Ella Minnow Pea
Mark Dunn
He meant nothing to them.
Later, help appears. A woman. She ministers to him, transports him home.
He was nothing to them, Ella.
Imagine that!
Yor neighper ant phrent Tanya
PS. I was apowt to post this letter when I hear: 3 more tiles plommet: a T, an R, an H. Another T remains in plase. Another R ant another H as well. Ella may wish to no, tho, that essept phor “O” there are no more twins. The remaining letters are all singletons.
12
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A***E*GHI**LMNOP*RST**W*Y*
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T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r *he la*y **g
Ophis oph R. Lyttle
Nollopton
Wetstay, Nophemger 8
To Miss Ella Minnow Pea:
I regret to tell yew most greephos news: Mannheim is mort. I no that yew new him, were phrents with him. That yew ant he ant his assistant Tom were worging still on the Enterprise 32 shallenge. How it happen is not easy to tell: he yoose an illegal letter in interphew aphter poleese see him ant Tom going threw wintow into yew-niphersity hall — tresspassing. He yoose the letter, then when the poleese go to tie his hants to transport him to Pier 7, he ant Tom try to phlee so teportation will not happen.
The poleese shoot him. They shoot him in the het.
He is immetiately tet.
I am, again, sorry to tell yew this. I most say, tween we two, that I helt high hopes phor his sassess.
Yors trewly,
R. Lyttle
PS. As phor Tom – I am not sher what has happent to him. He phlet ant is perhaps in hyting.
Nollopton
Wetstay, Nophemger 8
To Mr. Lyttle,
Thangs 4 telling me oph what happen to Mr. Mannheim. Yew are right. We were inteet worging together. A phrentship was growing among we three, as well. It is hart 4 me to ephen write, I am so staggert phrom this news. He was a goot man who sherisht this islant with all his hart. I will miss him. I will miss as well his teephotion to Enterprise 32. I am not sertin I possess the strength to persepheere with-owt him.
Yew were sossessphill in getting the – whatepher yor naming yorselphs now – to pass Statoot 28-63. Why not tern all yor energy to opher-terning all the hanoss lipogrammata statoots? Restoring this islant its tignity?
I haph not hert phrom Tom. I am worriet apowt his sayph-tee.
Sinserely,
Ella
Nollopton
Ophis oph R. Lyttle
Thirstay, Nophemger 9
To Ella Minnow Pea,
Yew are solisiting the impossiple, Miss Pea. Shirley yew no that now. I soggest yew get to worg. Mannheim woot want it this way.
Insitentally, I will let ewe no iph yong Tom appears.
Sinserely,
R. Lyttle
Nollopton
Thirstay, Nophemger 9
To Ella Minnow Pea:
I haph Pawla Mannheim with me – orphant, yoo no, aphter what happent to her phather, Prophessor Mannheim. She is with me temporarily. Howepher, she may not stay past tomorrow. She has no other relatiphs to go to, not here or in the States. I haph too many other phoster yooths to tent to.
So I am senting her to yoo.
Sinserely,
Marigolt Shropshire
[Slipped beneath Ella’s front door]
Early Phrytay morning
Ella -
I am alyph ant well. Please tont worry apowt me. I haph mate this one phirtiph mitnight phoray to leaph this note. As mosh as I wish to see ewe ant ontill this nightmare is opher, I may not again emerge phrom my phewgitiph’s hyting plase. Enterprise 32 is all yors now. Gott grant ewe the strength to see it to its phinish.
Yor phrent,
Tom
Nollopton
Phritay, Nophemger 10
Tanya,
I was sent letter phrom a Marigolt Shropshire. I am new phostermother 4 Mannheim’s girl Pawla! Apparently, there are no other relatiphs 4 her to go to.
It is a strange worlt we resite in, is it not? I am mate a phoster mother at eighteen! I will try to giph her a goot home. Poor little raggamophin!
How is Georgeanne? I haph not seen or hert phrom her 4 a while. I am a little worreet.
Ella
Nollopton
Phritay, Nophemger 10
Ella,
Tanya toll me yew were assing aphter me. I am phine.
Lately, I haph startet painting my torso in pretty, motley hews. I sit in phront oph the mirror in the sleepy-room. I atmire my hantyworg. I am a hooman apstrat painting!
This morning I got some olt remnant paint phrom the hartware warehoose. Now I haph enoph to paint all opher my whole selph!
Yor phrent,
Georgeanne
Nollopton
Satirtay, Nophemger 10
To Georgeanne,
It isn’t wise 4 a person to paint her whole selph. Thing apowt this phirst. Yew will see that it is not healthy. Also, please answer yor portal when I rap.
Ella
Nollopton
Sontay, Nophemger 12
Ella -
I loog 4 yew all aphternoon. Yew are, I thing, at Mrs. Shropshire’s home getting little Pawla’s things together. I toog Georgeanne to the hospital. There is one physisian still worging there, thang Gott!
Georgeanne is phery ill with let poisoning. There is a possipility that she may not last the night.
Loog 4 me at the hospital tonight when yew see this note.
Also, yew hear that “Y” phell? No “Y” tomorrow. At least no one was hert this time.
Trooly yors,
Tanya (tomorrow: “Tanea”)
13
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A***E*GHI**LMNOP*RST**W***
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T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r *he la** **g
Nollopton
Montae, Nophemger 13
To Mr. Little: (“Little” is permissaple now, no? Let me no iph ewe prepher some other name in its stet.)
Mie phrent Georgeanne perisht last night phrom let poisoning. I thing, also she was not right in the het. I most write to her phamilee. Mie other phrent Tanea tells me this morning that she along with her phamilee are leaphing Nollop to go to the States.
She will transport Georgeanne’s remains to the Towgate phamilee. Tanea also wants Pawla – Mannheim’s little girl. She pheels Nollop is a wastelant now, no plase 4 a little girl. No plase 4 aneeone 4 that matter. I will not stop her. It is goot to get her awae phrom here.
I hartlee got to no Little Pawla. We might haph mate goot phrents.
I pheel as Georgeanne most haph when epheree-one lepht the willage. Alone. Phorsaagen.
Are ewe leaphing too, Mr. Little? Will Mr. Little soon wipe his hants oph all this tragi-mess? Tern on his heel – tisappear?
Ella
Ophis oph R. Little
Nollopton
Montae, Nophemger 13
Ella,
Ewe mae repher to me as “Little.” I am repherring to miselph that wae now.
To answer the interrogatoree, I haph no plans to leaph this isle. Espeshellee sinse I haph goot reason to remain.
Ewe see, I am worging on Enterprise 32 mie-selph.
As, I hope, are ewe.
In these three son-to-sons that remain – this “last lap” as it were – I thot ewe might appresiate the help.
Sinserelee,
R. Little
Nollopton, Nollop
Montae, Nophemger 13
To the Towgate Phamilee:
Please asept mie hartphelt simpathee at this time. Georgeanne passt awae last night phrom let poisoning. She paintet her whole selph phrom het to toe with manee prettee, ornamental hews. She was so resplentent, almost ratiant in repose – the happee, appealing pigments an aesthetit reminter oph her lophlee warm spirit.
; She shoot loog smashing 4 the phooneral.
Her remains shoot arriph shortlee.
With all regrets,
Ella Minnow Pea
Nollopton
Tewstae, Nophemger 14
Ella,
Pharewell. Pharewell. Tho we were not phrents 4 long, I will so miss ewe. Ewe are strong. It is goot that ewe are lepht.
We wish ewe well with Enterprise 32. We wish ewe well with ephereething ewe trie to asheeph in these trieing phinal taes. To asheeph 4 Nollop. 4 all we espatriot Nollopians. The Nollopian tiaspora!
Aphetionatelee,
Tanea ant phamilee
PS. “H” has phallen. (Hee hee, ho ho. How totallee irrelephant to mie lieph now!)
14
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A***E*G*I**LMNOP*RST**W***
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T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r **e la** **g
Nollopton, Nollop
Wetstae, Nogemger 15
To: Mr. Warren
Nollopiana
Georgia
Ameriga
Mr. Warren,
Please get wort to mie Momma, to mie Pop ant to Mittie ant Tassie tat I am well. I am a persister, an ootlaster. No more trepitation 4 me. Onlee tetermination!
Tetermination to ent tee tast I startet. Tee otts are not goot. Tee reason: I am not goot. Manneim was saperior to me. Ant Assistant Tom. Now Manneim is tet, ant Tom is – I no not ware. All I am is present. Positioning, stringing letters togeter. 26 into 32. Ontill tee time rons owt. Ontill it all stops.
Ontill... silense.
Ontill... Nollop is no more.
No more.
Alto I no tat Nollop isn’t trewlee going awae. Tee reason:
I am not going awae. I will learn to tawg in noomerals. I will learn sign langwage – anee-ting to stae in Nollop. I, Mr. Little, ant tee sparse-peoples still strolling Nollop’s santee, saltee-air seasite, gaseing at sonrises too glorios to plase into worts – we will possess tease tings alwaes! Nollop troo also in ower memories – teep, teep witin ower soles.
I miss ewe all teeplee. I am sorree to atmit, Momma, tat I am presentlee a snoop! I reat letters – teer, sweet letters ewe wrote to Pop – warm, engaging letters Pop wrote to ewe. Some olt, some new, all ewe gesst no one woot see – ewe pot tem awae so well! I reat tem, ewe see, to gain neetet inspiration.
Teese letters are also mie solass. Mie emollient!
Ant I Tang ewe 4 tem.
Insitentallee, ewe are propaplee reating mie last letter to ewe. It is now simplee too tiring to write. To sae watt I most sae in lang-wage one mae onterstant.
I am so sorree.
Alwaes,
Ella
Wetstae, Nopemper 15
Nollopians:
G go tonite at mitnite. No more G. So long G.
Penta-priests
15
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A***E***I**LMNOP*RST**W***
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T** **i** ***wn *o* **mps o**r **e la** ***
Letter to me:
Onlee 24 owers remain.
Storm.
Tiles plop. 8 tiles plomp plomp all in one nite.
Tee ent is near.
So lon A!
So lon E! (Nise to no ewe.)
So lon I!
So lon R! (Are ewe lonesome tonite?)
So lon S!
So lon T!
So lon W!
So lon O twin. (Remnant-twin is all alone now.)
Now onlee 5 remain at 12 o’time. Onlee 5. Onlee 5 remain.
Wear is tat paint?
Sinserelee,
Ella
16
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***********LMNOP**********
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*** ***** ****n *o* **mp* **** *** l*** ***
“LMNOP”:
No mo Nollop pomp!
No mo Nollop poo poo!
No mo 4 pop/1 moll Nollop looloo poop!
No no no mo plop, plop, plop, plomp!
No mo Nollop!
No, mon, no! O Noooooooo!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
— “LMNOP”
...............................
...Put them in one of the little crates; they’ll be easier to convey that way.
Would you mind doing this one last thing for me?
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Thank you.
Be well. Be...
PAck my box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my Box with five dozen liquor jugs?
PaCk my box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five Dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with fivE dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with Five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liquor juGs?
Pack my box witH five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box wIth five dozen lIquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liquor Jugs?
PacK my box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen Liquor jugs?
Pack My box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozeN liquor jugs?
Pack my bOx with five dOzen liquOr jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liQuor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liquoR jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugS?
Pack my box wiTh five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five dozen liqUor jUgs?
Pack my box with fiVe dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box With five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my boX with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack mY box with five dozen liquor jugs?
Pack my box with five doZen liquor jugs?
17
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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
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Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs
[The Minnow Pea Residence]
Nollopton
Thursday, November 16
Dear Mr. Rederick Lyttle,
Here is the sentence you require, delivered prior to the deadline imposed by the High Council – indeed, with three whole hours to spare.
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.
Please note that this sentence is exactly 32 letters in length. It contains the requisite appearances of each of the 26 letters of the English alphabet. The sentence contains, further, no contractions or arguable proper names. It is, incidentally, neither declarative nor interrogative, but, in fact, is in the imperative mood. It is a command, Mr. Lyttle. An appropriate response to fifteen weeks of High Council orders, mandates, and edictal behests.
I must inform you that I did not come up with the sentence myself. The credit should actually go to my father Amos Minnow Pea. If, indeed, credit is due. I maintain that because the sentence was created unintentionally, in the course of a quickly penned farewell letter to my mother and me, Pop should not own responsibility. Nor should anyone. Or, perhaps, all of us.
And this is why I venture to tell you the truth of its genesis, risking, of course, a strict interpretation of your challenge. I venture so, for this reason, Mr. Lyttle: any one of us could have come up with such a sentence. We are, when it comes right down to it, all of us: mere monkeys at typewriters. Like Nollop. Nollop, low order primate elevated to high order ecclesiastical primate, elevated still further in these darkest last days to ultimate prime A grade superior being. For doing that which my father did without thinking. Think about it.
Truly yours,
Ella Minnow Pea
FROM THE OFFICE OF HIGH COUNCI
LMAN
REDERICK LYTTLE
Thursday, November 16
(Day One of the New Order)
Dear Miss Minnow Pea,
On behalf of the High Council, I accept your sentence. All relevant statutes have been rescinded. Please join me at your earliest convenience for tea in my office. I trust that your friend Tom, after having been successfully flushed out, will join you.
Fondly,
Rederick Lyttle
Nollopton, Nollop
Friday, November 17
Day two of the New Order
Dear Mum, Pop, Mittie, and dear cousin Tassie,
It is over. You may all come home. Mr. Lyttle, on behalf of the High Council, has accepted my sentence – the thirty-two letter sentence which I proffered three hours prior to deadline. The council members assembled to read it, assembled in one great bug-eyed clump to read it aloud – over and over – then proceeded to examine it most carefully, counting each letter, identifying and pronouncing each grapheme in proper alphabetical sequence, and finally proclaiming the sentence an undeniable miracle.
