Butterfly Kisses

Butterfly Kisses

  By Marissa Steidl

   

  Copyright 2015 by Marissa Steidl

   

  Table of Contents

  About Marissa Steidl

  Other Works by Marissa Steidl

  Connect with Marissa Steidl

  Chapter One

  Dear Ava 

  I'm sorry.

  You might not 

  Receive this 

  Letter until after 

  I am found.

  I loved you 

  Little sister.

  Which is why 

  Making this choice 

  Was hard.

  I tried, I truly did.

  You knew, but 

  You didn't quite 

  Know, did 

  You?

  -Michael

  Chapter Two

  He can't swim

  He can't swim

  He can't swim.

  So why did

  He decide

  To go for

  A swim at

  Four in

  The morning?

  My world spins

  When I get

  The phone call.

  “Are you Ava Green?”

  They ask.

  “Yes.”

  “I'm calling about your brother, Michael Green.”

  “What about him?”

  My heart starts

  Beating faster.

  “There's been an accident.”

  “Is he alright?”

  My heart is

  Pounding now.

  “I'm afraid, he's passed away.”

  They keep talking,

  But I don't hear

  What they say.

  The phone hits

  The floor, bouncing

  Up.

  I can hear

  Someone screaming.

  And then I

  Realize it's

  Me.

  My friends stare

  At me, concerned

  Asking me what's

  Wrong.

  I try to

  Tell them but

  The words won't

  Form.

  Someone picks up

  The phone and

  Listens, nodding

  Along.

  Finally they hang

  Up, and murmur

  To everyone

  Else.

  “It's her brother.”

  They back up

  Giving me space.

  I run outside

  Moving away from

  Them, as fast

  As I can.

  I stop running.

  A friend, Kelly,

  Followed me.

  “He drowned, Ava.”

  Tears fill my

  Eyes, and I

  Begin sobbing.

  “I'm sorry.”

  She says, giving

  Me a hug.

  “He can't swim.”

  I whisper.

  Chapter Three

  You must hate

  Me Ava.

  Are you cursing

  My name to

  God?

  I know that

  Most people

  Would have left

  A letter or

  A note.

  Not a series

  Of letters.

  You must have

  Questions, a

  Lot of them.

  So this is

  My way of

  Answering them

  And saying

  Goodbye.

  They should

  Have called you

  Not mom and

  Dad.

  Start with my

  Apartment in

  Seattle.

  -Michael

  Chapter Four

  I stare at the

  Door.

  It leads to the

  Lions den, the

  Place I vowed

  Never to

  Return to.

  A promise

  I kept well

  Until today.

  With a shaky hand

  I ring the

  Doorbell and

  Wait for them.

  The door swings

  Open, and my

  Mother stands

  Before me.

  “Who is it?”

  My father ask.

  “Our daughter.”

  She responds.

  To me she says

  “Has hell frozen over yet?”

  I want to respond

  With something

  Equally rude, but

  That's not why

  I'm here.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Yes.”

  My father stands

  Behind my mother.

  I step inside,

  Follow them

  To the living room.

  “I'm only here, because he wanted me to tell you.”

  “Tell us what?”

  “Michael, he...he's passed away.”

  Tears roll down

  My cheeks.

  They stare at me

  In horror.

  “How?”

  “He drowned.”

  The tears come

  Faster now.

  “But he didn't know how to swim.”

  My mother says.

  “I know.”

  “Did he-”

  She begins to sob.

  “Yeah.”

  I move towards the

  Hallway, stopping

  In front of the

  Door.

  “I'll call you about the memorial.”

  I walk out the

  Door and don't

  Look back.

  Chapter Five

  Michael made it

  Clear years ago

  He wanted to be

  Cremated.

  I never thought

  I would see

  The day I had

  To plan my

  Brother's memorial.

  I watch as people

  File in to the

  Room, sitting

  Down.

  My parents stand

  Next to me

  Dabbing their eyes

  With tissues.

  I don't cry

  Or feel sad.

  I can't really feel

  Anything, almost

  Like my body's numb.

  Michael's friends

  Pile in to the

  Room, a mess

  Of tears.

  The room is full,

  And I begin babbling

  On about my brother.

  Chapter Six

  Did you stick

  With the memorial?

  I hope so.

  I'm sure mom and

  Dad pushed for a

  Funeral, you know how

  Stubborn they are.

  I know returning home

  Must have been difficult,

  But even if I hadn't

  Spoke to them in

  Years, they

  Still deserved

  To know.

  This must seem

  Pretty screwed up

  To you, but it's

  The easiest way

  For me to explain.

  And I'm sorry but

  The answers you

  Get might shock you,

  Maybe even hurt.

  God, how many times

  Have I apologized now?

  Maybe you should do shots

  Each time I

  Say sorry.

  -Michael

  Chapter Seven

  The thing is

  Little sister I

  Can't just send

  You
all the

  Letters at once,

  Or else you

  Would skip right

  To the end.

  And I can't

  Have that.

  You need to read

  All the letters,

  Starting from

  The first, so

  You truly understand.

  Now since I'm

  Dead, I've left

  Instructions for

  A friend, to make

  You promise to

  Read them in

  Order.

  In fact I

  Asked him

  To make sure

  He helps you

  Out for some

  Of this.

  I hope he

  Does, but I

  Guess you'll

  See.

  You might meet

  Him at my memorial.

  His name is

  Finn.

  Until the next

  Letter Ava.

  -Michael

  Chapter Eight

  It's been two

  Day's since

  His memorial.

  I've gotten

  A few letters

  Since then.

  Four to be

  Exact.

  I just started

  Reading them.

  It takes a lot

  For me to

  Not cry.

  Michael always

  Did love being

  Cryptic.

  He expects me

  To travel all

  The way to

  Seattle.

  For a bunch

  Of letters?

  I wish he would

  Have just explained

  Everything in one

  Letter.

  But then again,

  I have nothing

  To lose by

  Doing this.

  I have to pack

  Up his stuff

  Anyways.

  Maybe I'll see

  If I can find

  Finn later

  Before he

  Leaves.

  Chapter Nine

  I'm meeting

  With Finn

  For coffee.

  I'm hoping

  He will

  Know where

  My brother

  Lived.

  You would think

  I would know

  This, seeing

  How we were

  Close.

  In the past couple

  Years though,

  My brother slowly

  Pushed me away.

  “Hello. I'm Finn.”

  He sits down

  Across from

  Me.

  “Hi, I'm Ava.”

  I offer him

  A sad smile.

  “I know.”

  He smiles back.

  “Michael told me

  A lot about you.”

  This surprises me,

  I didn't even know

  Who Finn was

  Until today.

  “You were close?”

  “Yeah.”

  Deep breathe.

  “Did he by any chance leave you a letter?”

  “Yeah, he did. I'll help in any way I can.”

  “Can you show me where he lived?”

  “You're coming to Seattle?”

  “He wanted me to.”

  I clear my throat.

  “Okay. We were roommates.”

  I nod, looking

  Away.

  Nobody says

  Anything for

  A few minutes.

  “Do you want to go back with me?”

  Finn asks.

  “Um...sure.”

  “Or we can go separately.”

  “No its just, I don't like heights.”

  I explain.

  “I could drive us back though.”

  “All right. See you tomorrow, then?”

  I nod again, and he leaves.

  Chapter Ten

  I pull up

  Outside of

  Finn's hotel,

  Waiting for him.

  He walks out

  And looks around

  For me.

  I stick my

  Arm out the

  Window and wave

  To him.

  Finn ambles

  Over, setting his

  bags in the backseat.

  “Excited to get back home?”

  I ask.

  “Kind of. Not really used to the heat.”

  He is wearing a t-shirt

  With jeans.

  “Yeah, Georgia's not for everyone.”

  He smiles.

  “I guess not.”

  I pull away

  From the curb

  And head for

  The highway.

  Silence settles

  In to the car

  With us.

  I play with

  The radio

  Until I settle

  On a station.

  A catchy pop

  Song drifts

  Through the speakers.

  We end up

  Spending the

  Drive out of

  Georgia like this.

  When we stop

  At a gas station

  He offers to

  Drive.

  Chapter Eleven

  He wakes me up

  Somewhere around

  Missouri.

  We stop at

  A gas station

  And switch.

  He settles in

  For a nap

  While I turn

  The radio on.

  I keep it

  At a low

  Volume so

  Not to wake

  Him.

  It reminds me

  Of all the

  Road trips

  Michael and I

  Used to take,

  Before he moved

  Away.

  Tears prick the

  Corners of

  My eyes, but

  I ignore them

  And keep driving.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ava I hid

  Another letter in

  Finn's bag.

  By now you

  Should be close

  To Seattle.

  Knowing you,

  The two of

  You are driving

  All the way

  To Seattle.

  Kind of like

  The road trips

  We used to go

  On all those

  Years ago.

  It's too bad we

  Never kept up

  With them.

  How many states

  Did we have left

  To go?

  I think 27,

  Maybe?

  You probably

  Remember better

  Than me.

  I never did

  Understand why

  You chose to

  Stay in Georgia,

  Instead of going

  Elsewhere.

  You used to talk

  About traveling

  The world.

  What changed in

  You, that made

  You decide against

  That?

  I bet you

  Would say it

  Was me.

  Not that you're

  Blaming me,

  Just that you

  Were worried about

  Me.

  You never did

  Know just how

  Bad things were.

  Guess that's my

  Fault for pushing

  You away so

  Much.

  -Michael

  Chapter Thirteen

  It happens at the

  Next gas station.

  I had been driving

  For hours, and decided

  To
stretch my legs.

  I left Finn in

  The car while

  I got gas and

  Went inside.

  When I got

  Back out, he

  Was leaning

  Against the car,

  Holding something

  In his hand.

  The closer I

  Got, I saw that

  It was a letter.

  I started crying,

  Gaining the

  Attention of the

  People around us.

  Finn looks alarmed,

  Unsure of what

  To do.

  He ushers me

  Into the car

  And gets in

  The drivers side.

  “Just having a bed week.”

  He says to everyone.

  They look away,

  Uncomfortable with

  The sobbing woman.

  Finn starts driving,

  While I try to

  Calm myself down.

  The letter sits

  In my lap.

  Gingerly I

  Open it, hands

  Shaking.

  I read the

  Letter and lean

  My head against

  The window.

  “He couldn't swim.”

  I whisper.

  “I know.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  We're finally in

  Seattle.

  It's raining.

  Turns out

  Finn and Michael

  Were roommates.

  He told me

  On the drive over.

  I'm staying in

  Michael's room

  While I pack

  His things.

  I thought it

  Would hurt more

  To be in the

  Same room he

  Lived in, but

  I guess it's hard

  To be hurt

  When you hardly

  Knew him.

  I used to

  Know him, but

  Somewhere along

  The way, we got

  Separated and

  Couldn't find

  Each other.

  It's been more

  Like two strangers

  Who have just met.

  And that hurts

  More.

  I lost my

  Brother long before

  He died.

  Chapter Fifteen

  If your reading

  This letter, then

  It means your

  In Seattle, in my

  Room.

  Or Finn

  Found the letters

  And mailed them

  To you.

  I hope its

  The former.

  Ava we both

  Know I had

  A tendency to

  Be cryptic,

  But I promise