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Far From You

Lisa Schroeder




  Far from You

  Also by LISA SCHROEDER

  I Heart You, You Haunt Me

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  SIMON PULSE

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division

  1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

  Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Schroeder

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

  SIMON PULSE and colophon are registered trademarks of

  Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

  Schroeder, Lisa.

  Far from you / Lisa Schroeder.—1st Simon Pulse ed.

  p. cm.

  Summary: A novel-in-verse about sixteen-year-old Ali’s reluctant road trip with her stepmother and new baby sister, and the terror that ensues after they end up lost in the snow-covered woods.

  ISBN-13: 978-1-4169-8988-2

  ISBN-10: 1-4169-8988-9

  [1. Novels in verse. 2. Stepfamilies—Fiction. 3. Survival—Fiction.] I. Title.

  PZ7.5.S37Far 2009

  [Fic]—dc22

  2008025268

  Visit us on the World Wide Web:

  http://www.SimonSays.com

  Dedication

  For my mom, with love

  While other kids

  went to Disneyland,

  you took me

  to Grandma’s house

  and the library.

  What a

  lucky little girl

  I was.

  Thank you.

  Acknowledgments

  Lindsey Leavitt and Lisa Madigan, you complete me. Thank you for your wisdom and insight, and your willingness to read at the drop of an e-mail. Sara Crowe, agent extraordinaire, a million times, thank you for all that you do. Michael del Rosario and the fine folks at Simon Pulse, I appreciate your efforts and hard work more than I can say. Scott, Sam, and Grant, thanks for your unwavering enthusiasm. I’m pretty sure when God was handing out families, He saved the best one for me. Kate, Deena, Emily, and Tina, my Author2Author blog buddies, thanks for letting me join you. I’ve learned so much from you! Sally, you are, and always will be, my jukebox hero, and I just want to say thanks for being my loving, supportive friend. Dan, Dolores, and Margie, thanks for the laughs and making work fun. To my friends in the LJ hood, thanks for being there through it all. Jason Wade, you don’t know me and you’ll probably never read this, but I just had to tell you that I’m not sure I could have written this book without your music in my ears.

  Finally, thank YOU, wonderful reader. Thank you from the bottom, top, and sides of my ever-grateful heart.

  Far from You

  Contents

  day four

  softly snowing

  part 1: every thing’s always changing

  here she comes

  just breathe

  the short version

  our time is now

  the peace I need

  me and God

  holes of the heart

  what to do?

  the good stuff

  almost the perfect day

  the best

  oh, so gently

  before, after, and somewhere in-between

  the long version

  Lost Without You

  a gift of love

  could it be?

  spicy

  doesn’t add up

  do I have to go to school?

  do I look like I care?

  thank God for Johnny

  now what?

  you’re welcome

  woof

  where’s my fairy godmother?

  trust in me

  is that on the SATs?

  yes or no?

  getting jerky with it

  on the tip of my tongue

  getting personal

  not a solo artist

  not hungry

  foul

  the answer

  hold on tight

  what does it mean?

  mixed-up

  I need to believe

  trying to understand

  doesn’t fit

  broken

  imagine

  desolate

  a tangled web indeed

  ahoy, matey

  motherly love

  a lover of news, I am not

  one strange plot twist

  suffocating in silence

  miles apart

  I hate bowling

  byob

  brain-radio

  the cookie monster

  autumn perfection

  lucky number seven

  they should be admitted

  absence makes the heart more desperate

  making up is hard to do

  take the kitchen sink over me

  better pack the Goo Goo Dolls CD

  good-bye, my Blazing Boy

  pacifier is my new middle name

  two words: Holiday Inn

  keep it coming

  no fair

  happy thanksgiving

  missing you

  let’s go

  sleepyheads

  awake

  this can’t be happening

  day one

  heated

  into the night

  the good and the bad

  this isn’t Hollywood

  from scared to petrified

  day two

  merry Christmas early

  hocus-pocus

  failed miserably

  a first

  getting to know you

  kumbaya

  answers

  dreaming

  melting hearts

  I hope he knows

  day three

  out of our cold hands

  gone

  a snow-angel friend

  alice in winter wonderland

  from bad to worse

  grow wings, little one

  sometimes prayers do work

  believe

  still breathing

  a light

  all alone

  what was it?

  part 2: with angels we will fly

  day four, continued

  really empty

  are you there, God?

  a glove-box breakfast

  coming undone

  it’s a deal

  deals were meant to be broken

  ignited

  in the eyes of the beholder

  what’s in a name

  lost

  by the numbers

  I am…

  day five

  a message

  one last try

  at last

  up, up, and away

  floating

  holding on

  torn

  part 3: family keeps us warm

  gone but not forgotten

  baby, oh baby

  wishing

  what did you say?

  order, please

  melting

  answered prayers

  confused

  time to start stitching

  the best medicine

  clear skies

  helicopter dog

  discoveries

  flying through the rabbit hole

  day four

  We’re alone

  with only

  the cold

  and dark

  to keep us

  company.

  I know them

  so well now, />
  they’re like

  old friends.

  Familiar.

  Old friends

  who have stayed

  too long

  and need to go.

  I wish

  the angel

  would have stayed.

  For a second,

  I felt warmth.

  I felt safe.

  I felt love

  as she whispered

  my name,

  “Alice,”

  and floated

  toward me

  before she

  disappeared.

  Was I dreaming?

  Hoping?

  Hallucinating?

  So hungry.

  So tired.

  Cold.

  I look out the window,

  and although it’s dark,

  the moon

  illuminates the scene

  as if a faraway

  floodlight

  is hung

  from the sky.

  So much whiteness.

  Everywhere.

  Come back,

  angel.

  Let us fly

  away

  from

  here.

  Please.

  Come back.

  softly snowing

  Memories

  fall

  like

  snowflakes

  upon

  my dreams.

  Me and Mom,

  a piece of art,

  a promise,

  a hug.

  Me and Dad,

  a thousand tears,

  a bouquet,

  a loss.

  Me and Blaze,

  an autumn day,

  a walk,

  a kiss.

  Me and Claire,

  a flowing skirt,

  a song,

  a fight.

  The snowflakes

  toss and tumble,

  each different

  and yet

  the same.

  The snowflakes

  of my life.

  part 1

  every thing’s always changing

  here she comes

  Muffled voices

  outside my door

  that October morning

  woke me

  and took me

  from a peaceful place

  to one I’d come

  to hate.

  When one of them

  stepped into my room,

  the hallway light

  landed on my

  closed eyelids,

  urging them

  to open

  like a hand

  pulling on a

  doorknob.

  “It’s time,” Dad said.

  I didn’t open my eyes.

  I didn’t move.

  I didn’t speak.

  “Ali, you awake?”

  I gave a little grunt.

  The event

  wasn’t worth

  wasting breath on.

  “We’ll call you later.

  When she’s here.”

  Pause.

  “I love you,” he said

  quickly and quietly.

  It’s pretty sad

  when you have to

  think about it

  before you say it.

  just breathe

  The clock read

  4:13 a.m.

  My dog, Cobain,

  slept at the foot

  of my bed.

  I changed directions

  and curled up

  next to his warm body,

  feeling the rhythm

  of his breathing.

  I stroked his golden fur,

  and my heartbeats

  s o f t e n e d.

  He breathed.

  I breathed.

  Soon my breaths

  were slow and steady,

  in sync with his.

  Cobain.

  My oxygen tank.

  He breathed.

  I breathed.

  The garage door

  rumbled open

  beneath me.

  They were gone.

  Gone until

  they’d come back

  with her.

  Then there’d be me.

  He breathed.

  I breathed.

  They knew her name.

  But they wouldn’t tell me.

  It’ll be a surprise, Victoria had said,

  like a surprise is a good thing.

  My stepmom.

  Victoria.

  She reminded me

  of a chameleon lizard,

  with her annoying habit

  of curling her tongue up

  just slightly,

  and touching her top lip,

  when she was

  concentrating.

  A chameleon.

  One minute sweet as chocolate cake.

  The next, sour and possessive,

  like an old banker.

  Once upon a time

  he and I were close.

  Dad.

  We’d cook together,

  watch basketball together,

  and make up silly jingles together,

  since advertising

  is his line of work.

  Things changed.

  Victoria moved in.

  He changed.

  It’s like he tried

  to move on

  to greener pastures,

  but the tractor in the barn,

  once adored,

  became a nuisance

  and kept him connected

  to the painful past.

  I squeezed in closer

  to Cobain.

  He breathed.

  I breathed.

  I could see Dad

  holding his new

  baby girl.

  Smiling.

  Happy.

  Totally in love.

  He’d breathe.

  She’d breathe.

  Then there’d be me.

  the short version

  Mom got cancer.

  Cancer sucks.

  She died.

  Dad remarried.

  The end.

  our time is now

  After a while

  I got up,

  showered,

  and put on my favorite jeans,

  a white shirt,

  my black jacket,

  and my combat boots.

  I grabbed my battered,

  scuffed-up

  guitar case

  and headed outside.

  The sunlight streamed

  through the tree in our front yard,

  lighting up the yellow leaves,

  creating a brilliant

  golden statue

  that moved magically

  when the breeze blew.

  Amazing.

  I love fall.

  Fall in Seattle.

  The season of

  warm colors.

  I thought about calling Blaze,

  to see if I could talk him into going,

  but he likes church

  about as much

  as the queen likes profanity.

  It’s the one thing

  between us

  that feels like

  a tiny splinter

  in your foot.

  Painful and annoying,

  but difficult to remove.

  Blaze and I met

  at a concert

  last spring.

  Our eyes locked

  just as Mudhoney

  took the stage,

  and it was like a rocket

  blasting off

  into space.

  I felt heat

  and my body trembled

  and forces

  beyond my control