly, stroking her beautiful soft face and wiping away the tears, I mentioned that everything will be okay, in the end. I'm sure it will work out, Just how it should and just how we wish for it to. Gently I proceeded to stroke her face and pull her in further to kiss her... In the hope of lightening such a dull and ill mood I silently moved away, turned and gazed into her beautiful eyes and slowly began to dance and kick the sand. Beginning to laugh she started to join in and for that little moment it was as if what was just mentioned had never been said and that there was not a care in the world, all that mattered was us, our love and the sand beneath our feet in which we danced around on cautiously, avoiding seaweed in the part of the sand we recently entered. But then... as we were dancing the pain we just endured became worse as the illness became very apparent... This night started out oh so perfectly but then reduced to tears and what was to come next would send the night whirling out of reach.

  "WILLIAM!!!!" . My name is screamed out from her mouth as the tears fill her beautiful face. The sheer terror and heartbreak is apparent with every shaky, loud and upsetting scream that is made as I fall to the soft sandy floor, with my eyes rolling back and my right arm falling over my body as I then lay unresponsive, unconscious and in serious need of help...

  At this point all that Elizabeth can do and did do is race towards my pale body and put me in recovery position then call an ambulance, as she checked my pulse thankfully it was still beating a silent drum... du..dum..du..dum..du..dum, slowly and forcefully pushing the blood around the, recently vacant, veins of my body after the sudden attack of my weak, vacant muscle I like to call my heart even after the shocking job it has played throughout my unsteady and insecure lifetime. The alternating lights on the ambulance flashed closer and closer as it arrived to help the tragic incident following the night of a lifetime... The man, the tall handsome man with hair flowing down past his head to his shoulders which were sheathed in his green stripy standard uniform jacket, he spoke with a deep mesmerizing voice, excuse me, asking Elizabeth to move aside as he tries to help me. Yelling at the top of her soft, sweet yet scared voice

  "Please William.. PLEASE!.. Wake up. At least let me know you are okay!..."

  But no reply followed the ill fainted yell that shattered the heart of both Elizabeth and the man tending to me. In the ambulance as we were rushing to the hospital is when I began to awake, looking around the white medicine filled van, I saw Elizabeth sat next to me gripping my hand with all her might, crying.. wishing... hoping it will all be okay. I gripped her hand tightly back with as much of the despondent might I had in me, just to let her know I was okay and awaking. Her tears seemed to still stream but a smile appeared to emerge as I gripped tighter and tighter to the cold and shuddering hand of Elizabeth. Whispering I reassured her that every thing will be fine.. But once again how sure could I be? Was that the truth? Virtuously because it had never been this bad before! I tried to sit up on the cold table I was laying on in the ambulance so that I could hug Elizabeth yet, simply I could not. I was weak and unable to regain full mobility at this point in time. Was I to get worse?.

  There I lay, a whole 24 hours after the incident... My hospital bed covered in blood stains and other stains of what I wish not to know of, but all I could think about was Elizabeth. Sat beside me, still the tears ran down her face as she looked at me with such a misery filled look yet such happiness I had awaken from a long sleep that worried both Elizabeth and the doctors. I looked into her eyes, although worn out and red from her lack of sleep due to the worry of my health, they were still beautiful just as the rest of her. I whispered. "Elizabeth, I know things aren't the way you or I had planned right now, and I wish I could be out of this horrible, unclean and disease ridden hospital just to spend my time with you, once again playing about without a care in the world. By your side on a night as you lay so elegantly, sleeping, recharging so you're ready for another day of happiness and such well being with me.'' After this she just cried more and said "William, I love you more than anything in thi
s whole wide world! All I care about is that you're out of here recovered. I can not stand to see you in such pain, every groan or scream you make whilst gripping your chest tears me up completely inside. It's killing me to know you're in pain William. You are all I've been waiting for all my life, you are just so amazing. You fill me with Joy when you come knocking on my door asking for me, you're the last thing I think about on a night and the first thing I think about in the morning. You are my life, if you were to die William, I would die with you. Even if not physically, inside I would be a wreck."

  To this I hadn't known what to reply right away. It just made me think about how utterly perfect she is in every way. It just made me want to break down into tears in the thought of me not recovering and never see her again. Elizabeth and I really are just as one. We fit together like two corresponding jigsaw pieces, like Ying and Yang.

  Just as I looked at her and opened my mouth to reply this huge excruciating pain from my chest occurred. The worst pain I had felt yet through all this terror. I screamed with all my might, such a loud